Friday, October 30, 2009

Dead Bodies & Making The House Pretty For Halloween

Dear Martha,

Who's the crafty bitch now?

Crafty Bitch

Dear So and So...

Click the button, join the fun.

Now, before I bid you adieu for the weekend, I wanted to let you know about a little project that Middle Aged Woman and I cooked up after a handful of barely comprehensible emails were exchanged Wednesday night. That morning the two of us did a book review of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies which we both had a lot of fun doing. Not only did we discover a great book, but we also discovered our shared love of professional hockey, scrap booking and reanimated corpses. Well before we knew it we had ourselves a brand new blog, the Zombie News Network. It's still fresh out of the box and not entirely assembled, but MAW has a zombified news report up and I've got a little somethin somethin as well. Drop by sometime this weekend and check us out. We promise not to bite.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Jane Austen: With Blood On My Hands And Love In My Heart

Today I am doing a book review of Pride & Prejudice & Zombies with Middle Aged Woman over on He Read/She Read, and while "review" might be a liberal use of the word (if by "liberal" you mean using an entirely inappropriate word to describe an action for which that word bares very little resemblance) I think this is something that I could definitely see myself doing professionally, so if you happen to work for a large newspaper and/or some other type of large and/or prestigious book reviewing institution and you happened by here accidentally consider it my resume.

Do you need a little breather?



So, click on this funny blue... er, red (it's blue in the draft, huh?) coloured text here because it will magically take you to another website where I'll be since I'm not really here and it won't hurt a bit I promise. Hell, I even translated Russian, American and ancient Greek. Not that I'm bragging. Go! GO!

PS. As an added bonus, Middle Aged Woman is giving away a signed copy of the book over on her sight, Unmitigated. Signed by the two of us. That's right, just think of the future value of that.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

RTT: Other People's Thoughts In Random Order


My newest hobby once I ok it with my wife.

Heroes: I hate carnivals. Take any show and let it run long enough, some writer will insert a frickin' carnival into it. It's kinda like the jumping the shark but it doesn't necessarily have to be the end since some shows do it early on. I love Heroes. I hate carnivals.

The Virtual Autopsy Table from NorrköpingsVisualiseringscenter on Vimeo.

Aside from Arizona's speech to Callie's dad, Christina's breakdown and something Alex did that I've forgotten now, Grey's Anatomy has kinda sucked this year. Until last week's "I Saw What I Saw" episode. That was great tv.

Palm Pre. Couldn't they find a whiter actress?

Fireplace screens. Rome and London, get it?

So tomorrow Middle Aged Woman and I are reviewing Pride & Prejudice & Zombies over on He Read/She Read. Come by Wednesday for what will surely be my shoe-in to the New York Times Book Review. I promise to remember the little people.

Keely's. Go. Now.

via oneplusinfinity and BB Blog

Monday, October 26, 2009

Think You've Got A Big Dog?

This is Boomer, a Landseer Newfoundland. He's bigger than your dog. And forget it, he's bigger than your cousin's brother's dentist's ex-wife's gardener's dog too. He's 180 pounds and seven feet from nose to tail.

And that's Monday.

Like my new header? My design team of Sister, In, and Law is awesome. And yes, we know there's an ugly gap at the top but we (she) can't get rid of the title so we (again, not me at all) had to change the font to white and make it as small as possible. And, if you were by on Saturday and noticed all the text on my page had disappeared that totally wasn't me at all.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Blissful Benefit

*This post is way late because Blogger disappeared last night around 11:30 as I was finishing it. If Google truly expects to take over the world they really need to get their shit together.

I love coffee. Americano, caramel macchiatto or just a regular home brew out of my coffee maker. Love it, need it. Need it like a smack head needs his fix. Along with my morning shower, it starts my day. If I woke up tomorrow to the media screaming for me to head for the hills because the N1H1 vaccine had just started the zombie plague I'd still wait until I'd finished my shower and a cup of coffee. Ok, maybe I'd get the coffee to go. If I don't get that first cup of the day? Remember that fire demon from Lord of the Rings, the one that sends all the orcs and goblins running and drags Gandalf down through the pits of Khazad-d√Ľm? Ya. Kinda' like that.

Jenni from Oscarelli, with a little help from Jen of Sprite's Keeper, put together a "Blissful Benefit" for Jen over at Blissfully Caffeinated who recently gave birth to little baby Half-Caff, and no, I'm not going to do any jokes about "Jen's" covering the blogosphere like a plague of locusts. Jen wound up with pneumonia a week before giving birth and ended up in the ICU on a ventilator. Don't worry, mom and baby are good. Anyway, Jenni (Oscarelli, keep up) wanted to do something for Jen to let her know we were thinking of her and suggested that anyone who wanted to join in could write a little something about coffee and link up on her (Jenni) blog. So,

I love my coffee bitter and hot, just like Jen.*

Congratulations, Jen and family. Hope you're feeling better.

*Actually I really hate bitter coffee but lots of sugar and cream didn't have the same punch.

Avoid Alcoholic Beverages When Consuming This Product

I'd planned on posting something with actual writing today for a change, but at some point this afternoon my immune system pulled a full out assault on my nasal passages and took no prisoners. I'm not sure if it was allergies or a cold but I washed down some Benadryl with a glass of wine and my body capitulated. I've been struggling to stay awake ever since and judging by the looks I've been receiving, my temper may be on a very short fuse. So once again I'll fall back on some food art.

Sure I could have written something profound or titillating but where would your day be without having stopped by to see a decapitated pancake man?

Up here in Canada we bottle their blood and export it as "maple syrup" to an unsuspecting world that believes it comes from a tree. Fools. You know why your Aunt Jemima is made of sodium hexametaphosphate and high fructose corn syrup? 'Cause we bled her dry, that's why. It's always the quiet neighbour, right? We're the quiet NATION!

Whoa! Sorry. Must be the medication and Halloween candy talking. Maybe I ought to call it a day.

Before I go though, I want to tell you that Middle Aged Woman from Unmitigated and I will be doing a book review of Pride & Prejudice & Zombies next week over on He Read/She Read. Right now there's a review up by MAW's husband Jim Styro and Rebekah from Waffles Waffles All Day Long. Check it out if you've never been there. I finished writing mine today and it's, well, special.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

RTT: Same As It Ever Was, Same As It Ever Was

We drove up to see my family this past weekend. Environment Canada issued a heavy rain warning so it seemed like a good time to go. There's nothing quite so exhilarating as being at highway speed and losing all visibility when a tractor trailer driven by a cracked up meth head passes you. Weeeeeeeee!


Dodge Caravan. We put the 'H' in hydroplaning!

Note to self: When your wife walks into the kitchen carrying her dinner plate, don't take the last piece of (insert food here) assuming she's finished eating. She may only be returning to the rice cooker for more rice.

My boys were improbably well behaved this weekend. Despite almost ten hours of driving and being up well beyond their normal bedtimes for several nights in a row they didn't fight or act up at all. Nobody even told me how boring the drive was. Sunday night we decided to go out for dinner since we arrived home late. (You can feel it building, can't you?) Supreme Leader ordered some fish and chips which Connor wanted to share but unfortunately the fish must have come in contact with something spicy in the kitchen and it was too hot for him to eat. The boy loses. His. Shit.

We were so close.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Connor: When me and my dad went to Chinatown we went to a pet store.
Me: Ah, that wasn't a pet store...

When Supreme Leader got home from work tonight she kicked me off the computer... ok, maybe I was watching Castle (Stana Katic, hubba hubba!) but I was working on this during commercials. Anyway, she found this on Taste Spotting.

Crispy skin all over. She may have purred. Maybe that was me?

And finally, Petra of The Wise (*Young*) Mommy has a new site up called Sex and the Suburbs. If you live in the suburbs and have sex, go check it out. Then again, maybe you don't but are interested in moving to the suburbs and having sex, whatever. Either way, click the picture and it will take you over.

Now, go to Keely's. Or go back. Just go. I got what I wanted.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

RTT: Food, Sex and Unicorns

I'm eating an apple turnover right now that could best be described as sex in a pastry. It's that good.

random/Users/chadtordof/Desktop/Red kryptonite.JPGtuesday

In the true spirit of Canadian Thanksgiving we had enchiladas for dinner last night. Whatever, they were delicious.

Every scene in House should include Dr. Cuddy leaving a room.


Our Native North American/First Nations summer is officially over. It's going to start raining tonight and it's forecast to continue on through the weekend. The first weekend of May. If we're lucky.

My niece Mikalya and a little photoshopping by her mom.

Dinner Saturday night.
Connor: Hey, somebody smell my bum, it's not even rotten.
Supreme Leader: Where are you going?
Me: I have to write that down.

I'm sure you've found yourself wondering from time to time what could be better than unicorns and bacon. How about a unicorn named Awesome who shoots bacon from his eyes! Jay from Genius Pending, he may well be the Chosen One. Go. Browse.

After that, go over to Keely's. No, really, she'll be stuck in a snowbank outside Winnipeg. Check out the box under her bed.

Friday, October 9, 2009

"We'll Let You Know..."

Dear Men,

I know we all have our own policies when it comes to noticing somebody hasn't done up his fly, but when you know a brother is about to go in for an interview, at least give him a nod.


Dear So and So...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

This Is What My Empire Would Be Founded On, Raw Computation And Rage*

I saw this on Kottke yesterday. It's the actual flag of the Benin Empire which existed from 1170 to 1897 in modern day Nigeria.

When my quest for world domination comes to fruition, this will be my flag. In fact, I may not even wait that long. I think it makes an excellent statement to people who come to my home to sell me things, whether goods, services or religion. And it states my position on property crime as well. Win-win.

*Soon I Will Be Invincible by Austin Grossman
(great book)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

RTT: To All The Money Makin' Playas Up In Harlem


Some of you were concerned that I had died recently since I haven't posted since last Thursday. I really appreciated that so I'm going to assume it was out of concern and not a secret wish to urinate on my grave which I wouldn't recommend because it could get you charged with public indecency or something like that. If you could angrily pour a bottle of scotch over my grave like Martin Blank though, that would be awesome.

Maybe not this $15,000 bottle of Macallans. Actually, it was just a busy weekend. My mom came to town so we spent a lot of time frantically trying to make the house look like someplace children are being raised and not an abandoned crack house.

From designer Sotirios Papadopoulos

"A striking credenza, with a photo-realistic, luminous image of the moon printed on its surface.

Coated with ELI (Eco Light Inside), an eco-friendly material developed by the designer, which creates a realistic, glowing effect when the lights go out."

Ok, that's only partially true. My mom really was in town, but I was also just feeling lazy.

Ok, this video is just over six minutes long so you may or may not want to leave it for later, but it's good. Do you know who Rick Hansen is? Twenty-five years ago he rode his wheelchair around the world to raise awareness for people with disabilities and to raise money for spinal cord research. Want to see him bungee jump?

I stole this off Joanne from Moving Forward-Half Speed, but it's ok, I told her I was going to steal it and that makes it all ok.

In honour of our host, Keely the Un Mom, and care of the University of Florida, a "Disaster Preparedness Simulation Exercise" for a zombie attack.

Oh, and after a month of trying I finally got called for an interview.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The Grape of Wrath, or The Wrath of a Seedless Red

Rebel Scout 1: Dammit! They're home already. Should we run?
Rebel Scout 2: No, this grape will feed the resistance for days. Keep moving.
Rebel Scout 1: When can we just eat the humans?
Rebel Scout 2: Soon, my friend. Very very soon.