Hallelujah and Glory Be!

Our Chief Financial Officer decided it would be "fiscally prudent" to pay $129 for a new operating system rather than $1800+ for a new computer. And she was wise. (Never question your wife.) Our Mac is acting like it had a heart transplant. It's running faster and even the display is better. And will be much better still once we clean all the sticky two and four year old finger prints off. Wait... I meant the finger prints of a two and four year old, not that we haven't cleaned the computer in 2 to 4 years. We're not animals.

But I digress. Our computer has been transformed from an old man to a teenager and now my iPod works. I love my iPod. I love the fact that so few people protect their wireless internet connections, allowing me to 'borrow' theirs almost anywhere. Thank you and keep up your poor security.

My only complaint about my iPod would be battery life. The combination of internet browsing and that giant display screen is a whore on power. Oh, and some kind of note pad would be nice too, but that's just being picky.

Sad

Daddy got a brand new 8 gig iPod touch for Chistmas but when he plugged it in he got this message. My iPod is sleek and black and sexy. But it's still a paper weight until we decide whether to buy a new O/S or a new computer.

Sigh.

In Sheet

Bern and I are in the back room folding sheets that have just come out of the dryer when Connor walks in.

Connor: What are you doing?

Daddy: Mommy and Daddy are folding sheets, hon.

Connor (trying to get past us by going under the sheet): Hey, don't sheet me!

Daddy (hee hee): Mommy and Daddy are getting their sheet squared away.

Connor: (more unintelligible talk about sheets)

Daddy: We're getting our sheet together.

Daddy: Are you sheeting me?

Mommy: Daddy...

I want I Want I WANT!

Remember the computers from Minority Report, or the second to last episode of Journey Man? Are you ready to have one? Check out what Perceptive Pixel is doing.



It's all yours for the low low price of $100,000 at Nieman-Marcus. If I'd only known about this before Christmas.

(The video looks much better from their website than You Tube.)

Random Thought

When you put something in the microwave for one minute, do you enter 1:00 or :60, as in 60 second in a minute? Just a thought.

Xmas Highs And Lows

Why is it you can never take a decent Christmas Day picture? Or I can't anyway. And it's not from lack of trying as you can tell from the picture below and the boys reaction. Oh well.



Highs: the boys got a Wii and a boat load of other cool toys, Mommy got a $100 gift certificate to her new favouritest store and Daddy got a 8 gig iPod touch.

Lows: everybody is sick, the Wii games we have for the kids are too complicated for them and the operating system on our 4-5 year old iMac is too old to support my shiny new iPod.



Whatever. Mommy and Daddy are enjoying the Wii a great deal. Mommy TKO'd Daddy in boxing and kicked his ass at bowling. She can't touch me at golf though. Tomorrow I'll go out and rent a few easier games for the boys. They have so many new toys they don't know what to do with themselves so no biggie.



Now me and Mio (Connor's favourite so far) are going to go sit in front of the fire and drink a lot of wine.

Merry Christmas

Christmas In The Lower Mainland, Sigh

What a difference 24 hours makes.




And yes, that is 3/4 of my back yard under water.

Penis! And Mars. (Now you have to read this)

Driving home last night from Christmas dinner at the in-laws:

Liam: Penis! Penis!

Bern and I look at each other...

Me: What was that, Liam?

Liam: Penis! Penis! In the sky!

Me: Do you mean "Venus," hon?

Liam: Venus! Venus!

Which all stemmed from a conversation I'd had with Bernadette earlier that evening about an article I'd read on Yahoo about Mars being at its brightest on Christmas Eve. If you're outside after dark tonight just look at the moon. The bright star right beside it is actually Mars. According to a less fluffy source, Nasa, Mars will be directly opposite the Sun tonight and won't be as bright again, to us, until 2016.

Oil

A map of the world where size is represented by oil reserves instead of geographic area. Like the article says, this is why the US is still in Iraq.

"Borrowed" from Kottke.

Peter Sellers Doing The Beatles It's A Hard Days Night

Saturday Morning: the Aftermath

Connor is sick with...the plague? I don't know, whatever it is it's nasty. We'd considered taking him into Children's at about 2am but thankfully his fever died down. He still looks like he's been dragged behind a truck but he seems a little better. The picture below was actually taken last weekend when he first got sick. Whether it's the same cold/flu or something new he picked up at pre-school is anybody's guess. Connor, much like his father, gets man-colds. Whatever we have, we're near death and need to be treated as such.

Liam had been sick last weekend too but as usual he kicked it quick. My cold seems to be hanging on an abnormally long time and I think Bern is doing ok. It would be nice if this all cleared up for Christmas.



We woke up to this today. It's about the 3rd or 4th time this year. We don't usually get this much snow. Of course the forecast for Christmas day is rain.

Does This Scare Anybody Else?

From Foreign Policy:

In May, the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) authorized Ventria Bioscience to grow as many as 3,200 acres of special rice that produces proteins normally found in breast milk.

The idea is to produce a "cheap formula to treat diarrhea," but still. Human proteins in your food? That can't be right.

Skeered! (Or scared if you're older than 2)

Email from Bernadette:

"We went to the playground. There were hundreds of geese and gulls!!!!!! The kids from the school were out making lots of noise and the birds stayed on the far side of the field. But then the kids went back in. I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach. They looked like they were staying on their side, so I thought not so bad. Turned back to watching the boys. All of a sudden it sounded like hurricane force winds. Something had set them off and waves of them were taking off and wheeling around screaming. Needless to say, the boys were somewhat freaked out, as was I. We left in a hurry."

North American Cars/North American People

Is it just me or are American cars being designed for much smaller people than they should be? I have a 2005 Dodge Caravan (I know, you're jealous) and I will probably be killed in a minor accident because my head hits the top of the door frame/roof every time I go over a speed bump. I'm 6'2. Taller than average for a North American male, but by no means tall. The only seat configuration I can come up with to keep my head out of danger leaves me barely able to hold on to the steering wheel. I thought it was just something special to do with my van until I had to get a rental car last night. Brand new Grand Prix. And what do you know, my head hits the exact same place. And just like the van, if I'm at a stop light I have to lean forward to see the traffic light because it disappear above the low ceiling. WTF? Are smurfs designing cars now? My two previous cars, a Subaru and a Honda, were fine. Never had that problem. Lots of head room and no fear of death or paralysis. Japanese cars. Maybe that's why I've never owned a North American car and never will again.

Online Xmas Cards

Go to this site and stop looking. Tattoo a live Santa with a holiday greeting. Put your words of love on that 'bowl full of jelly.'

Hee hee!

Gratefully stolen from Oneplusinfinity.

Pixar

For anybody who likes Pixar movies or has kids, here's a site showing how almost every movie they've made links to each other. If you have kids, you don't have a choice but to watch Pixar movies. If you are going to have kids, you are going to watch Pixar movies so why not watch it now? Trust me, it will make the thousandth viewing of Finding Nemo that much more compelling.

140story

If you know what Twitter is, check out 140story. If you don't know what Twitter is, check it out.

Naturally oily and a jerk by choice. With nights so lonely, he often forgot whether he was masturbating or attempting to set himself ablaze.

He does a story everyday but it can only be a maximum of 140 characters. Today's was beautiful.

Tattoo

I was planning an end-of-my-tattoo blog here, but it's not done yet. Thought the last one would be it but after 5 hours of fun there's still quite a bit to do. After the last session in October it looked like this:




Now the dragon's underbelly is red, the claws are... well, right now they're pinkish, and there's some shading around the outside. Still need to finish its (haven't decided if it's a he or a she) head, claws, some fur and the flames. Almost.

No pictures for a few days since right now it's pretty disgusting. Not the lovely post-session tattoo you see on Miami/LA/London Ink, but real life blood, scabs, bruising and pink skin. Not that anybody wants to see that in TV land, but a little more realism in those shows would be nice.

Without Hate...

Heh heh heh, Merry Christmas.



Chenguin

Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies

Sweet Mother of all that's Holy and Pure!



Recipe from Never Bashful With Butter

Enjoying My Vacation

My soul has been taken over by an ancient and evil spirit-walking shaman bent on chaos and destruction. Or I have my son's cold. Either way it looks something like this:



And this isn't Man Cold whining, I'm really dying. Really.



Luke Chueh

Boundless Sensual Enjoyment

Just cause I liked it.



Linzie Hunter

Overheard At Canadian Tire

(If you're not from Canada, think big-box retailer that sells everything but started out selling car parts)

Saturday afternoon we were out shopping for... everything. I had the boys in a cart and was headed towards the check out when I passed another father with his three kids. As we passed I heard him muttering "...and if your mom had her cell phone turned on, we'd be able to find her in here, but of course..."

I feel your pain brother.

Twenty minutes later after relating this to Bern...

"Where's Mommy?"

"She's buying some food with Liam. We're going to go get the pictures Daddy had developed."

Daddy stops, realizing he doesn't have his wallet.

Quietly, "Shit shit shit."

Equally quietly but in a 4 year old voice, "Shit shit shit."

You'd think I'd learn. Then it's back to the grocery store to find Mommy and Liam. She's already disappeared so I pull out my cell. You know what happens next...

Wuke! Wuke!

Connor,Bernadette and Liam sitting in a chair watching The Empire Strikes Back.

Liam (imagine snotty-nosed two year old voice): Mommy, what happened to Wuke Skywalker? That monster is bad. GO TO YOUR ROOM, MONSTER!!

Imitate Crab?

Imitate Crab?, originally uploaded by zoo.keeper.

Is this part of a floor show or do I have to do this before you give it to me?

Conversations with Connor: 3 (3:27am)

Daaadeeeeeee!

DAAADDDEEEEEEEEEE!!!

(Daddy, breathless after having sprung out of bed like a freakin gazelle): What's wrong, hon?

My paper airplane is squished.

(Daddy laughing, cause it's 3:30am and what else can he do?) Hon, I told you you couldn't go to bed with it.

(Connor laughing as tears course down his face) I know.

(Connor goes back to sleep and Daddy goes back to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling wide awake.)

You Are My Sunshine...

Greenpeace ad.

Fear Factor

If we put A Bug's Life on for Liam to watch Connor will cover his ears (what he does when he's afraid) and leave the room.



However an Imperial Walker from The Empire Strikes Back is the COOLEST thing EVER. Go figure.

Man Cold

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

We let the kids stay up a bit last night to watch Santa Claus is Coming to Town. After a few minutes I realized I didn't remember ever seeing this one. After a few minutes more I realized why and felt like I should be apologizing to Connor and Liam for getting them all excited about watching it. No wonder I didn't remember it, even as a small child I must have known it sucked ass.

When is the Grinch on? And not that piece of sh*t Jim Carrey made a few years ago. Why can't Hollywood understand that there are some things that just shouldn't be remade? It hurts just watching the ads for it. If I can't hear Boris Karloff explaining to Cindy Lou Who why he's stealing her Christmas tree then it isn't the Grinch.

Overheard In The Living Room

Connor: Ok Liam, when I shoot the bad guys, you decorate the Christmas tree!

Is it the parents? Are we doing something wrong?

Connor's New Favourite Song

Sixties Brazilian singing sensation Roberto Carlos. No idea what it's called since it's in Portugese, but it kinda grows on you.

Madeleine Pans, Blizzards & Christmas Trees

Vancouver's first Williams & Sonoma store opened on December 1st, so of course we HAD to go. We've been to the one in Seattle, where Bern bounced around from foot to foot much like the boys do at Toys R Us, but now we don't have the inconvenience of trying to smuggle kitchen goods past customs.

It was damn cold when we woke up Saturday morning and there was a snow warning for the afternoon so we were thinking it might not be so busy. Ya, wishful thinking. Ever seen the inside of a bee hive? Imagine that but with well dressed-food savvy shoppers instead of bees. I gathered as much free food as I could hold and found a relatively quiet spot to hunker down in. The busiest area of the store was exactly where Bern wanted to be, but we came out with her Holy Grail of the last few years, madeleine pans.



Bernadette:
My madeleine pans, my beautiful madeleine pans, thank you Mr. Williams! Everytime in the past when I've had the chance to find them, they've been non-stick, which I don't really like because they're darker and absorb more heat and your baked goods end up with a dark chewy crust. If they did have the regular pans, there was only one, and I needed at least two. Oh joy! The new Williams & Sonoma store had a whole stack of both kinds, even mini ones! And a big thank you to Heidi Swanson for the madeleine recipe, they were delicious with hot chocolate last night and just as good this morning with coffee for breakfast. The boys loved them! I'm sure they'll love the ones I plan on making next even more. I've heard that Dorie Greenspan's book (there's a spot on my groaning bookshelves reserved for this book), Baking: From My Home to Yours, has a recipe for chocolate glazed chocolate madeleines filled with marshmallow fluff.



Back to me. Then it was off for lunch. Where were the children during all of this, you ask? Nana came down to visit. Yay, Nana! After lunch the threatened snow storm finally decided to make an appearance. The closer we got to home the thicker the snow and stronger the wind became. We'd debated picking the kids up before going to get the tree but decided it would be a lot less stressful to just leave them home and skip the drama.



The pictures don't really capture the horizontally blowing snow.



Then it was back home. Bern asked the kids if they wanted to go out and play in the snow, which was something akin to asking them if they wanted to eat a bowl of sugar. Then, strangely, I found myself out back in the blowing snow by myself. The person whose idea it had been to take the kids out suddenly disappeared. If you look in the window above the kids you can see Nana in the warm house taking pictures. What you can't see is Mommy hiding and laughing at Daddy.




Then it was inside for dinner, madeleine pans in action, and real hot chocolate. Mmm. Pretty good day.