Friday, September 25, 2009

That's Great, It Starts With An Earthquake, Birds And Snakes, An Aeroplane - Dear So & So

Dear NBC,

Five hours of prime time a week given up for Jay Leno? Seriously? You cancelled Life for this?

Disgruntled TV Whore

Dear Public and especially the Media (at least in the Vancouver area),

Next time there's an officer involved shooting why don't we all try something different for a change and not just assume the police did something wrong and maybe the knife (gun, club, syringe) wielding doped out dangerous re-offender had it coming. Think of it as Darwinism.

Hang 'em high

Dear Irish Gumbo,

You and Supreme Leader have both been cooking from Fuchsia Dunlop's Revolutionary Chinese Cookbook. She made Peng's home-style bean curd and wanted to show you.

Fat Boy

Dear Attempting to be Cool,

I don't care who made your shirt, that's still glitter, dude. Man it up.

Stands up to pee

Dear Hoover,

My vacuum catching on fire? Not cool. Not cool at all.

Wishing I was Heather Armstrong

Dear Dyson that we borrowed from the sister-in-laws,

You sucked dirt out of the wood floor boards under the carpet and I think the air in my house is cleaner. Thanks.

Will advertise for free if you give me a vacuum

Dear Starbuck-less in Khartoum,

I drank this Pumpkin Spice latte and thought of you, Michel. You're welcome.

*Dear Self,

Stop inhaling the cinnamon off the top of the whipped cream, you idiot.

Your lungs

Dear mother at my son's pre-school who stood around complaining to your friend about how long the elevator was taking,

I know taking the stairs up one floor is a challenge, but maybe you should think about that later when you're complaining to your friend that your ass is getting big. Just a thought.

Trying to set an environmental/physical fitness example

Dear So and So...

Join the fun at Kat's.


  1. Love Dear Attempting to be cool...

    and if we could all be heather and get new appliances lol..

    Good post.

  2. When that lady's ass it the size of a barn I am sure you are going to hear her say something along the lines of "I would take the stairs but it would hurt my knees"

  3. THAT. Was freakin hilarious. And I'll be right over for the family style bean curd.

  4. Hmmm, pumpkin spice latte.

    Debating petitioning Starbuck's to make it a year-round flavor. At least then I won't feel the need to buy a bucket and bathe in it every day until Thanksgiving...

    Hm, marketing geniuses, they are. Curses.

  5. You're going to mock a man in glitter and then drink a girly drink like that? Nicely played.

    Cops do get a bad wrap and I don't know why. The people bitching are usually the guilty ones though.

  6. Dear Captain,

    I'm going to Starbucks before I go work in my kick ass garden.


  7. I'm not so into bean curd as a concept - but that looks freaking amazing.

    HI-larious post! Love the bit about inhaling the cinnamon, does that happen to everyone?

  8. I'm so with you on the whole Jay Leno thing. He is such a pud! they need to send him back to late night, or force him into retirement, or lock him in a barn in a land far far away .. or something.

  9. Dear Captain,

    I am nauseated from all of the Rocking of the Boat! Need my 'see' legs.

    LOL : )

    newbie salior

  10. Dear Captain,

    I need some Peng's home-style bean curd. I'll be right over.

    Coffeeless and Hungover in New London.

  11. Nice REM reference. Fall has officially started when the Pumpkin Spice Lattes come back. Mmmm...pumpkin.

  12. Mmmm. SL's dish looks sinful.

    The pumpkin latte is sinful. But so worth it.

    The Dyson? yeah, no matter than you spend 500 bones on it...after awhile, it still sucks. And I don't mean sucks dirt.

  13. Dear Dyson,
    The Cap'n is right. You're awesome. The model I bought five years ago is still a beast. Rawr.
    Sprite's Keeper

  14. "wishing I was Heather Armstrong" bwahahaha! My wife loves her. We fight a lot about that.

  15. Dear Mac,
    Sorry I licked your screen but gawd that pumpkin latte looks effing delicious this morning.
    Your caffeine junkie owner

  16. Holy crap! you must send me that recipe. It looked fantastic.

  17. Dear So and So,

    That pumpkin latte looks yummy -- thanks for the extra pounds I will put on by ordering one later! In fact, thanks for the extra pounds I gained just by looking at it.

    I'm with you on Jay Leno -- the first one was pretty funny -- now he's getting annoying. The only funny guy I can deal with every night is Jon Stewart. Oh, and my hubby!

  18. Loved attempting to be cool....all were great!

    funny stuff bro;)

  19. Giving you a standing Ovation especially for the first two.

    Ok am I the biggest doofus on the planet I do NOT own a Dyson but I bought one for my son *smacking head*!!!

    There is a number for snorting cinnamon -- its on the bottom of your starbucks mug (finish the drink first before turning over)

  20. Drinking pumpkin spice lattes leads to wearing shirts with glitter on them. It's like a gateway drug. Or more of a gayway thing. Time to man up and drink it black with a shot of whiskey in it.

    Of course, I drink things like Japanese green tea scented with orange zest, which I assume is also manly.

  21. Yeah, what the eff is up with NBC and Jay?

    Drives me frickin' nuts.

  22. A man in a bedazzled shirt is just wrong. And glitter? Um, no.

  23. Dear Captain,

    I did not realize you could be so very cruel to the poor diplomats starving (for pumpkin spice latte) in Sudan!!! I mean, I suspected as much when you clubbed the baby seal and then tried to sell it's pelt on eBay, and maybe even when you kicked that baby into the oncoming traffic....obviously, I was foolish to accept your explanation that they had it coming.

    I will not be fooled again Captain. Never again.

    Decaffeinated, Unspiced, and pumpkinless in Khartoum

  24. seriously Jay Leno...Who thinks that guy is funny? NBC shouldn't encourage him.

    i also had a pumpkin spice latte, skinny w/no whip. not the same.

  25. Fabulous letters today, darling. If you happen to score a Dyson, could you put in a good word for me, too?

  26. honestly, i need a dyson - i could do without Jay Leno - and pumpkin spice latte? might be willing to try it

  27. Dear Captain,
    You rattle that sh*t off the top of your head?

    Amused and impressed.

  28. I love the police thing. That always drives me crazy. Glitter on shirts is unacceptable. Thanks for calling the squatting pissers out.

  29. that jay leno thing pissed me off! i thought we'd gotten rid of him. I'm watching it tonight tho, because House will be on.

    My Dyson rocks the house. It cost me almost a month's rent when I bought.

  30. I love my dyson.....As for the spice pumpkin Latte *throw up in my mouth a little* bought one the other day, I was expecting pumpkin flavor not a freaking pumpkin pie put in a blender and served in a paper cup!!!!! I'm just saying

  31. Very funny that you tried the pumpkin latte for Michel!! Outstanding. We should all get a cup of it and post a pic of it for her. Maybe, she will be able to suck it off her computer screen!!!

  32. The Jay Leno thing is already such a failed bit.

    And while you may not be Heather Armstrong, you are definitely more fun than her. You should get a new vacuum just for that. :)

  33. my respect for jay is in the toilet right now....all those actors and writers and set dressers and costumers who could have had work...but, noooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOOoo, NBC has no MONEY for all that. damn good thing it is the one channel my antenna refuses to pick up, though i am sad about law and order.....

  34. I got lost at Pumpkin Spice Latte. I tried to pick one up today but the drive thru line was effin long and I only had 30 mins to make it home before the bus.


    I'm honsetly scared of Dysons. I don't know that I want to know what it could suck out of my floors.

  35. I had one of those pumpkin spice lattes, and I hated it! I like just plain coffee!

  36. I had my first Pumkin Latte in
    Shanghai, was very good

    I'm with you on Jay Leno!

  37. Dear Food,

    Please try a little to be less appealing at 10 at night.

    The Tape Worm Eating Me Alive.

    That food looked wonderfully good. I am hating my own cooking these days.

    Fun post!

  38. Great post...

    My favorite, you ask ?

    Dear Attempting to be Cool,
    I don't care who made your shirt, that's still glitter, dude. Man it up.
    Stands up to pee


  39. I kind of wish I were Heather Armstrong, too. My fridge is on it's last legs, and if the floor in front of it is damp it gives you electrical shocks. Um, Whirlpool? Call me.

  40. Damn you for mentioning the Pumpkin Spice Latte!!!! Now I have to go get one, and I live out in the freakin country so the nearest Starbucks is like 10 miles away, seriously. Thanks for that. ;)

  41. Flaming Hooves Batman!

  42. Ahahahaha! "Wishing I Was Heather Armstrong" cracked me the eff up. I know, right??

  43. You did a vegetarian dish, you star....

    As for Michel's pumpkin lattes? Stop. Please, stop....

  44. Just so we're clear on this...I don't think I've ever cooked anything nominally Chinese that looked THAT good...I am humbled, I am nothing, I am dirt beneath her sandals...well, maybe not dirt, but still, not that freakin' excellent!

  45. gave me a much needed laugh - thanks!

  46. You were so kind and thoughtful to have a pumpkin spice latte on Michel's behalf!

    I love my Dyson and it can truly suck up anything in its way!

    Love your Dear So and So... they're always funny but with lots of truth embedded!

  47. Love your Heather Armstrong plug. Maybe you could try for the washer/dryer??? And compromise for a vacumn.

  48. I read through all of those Dear so and so's and really ... this is what I came up with ...

    There's an elevator in the pre-school? Sheesh!

    I want a dyson ... but I don't want to pay for it, doggone it!

    Blessings! Off to the next post!


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.