Pre Holiday Monday

I've been far too warm and fuzzy lately. Need to balance things out with a little bitterness.


via stumblepeach via found magazine

Ahh, much better. Actually, it's looking like another good day, again. Tomorrow is a holiday (if you live in Canada) so traffic was very light this morning. It's beautiful out right now (7:32am). It's going to be hot this afternoon but this morning is just perfect. My iPod was playing an amazing mix on my walk to work. Granted, it's all my music anyway, but you know what I mean. My boss has the day off, I have beer in my fridge AND I'm wearing new underwear (which I took a picture of myself in and texted to Bernadette because ya, that's the kinda stuff I do). Anybody rains on my parade today and I'll decapitate them with my teeth. Have a good one!

Disappearing Cars

I saw this quote over on tumblr this morning:

Over the next four years, we are likely to witness the greatest mass exodus of vehicles off America’s highways in history. By 2012, there should be some 10 million fewer vehicles on American roadways than there are today—a decline that dwarfs all previous adjustments including those during the two OPEC oil shocks. Many of those in the exit lane will be low income Americans from households earning less than $25,000 per year. Incredibly, over 10 million of those American households own more than one car.

Soon they won’t own any.

- Jeff Rubin, CIBC World Markets

I don't know, Europe has been dealing with fuel prices even higher than we have now for decades without that kind of dramatic impact. Of course, Europe is pretty small compared to North America. Oh, and they also have transportation systems that don't SUCK ASS! It takes my wife an hour and a half to travel roughly 32 km (20 miles) to get to work. One way. During peak hours. Off hours it can take over 2.

Before my impending job loss we were seriously looking at downsizing from our gas dinosaur of a mini-van to a Honda Fit but that's been pushed to the back burner for the time being. I'd get a scooter in a second if it weren't for Bern's shifts being all over the god damned place. They're economical and tres cool but a bitch for carrying two children.

I had a good laugh on Friday when I heard about Translink's latest problems. (If you're not from the Lower Mainland of BC, think giant, money-sucking bureaucratic nightmare that magically taxes EVERYTHING and doubles the price of your gas but still manages to make it completely impractical for anyone outside of Metropolitan Vancouver to take transit.) Translink has been making a KILLING off fuel taxes now that the price of gas is so high. And, of course, the whole time their mantra to everyone is "take transit!" Well, now a lot more people are taking transit and not driving. And not buying gas. And not paying the taxes on that gas that lines Translink's coffers. Life's a bitch.

Oh well, I'm sure they'll think of another tax. They're good at that.

Found this as I was walking from my car to work Friday morning. Started the day off well.



Good luck B.C & M.N.

Friday Haiku, from Meg Fowler:

weekend’s in one day
miles to go before I sleep
stress, you can suck it.

Israeli Girls Are Hot

I don't know, there's just something about a woman in a tank top with an assault rifle...

Fortune Cookie Wisdom

Free Hugs

Continuing the happy happy joy joy of this week, free hugs.



via delete the adjectives

It's funny how you find these things just when you need to.

Conversation From Last Night

I did A LOT of gardening this weekend. At some point I was bitten by a large tarantula, and not one of those little ones you see in the pet store, but one of those gigantic ones from the jungles of Brazil that jump off trees and catch birds and are like, 3 feet across. But Chad, don't you live in a rain forest in BC? Isn't it a little wet for tarantulas? Isn't Canada a little cold for those spiders? Whatever, you didn't see it. Ok, neither did I, but it must have been big. The bite mark is huge and puffy and red. Is the red from being itched too much? Shut up! Out of my blog!

Me: (jumping on the bed and sticking the back of my leg in my wife's face) Is there pus?
Wife: (sighing dramatically) It looks better.
Me: Are baby spiders going to burst out soon?
Wife: (rapidly losing patience and wanting to go back to her book) It's wet, there's stuff coming out...
Me: Baby spiders?
Wife: ...it's probably from you scratching. Go wash it off.
Me: Fine

Monday Morning Part 2: Smile And Be Happy You're Alive

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Monday Morning

karich design

Liam and the Lime

Hmm...what's this?

I'll try a bite.

Whoa!

WTF?

Meh, I'll eat it.

Shoes

I'm not going to complain about putting the kids shoes on ever again...



pixdaus

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

— Douglas Adams

Thursday Pics

Threadless


Eat, Sleep, Draw

Kellog's Lego Fun Snacks

I would love to know what sick bastard at Kellogs came up with this genius idea. I just spent the first three years of my sons life trying to get him not to eat blocks, and now you're telling him they taste like fucking strawberries. Thanks a lot assholes. Seriously, how in the hell did this ever get past their legal department. You can't tell me that this isn't a lawsuit just waiting to happen. I can only assume that their next product is fruit flavored thumbtacks.

via Penny Arcade

Requiem For A Day Off

Trailer for Ferris Bueller's Day Off redone as a drama.



via Kottke and Benjifilms

Sadness

Suckers! I don't have speakers.

Lit 101

From McSweeney's, Lit 101 Class in Three Lines or Less:

Paradise Lost

ADAM: Paradise has arbitrary dietary restrictions?

DEVIL: They're really more like guidelines.

GOD: Incorrect.


Moby-Dick

ISHMAEL: I'm existential.

AHAB: Really? Try vengeance.

ISHMAEL: I dig this dynamic. Can we drag it out for 600 pages?

My Best Things #2

2. Real Laughter. Not polite laughter or amused laughter, but uncontrolled, bust a gut, tears down your face laughter. It's almost like crying in that you can't hide behind it. It takes down your walls and reveals the real you if only for a moment. It makes everyone beautiful.

Monday

Ya Monday sucks, but if you waked out the door and didn't see one of these this morning, you gotta' put things in perspective.



via Riot Republic

Happy Father's Day

How My Allergies View Cats...

Not that I'm saying they're evil and crawled straight out of hell or anything...

My Best Things #1

Trying something new today. I love lists so I'm going to start a list of things that make me happy. A positive change from my usual jaded cynical bastard self. So, in no particular order and sporadic at best...

1. Hugs from Liam (my youngest). He puts his all into them. They are nothing but pure love and joy and just writing this is making me misty. I'm such a marshmallow under my pine cone exterior.

Feel free to share. What are some of your best things?

101 Ways

Not that I want to kill my boss, it just made me laugh. And I can totally picture our fax machine eating someone. And it's Friday.

Gay-O-Meter

According to the Gay-O-Meter, I'm 56% gay:

Congratulations! You've scored right in the middle and are a happy and well adjusted hetero man!

Go ahead, you KNOW you want to take it. Gay-O-Meter

If This Doesn't Make You Smile...

...then you probably kick puppies, pull the wings off butterflies and don't like babies.

THIS

Via Meg Fowler

“My Father taught me how to be a man – and not by instilling in me a sense of machismo or an agenda of dominance. He taught me that a real man doesn’t take, he gives; he doesn’t use force, he uses logic; doesn’t play the role of trouble-maker, but rather, trouble-shooter; and most importantly, a real man is defined by what’s in his heart, not his pants.”

Kevin Smith

Circle of Life

As I was mixing sugar into my americano at Starbucks this morning I noticed a missing poster for somebody's kitten. I'm no fan of cats, but it's still sad. Especially since, in this part of Vancouver, if that kitty isn't inside a coyote's stomach right now, it's in an eagle's. It's not coming back.

Space Shuttle

Check out these amazing pictures of the earth taken from the Space Shuttle.

From The Big Picture

Why Is Kitty Sad?

Welcome Back

Sunday Morning Cannibalism

It still amazes me how fast you can switch from dead sleep to wide awake and ready to face anything the minute one of your children cries out in their sleep. Granted, some nights I'm stumbling down the hall like a zombie with a belly full of brains, but most times, like last night, instantly awake and ready to combat a night mare, leaking diaper or the forces of evil. Fire! Flood! Famine! Well, fire and flood anyway. Famine? That's a little tougher, but my little monkey's need to eat. We crash land in some remote area and there's no food? Watch your ass, cabron, cause I'll hack it off and eat in a heartbeat if I have to. Your heartbeat. And I'll eat your heart too if need be. I'm just sayin'...

Have a nice Sunday.

Puttin' The T's In Trailer Trash

This is what happens when Daddy's left in charge.





Whatever. They didn't starve.

Almost Done

This post has nothing whatsoever to do with this woman or her fantastic hair. I just find a lot of great pictures but don't always have any reason to post them, so deal.

Well, my holiday is almost done. This is the eighth out of nine days off (including before and after weekends) and I've only had 3 dry ones. Dry as in not raining, not sober. Sheesh. I dearly love my children, but I've got cabin fever bad. Not to say we haven't had fun. One week of Halo, Star Wars and season's one of both Angel and Buffy. Say what you like, but when the off-world and supernatural shit hits the fan, I know a little 3 and 5 year old who'll have my back. You and your attitude are on your own.

And You Thought You Were Crazy...

i am neurotic

Random Friday Images

Gettin' The Axe

I'm still on holiday in the dreary rain, but at least I've got a break from my soon to be gone job. Here's a little cheer for my co-workers.



"Don't worry, you'll bounce back." "This is a great opportunity." "It's a business decision." Blah blah blah...

Mission Control: Insomnia

Visual Cortex: Control, we're getting some loud complaints from the Eyes and they don't want to talk to us.
Control: Sigh. Ok, put them through.
VC: Go ahead Eyes, you're on with Control.
Eyes: What the hell is going on, it's 2:45am?
Control: Sorry, Eyes, he's experiencing some insomnia tonight and decided to get up.
Eyes: WTF?! We've been working since 6:30 yesterday morning and he stayed up late to watch National Treasure. We need a rest.
Control: I know, I know, but there's not much we can do about it right now. What did you think of the movie?
Eyes: Not bad. Plenty of action and adventure. Have to agree with his wife though, Nick Cage doesn't age well. Wait a minute! Don't try distracting us, dammit! Get him back to bed!
Control: There's not much we can do about it until he decides to go back up.
Eyes: He shmee, we're exhausted and he's back on the goddamned computer!
Control: Look Eyes, we understand where you're coming from but this effects everybody. REM has been postponed and it's not looking like we'll be able to fit it in even if he goes back to bed right now.
Eyes: Fine. Better make sure Memory remembers where he put his sunglasses. We're driving today.
Control: He seems to be getting bored now, why don't you try drying out a little? The irritation might be enough to send him back to bed.
Eyes: Not bad. Ok, here we go.

Few minutes later...

Control: There we go.
Eyes: Thanks Control, sorry for the attitude, but it's been a long day and he rented the first season's of Angel and Buffy yesterday so we know we're going to be busy.
Control: No problem, Eyes. It's what we're here for.

Hump Day. Hang On, You're Almost There

A Partial Retraction

The genius child is a picky eater. Getting him to eat anything, unless he's in a pre-growth spurt is...CHALLENGING. Or, unless it's spaghetti carbonara. When he finds out we're having carbonara he turns into a shark that's just smelt blood. He eats it like a 16 year old which is entertaining yet terrifying since he's not yet 5.



Notice the two handed action.

Now, retraction. This child was told in not one, not two, but three different languages (English, Spanish & Swahili) not to touch the pan the spaghetti was in. And yes, smart ass, I can say 'don't touch' in Swahili. I can't spell it, but it sounds like U-See-kamata. Anyway, first thing he does is try to push Liam his bowl as I'm trying to drop spaghetti into it, earning him a hand full of hot pasta. Then he tries to move the pan with the back of his hand. Later, after his sixth bowl of pasta, he slips off the chair he's been standing on and hurts his knee. The chair that he'd been told 12 times to sit in, not stand on.

What can I say, he's his mother's son when it comes to food. Yes, I am going to pay for that dearly when she reads this, but I'm hoping I get a laugh or two out there for my pain.

Don't Make Me Angry, You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry

Yesterday while Bern was watching some movie trailers Connor asked to see the Hulk. She had to do something on the stove so she told him to wait a second and she'd do it when she came back. When she did come back she'd found he'd typed HULK into the URL. Just now he spelt it again on the fridge with some magnetic letters. I don't want to say my kid's a fuckin' genius or anything, but my kid's a fucking genius.

Used Rainbows

And Just To Keep The Monday Good Times Rolling...

...my youngest just repeated me saying 'shit' after dropping a ketchup covered plate on the floor. Sigh.

(btw, that's blue and red paint speckles on his head)

I was a little pissed when I checked the weather forecast and saw that most of my holiday was going to be rainy. That was until I went out to do a little yard work this morning and was stomped on by a Godzilla sized foot of pollen. Now I can honestly say that I hope it rains straight through til October 1st. Freakin allergies.

Holiday Eating

One container of blueberry and one container of peach Danon yogurt in a bowl with a slice of blueberry coffee cake. Mix well. Yes, I'm alone. Don't judge.

I'm On Holiday

Suckas.

Chinese Menus

Whenever we go out for Chinese, which is a lot, I love to read the menus.


Who wouldn't want to dive into a delicious bowl of whatever that is?


Sticky purses and strippers.


What if I want the shitty broth?






Duck tongues and chicken ankles... Maybe I just grew up very sheltered, but WTF?