Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Little Of This, A Little Of That, Then Give It A Shake

I didn't even realize it was Tuesday (even though it's not since I'm still in Monday) until I was about to turn off the computer. Good thing I horde. Digitally. Here's a picture of a cool mid-1930's Moto Guzzi, because it's random and because designers just made things sexier back then.


Monday was (is) a holiday here in Canadaland. Queen Victoria's birthday. I don't know, we needed a holiday in May. Anyway, Mother Nature, being the ruthless bitch that she is, saw fit to give us rain over the weekend and then sun today. Plus a frigid and bitter wind that was a real treat on the beach this afternoon (yesterday). While I was trying to build shelter to save myself from hypothermia my youngest was soaking himself up to the waist in the ocean and ignoring daddy's pleas to go home.

Dragonfly in Louisiana courtesy of The Big Picture. The spots on its wings are oil.

When we did go home the boys decided to fight for the rest of the day. Yay holidays!

Very cool Beatles cake.

Doesn't care what the cake is, as long as it's his.

(For those who confuse easily, he is not eating the Beatles cake.)

Life in retail. My department carries personal shavers along with housewares, and Saturday afternoon I had a mother and her teenage daughter looking at a couple and asking if they could look at two of them (they're locked for security). Now, I did have a couple points to make regarding the similarities and differences between the two products, but how does one, in particular one who stands to pee, broach the subject of whether you're intending to shave your legs or, er... maintain the lawn?

I wish I wasn't poor.

iPad + Velcro from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

via oneplusinfinity

Supreme Leader and Baby Fish Lips (movie?)are doing well. His exit visa is up on June 9th or 10th, barring further volcanic activity in Iceland that could keep our doctor in Europe instead of here performing the caesarian. He'll be four weeks early, but the doctor has decided that, all things considered, better out than in by then. She is still on bed rest and we're pretty much... well, we're not ready at all. Hence the dearth in posts or visits lately. Whatever. Once I've walked him home from the hospital because we don't have a car seat we'll just wrap him in newspaper because he has no clothes and he can sleep with us because... wait, we do have a crib. Woot! One thing off the list.

The Un-Mom's. Go.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Don't Stick Your Finger In There!

Supreme Leader came home from the hospital on Saturday and brought balance to the Force. All is well. Now, random this.



So last week while I was at the doctor's and she was busy sticking a search light down my throat, Liam was amusing himself by playing with his Lego on the examination table. The table has a couple of finger sized metal tubes down by the foot of the bed where stirrups can be attached. They attach by sliding a long metal pin, on the stirrup, into the tubes on the bed. See where this is going? Liam drops a piece of Lego into the little tube figuring it will fall out the bottom. When it doesn't, he jams his finger into the hole where it promptly becomes stuck and will not come out. The doctor had to get some ultrasound gel and pour it into the tube and then rub it all over his finger so we could get it out. Why, oh why, didn't I have my camera on me?

Fun with sheets.

What's the point in having a blog if you can't make fun of your family, right? During the Olympics, one of Supreme Leader's sisters was a volunteer so she got quite a bit of official schwag out of it. Last weekend, while taking a walk through a nearby park and wearing an Olympic jacket, some tourists mistook her for former figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi and asked her for an autograph. I so wish I'd been there.

Jim makes pancakes. He's my hero.

Monday morning while walking Connor to school I got a text message from my brother and could see the phone was receiving another larger message. His text was asking me to ignore any videos I might receive since he was trying to send one to his wife and may have accidently sent it to me instead. Since he's in the process of moving out to Winnipeg where his wife was transferred for work three weeks ago I deleted it immediately. That's nothing I want any part of.

I want this couch.

Finally, the perfect man. I think this ad for GQ really must be seen. Words don't do it justice.

Entertained or disturbed and you want more/less? Then head to the Un-Mom's for more or to lodge a complaint.

PS. Christina, you have no link to your blog!

Ukelele duo and Jim's pancakes via BB Blog.
The perfect man via oneplusinfinity.
Couch via the Selby.

Friday, May 14, 2010

My Week

Another week down as a single working dad and I'm still alive to tell the tale. How do real single parents manage to do this for real? Are there single parent bloggers out there? Cause I think I only had my computer on twice this entire week. I did keep my camera with me though.

Mother's Day. Supreme Leader is stuck with hospital food so we decided to show our appreciation with a BBQ brisket sandwich bigger than the child she's carrying. Total win.

The boys didn't care about the sandwiches as much as the desert. Notice Connor in the background? He's methodical. Careful bites so he doesn't get messy. Liam on the other hand would happily dislocate his own jaw if it meant he could shove that whole damn thing in his mouth.

My best friends. After feeling like hell for a whole week I finally decided to listen to my wife and go see the doctor. Well, after I started coughing up blood, anyway. Turns out I had strep throat. Nice. Nothing like starting out your day thinking you've either got tuberculosis or ebola.

Of course, this also means that the sickness Connor had a few weeks back was most likely strep as well. Nice catch walk-in clinic. The kids are never allowed to get sick on the weekend again.

I've paid so much in parking at Women's Hospital in the past two weeks that I should legally own a stall by now.

Might be time to catch up on things around the house. Effing grass, I'm thinking for going biblical on it and salting the whole damn thing.

Supreme Leader had another ultrasound yesterday and tomorrow she has another assessment, so maybe, just maybe she'll be home for the weekend. I hope so, because aside from really missing her, I don't think I can go through another week of trying to keep the boys quiet in the pre-natal ward without breaking.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

I'm Not Dead, It's Just How I Look

Despite my icy cool exterior, this is me on the inside. No, that's not true, because it's also me every time my boys are in the same room together. I don't know if it's just the stress of mommy being in the hospital and their routine being screwed up or they're just trying to break me, but for the last week, if they are awake, they are fighting. And the ridiculous crap they're fighting about?! I know my brother and I fought all the time when we were younger, but at least it was over normal things, like he was looking at me. They've fought so much lately that they've run out of things to fight about and are now inventing shit just so they can keep going. No. It must be some kind of plot. Take their last hair wash day, for example:

Connor: Hey, when daddy gives you the cloth to put over your eyes, start crying that it's dark.
Liam: That it's dark? But that's crazy. I want the cloth to keep the water out of my eyes?
Connor: I KNOW! Daddy won't know what to do.
Liam: That's brilliant! You know what would make it better though? When I'm done you should start laughing at me and calling me a baby.
Connor: High five!

Oh ya, it's a barrel o' laughs. Supreme Leader is still in the hospital. She and the baby are fine, but the doctor wants to keep her in until she has hit 32 weeks. Then he'll re-evaluate and go from there. Which might just be placating us and he has no intention of letting her go. We'll see next week. It could be worse though, there's another woman on her floor who has been in for eight weeks already. She's at the same stage as Supreme Leader and isn't leaving until the baby is born. Then there's the woman whose hooha had to be sewn shut to keep baby in there until its due date. It's all a matter of perspective, right?

Whose or who's? Whatever. I'd care but my throat is on fire and I have some kind of funky rash on my neck and chest. With all the running around and trips to the hospital and the never ending stress of my beloved children trying to crack my head open like a piƱata I've managed to catch whatever hideous cold Connor had a few weeks ago. Either that or I need to bathe. Or I'm actually already dead and all that processed cheese and those Big Mac Meals are somehow slowing my decomp. Meh, I'm sure the kids will have me stuffed so they can keep tormenting me. And they don't want their baby brother to miss out on all the fun.

And now I'll go upstairs and make sure they're tucked in and their room is warm enough and I'll look down on their peaceful little faces and I'll forget the screaming banshees that they were earlier and maybe I'll even feel a little guilty for getting angry at them so much and promise myself to go a little easier on them tomorrow. Then they'll wake up tomorrow morning and Connor will start glaring at Liam for having the audacity to be happy in the morning instead of a troll like him and the circle of life will continue on as it should.

PS. I just found this after publishing the post and HAD to add it. Please note, this should not be taken as an announcement from the Dumbass family, we are not having twins and Supreme Leader's name is not Jennifer (though, this being a blog, it should be).