Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Dad, Liam told me he was going to eat my eyebrows!


The day after Christmas we're sitting at the dinner table enjoying turkey leftovers when a mini-foot ball flies across the table and hits Liam in the eye. Hard. I look up at Connor with an it-must-have-been-the-tryptophan-because-I-know-you-could-not-possibly-just-have-done-what-I-think-you-just-did death stare only to find him looking back at me with the stink eye because he knows he's busted and this is how he responds instead of just admitting his guilt. I'd like to say I approached the issue calmly and quietly and not like Homer Simpson strangling Bart, but that didn't happen, though I did manage to keep my hands off his neck. His excuse?

He told you to? He freakin told you to? Is this supposed to be funny? Funny how? I mean funny like you're a clown, you amuse me? You make me laugh, you're here to freakin amuse me?

*throbbing vein in forehead*

Supreme Leader has been crocheting like mad lately. I want this.

Pre-Xmas conversation between my sister and I.

Sister: Hey, it's getting really close to Christmas, what should I get for the boys?
Me: Meh, just get them some gift cards for Toys R Us. What should I get for Mik and Dakoda?
Sister: Gift cards are probably easiest.
Me: ....
Sister: ....
Me: How about you just buy your kids a couple of gift cards and say they're from us and we'll do the same.
Sister: That works. What about Finn?
Me: *thinking about much younger step brother* Are you going to see dad before Christmas?
Sister: Ya.
Me: How about you pick up one more gift card for Josh and we'll get another for Finn?
Sister: How lame are we?
Me: Whatever, it works.

Santa? Still waiting for the iPad.

DRINKme-EATme-READme from Irina Neustroeva on Vimeo.

And with that I direct your attention to the Un-Mom's where you're sure to find a plethora of Random Tuesday hijinks. Or Keely's zombie savaged corpse slowly beginning to reanimate. Either way it's sure to be entertaining.


  1. What can I say? Boys will be boys! You should be used to this stuff by now!

    And Keely? She's all about real life comic book super heroes this week. You should fit right in!

  2. Cute.. girls are the same way.

    Christmas buying can be very lame

  3. dude...the exorcist crochet is cool...though the line about talking with sis was close enough i first thought it went with it...he told me to...developing mutant powers early i see...smiles. yeah he must have run out of ipads as i did not get one either..

  4. The crochet is genius. As is your cardboard finger-pointing son.

  5. Oh my god can you even imagine what it is going to be like in your house once Finn joins the fray? You need to make that kid your ally, and fast.

  6. Why are there no references to Star Wars today? It's so un-Christmasy.

  7. As long as it wasn't the dog that told him to do it, you have nothing to worry about.

  8. It is amazing, and frightening at the same time, what can be crocheted.

  9. If SK can crochet that I think you'd have a money maker there. Maybe she could do some Star Wars things?

  10. The stink eye reaction is the norm at my house too. Has anyone ever heard of remorse??? I especially love it when they do something really bad, get in trouble and then demand an apology from me for "hurting their feelings." "There's no crying in baseball" indeed!

  11. OK, the crochet is a must-have. I was hoping for an iPad for Christmas too, but nada. Not even a crocheted version.

  12. Oh well, if he told you to then that black eye's his own fault....hahaha

  13. Gotta love the stink eye. And the lovely excuses kids come up with to get out of punishment.

  14. It seems Santa likes to give giftcards too at our house. I guess Sprite's list was sponsored by Visa.

  15. At least he's a little creative. My young padowan just tells me, "Because I did."

    Yes, well...stop it.

  16. Wiat! Who was the "He" in the "He told me to?" Boys are the best! Did you want me to send you some of the Nerf Shotguns that got sawed off and turned into Nerf Sawed Off Shotguns to make your meals more entertaining?

    You should have been at this house for Christmas. Or maybe you shoud go to college. The college boys got Ipads for Christmas.

  17. He told me to? Really? Like you couldn't verify that? It's better than LG telling me, "because I'm sad." as an excuse for EVERYTHING, though. I'll show you sad, kid.

    Finn? Edible. If the rest of the Santas around looked like that, instead of creepy old men, I'd be all about the fat red guy.

  18. WE did something similar for gifts but we mailed out the cards so that the kids had something to unwrap!
    Happy New Year

  19. SL crocheted that hat for Finn!?!?! She is UHMAZING!!! I love it and she should start an Etsy shop yesterday.

    Wow, I need an iPad. It just became so clear to me.

    And nothing says best decoration ever like crocheted vomit. Classic.

  20. My solution for Xmas gift-giving is that everyone just carry around a 100 dollar bill. When you see people you know, hand them the c-note, and they will hand you one of their own. I suppose if you wanted to do it with distant family and friends, you could deposit money in one another's bank accounts.

  21. Egads! I hope Liam's eye is okay!

    Happy New Year, Captain.

  22. ah, so much material.
    1st Connor has a lot to do to catch up with
    u and your little brother!!!
    1 Getting him to climb into garbage can then
    putting the lid down. Had to call in the
    neighbors to help get him out before he
    2 When you climbed up to top of cupboards and
    brought down the Exlax and gave it to him
    telling him in was CHOCOLATE
    3 Smashing him across the knees with a hockey
    4 telling him monsters hid in the closet and
    we're going to come and get him at night.
    5 leaving him by himself at a downtown mall.
    6 teaching him how to rob Grandpa's hidden
    piggy back.
    ...should I continue
    (scary thing is u were the "good" kid!

    Crotched items, fabulous talent, all I can do
    is Scarves.

    Christmas conversation: frighteningly logical.

  23. Totally found my new crochet project.

    It's amazing what makes sense in kids' brains. I have a scar on my hand from where one of my sisters stabbed me after we attempted our own knife-throwing act.

    That was the last time dad took us to the circus.

  24. Oh goodness, look at the scowl behind that sign!

    Cap'n, buy yourself an iPad and say it's from me.

    Happy New Year!

  25. We just need to go that extra step for christmas and agree to buy our own cards. Love the idea.

  26. gift cards ARE the best gifts! :)

  27. Nice Blog. I came across your blog from somewhere I can't remember.
    Nice Goodfella's quote.

  28. Heh, you reminded me how much of a tomboy I was growing up and how many similar antics my brother and I would instigate...bet we made my dad's vein in his forehead throb uncontrollably more often than not.

    And AWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Look at that baby cuteness!! He takes after your wife, right? ;)

    RTT: FedEx, Renovations, Snow

  29. OK, first, if that Finn gets any cuter, my head is going to explode into little tiny pieces that I will then get Hubby to mail to you one piece at a time (what? I thought the comments could be random too?)

    And B, if I knew you could crochet such awesomeness as that displayed above, I would have picked it up eons ago. Or stabbed myself repeatedly with the crochet hook, TURNING me into a monster much like that. Second one sounds easier. I am off to find something sharp now.

  30. Well, they amused me at least :)

    As do you, also, of course Mein Kapitan!

  31. My best friend from college and I got married (the first time) within one month of each other. She called me one day and said "Guess what you bought me for my wedding?, a deep fryer." I laughed and said, "That's awesome, and I loved the vase that you bought me."

    We both got exactly what we wanted and didn't have to pay to ship it. Win. Win.

    Love the baby pics... :)

  32. Dude I would not mess with him.

  33. Man I wish I'd thought to try that line on my parents. I'd never have gotten away with it, but just to see the expression on their faces...

  34. I feel smug that I never -- not once -- *told* any of my sisters to throw at football *at* my eye. At the dinner table.

    I think maybe that's a definition of a successful childhood.


  35. Hilarious. All of this.
    The gift card thing does seem silly. My sister and I just completely stopped sending gifts to our kids a few yrs back when neither of us had money and neither of us really felt like the kids appreciated the effort/money/thought we were putting into it.

    Did you verify that Lian didn't tell him to throw that in his eye?? You could have at least pretended to believe him...

  36. The kid holding the sign...LOVE IT! :)

  37. Holy crap, there's a lot to love in this post.
    But the thing that made me laugh out loud? Imagining how mad Connor probably was in that photo, when you made him hold that sign.

    Freakin' love it.

  38. We gave a lot of gift cards this year too. It works indeed. And I love the exorcist thing. If there was ever a reason for chrocheting, that is it.

  39. My youngest liked to throw things at her older sister during dinner too. Usually Barbies. Those pointy little feet hurt if flung with great ferocity!

  40. What did we do before gift cards, anyway? Oh yeah, bought thoughtful gifts, carefully wrapped and mailed with care.....Such is life...

  41. "The Power of Christ Compels You!" (that's what that crocheted priest is hollering at that crocheted girl.)

    I want an iPad too, now that I've had the taste of a 1st generation iPhone with internet slower than dial-up.


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.