tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61592991994609693852024-03-06T12:01:24.677-08:00Us and Them<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v319/ihopDC/_anit.gif">Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.comBlogger981125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-22705973112650681612015-08-21T05:00:00.000-07:002015-08-21T05:00:13.446-07:00<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I'm pretty sure I shoved it back here with the... gah, the dust! We really have to clean this place... wait, what's this? My blog? Oh my god! My blog. It's still here, after all this time? Yuck, what a mess. Wonder if it still works?</span>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-25830055931799450092012-03-06T00:01:00.000-08:002012-03-06T00:01:01.281-08:00Emails From Home<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mon 03/05/2012 9:03 AM His Royal Asshat is terrorizing the fish.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mon 03/05/2012 9:09 AM Heard splashing and found him on the chest with one arm in the tank</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mon 03/05/2012 9:11 AM Just caught him running for the tank with my ipod.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mon 03/05/2012 9:12 AM I need a drink</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">(Some days going to work isn't such a bad thing)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why is this sideways? I have no idea. Either it's his dark powers or PC's just suck. Maybe I'll just blame it on Blogger since it keeps leaving this enormous gap between my first line and second lines.</span></div>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-28560494294640675732012-02-21T00:01:00.000-08:002012-02-21T00:01:01.554-08:00Disappointment<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Connor: Why did the Wicked Witch of the West melt?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: Dorothy threw water at her.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Connor: But why did water kill her.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: I don't know, it's her kryptonite.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Connor: What's kryptonite?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: *blank stare* Have I taught you nothing?</span><br />
<br />Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-45838580682072204092011-11-09T00:01:00.000-08:002011-11-09T00:01:02.966-08:00Deception<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOvLiONegeOiPXfT0a66cjSJxnvUFXqFNEXrr59C4b1TV2rqmn0f-6D5DCk8LtEaMIgChZSs1l6xLMaSYPdv2C5v7RSEzNIdNP9rv0f_7sWDjKshmTdAN43YhhVfN6a-Xbe7VWkc9vvR0/s1600/photo%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOvLiONegeOiPXfT0a66cjSJxnvUFXqFNEXrr59C4b1TV2rqmn0f-6D5DCk8LtEaMIgChZSs1l6xLMaSYPdv2C5v7RSEzNIdNP9rv0f_7sWDjKshmTdAN43YhhVfN6a-Xbe7VWkc9vvR0/s640/photo%25282%2529.JPG" width="477" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't be fooled by those eyes, last night he kicked out the wall of his crib. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He's a demon. A cute demon, the worst kind.</span>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-73348377527596459452011-10-11T00:01:00.000-07:002011-10-11T00:01:00.918-07:00And We Now Return To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Boys R UsCaptain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-39560600711000367752011-09-13T00:01:00.000-07:002011-09-13T00:01:01.080-07:00For Kids, Big And Small<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Before we go anywhere, I'd like to take a minute to thank Blogger for nothing. Particularly not saving all the earlier changes I'd made to this post, making all that work... for nothing. You suck.</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Carrying on...</span><br />
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<a href="http://stacyuncorked.com/" target="_blank"><br /> <img alt="Stacy" height="187" rebel="" src="http://stacysrandomthoughts.com/Files/randomtuesday.jpg" uncorked="" width="225" /></a><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let's start this out right. Play the first few seconds to get the idea of what's happening, then skip ahead to the 50 second mark.</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/364dzVsBs2o" width="420"></iframe><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not sure how many times the boys and I watched this, but it hasn't lost it's magic yet.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So today's random is random with a point. With the exception of the first video, everything posted here came from a fantastic new site called <a href="http://thekidshouldseethis.com/">The Kid Should See This</a> that is made up of videos that, while maybe not originally geared towards children, are educational and actually interesting to them. And no, I'm not promoting this site. Well, actually I am, but purely because I think the site is awesome and I think anyone with kids should know about it. Hell, even if you don't have kids, these videos are great. I've watched all of them and can't wait for more to be posted. I first heard about it on Kottke.org who described it like this:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With obvious exceptions, media “made for kids” is mindnumbingly dumb. YouTube, Flickr, and Vimeo are amazing resources of not-made-for-kids but totally-appropriate-for-kids stuff like what Rion is posting here.</span></blockquote>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anybody out there remember the movie The Black Hole? If you do, you'll get the reference in a minute.</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/HEheh1BH34Q" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The next one is from General Dynamic. It uses dropped objects and gelatin molds to illustrate the transfer of energy in their dynamic braking system on hybrid locomotives. Dropping heavy things on jello in slo-mo, how can you go wrong?</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Yqjv-L38ow8" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lastly, and my favourite, is this. A NASA promotional video that wasn't even created by NASA, but a fan who wanted to show what the space agency could do for itself if it only tried.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"In all of their brilliance, NASA seems to have forgotten to share their hopes and dreams in a way the public can relate to, leaving one of humanity’s grandest projects with terrible PR and massive funding cuts."</span></blockquote>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Make sure you supersize this one, it deserves it.</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/oY59wZdCDo0" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's sad to think that what we spent on the mortgage bailout a few years back was more than NASA's entire 50 year budget. That 50 years bought us a man on the moon, the shuttle program, the International Space Station, the Mars rover, probes sent out past the farthest reaches of our solar system and inspired countless numbers of boys and girls to grow up and become scientists and engineers. The mortgage bailout bought us out of our own stupidity, and only temporarily at that. Wouldn't it be great if we could go back to the optimism of the early space program? Wouldn't it be great to have something like that to inspire our children? Personally, I'd be much happier knowing my tax dollars were going towards that than buying our way out of poor financial decisions and padding the wallets of the Wall Street executives who got away with letting it all happen.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Seriously, go check <a href="http://thekidshouldseethis.com/">The Kid Should See This</a> out, there's more awesomeness then I could possibly post here. I highly recommend the bike guy, the element song and the <i>crazy</i> octopus.</span>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-89893499857877985552011-09-01T00:01:00.000-07:002011-09-01T00:01:00.876-07:00Mirror, Mirror On The Wall...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI2VorGq85wHamH_mTaS52tq3HsCJYEqbQ2Sz_Kc_s5Agk5y2yX09YuXmp_CIbIoM5qYCGH9Z7prd3NPp5RrkvI11QN8uN-TZu2yvP9HAdH11-eFjoTYwqfjupdUdfvAgwRT2U88Bk5S4/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI2VorGq85wHamH_mTaS52tq3HsCJYEqbQ2Sz_Kc_s5Agk5y2yX09YuXmp_CIbIoM5qYCGH9Z7prd3NPp5RrkvI11QN8uN-TZu2yvP9HAdH11-eFjoTYwqfjupdUdfvAgwRT2U88Bk5S4/s640/photo.JPG" width="478" /></a></div><br />
Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-65231600831033198732011-08-16T00:01:00.000-07:002011-08-16T00:01:01.929-07:00Less Words, More ContentFor the lack-of-Star-Wars-content complainers:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiemzY089vAgV3hazEsOPbjpTOHdJsrAB2sgJ2-eDSS5BAjEEsABN7_N9ldOJyK-jgVzTVCgRY6WnigC98-DlL83Hzy0QlBKfWNmeLFI-wU4gwEBmmT-oCdmadNxlxEgvHXnlp1mPKqoj0/s1600/death+star+dress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiemzY089vAgV3hazEsOPbjpTOHdJsrAB2sgJ2-eDSS5BAjEEsABN7_N9ldOJyK-jgVzTVCgRY6WnigC98-DlL83Hzy0QlBKfWNmeLFI-wU4gwEBmmT-oCdmadNxlxEgvHXnlp1mPKqoj0/s400/death+star+dress.jpg" width="241" /></a></div><br />
<a href=http://stacyuncorked.com/ target=_blank><br /> <img width=225 alt=Stacy Uncorked Rebel src=http://stacysrandomthoughts.com/Files/randomtuesday.jpg height=187></a><br />
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<a href="http://craftingagreenworld.com/2010/09/22/all-natural-graffiti-made-from-moss/">Moss graffiti</a><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAVGyLy4SqR2vAU5h5ZdtTlwYmc6xl636P0boOVsbQdQ2jZ86AYs57FcvSzgYgc8AXaORSEeGPigcjsASUZrfUlf_wnC_mJ0trQ5EKLmvb0WSg86caInq-uNfxvZRUVbvp0uL2Nt9050c/s1600/moss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAVGyLy4SqR2vAU5h5ZdtTlwYmc6xl636P0boOVsbQdQ2jZ86AYs57FcvSzgYgc8AXaORSEeGPigcjsASUZrfUlf_wnC_mJ0trQ5EKLmvb0WSg86caInq-uNfxvZRUVbvp0uL2Nt9050c/s400/moss.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Put in blender: one can of cheap beer or 1 1/2 cups buttermilk, a few handfuls of moss, one teaspoon of sugar. Paint on wall and mist daily until it grows.<br />
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This is pretty cool.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/znN4vKL8baA" width="560"></iframe><br />
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I finally, finally, FINALLY got an iPhone because my wife is awesome and said I could get one for our anniversary. After I got her a new bedside lamp from Ikea. Don't be jealous ladies. Anyway, here's some text between my brother and I. (btw, an <a href="http://www.otterbox.com/apple-iphone-4-cases/apple-iphone-4-cases,default,sc.html?cid=GOAPI4T10&gclid=CMSxi9nT0aoCFcPBKgoddi8w2A">otter</a> is an iPhone cover)<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq87KX6KMgckOp730-RGEwDgzpg30QnxrCjF-DSnpGcmBvd4xUudbdJyUoYT3xQAOYwb9xk_Uap1CZvdQVTXZ1QsfprmAS1D_iYF9O2bO3eUpQ0eIcfQe7H0AkJBUiM4WzfdobuO3M574/s1600/IMG_0023.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq87KX6KMgckOp730-RGEwDgzpg30QnxrCjF-DSnpGcmBvd4xUudbdJyUoYT3xQAOYwb9xk_Uap1CZvdQVTXZ1QsfprmAS1D_iYF9O2bO3eUpQ0eIcfQe7H0AkJBUiM4WzfdobuO3M574/s400/IMG_0023.PNG" width="267" /></a></div><br />
There's really no way to introduce this.<br />
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<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/z2vWVa5oU6U" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
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There's 2 minutes you'll never get back. You're welcome.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWNdk6Oy0u2bONAXURAnCkHWeAolgoAqMGtmh0NmsYhOFbg-qxK1l2xdb5g6xoVsIQ8nUBhwUaFIlEIYiC-8c5LxGal4G3uyJJzb2MP-GWAdr04biNup1FtaE_elyvBkluQfWNBpq9OKk/s1600/che+vader.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWNdk6Oy0u2bONAXURAnCkHWeAolgoAqMGtmh0NmsYhOFbg-qxK1l2xdb5g6xoVsIQ8nUBhwUaFIlEIYiC-8c5LxGal4G3uyJJzb2MP-GWAdr04biNup1FtaE_elyvBkluQfWNBpq9OKk/s400/che+vader.jpg" width="282" /></a></div><br />
Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-79446764591888687112011-08-09T00:01:00.000-07:002011-08-09T00:01:02.863-07:00'Cause You Can't, You Won't, And You Don't StopSo it turns out that when you abandon your blog for long periods of time people stop coming round. Then it ends up looking like the dark house on the block with the scary old recluse that gives you the stink eye through the blinds when you pass by. Jeez, you'd think somebody would at least stop by and offer to cut the grass.<br />
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<a href="http://stacyuncorked.com/" target="_blank"><br />
<img alt="Stacy" height="187" rebel="" src="http://stacysrandomthoughts.com/Files/randomtuesday.jpg" uncorked="" width="225" /></a><br />
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I've been seeing this ad for some new Dodge minivan lately. At one point, the cutesie family inside is stuck behind this ancient flat bed truck carrying a load of hay up a hill and passes it in a show of the van's speed and versatility. Seriously, this is your ad campaign? Your van can pass a 60 year old farming truck. Oh goodie.<br />
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="225" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/27246366?color=ffffff" width="400"></iframe><br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/27246366">MOVE</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/rickmereki">Rick Mereki</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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My office works from 5am to 9pm and for the last week or so I've been doing the morning shifts. The kids spend the day at my in-laws, so after work I go over and usually wait around for Supreme Leader to finish work so we can all go home together. The new schedule also means that I'm at my in-laws everyday in time to see a new soap opera that my father-in-law is watching. Sure it's in Mandarin and I have no idea what anyone is saying, but after watching it for a week in my post-work coma on their sofa I'm hooked. It takes place on a Chinese air force base, but it's the usual soap-ish drama, regardless of geography or language. Apparently, there are no lady pilots in the People's Republic, but their ground crews are sure hot.<br />
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="300" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/26570444?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="400"></iframe><br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/26570444">Sesame Street breaks it down</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/wonderfulca">Wonderful Creative</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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With SL back at work now I've been spending a lot more time on public transit. Lately I've noticed that people don't seem to want to sit next to me, even when I make a point of holding my bag in my lap so they have a spot to sit. Do I look like an axe murderer or something? Maybe I should get an axe. No, that's totally impracticle, I'll get a hatchet instead, easier to swing. <i>"The wheels on the bus go round and round..."</i><br />
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Random child picture. Well, random picture of my child, not just some random photo of another child. People frown on that.<br />
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Not sure if he has to pee or if it's just a guy thing. Wait... no, just a guy thing.<br />
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Have you seen this video yet? It's Neil Patrick Harris' intro to this year's Tony Awards. I see it every day. Many times a day. For some mysterious reason, whether he's a fan or likes show tunes (we're not judging), Finn will stop whatever he's doing to watch. Temper tantrums, injury, climbing across the ceiling spitting fire, whatever, he will climb up into our laps to watch. Whenever it's bottle time, on comes Harris and we all slip into a little bubble of peace and harmony. Thank you, Neil.<br />
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Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-91624640791521604342011-08-02T00:01:00.000-07:002011-08-02T00:01:03.851-07:00Teachers<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dialing it in as usual, but this one is worth it.</span><br />
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<object height="390" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WFHJkvEwyhk&rel=0&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/WFHJkvEwyhk&rel=0&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-17154492995031366992011-07-26T00:01:00.000-07:002011-07-26T00:01:02.450-07:00The Boys, Er... Girls Of Summer<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">On the American military base that I live near in England, they offer Little League baseball for the kids to join. I asked my oldest daughter, LaLa, who is 7, if she would like to join a team. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">At this point you're probably thinking, the hell? I thought you lived in Canada and only had sons. You're right on both counts.</span> </i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She was really keen even though she in all honesty has not been exposed to American sports since moving to the UK nearly 3 year ago. In fact, for the first week of the season she was still calling it cricket. Wrong bat. The season has been going on about a month and she has been steadily improving with each game. Well, as much a child with the attention span of a gnat can improve anyway.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>My children have the same attention span and the only thing they could hit with a bat is each other. It's really Kat from <a href="http://3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com/">3bedroom</a> who gave me a post because she's awesome like that. Now let's get back to the story, 'cause it's funny.</i></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Last week, during our 3rd game, there was an incident. Ok, there has a been an incident almost every game, but this one took the cake. LaLa's team was out playing defense in the field. LaLa was playing the pitcher position, but since it is coach pitch baseball, she was basically just standing next to the opposing teams coach and waiting (when she was paying attention) for the ball to come her way. There was a little boy from the opposing team standing in the batters box waiting for the pitch to be tossed to him by his coach when all of a sudden LaLa took off running and screeching at the top of her lungs. She went out past the short stop, rounded 3rd base, down the 3rd base line, behind the catcher, down the 1st base line and came to a stop in front of the home team bleachers. When she stopped her eyes were filled with tears and she had a look of absolute panic on her face. Our whole set of bleachers was sitting with our jaws on the floor. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She stood there for a second caught her breath and the with a wild shout said “THERE WAS A BEE!”</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I heard some of the parents behind me start giggling and I was in fact trying to hold in my own giggles as I said, “Alright hunny, you can go back to your position. I think you frightened it away!”</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A career in sports or the military not likely with that child. *crosses those off the list* No composure during the heat of sporting battle. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I laugh, but I'd do the same thing and sound pretty much the same way. Including the little girl's voice. Whatever, like you're any different. </span></i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>Thanks for enabling my lazy posting, Kat. <a href="http://3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com/">Check out Kat </a>if you don't already, she has a great blog, so great that she's actually #8 in the UK which is doubly cool considering she's not even English. Her <a href="http://3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com/2011/07/dear-so-and-sojet-lagged.html">Dear So & So</a> posts every Friday are always entertaining. She also posts more than hardly ever.</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i> </i></span>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-39373767739989678682011-07-22T00:01:00.000-07:002011-07-22T09:19:05.752-07:00"Oh, I have passed a miserable night..."I'd listen to Christopher Walken read the entire works of Shakespeare.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/j8PGBnNmPgk" width="640"></iframe><br />
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<a href="http://blog.oneplusinfinity.com/">via oneplusinfinity</a><br />
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PS. Yes, I do plan on posting againCaptain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-67550099808898287422011-07-05T06:53:00.000-07:002011-07-05T06:53:48.565-07:00Subtleties of Language<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">On the ride into work yesterday…</span></div><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><blockquote>SL: Damn, I forgot my phone at home.<br />
Me: Um, where do you work? (she works on the cellular side of the same company I work for)<br />
SL: You can mock me.<br />
Me: I am mocking you.<br />
SL: On Communicator (<b><i>M</i></b>icrosoft <b><i>O</i></b>ffice <b><i>C</i></b>ommunicator)<br />
Me: BAHAHAHAHAHAH!<br />
SL: (appropriate response withheld due to children in the car)</blockquote></span>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-51911702598828247432011-06-21T00:01:00.000-07:002011-06-21T00:01:02.888-07:00Flesh Eating Babies and Burning Cars<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hey, remember me? I used to blog here. A lot. Now I've turned into something of a ghost blogger, only showing up every week or so to scare the locals before going back into hiding. Meh, I've got a one year old. A one year old who bit my eyelid Sunday night. Bit. My. Eyelid. 'Cause he's rabid. Why am I not blogging much anymore, because I've got an eyelid biting, rabid, cannibal one year old trying to kill me at every turn. That's why.<br />
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<a href="http://stacyuncorked.com/" target="_blank"><br />
<img alt="Stacy" height="187" rebel="" src="http://stacysrandomthoughts.com/Files/randomtuesday.jpg" uncorked="" width="225" /></a><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You know what's really awesome? When you've been prepping a blog post that you've been adding things to all day because you're forgetful at the best of times and then your 6 year old calls you from the bathroom where he's sitting on the toilet and jokingly tells you that your one year old is playing with his pooey diaper. Yes, the cannibal from above. You think nothing of it and go on looking at pictures in tumblr because, come on, he's six and poo jokes are in and besides, the baby is right here playing... where the hell is the baby? Then you run off to the bathroom and find out that, sure enough, your one year old has knocked over the garbage bin and has pulled opened the hideous abomination you threw in there a hour or so ago and meant to throw in the outside trash soon because of its noxious death odor but now it's too late because it's out. Out out. Like on the bath mat, and not only the bath mat, but the funny shaped one around the toilet bowl and oh god, it's on his hands, his hands! So then you stand him up against the bath tub so you can... do something with this disgusting, heinous crime against humanity and get the poo monster sprayed down before he touches something else, like your arm! He touched your arm! And then you see your six year old, still sitting on the throne, smirking because you have poo on your arm and now you don't need to wash it off because your fury is burning it from your skin only it's impotent fury because now you're trying to keep baby, who by now is soaped down and slippery as a greased pig, from playing with the faucets and burning himself. And once you've been able to contain this hazardous train wreck and get the animals back in their pens you discover that your effing computer has crashed and everything you've been working on is gone. Gone and not saved by Blogger even though you know you saw that damn 'save now' button turn from blue to grey. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*deep breath*</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Moving on. See this picture here? I sent it to Michele from <a href="http://michele-dogslife.blogspot.com/">It's a Dog's Life</a>...</span><br />
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</div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">...and she turned it into this.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj9TWTt3KBt393O4mjSktYVW_e7D31xQFc4babfYdPMAX6514a12Wy2tgPmaMrXaFsr_Ryl4c3Cxoy0C9gZOkFMLaphI0y3pG1TqNnrqh8pOVHDGgtd7DZ80Kfvjz8MAi8Gy35oTfu8Ys/s1600/DSC01460.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj9TWTt3KBt393O4mjSktYVW_e7D31xQFc4babfYdPMAX6514a12Wy2tgPmaMrXaFsr_Ryl4c3Cxoy0C9gZOkFMLaphI0y3pG1TqNnrqh8pOVHDGgtd7DZ80Kfvjz8MAi8Gy35oTfu8Ys/s400/DSC01460.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sadly, six days ago, a handful of asshats decided it would be fun to light cars on fire, loot, and generally ruin the reputation of a great city, all on the pretext of the Vancouver Canucks losing the Stanley Cup. By now I'm sure you've all seen the pictures of the fires and the destruction, but what you may not have seen was pictures like this.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was the morning after the riots, and those are post-its notes thanking the Vancouver Police for everything they did. By the end of the day that car was buried in notes, cards, flowers and signs. That same morning, thousands of volunteers showed up downtown to help city crews clean up the mess. Another great thing that happened, that actually started before the rioting had even finished, was the creation of several facebook and tumblr pages encouraging people who had been there to submit their photos and videos of the rioters in an attempt to help the police identify them. As of last night, the VPD had over a million photos and a hundred hours of video. Quite a few idiots have already lost their jobs because their employers or people who worked with them saw them on line or on tv that night. Thank goodness most of the people who do this sort of thing are stupid enough to take pictures of themselves doing it.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Peace out</span>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-21325898484003962302011-06-13T00:01:00.000-07:002011-06-13T00:01:04.810-07:00The Game's Afoot<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwP1q4tNaGopBV26h1vTk48u4pv_z5aiy0h4xu6y-ihpXtARchBIlaicoInDZknkoqjpAe3ZF5hLovdbIZjGg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't worry, he was in no danger of falling down the stairs. Or at least falling very far. And the crazy voice was because I had one of his toys on my head to encourage him to walk to me.</span>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-37097307281591442392011-06-10T08:01:00.000-07:002011-06-10T08:01:00.375-07:00The Big Red OneHappy Birthday, Finn.<br />
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FEMA and all local disaster relief agencies have been alerted.Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-45553081499616616802011-06-01T00:01:00.000-07:002011-06-01T00:01:00.651-07:00Mud Pie... er, Cake<blockquote>Me: How did the potato masher get upstairs?<br />
Supreme Leader: I don't know (she may have been gritting her teeth)<br />
Liam: I don't know either, but it was probably stuck to my foot.</blockquote><br />
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Huh? Whatever, he made me a mud cake for my birthday.<br />
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With an ocean theme. And it's a cake, not a pie. He was emphatic.Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-85844244090826434052011-05-24T00:01:00.000-07:002011-05-24T06:41:09.773-07:00Permanent Slugs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTqRyMbf5GuqLPwJqa_QJ0Of7zf_9ILh_Ns5FQBT3xn-hkFcOK_uVK21sLQ-A5CxqBW6tNDMfuJFYCcr1vrRAJoUwdYYE0WIlbanIznpQVXbCZRW8chyphenhyphenmg5_E47Epxx5q2ilfcrCXL-Bc/s1600/push+it.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTqRyMbf5GuqLPwJqa_QJ0Of7zf_9ILh_Ns5FQBT3xn-hkFcOK_uVK21sLQ-A5CxqBW6tNDMfuJFYCcr1vrRAJoUwdYYE0WIlbanIznpQVXbCZRW8chyphenhyphenmg5_E47Epxx5q2ilfcrCXL-Bc/s320/push+it.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You know that 'permanent marker' thing on the side of a Sharpie? They're serious about that. And when your child decides to use one to paint a rock on your kitchen floor and it sinks into the linoleum, it's there permanently. </span><br />
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<a href="http://stacyuncorked.com/" target="_blank"><br />
<img alt="Stacy" height="187" rebel="" src="http://stacysrandomthoughts.com/Files/randomtuesday.jpg" uncorked="" width="225" /></a><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Supreme Leader's mat leave is almost done. I can tell she's looking forward to going back by the way she walks around the house muttering, "I hate my f@*king job."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Baby baby baby, ohhh!" When we went grocery shopping on the weekend the audio section was playing a Justin Beiber concert video. That effing song lodged itself in my brain like some kind of heinous zombie cancer that made me want to drop to the floor and beat my head against it. "Hey look, toilet paper's on sale this week. Baby baby baby, ohh!" GAH! *thump thump*</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Commercial for a photography store in Calgary.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Liam picked up a slug in the back yard yesterday and got slimed. It took over five minutes of vigorous scrubbing with a cloth to get that Ghostbusters ectoplasm guck off his hand. Don't play with slugs. Just sayin.</span>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-91536919686814721442011-05-18T00:01:00.000-07:002011-05-18T00:01:00.978-07:00Sleeping Poet<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilt4fUmmj6gR8ahCxHyds4HT6w1NwfWACnku9fKKPYf0YyNM9mMwP7zCOy8ZSeXjod45heIKP1wSBAyI8g6iX1qVTmcsapCXiySGS_ZX4yjJAD4tOT-KCvhRzpUGX8l8DcY4YI5zfQR1k/s1600/DSC01383_1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilt4fUmmj6gR8ahCxHyds4HT6w1NwfWACnku9fKKPYf0YyNM9mMwP7zCOy8ZSeXjod45heIKP1wSBAyI8g6iX1qVTmcsapCXiySGS_ZX4yjJAD4tOT-KCvhRzpUGX8l8DcY4YI5zfQR1k/s400/DSC01383_1.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Beans have eyes but you can't see them</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Spiders don't hurt they're trying to help</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bees are helping too just watch your fingers</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fish plant beans but they're seaweed beans</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Everyone plants beans, everything plants beans</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't worry about rose bushes, just don't touch them</span></blockquote> - <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Liam</span>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-54375100723580337582011-05-11T00:01:00.000-07:002011-05-11T00:01:01.846-07:00Hockey, Butter & DinosaursI've been trying to get a post out for a week now.<br />
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But it's playoffs. Suck it, Vaughn.<br />
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And the last time the Vancouver Canucks made it to the 3rd round Supreme Leader and I had just got engaged. (this one's for you, hon)<br />
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I was only twelve the time before that.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd_XsiUYecvxqB3PMIIuojsegkdbRUhGzEWfq6lMXVhTPIt4KZRgZVg2OI0qIxgRaRPkpVVrLiky0pKhb-TjPG7SaRRdWnz5NOjD2cONK5u_jeOhD5F3ENs7PxO3LwGAFjoDC-Tr3_ZYo/s1600/trex+superhero.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd_XsiUYecvxqB3PMIIuojsegkdbRUhGzEWfq6lMXVhTPIt4KZRgZVg2OI0qIxgRaRPkpVVrLiky0pKhb-TjPG7SaRRdWnz5NOjD2cONK5u_jeOhD5F3ENs7PxO3LwGAFjoDC-Tr3_ZYo/s400/trex+superhero.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
So this is all I've got for now. Nothing personal.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmWY8I0zHBpxg4E69_4EOuQELrIMSwpQzL22IR6R50cMP4wIGT67yeQ9hnp0OgMNzfW5ZCehwyHFqbFrzCrFv_bj2UcbmHGcpagM_SfyyiZBsP_BB4tREzKnB0xzw1cWtDZoWp3qsp4gU/s1600/floor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmWY8I0zHBpxg4E69_4EOuQELrIMSwpQzL22IR6R50cMP4wIGT67yeQ9hnp0OgMNzfW5ZCehwyHFqbFrzCrFv_bj2UcbmHGcpagM_SfyyiZBsP_BB4tREzKnB0xzw1cWtDZoWp3qsp4gU/s400/floor.jpg" width="234" /></a></div>Unless you're from San Jose, Detroit, Tampa Bay or Boston. Although I'd like to throw out a big thank you to <a href="http://unmitigated.typepad.com/">Mary</a> and the Red Wings for winning last night and drawing San Jose into a tiring seventh game.Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-90969402918067198862011-04-26T00:01:00.000-07:002011-04-26T00:01:03.267-07:00"U kalle rah doe kankee kung"*Much like a dog or a wild animal that's tasted human blood for the first time, Finn's need to stick everything into his mouth, regardless of size, shape or common sense has now become a serious issue. It started out as it usually does, bit of paper, fuzz, the occasional dropped cereal around the dining table. As with his older brothers, it progressed on to toy cars, remote controls, et cetera. Now though...<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_oQwHzdpU9q-fE3z2hanVAOwZHpbRfF4_YneyZIk7-z_ZAXKD6bizlWl8Jx835KYpYVgA7qXzC2-87vvY4XJu9UiXyDH6YJv4_fQ7sT4EgduOzGZ_9m1n4qr3B7qMVwaUk8BO0psAbBM/s1600/DSC01225.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="300" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_oQwHzdpU9q-fE3z2hanVAOwZHpbRfF4_YneyZIk7-z_ZAXKD6bizlWl8Jx835KYpYVgA7qXzC2-87vvY4XJu9UiXyDH6YJv4_fQ7sT4EgduOzGZ_9m1n4qr3B7qMVwaUk8BO0psAbBM/s400/DSC01225.JPG" /></a></div><br />
That there? That's a chunk of burnt wood from the fireplace. We caught him eating a nice sharp charred bit last week. Sharp like glass, sharp. And after we fished it out of his mouth? He tried to go back for more, hence the picture of it sitting in my car port.<br />
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Then the inevitable. Supreme Leader has him in his big brother's room and hears a gagging noise. Jamming a finger in his mouth after wrestling him away from the Lego box she can feel something hard and pointy in there but needs to reposition since he's fighting her and trying to eat her finger as well. Then it's gone. We're not sure whether or not it's still in his stomach or he spat it out when she picked him up, but I can tell you where it hasn't been for half a week of diaper changes. Damn kids.<br />
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Liam to Supreme Leader after being asked to be left alone to play: "It's not that I don't want you in my life, I just want to be alone for now."<br />
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I love people who cough in your ear on the phone. Once is understandable, but when you do it consistently that just makes you a horrible human being who deserves flaming genital warts.<br />
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And how about we just leave it at flaming genital warts.<br />
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*"You are my kind of scum." -Jabba the HuttCaptain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com48tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-87874452295091588262011-04-19T00:01:00.000-07:002011-04-19T00:01:02.645-07:00The tide is high but I'm holding on...*<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So where have I been? No, really where the hell have I been? I woke up yesterday in an alley behind a bar in Veracruz with a bullet in my thigh, a pocket full of Peruvian cash and no memory of the last week. Having a new baby really takes a toll. Seriously, just look at this kid.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No, that's not ketchup or jam around his mouth, on his shirt or smeared across his fists, it's blood. No no no, don't be boo hooing or poor babying him, he's a terrorist. At ten and a half months he has had more split lips than both his older brothers have had in their combined 13 and a half years.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't even like baseball, but I love this commercial.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Part two of my surgery texts with my sister, the aftermath:</span><br />
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<blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sister:</b> I'm alive.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Me:</b> Yay! Thanks for reminding me to call you.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Me:</b> Do you have a peg leg?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sister:</b> Yes rhet even lent me a parrot til I can afford my own!!!!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sister:</b> Not rhet they.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Me:</b> Our health care is awesome!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sister:</b> Right!!!!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Me:</b> 'Not rhet they?' Are you still doped up?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sister:</b> I was correcting my spelling mistake... Smart ass.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What made you so cold and heartless... sniff sniff</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Me:</b> Whatever, dope head.</span></blockquote><br />
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<blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Connor:</b> My tummy feels funny.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Supreme Leader:</b> Do you have a tummy ache? What does it feel like?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Connor:</b> It feels like moths mating, or like I ate three grains of rice.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Me:</b> *inside voice* WTF?</span></blockquote><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Somebody turned six on Sunday. Six? No, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b><i><u>SIX!</u></i></b></span></span><br />
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*I couldn't think of a title so I started up iTunes and took the first line out of the first song that came up.Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-7492294135991915822011-04-05T00:01:00.000-07:002011-04-05T07:17:36.956-07:00"Mush! Mush!"<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Text message conversation between me sister and I. (Background: my sister damaged her knee badly during the 2008 Iditarod when she lost control of her sled and had to have several surgeries on it. This past winter, deciding it would be a good idea to take up snowboarding, she injured the same knee again and has to undergo another surgery. A surgery we've spoken about MANY times previous to this.)</span><br />
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<blockquote><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sister: My surgery is booked for April 12th</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: For the bone growing in your neck? (long standing joke, you wouldn't get it)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sister: Asshole!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: What's wrong with your asshole?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sister: Um, you're the asshole!!!! I am having knee surgery!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sister: You're kidding, right?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: BAHAHAHAHAHA</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sister: Yer soooooo funny.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: I was laughing.</span></blockquote><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Meh, maybe you had to be there. Also, my sister never really competed in the Iditarod, but she has been to Alaska on a repositioning cruise.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PS. A repositioning cruise is where a cruise ship is moved between seasons, like a ship that travels the coast of Mexico during the winter is brought up to Vancouver or Seattle to cruise to Alaska for the summer.</span>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-65983090390278390102011-04-01T00:01:00.000-07:002011-04-25T20:59:55.898-07:00RTT: Friday<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 5 and the conclusion of my RTT tribute. It's been fun. And a pain in the ass, which is probably why Keely is taking a "break."</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.theunmom.com/" mce_href="http://www.theunmom.com"><img alt="randomtuesday" mce_src="http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb9/superkeely/randomtuesday.jpg" src="http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb9/superkeely/randomtuesday.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
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<blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: Hi, this is Chad from _____.<br />
Customer: Jam?<br />
Me: .... um, sure.</span></blockquote><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wouldn't it be great to be able to use Firefox at work? Or Google Chrome? Safari? A typewriter and stamps? I don't care if it's an 'industry standard,' Internet Explore blows, regardless of what version it is. Forcing people to use it is cruel and unusual. </span><br />
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There was something here but now there's not. Hi Billy-Kwan!<br />
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<div style="margin: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Trying to scrub down my oldest, and most ticklish, in the bath tub last night.</span></div><div style="margin: 0px;"><blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: I don't care if it tickles, if I don't get you scrubbed down you'll get all nasty and covered with scabs.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Connor: What are scabs?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: Scabs, like when the blood dries up over a cut.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Connor: Why would I get scabs? (still deflecting the wash cloth)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: Cause you'll be all dirty and disgusting and you'll itch until you start to bleed and you'll be covered in scabs that will get all infected...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Connor: *laughing*</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Supreme Leader: *laughing*</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Liam: *using penis as a puppet*</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me: *tosses wash cloth* Wash yourself</span></blockquote><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEift3wg0Vz0hoyJlC8p8Iu9zv6Q_LNjPjUtAUatilkenKDZ4JLiqmW2W0hic1w_mTu00_DX4PX8Ze0Wil8lNXYImaom5uoo6vwLpAihCXsjwchbM2_p3OBBk6o5DPQ1uZmoct6qS9j-3gU/s1600/harry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEift3wg0Vz0hoyJlC8p8Iu9zv6Q_LNjPjUtAUatilkenKDZ4JLiqmW2W0hic1w_mTu00_DX4PX8Ze0Wil8lNXYImaom5uoo6vwLpAihCXsjwchbM2_p3OBBk6o5DPQ1uZmoct6qS9j-3gU/s400/harry.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few months back I took the boys to the pet store and let them pick out a couple of fish for our aquarium. They both picked some ornamental goldfish that I have come to despise. All they do is eat and crap and kill plants and crap some more. Between eating they spend all their time, ALL of their time, looking for more food. And crapping. I hate them. Unfortunately I've made my displeasure known quite publicly so if any sort of "accident" were to happen, not that it ever would, I would be the prime suspect. Fucking goldfish.</span><br />
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</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Alright, good enough. Hope you enjoyed the ride and have a good weekend.</span></div></div></div></div><div></div>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6159299199460969385.post-12367498652677890752011-03-31T00:01:00.000-07:002011-03-31T00:01:00.656-07:00Random Thursday<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day four and we're still plugging away. Now, when I mentioned a week long celebration or dirge for the <a href="http://www.theunmom.com/">Un-Mom's</a> Random Tuesday I meant a business week, ok? I won't be doing this over the weekend.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.theunmom.com/" mce_href="http://www.theunmom.com"><img alt="randomtuesday" mce_src="http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb9/superkeely/randomtuesday.jpg" src="http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb9/superkeely/randomtuesday.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just as I sat down to start writing tonight about how I spelled Cleveland wrong and nobody mentioned it, neither my more sarcastic, but dearly loved followers or <a href="http://outoftheboondocks.blogspot.com/">Mama Badger</a> or <a href="http://www.literalmom.com/">Literal Mom</a> who are actually from Ohio, Supreme Leader walks over and writes "fair well" and "farewell" in front of me and asks which one is correct. She's not polite like you. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Impressionist Vader</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFRgbgS65Rn2lQL8_Rc3m59gPQmevJeOYSOODOeJA-JVr38troCSHENxKW1JdrN7uQc7dBxJixLmbZz_lbbr6hbtgFm2ThyphenhyphenTkrK8J3_fa3028rG1qkc5qpWDdCIA9vEtb5NRkPs_ghYIg/s1600/impressionist+vader.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFRgbgS65Rn2lQL8_Rc3m59gPQmevJeOYSOODOeJA-JVr38troCSHENxKW1JdrN7uQc7dBxJixLmbZz_lbbr6hbtgFm2ThyphenhyphenTkrK8J3_fa3028rG1qkc5qpWDdCIA9vEtb5NRkPs_ghYIg/s400/impressionist+vader.jpg" width="317" /></a></div><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is a cute video, and all the more so because it's a true story.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you're interested, you can see the new soccer pitch on Google maps <a href="http://maps.google.ca/maps?q=8.335031,98.502783&num=1&t=h&sll=8.397775,98.513797&sspn=0.088312,0.128059&hl=en&ie=UTF8&ll=8.335117,98.502817&spn=0.004745,0.008819&z=17">here</a>.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Poor little Liam, he's been sick off and on since... since I can't even remember. He's a magnet for viruses and bacteria, and lucky him, just about everything has started blooming around here just in time to kick his allergies in the ass. I took this picture a week or so back when he was so tired of wiping his nose he decided to just lay the tissue on the floor and lay his face on it.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi2by1YAeNuWZmyBuG69wzWSkXpy_KD67SgzSTWf8dKu_DTkpIjMJdMRX_bAGwLiQW7dURbpd5qXbCNy4JR3KOMGYSj46LtGakfgvkZJ4YzPlP9pjARN9Y2gQX2xdmJgUd9GHyArbbAb0/s1600/DSC01123.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi2by1YAeNuWZmyBuG69wzWSkXpy_KD67SgzSTWf8dKu_DTkpIjMJdMRX_bAGwLiQW7dURbpd5qXbCNy4JR3KOMGYSj46LtGakfgvkZJ4YzPlP9pjARN9Y2gQX2xdmJgUd9GHyArbbAb0/s400/DSC01123.JPG" width="300" /></a></div><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And now that you're feeling all sorry for him, let me tell you about how he used his penis for a little ventriloquist act in the bath tub tonight... or not. </span>Captain Dumbasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.com30