Dear Random So & So Tuesday On Friday

What? There's no rules here.


Dear Sharpie, do you make metallic gold?
Unfortunately they don't. I went to their site to check and got distracted by all the Sharpie goodness.

My youngest, Liam, was lying on the floor playing Wii and sniffling yesterday. I asked him if he wants a kleenex and he says no and wipes his face on the carpet.

Speaking of Wii:



Up to four players and a demo mode where if you get stuck you can let the game play itself until you're ready to jump in again.

Dear Lego, wtf? Why don't you sell ALL of your products here? You hurt my heart.

I was in the washroom at my in-laws the other day and the TV came on super loud. My FIL usually has the tv up pretty high, but this was ridiculous since it sounded like it was in the bathroom. I go to the living room and the tv wasn't even on. It was the neighbours. The neighbours. They're not old or hearing impaired either. Why the hell would you have it up so loud?

Now that I finally have that written down I'm wondering if maybe it was meant to be that loud to cover something up. Maybe we'll skip Sunday dinner this time around.

For all of my Twilight loving readers:


I got this from my friend Jodi at Jodiferous. I call Jodi a friend even though we've never actually met, but we live in the same city. Ok, we don't actually live in the same city, but they're connected. Ok, they're not actually connected but if I drove to the opposite side of my city I could see her's across the river. Then again, if you took all the water out of the river, they're still connected, so she's my friend.

Dear Connor, remember the other night when I decided to play Grand Theft Auto because I hadn't in so long and the first car I jacked belonged to a couple of bangers and I had to bust a cap in 'em and my character made some inappropriate comments towards them in relation to their mothers and you were actually watching the whole time and I didn't know it? Let's keep that to ourselves, huh? Heh heh.

Supreme Leader overheard Connor and Liam talking about their favourite Star Wars characters. Liam chose General Grievous.


A swirling whirlwind of fury? Ya, that works.



Dear Weather Network, your 'Bug Report' section where it says mosquitoes aren't common to my city? Apparently mosquitoes don't read your website.

Ok, that's enough. Go check out Kat's blog for more So & So fun. I'd say go to Keely's too, but that ship has set sail. Still, she probably has something funny going on. Stop by and tell her that Vancouver loves her and that it's sunny and beautiful now if she wants to come back.

Random Tuesday: Out Here We Is Stoned, Immaculate

Random Tuesday! Go to Keely's, grab a button, spew forth!

Ok, is it just me or is the interblob a little dead the last few days? Or have I been blacklisted and I'm just the last to know? Would you tell me? Is it because I haven't been visiting lately? Because I try, honest. I've been busy. Reading blogs, writing blogs, writing stories, working on the house, working out, TV, books, kids, yadda yadda yadda. There aren't enough hours in the day. Hell, even the Wii is on my ass.


Fuck you, Wii Fit!

We picked up a new bath mat a couple of weeks ago. It is the single most softest thing I've ever touched. Can they make whole carpets out of that stuff? Bed sheets? Speaking of beds, why don't the make dog beds for humans? Who wouldn't want to sleep in one of those?

A couple of weeks ago my sister and brother-in-law went to Cancun for a week. I drove them to the airport in their car since the luggage was already there. My sister told me I could use it during the week which was sweet since we only have one vehicle. The next day, right before I was going to take the kids out for a play date, Supreme Leader noticed that the insurance had expired over a week before.

Mountie: Sir, I've pulled you over because your insurance has expired. License and registration, please.
Me: Uh, funny thing, officer, this is my sister's car.
Mountie: Are you ***** ******?
Me: No. Like I was saying, this is my sister's car...
Mountie: Who's children are these?
Me: Mine.
Mountie: They don't look like you.
Me: My wife is Asian.
Connor (lips trembling): We don't know this man.
Mountie: Step out of the car now.

What the hell does this mean? <3 Seriously, all I see are boobs. Or an ass.

Conversation with Connor while I rubbed his back as he lay on my lap on the bathroom floor waiting to see if there was anything left in his stomach he wanted to puke out.

Connor: Why are you rubbing my bum?
Me: I'm hoping a genie will pop out.

Conversation with Liam after he was sent to bed for... something.

Liam: I'm going to get this blanket and then I'm going to pick my nose and then I'm going to rub boogers on it!
Me: But it's your blanket.
Liam: GAAAAAAAAH!!!

Ten in a row from iTunes while I was writing this:

1. Sarah McLachlan - Stupid
2. The Doors - The Wasp (Texas Radio And The Big Beat) *This song is 4:16 of quotes, in fact, I think I'll use one for the title of this post*
3. The Last Town Chorus - Modern Love
4. Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun
5. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - American Girl
6. David Usher - Alone In The Universe
7. Tom Waits - Roxanne (Moulin Rouge)
8. Sigur Ros - Med Sud I Eyrum
9. Tom Jones - It's Not Unusual (I feel like throwing my panties)
10. Santogold - L.E.S. Artists

Conversation with wife after returning home with a prime rib.

Supreme Leader: I got a good piece of meat.
Me: You sure did.

What? She left the door open.

An Endearing Tale Of Larceny

So here's an endearing tale of a man who lures a young boy out of his house in the middle of the night to help him steal cars. This was Connor's take home book from Monday. You think I'm joking.



Nope. Matthew wakes up in the middle of the night to see the Midnight Tow Truck Driver trying to steal the neighbours' car. He asks Matthew to come out and help him. Matthew gets dressed and sneaks out quietly so he doesn't wake up his mother (thanks for the handy tip!). Oh, and did I mention he smokes? And check out that leather vest with the metal studs. Nice.



And to top it all off? Candy will help you grow up big and strong, so eat as much of it as you like. There's a brief foray into fencing stolen goods too, but the author doesn't really develop it. If you're going to be teaching my son to steal cars, at least back it up with some lessons on how to make it pay.



Sure the whole thing was a dream, but the book makes no mention of it and it's a little too subtle for a kid to pick up on. With all the foot notes you have to add to this story while reading it (the penal code, high fructose corn syrup, kidnapping & why you DO NOT WANT TO GO TO PRISON), it takes forever to read. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not complaining. This stuff is GOLD. I can't wait for the next book he brings home. Maybe some white collar crime to help out when daddy goes back to work.

Grand Theft Auto

I have this game called Grand Theft Auto. If you are unfamiliar with this game, you are basically playing a bad guy and building your crime empire from the ground up. As the name implies, there is a lot of car theft involved. I made the mistake of letting Connor see me play it once and now he always wants me to play it. I keep the violence to a minimum by just driving cars around the city, which he loves and trying not to get chased by the police. This last bit is important because if you do get caught by the cops they beat the hell out of you and for awhile Connor was of the opinion that police were bad men. Bad daddy. We're slowly convincing him otherwise, but definately not something to teach the kids. It's also had other fringe benefits like last weekend when we met a mother and her three children in the playground near our house. One of the boys was playing with a bunch of toy cars, one of which was a police car. Connor picked it up and said, "look, a police car. The police man was angry at daddy." Ha ha, time to go home, boys.