Conversations With Co-workers

On why talking to my printer would be more productive than calling a certain client:

Printer: Dude, wake up, it isn't Friday yet.
Me: Huh! Wha.... I wasn't sleeping.
Printer: Uh, ya. Ok.
Me: So ____ doesn't have any information at all, does he?
Printer: Nope.
Me: Do you think he wears a bear-skin hat?
Printer: Absolutely.
Me: Now what? J wants an answer and she's a little scary today.
Printer: Tell her to wing it, say there's nothing irregular showing, yadda yadda yadda. Then you can forward it to _____.
Me: Thanks man.
Printer: You're talking to a printer, you need help.
Me: .......