Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
— Katharine Hepburn

Cherry Blossoms

2008 Cherry Blossom Timelapse at Brooklyn Botanic Garden from Brooklyn Botanic Garden on Vimeo.

My Evening

Hi. So how was your evening? Great. Me? Hmmm, well I had planned on watching NCIS, but instead I spent a good part of it cleaning the stomach contents of an almost 5 year old off of his bed. So, Cote de Pablo...

...or regurgitated and fermented...

I'm guessing he ate one of those COSTCO sized flats of K&D. And that was only the 8:30 show. We had another showing at midnight. Luckily that time we came prepared with a large mixing bowl, and boy, were we lucky.

Monday, April 28, 2008

I Can Always Make You Smile

Psychic Plague Panacea


I'm serious. Click on the link, go to the site, play.

Nokia 3110 Evolve

Do it! Don't make me come to your house.

I saw that. Don't think I won't do it.


Sunday, April 27, 2008

Collection of Email Responses From Last Week


CW: What????you think I like meat THAT much!

Wife: I wonder what kind of emotional damage I did to them this morning. They were fighting over toys and wouldn't stop. I lost it.

CW: LOL.. I know.. I am getting bombarded ... I can't work like this

CW: See update. Whooo Hoooo - not us for once.

CW: dont worry its a cartoon

CW: crap, I was just talking to her too.....

Client: My intent is not to drive you bonkers...

CW:'re getting fat

CW: Yes, yes. Thank you for validating my evil inner voice.

CW: You scared me there for a minute. I thought that I actually typed feelings instead of findings. Bugger off.

Wife: how long do you think grilled cheese will hold at room temp?

CW: Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by an imagined or minor defect in his or her physical features

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Loss For Words

If I were a better writer I could fully describe the horror of my son's last diaper. If I were a better writer,

you would curse me for being literate.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Conversation From Last Night

Bern: Do you smell that?
Me: (poor sense of smell) - Is it the bathroom?
Bern: I hope I didn't put meat in the cupboard again.

Bacon & EGG!

How many people can you feed breakfast to with one ostrich egg.

Or how about some emu eggs?

via The Kitchn

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Screen Saver Word Clock

This is SWEET! Only for Mac's though, sucka's.

via bb-blog, download from Simon Heys

One Of THOSE Mornings

I woke up and stared incredulously at the alarm clock wondering why the hell it had gone off on a Saturday. Then I sat up thinking, no, it's got a weekend shut off, it has to be a work day. What day is it? Not a good start. Then after my shower I came down for breakfast and wandered into the back room for something... and stood there for awhile wondering what the hell I was doing in the back room. Then my coffee called me back to the kitchen and reminded me I was looking for some paperwork so Bern could do our taxes today.

Thanks coffee, you've always got my back.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Cheese Burgers

Flipping channels last night we came across a National Geographic show about global warming. They were talking to this guy who decided to study the impact of simple consumer goods on the environment. This guy chose cheese burgers, which sounds funny and all, but over a year they create a bigger carbon footprint than all the SUV's in the States combined. Once you factor in all the other industries involved in bringing all the products together to make one, all the energy consumed bringing all those products together, and all the methane those dairy cows and beef cattle produce, it's a lot of bad to produce something sooooooooooooooooo good.

And is it just me or does Alec Baldwin make everything sound dirty?

Potty Training

Today on MetroDad:

Why does everyone freak out about potty training? Do you have any adult friends who "just never quite got the hang of it?"

Oh Ya, It's Earth Day...

But not you, my friend, you're special.

Via Marc Johns


Monday, April 21, 2008

Big Blue... Thingy

"OR is the boldest installation at the Milan International Furniture Fair 2008, a vortex-shaped surface which reacts to sunlight. The polygonal segments of the surface react to ultra-violet light, mapping the position and intensity of solar rays. When in the shade, the segments of OR are translucent white. However, when hit by sunlight they become coloured, flooding the space below with different hues of light. At night, OR transforms into an enormous ‘chandelier’, disseminating light into the surrounding courtyard, an atmospheric space for events and gatherings."


Whatever, it just looks cool and if I lived in Italy and my house had a courtyard I'd SO get one of these.

So I don't know about you, but I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday was pretty lazy and the kids were angry soul devouring zombies for most of the morning, but I still managed to get a lot of work done and felt fairly sane afterwards. They even behaved when we took them out for dinner that night (of their own accord, they ignored the countless threats of going back home to eat bread and water.)

Sunday started out a little rocky. I sat down at the computer and realized my beloved off-spring had once again made my dock disappear. If you don't have a Mac, the dock is a line of application icons across the bottom of the screen, kinda like your start menu, just much cooler. Anyway, in only the way a 3 and 4 year old can by randomly clicking the mouse, they made it disappear. Again. And it's not like I can just go into the dock preferences and bring it back, oh no. That would be too easy. I don't know what the hell they do but I have to actually restart to bring it back.

Anyway, after that, Bernadette suggested I should go out for a bike ride. And that was good since I really did need some exercise and alone time made me feel much better. AND THEN, I came home and saw that Jodi from Jodiferous linked to me on her blog which totally made me feel like one of the cool kids.

AND THEN, it was off to the in-laws for Liam's birthday feast.

You'll notice that cousin Michelle is the only one decorating the cake. The boys decided eating the sprinkles out of the bowl would save time.

Finally, I shave my head religiously every Sunday. Religiously. Sunday. Heh heh, get it? Anyway, yesterday I never got around to it and now I just know it's going to throw my juju off until I can cut it. And look, it's Monday now. See! Oh well, it's not like when it grows out it just emphasizes my receding hair line. Doh!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Identity Issues

Connor: Liam?
Connor: Liam?
Connor: Bumblebee?
Connor: Batman?
Liam: Yes

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Autobots, Decepticons and Parenting

This morning I had to break up a fight by telling the boys they were acting like Decepticons and not Autobots because Autobots would never yell at their mommies and daddies. Go rent Transformers if this doesn't make sense.

Friday, April 18, 2008

So here's the thing, I'm seeing a therapist. Have been for almost two months. I haven't really told anybody about it until now, not because I'm embarrassed by it or anything, quite the opposite. This is probably the best thing I've ever done for myself, and if I wasn't so stupid I would have done this a long time ago. Then again, if I had, I probably wouldn't have ended up with my therapist and that would have really sucked, because J, you are amazing.

I guess the reason I'm admitting it is that I know a lot of people who could really benefit from seeing one themselves and if I can come out and say, hey, I know I look like I'm happy and stable and all but really, I'm kinda fucked up, maybe that could make it easier for someone else too. Not to mention, I can probably get a few funny stories out of it.

The reason I'm seeing a therapist isn't really anybody else's business and I don't plan on getting into details. Well, unless it can get a laugh, of course. There are some of you who will know the 'big picture' reason why I've gone to a therapist and I thank each and every one of you who offered to talk if I needed it. Thing is, there was so much more to it than you could have helped with. I needed a professional to help me even understand what it was that was wrong. I needed more than friends and family telling me what I wanted to hear, I needed somebody to kick over some rocks, somebody to pick at the scabs and poke holes in the walls.

Anyway, that's that. I've got it off my chest and I feel better and that's what it's all about.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Discovery Channel: I Love the World

There Will Be Cake

Hot Chocolate 2, originally uploaded by zoo.keeper.

I am three years old today! Revere Me, dammit! Lay your gifts and well wishes at my chubby pinkish brown feet.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Morning Commute

Driving into work this morning I heard that the price of gas had went up again to...I don't know, a $1000 a barrel or something? All because the US dollar is now toilet paper to the Euro. Anyway, decided I should probably fill up. As I was coming out of the station I had to stop for a red right behind one of these...

Mmm... Aston Martin... I drooled until the lights changed and the driver stalled it. AHAHAH! I can't afford it, but I wouldn't have stalled it, bitch!

(Although in truth I couldn't drive a standard if you put a gun to my head. But that'll just be our little secret, K?)

My Co-Workers, Just Now...

CW1: Can I stab you with a pencil?
CW2: Wha...?
CW1: Stop it with all the "dear's" and "honey's."

Good morning.

Just Because

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Thought I'd go out for a walk today at lunch since it's sunny and my dyslexia seems to have switched from mere letters and numbers today to entire words. Anyway, it all seemed good until I hit the first cross street that heads down to the water. Then I was assaulted by an Arctic wind that sent me scurrying back to the office. Freak. Thanks for the sun and all, but how about some warmer weather to go along with it? What is the temperature...? Um. Ok, it's 9 degrees (48 for my American visitors) and granted, not freezing, but the WIND!

Shut up.

Not Something You See Every Day

Albino Peacock. Unless they actually come in all white.

Monday, April 14, 2008

"Place nuts in a kitchen towel and rub off any loose skin"

Chocolate Hazelnut Torte Recipe at

I love when recipes produce not only good food, but hilarious sexual innuendo as well.

From NY.CD

At this point it has been strongly recommended my time could be better spent getting the boys ready for bed.

From Connor... like a second ago


What's going on here when I'm not around?
Always be yourself… unless you suck.
— Joss Whedon


I long for this chair.

Yes, Chuck is cute. Any dog that would let you put a hoodie and shoes on him is cool. But it's all about the chair. And maybe the dark hardwood floor.

No, You Shouldn't

Sunday, April 13, 2008

New Soul - Yael Naim

It's Sunday and it's not raining like it was supposed to be, so here's a little love.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Dandelion Love For Mommy, From Liam

Good Morning

Good morning!

I think this bodes well for the day. At least I hope so. The littlest monkey woke up as the littlest angry rabid orangutan zombie death machine with a snotty nose who was sent to his room twice BEFORE 8 O'CLOCK. This also resulted in mommy missing her breakfast and having to head off to work angry and hungry.

But that was then. Last night I brought home a picture frame from Pottery Barn for a print I bought recently and it came in bubble wrap! Then I realized that my children have never experienced the joy of bubble wrap! The boys did not take long to pick up the .... wait a second.... why is it so quiet? Hold on...

Ok. Nothing to worry about. Liam followed me upstairs to get some snot medicine, hit a patch of bright sunlight on the floor and collapsed in a little heap. That explains SOOOO much. Anyway, did not take the kids long to discover the joys of popping little plastic balls of air. Nor all the different ways and means to pop them.

And what was the print you ask? I'm glad you did.

Well, I was glad until I tried to upload it. Shit, that was half an hour ago. I got a load of laundry going and switched browsers twice. Sheesh. Anyway, there it is. Got it from Green Chair Press after seeing it on Dooce. Please ignore the messy table, horrible wall paper and reflection of the hideous 70's era opaque orange bubble glass. My house will be pretty. One step at a time.

And speaking of my house being "pretty," on the walk back to the car from the store yesterday I got a "glance" from another guy walking the opposite direction. I mentioned it to a friend I was texting at the time.

Me: Gay guy just gave me the look. Maybe it was the giant Pottery Barn bag?
Friend: I think that will do it... you're a prettyman and you strut...haha
Me: I get a lot of attention from that team. I take it as a complement.
Friend: And you should! What about with women?
Me: Stop! My blush and my white lulu hoodie. 2 much contrast. Can't imagine why I'd get a look.
Friend: LOL, oh my... if you weren't married!
Me: ...
Friend: I'd think you were gay.
Me: Ouch!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Outter vs. Inner

Friday, what the hell just happened?

First week back to work is over.
“ I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
- Mitch Hedberg

Thursday, April 10, 2008

A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.
— George Patton

"It was the freshest move I've ever seen, like he was floating on air."

Good morning.

Incredible! from kwest on Vimeo.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Right To Bear Arms

In Florida you can now take your gun to work.

Bambi II: There Will Be Blood

Just when I thought I wouldn't find anything to post today.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Conversations With Co-workers

On why talking to my printer would be more productive than calling a certain client:

Printer: Dude, wake up, it isn't Friday yet.
Me: Huh! Wha.... I wasn't sleeping.
Printer: Uh, ya. Ok.
Me: So ____ doesn't have any information at all, does he?
Printer: Nope.
Me: Do you think he wears a bear-skin hat?
Printer: Absolutely.
Me: Now what? J wants an answer and she's a little scary today.
Printer: Tell her to wing it, say there's nothing irregular showing, yadda yadda yadda. Then you can forward it to _____.
Me: Thanks man.
Printer: You're talking to a printer, you need help.
Me: .......


New info guides in Hannover?

I could make some comment about the sprawling suburbs south of the city, but I won't. It would be a little hypocritical given my own sprawling suburbs.


Monday, April 7, 2008

Kidnapped By Ninja's

Back To Work

And going back sick. The whole house is sick now, but on the bright side, it held off until the very end of my holiday. As did the crappy weather. Most of it was pretty sunny. Got a lot of work done around the house and in the garden, got to spend lots of time with the boys, and time away from work. All and all, pretty good.

Oh, and what was the surprise for Bernadette? New lights. Updated the lights in the kitchen, dinning room and two bathrooms from their late '70's glory. We're not ready for Better Homes and Garden's yet, but we're on our way.

(PS. Another image I pulled weeks ago and forgot to note where I'd gotten it. Oops.)

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Being Neighbourly

Would it be wrong to ask the neighbours to paint their house a darker colour so their magnolia looks better from our perspective? Our house is a dark grey and it must make a fantastic backdrop. Return the favour.

And come on, what colour is that anyway?

Friday, April 4, 2008

Thursday, April 3, 2008

A Little Liam...

In the van this afternoon,

Liam: Daddy, what's Oklahoma?
Me: It's a state, honey.
Liam: No, it's a cave.

Before leaving to pick up Mommy today, I found him under the kitchen table surrounded by coloured aluminum foil with an entire Kinder Surpise egg wedged in his mouth.

As he jumped into bed tonight his mouth connected with some Lego he'd left there in the morning. I asked him where his owie was and he pointed to his lip. When I bent down to kiss him he stuck his tongue out so I got to kiss a drooly pink little two year old tongue. Mmm, mmm good.

(PS. I pulled the pic from Etsy, but the site is down tonight so I couldn't link to the seller.)

Yes I Am!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Holiday: Day 2 & 3

Day two was pretty good. Started it off with a bike ride that was not too long, but not too short either. Didn't hurt, much. Then it was back home to take Connor to pre-school but I was a little late and smelling much like a wet goat so I decided to drive Bern, Connor & Liam down to Steveston then come home to shower, eat and get a little work done before heading back out to pick everybody up. That was the plan anyway. I managed to have a shower, but while doing it I thought up an idea for a story so I wasted some time on the computer getting my ideas down before I forgot them. Then I found this article about a German photographer who'd created this work of interviews with terminally ill people with pictures before and after their deaths. Then I really needed to go find my little family for some quality time.

Shut up. Anyway, I caught up with Liam and Bern on their way to Starbucks. Liam had a kids hot chocolate. It looked a little like this:

Ya. Then it was back home to dig up a 4 x 11 foot swath of grass for a new flower bed. The boys helped by inspecting each and every worm I uncovered. By the time I was done I could barely stand up, so I'm putting that down as a productive day.

Today was pretty good too. Bern had to go to work so the boys and I spent the day doing manly things. Well, after we went to Ikea to return a picture frame and get some ice cream. The ice cream was very important. Connor had a tummy ache and the only thing that would make it feel better was Ikea ice cream. What else could we do? Then it was across the street to Home Depot to buy dirt and bricks. It would have been a longer visit but somebody's tummy ache was now demanding macaroni from White Spot.

Finally got home, dumped all the dirt in the flower bed and bordered some of it with the brick. Then we washed the car. THEN we made some headway on my surprise for Bernadette. Another productive day! Also got both the boys showered too. Ok, I had to do that since they were just dirt with eyes by that point. Whatever. Ended up being a little late picking up Bern because of traffic, but I did managed to teach the boys to say, "Punch it, Sparkles!"

And it's only Wednesday.

Life In The Fast Lane

Tuesday, April 1, 2008