Friday, December 11, 2009

Man Smell


I have these new socks I bought to go along with my new work pants. I'm not sure what they're made of but I'm assuming it's some type of polyester blah-de-blah blend. Nothing natural, at any rate. Unfortunately, while they do match the colour of my pants perfectly, there's some kind of demonic interaction between my feet and these particular socks that result in a smell somewhat reminiscent of a decomposing goat carcass. A dead goat in a swamp. A dead goat in a warm swamp.

I didn't really notice at first, just assumed that my wife's over-sensitive olfactory senses were making something out of nothing. The other night though... I got home after a closing shift and after getting comfortable in front of the tv I started to notice something distinctly Pepe Le Peu-ish. I peeled off the offending cloth and tossed it across the room (where it promptly burnt through the floor like alien blood). It didn't help. I got under the covers figuring I could just ignore the smell since I really didn't feel like getting out of bed and washing them (or touching them for that matter). That didn't work either. Not that I could still smell them anymore, but I could feel them, sense their evil. It was like having the Eye of Sauron beneath my sheets but instead of a giant burning eye it was a giant eye burning foot.

There was no real point to this other than sharing my smelly feet with you. You're welcome.

53 comments:

  1. Alright, seeing as you promise up there to love me long time, I'll forgive the smelly feet. As long as you tell me that you don't eat crumby stuff in bed too.

    Also? My 5 year old son has feet like that too! It's horrid!

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  2. Smelling bad is nature's way of telling you it's laundry time. That;s in the Bible, I think.

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  3. Was your flesh melting off too?

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  4. Hmm...it seems you have a 'solfactory' problem: Stinkfoot!

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  5. How many days did you say you'd been wearing those socks???

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  6. "My girlfriend calls me swamp foot!"

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  7. So a cheaper option would have been to find a dead goat rotting in a warm swamp, drag it home and fashion a complete outfit.

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  8. When you say "my new work pants" does that mean you wear the same pair of trousers to work every day? Wont be your feet that's the only thing smelling pretty soon. Your missus and kids will be steam cleaning you every night when you walk in.

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  9. Could be worse. You could be working at a fast food joint. Then you could be smelling greasy fried dead goat.

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  10. Eewwwwwwweh! Maybe you could get some cotton socks and die them to match your work pants... your wife is a better woman than I.

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  11. Thank you so very much for sharing. I hope to erase the image of dead goat in warm swamp before lunchtime!

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  12. Did you have to change the sheets too?

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  13. The same thing happens to me when I remove my sunglasses, David Caruso-style...is that weird???

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  14. I bought one of those new-fangled automatic shower cleaners. It works well and the scent of the cleaner that came with it smells great. Then I unfortunately went wild and bought the new Refreshing Spa scent. It smells like fart. And I bought a two-pack to save money.

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  15. They're mostly polyester, aren't they? Hubby has some of those and OH MY GOD do they make his feet reek. I took it upon myself to throw them all out and go buy him cotton ones. Just to keep the alien-blood-floor-holes to a minimum.

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  16. I have shoes that my daughter calls my "stinky feet shoes." Don't know what it is about them, but whenever I wear them, my feet stink something horrible. I better not wear them with those socks, or I might end up walking around on my ankles.

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  17. Thanks for sharing indeed. Watch out for those man-made material in shoes and those dreaded unnatural fibers in clothing. The chemical reaction can be potent.

    Amazing how words can summon smells I want to forget. I have a feeling with two boys that there will be a stinky gym bag post in your future.

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  18. Well, at least I am not the only one!

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  19. have you seen the comercial were the man is tired of trying to find socks so he invents a glue to cover his feet, it forms like a sock? could be an option...lol

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  20. Burn them or pour holy water on them. It's the only way.

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  21. oh my god, thank you for that. I haven't guffawed in like, a week.

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  22. The only way to justify smelly feet talk is to reference Sauron and Pepe Le Pue in the same post. Well done.

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  23. the sock just disappeared, sureeeeeeeeeeee

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  24. You know you've had an interesting day when you sense the evil of your own feet. Excellent.

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  25. Admit it, you've just been waiting for an excuse to post a photo of the eye of sauron.

    I'll admit I went out of my usual blogroll order today because I thought it was a vagina.

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  26. nice...there is just something about the smell of decomposing goat...really you should bottle it. smiles.

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  27. Spray your feet with anti-perspirant/deodorant and let it dry before you put your socks on. It works...

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  28. There is something in our water that causes cothes to stink when you sweat. I am serious. When It gets hot, I wear about 3 shirts a day!

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  29. That's what I love about you, sugar - you're a giver!

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

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  30. Sounds like those socks have wool in them. Funny article!

    Gerardine Baugh
    http://gerardinebaugh.wordpress.com/

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  31. you would fit nicely in my kindergarten classroom. You're hired.

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  32. Tell her that in some countries, men pay money to smell that AWESOME cause it's a sign of success and good fortune and longevity, which also means you'll be smelling that way for a long time, so she should consider herself lucky.

    Also, in some countries, it's a custom for the wife to clean her husband's feet before bed with her tongue and she should be glad that you decided that you both shouldn't live in that country because the water is bad and so she should be thanking you.

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  33. What?!?

    Sorry, you had me at that crazy vagina picture, and I just couldn't concentrate on any anything you could put a foot into after that.

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  34. Nice. You know when you start to smell your own stink it is fairly toxic. Incinerate them.

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  35. I remember reading somewhere that higher estrogen causes an more sensitive sense of smell. I'm really feeling sorry for you wife here

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  36. I think the demon in the movie I watched the other night is in your socks now.

    Although, I know that Canada does stuff differently and all, but have you tried taking a shower AND washing the socks?? (before we jump to Satan has infested your socks, we should probably try the old standby laundry trick. )

    You are welcome. If it is Satan, I will need to not follow you anymore. Sorry man. I can't risk it. (although, I think Satan wouldn't want to come here. I'm just guessing.)

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  37. Wow ... I just started re-reading The Fellowship of the Ring, and here you are ... showing me Sauron's eye. Kismet? I'm sure, and I bet that sock smelled like the depths of Mordor too!!!

    Best sock de-smelling blessings!

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  38. That's the truth up there.
    I had a pair of gloves like that. Warm, wonderful gloves. Can only wear them five, maybe six times a month.
    As for the socks...cotton is better, though, after much work, you can still clear a room of people by shedding them on a blisteringly cold day.
    Oh well...."what? Not staying for late night snacks?"
    Guess I'll just have them for myself, eh?

    Sadly, my friend eats cheese that smells quite similar to my feet.
    Here's hoping no sleep-walking mistakes occur in the night, because I sleep very heavily!

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  39. the flaming sheath pic is...an interesting correlation to your post.

    hopefully 'stink foot' will not disrupt your love life.

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  40. I was wondering what that smell was.

    Thanks for clearing that up. ;)

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  41. This is a great site you have here. I just found it from a friend's page. I have a humor blog as well and I'd like to exchange links with you. This will spread some traffic around between us. Let me know if this is cool.

    Jason
    HilariousHeadlines TALK

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  42. Not sure why I haven't found your blog before...glad I did... at least you are honest about your stinky feet... (wish my hubby could get honest aboutit.)
    Great blog.

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  43. I had the same problem with a sweater once...and I never wore it on my feet even once!

    apathy lounge

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  44. My daughter and you need to have a Smelly Feet Off. I'll even give you a two-day head start.

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  45. Jones has wickedly stinky feet too. His soccer socks made me want to gag, until he started powdering his feet. Only problem then was I kept finding little deer-trails of congealed powder nuggets from his room throughout the house after every game.

    Or perhaps I am sharing too much...

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  46. Unique post, no everyone feels comfortable to talk about their own smells :)

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  47. Dude, I live in FL and my feat REAK. Is that ladylike?

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  48. All I can say is that I'm glad I don't live within a 20 mile radius of you. ;-)

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  49. dude. is that what that smell was? cause.. DAMN.

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  50. Thanks for cracking me up. I needed that. And I was wondering immediately where I'd seen that eye before.

    My husband gets the pepe feet too. Don't feel bad. You're not alone.

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  51. We've had a few smelly sock incidents around here. Love the imagery in this.

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Come on, sailor. I love you long time.