Texting With Wife

Bernadette: There's a bit of a breeze kicking up. (bus home from work)
Chad: The house is nice
Bernadette: It's a good thing I always have a sweater.
Chad: Be prepared! Tide Stick saved my white shirt tonight.
Bernadette: Kelly Ripa would be so proud!
Chad: I KNOW! But she might slap me on the back and knock me down with her giant pipes.

Conversations With Co-workers

Texting a friend who's going to Vegas today

CW: Why are old people so annoying?
Me: You'll be old and crotchety one day.
CW: I know… shit… I am selling my mom and grandpa…for cheap
Me: I'll ask around. Airport already?
CW: No, soon. Hate to fly… I watched Snakes on a Plane… scared.
Me: Ha ha! You're dumb. If you see Samuel Jackson on the plane, get me an autograph.
CW: Who's that
Me: Bald black guy from the movie.
CW: I kick his ass.
Me: I don't doubt it. When you back?
CW: Saturday.
Me: Well, have fun and don't kill your family. Nevada has the death penalty.
CW: I kill myself
Me: Can I have your chair? (She has an awsome chair. You know those gel pads you can get for your shoes? Imagine that for your ass.)

Good Morning

Good morning!




I think this bodes well for the day. At least I hope so. The littlest monkey woke up as the littlest angry rabid orangutan zombie death machine with a snotty nose who was sent to his room twice BEFORE 8 O'CLOCK. This also resulted in mommy missing her breakfast and having to head off to work angry and hungry.

But that was then. Last night I brought home a picture frame from Pottery Barn for a print I bought recently and it came in bubble wrap! Then I realized that my children have never experienced the joy of bubble wrap! The boys did not take long to pick up the .... wait a second.... why is it so quiet? Hold on...

Ok. Nothing to worry about. Liam followed me upstairs to get some snot medicine, hit a patch of bright sunlight on the floor and collapsed in a little heap. That explains SOOOO much. Anyway, did not take the kids long to discover the joys of popping little plastic balls of air. Nor all the different ways and means to pop them.

And what was the print you ask? I'm glad you did.



Well, I was glad until I tried to upload it. Shit, that was half an hour ago. I got a load of laundry going and switched browsers twice. Sheesh. Anyway, there it is. Got it from Green Chair Press after seeing it on Dooce. Please ignore the messy table, horrible wall paper and reflection of the hideous 70's era opaque orange bubble glass. My house will be pretty. One step at a time.

And speaking of my house being "pretty," on the walk back to the car from the store yesterday I got a "glance" from another guy walking the opposite direction. I mentioned it to a friend I was texting at the time.

Me: Gay guy just gave me the look. Maybe it was the giant Pottery Barn bag?
Friend: I think that will do it... you're a prettyman and you strut...haha
Me: I get a lot of attention from that team. I take it as a complement.
Friend: And you should! What about with women?
Me: Stop! My blush and my white lulu hoodie. 2 much contrast. Can't imagine why I'd get a look.
Friend: LOL, oh my... if you weren't married!
Me: ...
Friend: I'd think you were gay.
Me: Ouch!

Texting With Aaron

Me: Is it true about you and the dog?
Aaron: She said she loved me.
Me: Oh. Well that's different.

Texting With Co-workers 2

We'll call her...coworker M

Me: How's the kidney? I can lend you one but I want in back.
CWM: Ha ha. I want a man kidney!
Me: Just as long as I get a man kidney back. No drugs or alcohol while you've got it either. At least no more than it usually gets.
CWM: Actually I'm a l lot better. Thanks, I'll be there tomorrow.
Me: Good, we missed you. And I like my organs where they are.
CWM: Aw, thanks. I heard it was really busy.
Me: It was, but don't think it was all your fault. It was, but I don't want you to think that.
CWM: Well, I wish I felt bad, but I was in a lot of pain and just couldn't come.
Me: Princess.
CWM: Grr!
Me: Joking! Pansy ass.

Texting With Co-workers

We'll call her... co-worker B.

COB: I just left work...annoyed.
Me: What happened?
COB: What you mean?
Me: U said u were annoyed. At what?
COB: Work... I ok now.
Me: Ok, good.
COB: I go hospital now, spam you later.
Me: Have fun. Don't lick anything.
COB: I am gonna steal toilet paper.
Me: Excellent! Get some bed pans 4 the office. We'll be more efficient.
COB: This is a one man band. Get your own.