Monday, November 30, 2009

You Can Lead A Horse To Water...

...but that doesn't make him a bulldog thrown in a swimming pool.

This photo sums up my November in surprising detail.

via oneplusinfinity

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I Am An Army Of Dumb

I had an impromptu meeting with my oldest son Connor's teacher this week after class. She'd done a random literacy test on him and not only had he passed, he was testing above average. She was full of praise for not only him but for his parents as well, and if you could see the change this little boy has undergone since last year and the withdrawn and terrified little kindergartner he was, you'd understand the pleasure this brings to both his parents and his teacher.

On our way home from school he told me about a picture he'd drawn of a dinosaur and how different it was from his "old" pictures. Drawing is another area he's grown in. Before, as with most kids, everything was stick figures or blobs and even getting that out of him was like pulling teeth because he didn't want to try. He'll still ask me to draw something to start him out, but then he's off and filling the page with everything that spills from his imagination.

So now we're two paragraphs in and you're yawning and thinking 'that's great, your son's a prodigy, blah blah blah.' Sorry, that's not where I was going with this. No, instead, let me draw you over here, just past the familiar parental bias to something you may also recognize. Assumption based on parental bias. Huh? I can see by your faces that I've lost some of you, but I can also see knowing smiles. That's right, you've been there before. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, let me give you an example, one that ends up with me looking like an ass. As usual.

At bedtime last night, oldest was churning through his usual pre-bed stream-of-conscious brain dump of everything he'd learned that day or everything he thought I needed to know before I turned out the light and right in the middle of it he asks, "Daddy, is the world going to end?"

Stop it.

Do you want me to finish this or not?

I actually started down the right path, I led with no, but then I got side tracked with a brief explanation of how the sun would eventually run out of fuel and expand past Earth's orbit so yes, one day the world will end. I qualified this by assuring him that this wouldn't happen for billions of years. Hindsight being twenty twenty and all that, I maybe should have stuck with a simple no, the world will never end. Judging by my wife's glare of doom promising dire retribution for my gross stupidity she may have felt the same way. The glare came from across the bed, the middle of which was occupied by a crying six year old. The glare suggested that maybe I should go find out how comfortable my son's now empty bed was, or maybe, better yet, the mini-van. The glare suggested keeping one eye open and all the doors locked might not be a bad idea either.

For those of you without children or you do have them, they're just really young... children have no real comprehension of time at that age. Sure they're all cool with the dinosaurs being wiped out by a massive comet or asteroid or whatever it was, but that was like last Tuesday. Or maybe when mommy and daddy were babies. So unless you want to find yourself way past bedtime stuck in long drawn out story where the government is building us space ships to find another planet to live on and yes, we'll pack all your toys and sure you'll still be able to play with your friends on the space voyage, just shut up. The world will never end, Santa Claus is real and so is the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

RTT: Happiness

Connor: Are my cheeks pink? That means I'm cute


Friday afternoon Connor came down with flu and Sunday night was Liam's turn. What happens when your four year old pukes all over the sofa? Improvise, Adapt and Overcome.

The rear seats of a Dodge Caravan are the same size as a love seat. I am the Marine Corps of daddies. Hoo-rah!

Nostradamus and 2012. Swear to god if you bring that Russian up in conversation anywhere near me and I'll gut you with something rusty.

Supreme Leader: What do you want for lunch?
Connor: Roast beef
Supreme Leader: PBJ?

RAINFALL WARNING: Greater Vancouver
WIND WARNING: Greater Vancouver

Thanks, El NiƱo.

I was lucky enough to go shopping with both my mother and father-in-law last Sunday. They argue over everything they put in the cart. Every. Single. Thing.

Does anybody remember 1981's Clash of the Titans?

Keely's is that way.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Other People's Holidays

Thanksgiving is already a month gone by for Canadians, but when Ian from Idiot's Stew asked if I'd like to join in on his "Idiot’s Super-Duper-Amazing-Pre-Thanksgiving-Holiday-Extravaganza-and-Parade" and join in with my friends from the "land of the free and home of the brave," I said hells ya. Of course, he also made a lot of promises about cheap beer and hookers but I've yet to see any of that. Ian?

Anyway, come by Idiot's Stew and see what you get for a guest post when you make empty promises. If you don't then it means you hate America and puppies and freedom. If you're not American then it means you hate other stuff that you think is important but obviously isn't because you didn't click on the damn link. Hater.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Friday the 13th

Nothing here today, but I have something new up at the Zombie News Network. Little something special for Friday the 13th.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

RTT: Cake?

It's been awhile since I've done a Random Tuesday Guest Post, so let's do one today, shall we?

Come on over to a Beautiful Wreck, I've got cake. And it's a really cool cake too.

Monday, November 9, 2009

For The Boys...

...or the ladies, I don't judge. This is Carrie Fisher and her body double suntanning on the set of Return of the Jedi in 1982.

Please pass this along to any man you know, they'll appreciate it. And let them know they can click on the picture to make it bigger. They can thank me later.

Via Kottke

*We're under renovation here so things might be bouncing around for a bit.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I Wake Up Every Morning From The Alarm Clock's Warning, Take The 8:15 Into The City...

You know what? Working really blows. This whole getting up early and getting home late is totally cramping my style. I've barely answered any comments this week and only been to a handful of blogs. I want to be a stay at home dad again. Anyway, if you haven't seen me around, it's not because I'm being a snob, I'm just asleep on the couch.

This may take a little getting used to.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

RTT: Virology, The Beatles And The End Of An Era

Sunday night Supreme Leader was watching a National Geographic special on viruses and N1H1. There was a lot of cool animation showing how a virus spreads and how your body reacts to it. Cool until I was on the bus the next morning imagining the invisible swirling vortexes of doom created by the ventilation system, the cracked open window and the passage of disease ridden commuters. Then I sat around staring at my fellow commuters and wondering who was patient zero and trying not to breath. National Geographic sucks.


Why was I on the bus in the morning? Because sixty-three days after beginning my search for a new job I finally got a call back. Tough job market? A little. It's not even part time, it's seasonal for the Christmas rush with the possibility of being kept on afterwards if I make a good impression. I'm not going to go into details on what it is yet or who it's with, I'll get a lay of the land first and decide what's safe and what's not. Whatever, it's a job. Like I told my interviewer who was concerned I was overqualified for the position, my mortgage doesn't care.

A few weeks ago I won a book over on Carolyn...Online but hadn't got around to mentioning it because, well, shit happens. Anyway, the book is called To: A True Story In Letters which is a compilation of blogs and emails between Carolyn and Darcy Mayers of MsPicket To You. I haven't actually read the entire book yet due to the monstrous back log of other books I have to go through, so I pawned it off on my assistants.

I just got off the phone with Supreme Leader who is coming home from work now. Apparently the mac & cheese I ate for dinner should have been thrown out already. That would explain why my stomach feels this way.

Go to this site. I'm not going to go into a spiel about why you should accept to say that it's waaaay cool and you will be too if you go look at it. Unless you're at work and don't have sound on your computer in which case forget about it because it won't make any sense. Make sure you come back after work though. Seriously. You'll be one of the cool kids.

Now, get ye gone to the land of Keelydom, see all that is wondrous and good.

Hey Jude via Love All This