Sunday, November 23, 2008

Woman And Children First

Today's post was supposed to be a book meme from Pope Heinous the Deceptive, and the ground work is there, but the evening has been interrupted by a large family dinner (both family and the food... large amount of family, not that the family is large, you know, like ass-wise) and the consumption of several bottles of Chinese beer and Argentinian wine. You probably couldn't tell by my prose now could you? Or maybe you couldn't. Whatever, I'm just trying to focus on my monitor. It keeps getting blurry.

The book meme is going to take far more concentration than I can devote to it at the moment so it'll have to wait until Monday. In the mean time, here's a conversation I had with my brother earlier today. Yesterday.

Ring

Supreme Leader: (from downstairs) Hon, pick up the phone, it's your brother.
Click
Me: Bitch.
Brother: Bitch. You ever turn on your (cursing) cell phone? I've texted you 10 times in the last three days.
Me: I got one asking about the kids Christmas presents.
Brother: Well... ya.
Me: (smug) Hold on. (yelling downstairs) Hon! Pick up the phone.
Click
SL: Yes?
Me: Aaron wants to know if he should get the kids gift certificates or cash for Christmas?
SL: Well, the kids actually have a lot of stuff they really want this year... long explanation... (from 500 kilometres away I can hear my brother's teeth grinding through his cell as he's being charge $100 a second)... and it would be nice for them to be able to open something Christmas day.
Brother: ...
Me: (silent laughter)...
SL: Ok, I'm cooking. Bye.
Click
Me: (openly laughing)
Brother: Ya, I'm married now, I get it. Shut up. What's wrong with a simple "no"?

Tip of the iceberg, my friend, and you will always be the Titanic.
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28 comments:

  1. AnonymousNovember 23, 2008 at 12:10 AM

    As this is the first post I've read of yours I'm now going to have to go and read some more to see if you're funny because of the wine and beer or because you ARE funny.

    Question - so why is it that women are the only ones able to discuss Christmas presents eh? My hubby does the same, always passes the phone to me. sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  2. KatNovember 23, 2008 at 12:32 AM

    Look at me! Because of the time difference I came in a respectable 2nd commenting. I love how you guys address each other as bitch on the phone. Showing the brotherly love there!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Vodka MomNovember 23, 2008 at 4:53 AM

    I've ALWAYS thought that drunk posting is MUCH more fun.....

    that was hysterical. you bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousNovember 23, 2008 at 5:53 AM

    Not to rain on your parade, dude, but honestly? I couldn't tell the difference between this and your regular posting style! :)(laugh)

    Don't worry, still as funny as always! Plus, I know you are sober most of the time...

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnndiNovember 23, 2008 at 5:59 AM

    TOP 5!! HA!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousNovember 23, 2008 at 6:07 AM

    Women are nuts, I should now...Bitch. HA!

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnndiNovember 23, 2008 at 6:23 AM

    You, sir, are evil... and thus have earned my respect and adoration.

    Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

    ReplyDelete
  8. sassy stephanieNovember 23, 2008 at 6:57 AM

    Oh man, so true. That is so funny. Man, Drunk CDA is much like Sober CDA. Wait, maybe you are always drunk.

    ReplyDelete
  9. RonNovember 23, 2008 at 7:12 AM

    yes, tip of the iceberg fo sho...

    if you like drunk posting, try it on X... 15 post written in 20 minutes, all as mad libs. Adderall works almost as good...

    ReplyDelete
  10. unmitigated meNovember 23, 2008 at 7:49 AM

    Bet he wasn't brave enough to call Supreme Leader 'bitch.' And he may be married, but he's not yet experienced enough to know that he needed to talk to SL in the first place.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sarah's Blogtastic AdventuresNovember 23, 2008 at 8:34 AM

    Chinese beer and Argentinian wine...wow that sounds alot more exciting than the chocalate milk and Mario Cart I had goin on last night...

    ReplyDelete
  12. The Stiletto MomNovember 23, 2008 at 8:42 AM

    SL is my hero. Not only did she give a lengthy answer to the question, she created more work for your brother. I. Love. Her.

    ReplyDelete
  13. CaseyNovember 23, 2008 at 8:49 AM

    Ha, glad he's on board with the marriage train and "gets it". Us chicks are nuts. Well, I am. Is this the original CD we're talking about?

    ReplyDelete
  14. steenky beeNovember 23, 2008 at 8:58 AM

    Bawahaha! Who thought that the combination of Christmas and little kids could be so evil? Poor guy, he was just trying to do something nice for you and get out of doing it all the way. But I secretly love that you never let him off the hook, not for one second.

    ReplyDelete
  15. SomeoneNovember 23, 2008 at 9:01 AM

    Damn does that mean I can't send cash either???

    ReplyDelete
  16. steenky beeNovember 23, 2008 at 10:47 AM

    Just like a dog, I have no concept of how much time has passed since I've stalked you. So, I'm stalking you now. But not for long.....I'm off to go see that one movie that everyone's talking about..........Madagascar II. No vampires for me. Not believeable enough. Talking animals. That's another story.

    ReplyDelete
  17. For MyselfNovember 23, 2008 at 11:04 AM

    Your 1,000 comments on Steenky brought me here. Was that post large family/Argentinian beer/Chinese wine (whatever) too? Are you like this all the time?!?
    I think I'm hooked. See you later, for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sprite's KeeperNovember 23, 2008 at 11:24 AM

    Wow, under the influence and still making sense and being funny? Multi-talented, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  19. jerlynNovember 23, 2008 at 11:28 AM

    Ah, Christmas duties do change when you're a couple, doesn't it.
    Men alays try to pawn off the
    job. Big Red is actually not too
    bad at this. But try to get him something he'd like, never gonna
    happen! Glad you and your brother
    and you are still having intelligent and friendly conversations on the phone. Either
    of u try calling your sister a bitch and she's have her karate kids take u both out!
    Wish I'd been at that dinner!
    l

    ReplyDelete
  20. CameronNovember 23, 2008 at 12:19 PM

    Am I still allowed to comment?

    ReplyDelete
  21. CameronNovember 23, 2008 at 12:20 PM

    Sweet...it appears I am (they may be suspiciously removed later). I agree with Vodka man, the drunkerer, the betterer....spell check will pick up the slack for ya.

    ReplyDelete
  22. DeeMarieNovember 23, 2008 at 12:52 PM

    My nephews would attack me if I just gave them money or certs... for real. I don't think they'd be happy. Maybe I'll try it this year just to be sure.

    ReplyDelete
  23. AnonymousNovember 23, 2008 at 5:52 PM

    Awesome - drunk post. Got to show my husband right away - he'll love it (not that I want to encourage him to imitate)
    Cheers,
    Anita

    ReplyDelete
  24. AnonymousNovember 23, 2008 at 6:18 PM

    You totally threw him under the bus!!!
    I saw no difference in the post :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. ♥ BrajaNovember 24, 2008 at 4:54 AM

    I guess that's why married people drink. I'm married. I don't drink. Ergo, problem :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousNovember 24, 2008 at 6:14 AM

    You see in my house, Hubby answers the presents questions because heck, I'm not about to be responsible for someone choosing a loud headache-inducing-ear-piercing toy. It is so much more fun to blame it on him!

    ReplyDelete
  27. UnknownNovember 24, 2008 at 8:08 AM

    Sweet! A name for my reign as Pope. I am totally going with it. Your brother needs a better cell plan.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Tracy LynnNovember 24, 2008 at 8:53 AM

    Obviously, you and I are related in some way, since I am exactly that way with my brother, Fathead.

    ReplyDelete

Come on, sailor. I love you long time.

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