Easy-Peasy, Bright and Breezy, Lemon Squeezy.

Kids offer a constant stream of blogability, and in the past week and a half, Liam has been gold. GOLD. Tantrums, regular conversation, buttering Mommy and Daddy up or just opening his mouth to let the magic fall out. If I made any money off this site I'd have to put him on the payroll.

Liam: Mommy, what's all that white in your hair?
Mommy: When people get older their hair starts to get white.
Liam: Why is there so much of it? Hey Connor! Come look at Mommy's head!

See? Gold.
(Supreme Leader got a cut and colour soon after this conversation took place.)

Somebody, and I'm not naming names, had a little accident the other night. When I went in to find out why he… er, the person in question, was crying, the person was busy pulling all their stuffed animals out of the bed. When I stripped this person down and wrapped him/her in a clean blanket so I could go get some new sheets, this person said, "I'll have to apologize to my bed." Then he/she curled up in a ball on the floor and fell asleep again.

"Explosions of love!"

While I was washing dishes and he was drawing on the patio doors with window crayons:

Liam: Daddy, I found a spider, should I kill him?
Daddy: Why don't we let him go.
Liam: Ok, the kitchen is messy enough for him to live in.

 Ouch.

Intrepid explorer...

...lover of cherries...

...slayer of giants, he does it all.

"If you come to my country, don't bring peanuts." 

Wouldn't dream of it, Pumpkin. Thanks for giving Daddy something to write about this week.

Finding A Good Title Is Like Trying To Find That Second Sock In The Dryer

Why the hell do so many people in my city feel the need to use their high beams at night? Are they sight impaired? If I lived in the middle of nowhere I could understand, but we live in a city. With street lamps. WTH?



I was taking the Sky Train (elevated transit not a magic train) to work the other day and happened to look down just as the train was passing over a shady section of Metropolis, and by Metropolis I mean Superman's Metropolis. It was actually a block long movie set they use to film Smallville. Is that still on the air? Anyway, it was very weird to be suddenly travelling over seedy looking brownstones, especially since we don't have brownstones here.

It was Chinese New Year a couple days back, Year of the ... Unicorn? Gerbil? I don't know. Possibly a bunny. Anyway, one of the traditional New Year's gifts given out to children or younger unmarried people or your favourite waiter is little red envelopes filled with money. As usual, the boys made out like theives.

They graciously shared some of their money to pay the delivery guy for some beef brisket hot pot and chow mien. Thanks boys.


Supreme Leader sent me this email at work the other day. She'd just arrived home after taking the boys out to get their hair cut and to buy a new coffee machine:

We had picked out the coffee maker and Connor wanted to help and carry it, Liam wanted to help too but Connor wouldn't let him. There ensued a mini tantrum, tears and pitiful cries of Connor being mean and not wanting him to be helpful. I suggested to Connor that they should take turns. Connor gave the box to Liam who tried to carry it and walk, he was having trouble and said, I hope I remembered the words exactly, "Could someone wipe my eyes, I can't see very well with these tears in my eyes."

Gratuitous baby shot.

So the postcards have been rolling in and they have been entertaining. One of them was so amazing we're actually buying a frame for it. Unfortunately, I totally lost track of who I did and didn't get a hold of, so if you said you wanted in on this and I haven't traded addresses with you yet, let me know. For everybody else, they're out and at the whim of your country's postal service.


Random Tuesday, and I actually managed to do it on Tuesday.

Have A Purple Day

Ya, so I missed RTT again. I'd offer an excuse but you don't really care why and I don't have one so let's move on, shall we? I've received three post cards so far from Ellie at Me, You and Ellie, Jenni at Oscarelli and Juliana from Surviving Boys and I've heard back from... I think 5 people now that they've received there's. Yay! I'll take another pic of my desk once I've got some more up on my wall.

Hello, Marion.

This is pretty cool. What other planets would look like from Earth if they were orbiting us from the same distance as the moon is.


Scale from Brad Goodspeed on Vimeo.

How long does it take you to figure out what this means?

I actually found this after I wrote this post up and realized I hadn't added anything Star Wars related. It's like there was a disturbance in the Force that auto-corrected itself. Matthew from Cicero, NY, this ones for you.





Middle-child Liam started out the school year with some "behavioural issues" and to help him along, his teachers created a colour coded chart to track his day. Blue was great, green was good, yellow-meh, and red for DefCon 1. He's had his ups and downs, but lately he has been doing so well that his teacher added a new colour to his chart, purple.

Have a purple day.

Pretend Like It's Tuesday, Or Maybe Twensday

Today's post was supposed to be a Random Tuesday, but I got kinda side tracked writing up a thousand postcards. What the hell was I thinking? Ok, not really. It was more me getting home from work last night at nearly 10pm and thinking my time would be better spent watching the hijinks of Rick Castle and the dreamy Detective Kate Beckett. What? Anyway, I've sent out post cards to most people who've given me their addresses already. If you're one of those people who don't have your comments linked to your email address, I haven't got to you yet, but never fear, I will. Pinkie swear. Also, there are one or two of you out there who requested to be in on this but not only can I not email you back from your comment, your link goes nowhere. Sorry, but you're going to have to email me. Don't know what I'm talking about? Postcard exchange, check it out. And just to make my life easier: ctordoff (at) yahoo.ca

Did you see my new Twitter bird up top? Kirsten from Life & Times of Maladay did that for me because she's full of fantasticosity. If you've never been to her blog, or blogtoon as she describes it, I highly recommend it. Totally worth going back and reading her previous posts.


We bought a new printer this weekend. One of the first items in the instructions was a warning not to consume the silica pack. I'm sorry, but aside from the danger to a small child or someone with a learning disability, if you've ever considered eating packing salt, go ahead, you're thinning the gene pool.


Two guys program a phone to drive a car. The Chinese will rule the world one day. Them and Google.





I had to stop at a drug store this past weekend to pick up some stamps and there was the prerequisite child outsite trying to sell chocolate bars for {insert cause}. I only had money for stamps so I passed her up with a polite blow off. On the way out though, she'd been joined by a second and they were chanting their sales pitch à la Village of the Damned. They were terrifying. If I'd had a wooden stake I might have erred on the side of caution and sent them back to their chocolatey hell.

Don't look at me like that. They had dead eyes. DEAD EYES!


I heard on the news today that Vancouver is now the 3rd least affordable city in the world to live in behind Hong Kong and Sydney, Australia. Ah, that's why my taxes are so freaking high. Great. They said that the average home will take 9 years to pay off based on a salary of $67,000, and that's using 100% of the salary. Hmm, and if you make nowhere near $67,000 a year? Bastards. Maybe I'll start collecting empty bottles.


And finally, Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal on dueling cellos, because really, where can you go from there?

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Both videos from oneplusinfinity.

Posts Cards From The Edge

The edge of my department that is. Well, not the very edge. If you were to push over that faux wall there you'd be in another department that does who knows what but gets the sweet ass view of the north shore mountains. Bastards. Whatever, I can stand up and see them. But my lack of a view is not what this is about, what it's about is the great empty space on my left.

Bare right? I have  a few pics on the right hand side, but the left is barren except for a couple pictures of the kids and a duck that Liam made for me. So the other day when I was making my hourly pilgrimage to the Keurig machine I noticed that one of my coworkers had a couple of postcards up and since everything is a competition I thought, hey, I know a lot of people from places that aren't here and wouldn't that be cool if I could show off decorate my lonely workspace with postcards from them? Would you like a postcard from Vancouver? Send me one from where ever you are and I'll send you one back. Cool, right? It will be like friending each other on FB but with a more personal touch. And it will cost us a stamp. Can you put a price on friendship though? Ok, I guess it will also be the cost of a postcard too. Forget that last question. Anyway, if you're interested, let me know in the comments and I'll email you back if you're set up for that and we can exchange addresses. If you're comments are not linked to your email, my email address is... wait, I have to go look at the preview... ok, it's on the bottom right hand side of the page. Help me to look cooler than my work mates and I'll send you a pretty picture for your fridge.

PS. It's very dark in the picture because it was at the beginning of a 5am to 1pm shift and since I was alone I figured it would be the best time to take a picture since I'm not really sure if I'm allowed to or not.

PPS. Yes, that's still a picture of my kids and Santa on my desktop, what of it?

PPPS. I just noticed that box under my desk and I have no idea what it is.

Title? Title? Nah, I Got Nothin

This dog has nothing to do with anything, but holy hell look at his face.

My mom has an iPad. My mom. I have a two year old iTouch, and a hand me down computer, but my mom now has an iPad. Not that I'm jealous or anything, I'm very happy for her.


My mom.



We had a brief snow day last week so we bundled Finn up for his first experience with snow.

A heinous Canadian terrorist bent on God know what was stopped at the American border last week only moments before contaminating the land of the free and home of the brave with her car load of nefarious  contraband. And what was she smuggling? Weapons grade plutonium? Low cost pharmaceuticals? Or a Kinder Surprise?

That's right, she was stopped and fined $300 for trying to cross the border with a child's toy wrapped inside a delicious chocolate egg. Apparently the United States government has decided the toy inside the egg is a choking hazard. Fair enough, but if you've ever tried to open one of those f@%#g eggs for one of your children you'll know the real hazard is to the parent, not the child.


I always get complaint when I don't post something Star Wars related..




My sister in law got me these really nice pants from JCrew a while back and I just wore them for the first time yesterday. They are comfy as hell and look great, but they have the craziest... um, buttony uppy thing. There's the fly and the button but then there's this whole other strap-like attachment that you have to button up before you zip. It's like a built in chastity belt. The hell?


More crochet magic. Unless it's knit. Whatever.

And finally, in honour of our host Keely, snow zombie.

Dad, Liam told me he was going to eat my eyebrows!

The day after Christmas we're sitting at the dinner table enjoying turkey leftovers when a mini-foot ball flies across the table and hits Liam in the eye. Hard. I look up at Connor with an it-must-have-been-the-tryptophan-because-I-know-you-could-not-possibly-just-have-done-what-I-think-you-just-did death stare only to find him looking back at me with the stink eye because he knows he's busted and this is how he responds instead of just admitting his guilt. I'd like to say I approached the issue calmly and quietly and not like Homer Simpson strangling Bart, but that didn't happen, though I did manage to keep my hands off his neck. His excuse?

He told you to? He freakin told you to? Is this supposed to be funny? Funny how? I mean funny like you're a clown, you amuse me? You make me laugh, you're here to freakin amuse me?


*throbbing vein in forehead*


Supreme Leader has been crocheting like mad lately. I want this.

Pre-Xmas conversation between my sister and I.


Sister: Hey, it's getting really close to Christmas, what should I get for the boys?
Me: Meh, just get them some gift cards for Toys R Us. What should I get for Mik and Dakoda?
Sister: Gift cards are probably easiest.
Me: ....
Sister: ....
Me: How about you just buy your kids a couple of gift cards and say they're from us and we'll do the same.
Sister: That works. What about Finn?
Me: *thinking about much younger step brother* Are you going to see dad before Christmas?
Sister: Ya.
Me: How about you pick up one more gift card for Josh and we'll get another for Finn?
Sister: How lame are we?
Me: Whatever, it works.

Santa? Still waiting for the iPad.


DRINKme-EATme-READme from Irina Neustroeva on Vimeo.


And with that I direct your attention to the Un-Mom's where you're sure to find a plethora of Random Tuesday hijinks. Or Keely's zombie savaged corpse slowly beginning to reanimate. Either way it's sure to be entertaining.