In case you're wondering: Sunflower flax bread, Tuscan-style roasted ham, Kraft Extra Cheddar cheese slice, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and a light kiss of Miracle Whip.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
SAHD Haute Cuisine
To Vodka Mom with love. Sometimes, I even amaze myself.
In case you're wondering: Sunflower flax bread, Tuscan-style roasted ham, Kraft Extra Cheddar cheese slice, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and a light kiss of Miracle Whip.
In case you're wondering: Sunflower flax bread, Tuscan-style roasted ham, Kraft Extra Cheddar cheese slice, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and a light kiss of Miracle Whip.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Random Tuesday: Out Here We Is Stoned, Immaculate
Random Tuesday! Go to Keely's, grab a button, spew forth!
Ok, is it just me or is the interblob a little dead the last few days? Or have I been blacklisted and I'm just the last to know? Would you tell me? Is it because I haven't been visiting lately? Because I try, honest. I've been busy. Reading blogs, writing blogs, writing stories, working on the house, working out, TV, books, kids, yadda yadda yadda. There aren't enough hours in the day. Hell, even the Wii is on my ass.
Fuck you, Wii Fit!
We picked up a new bath mat a couple of weeks ago. It is the single most softest thing I've ever touched. Can they make whole carpets out of that stuff? Bed sheets? Speaking of beds, why don't the make dog beds for humans? Who wouldn't want to sleep in one of those?
A couple of weeks ago my sister and brother-in-law went to Cancun for a week. I drove them to the airport in their car since the luggage was already there. My sister told me I could use it during the week which was sweet since we only have one vehicle. The next day, right before I was going to take the kids out for a play date, Supreme Leader noticed that the insurance had expired over a week before.
Mountie: Sir, I've pulled you over because your insurance has expired. License and registration, please.
Me: Uh, funny thing, officer, this is my sister's car.
Mountie: Are you ***** ******?
Me: No. Like I was saying, this is my sister's car...
Mountie: Who's children are these?
Me: Mine.
Mountie: They don't look like you.
Me: My wife is Asian.
Connor (lips trembling): We don't know this man.
Mountie: Step out of the car now.
What the hell does this mean? <3 Seriously, all I see are boobs. Or an ass.
Conversation with Connor while I rubbed his back as he lay on my lap on the bathroom floor waiting to see if there was anything left in his stomach he wanted to puke out.
Connor: Why are you rubbing my bum?
Me: I'm hoping a genie will pop out.
Conversation with Liam after he was sent to bed for... something.
Liam: I'm going to get this blanket and then I'm going to pick my nose and then I'm going to rub boogers on it!
Me: But it's your blanket.
Liam: GAAAAAAAAH!!!
Ten in a row from iTunes while I was writing this:
1. Sarah McLachlan - Stupid
2. The Doors - The Wasp (Texas Radio And The Big Beat) *This song is 4:16 of quotes, in fact, I think I'll use one for the title of this post*
3. The Last Town Chorus - Modern Love
4. Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun
5. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - American Girl
6. David Usher - Alone In The Universe
7. Tom Waits - Roxanne (Moulin Rouge)
8. Sigur Ros - Med Sud I Eyrum
9. Tom Jones - It's Not Unusual (I feel like throwing my panties)
10. Santogold - L.E.S. Artists
Conversation with wife after returning home with a prime rib.
Supreme Leader: I got a good piece of meat.
Me: You sure did.
What? She left the door open.
Monday, March 9, 2009
He Blogs/She Blogs: Sex, Hair, Secrets & Control
Damn, Monday again, eh? Wait, I'm unemployed... no biggie then. Not only that, since I'm on the West Coast and the majority of you aren't, I'm still asleep! Hey, don't look at me like that. Like the new banner for He Blogs, She Blogs? Ya? I had nothing to do with it. Petra, she's not just a really pretty face.
Ok, before we get to the questions, a few programming notes. We're going to be moving HBSB to Thursdays for awhile. HBSB's chi didn't feel quite right so after consulting a feng shui master it was decided that Thursday would be a much better day. Personally, I was a little leery of his results, but after getting liquored up this weekend and throwing the chicken bones, I've decided he is probably right. So, on we go.
First question is from Bad Karma and I guess I'll have to answer respectfully since if I don't I might be grounded.
Age old question that has never
been addressed. Why do men clutch
the tv remote to their chests,
why do they carry them with them
around the house. and WHY for
heaven sake do they insist on flicking through channels to 1/2
watch some other show-AND MISS
GOING BACK TO THE SHOW U WERE
TRYING TO WATCH.
a lot of hostility here!!!
Why do we keep the remotes? Because the remote is power. It's control, and in the wrong hands, it's dangerous. I don't know what you're talking about with missing the show you were watching because that NEVER happens with me, which is why I keep the magic stick. My ability to internally count down the time between commercial breaks is frightening. Do you know what mitochondria are? They're cells that, amongst other things, act as a timer for all your other cells. That's how good I am at changing channels or running off to go to the bathroom or get something to eat and be back in time. It's on the cellular level. I'm one with the remote.
Alice said...
Okay, here's one for you: why the h*ll can't I see Mr. Linky? I can't link up on any of the good Carnivals anymore!
All right, maybe that won't work for heblogs/sheblogs. How about the long hair vs. short hair thing?
Mr. Linky? Sorry, Alice, but I think I'm missing some back ground for this one. As for the short hair versus long hair question? Hmm, I like it both ways. {Spidey senses tingling} Wait, let me rephrase that. I think it all depends on the woman. And personal preference. Or not. I don't find one woman sexier over another because of her hair, it's what works on her. I think the back of a woman's neck is very sexy, but it doesn't matter if I can see it because her hair is cut short or if it's tied up. As a man, if a woman is willing to have sex with me, or continually have sex with me, she could be wearing a hockey helmet. Who cares.
Moonspun said...
ANYway...question for HBSB: What's you belief on 'spousal privilege?' If your BFF or someone tells you a secret and says "don't tell anyone" do you think they will know you are going to tell your better half? Because it's that what your better half is for? To hold secrets like that because you trust them and need to bounce the secret off someone you know will be true to you. Thoughts?
Absolutely. How can you NOT tell a secret? Holding secrets in is bad for you, some would say potentially fatal. You have to tell someone and it should be the one person who knows all of yours. Well, everything after Witness Protection built you a new identity. Not only is your better half for secrets, for men, they're for everything. Once we're married we can stop remembering SO MUCH STUFF. Birthdays, anniversaries, social insurance numbers... the list is endless. See, you think we're dumb, but really, we're just making room for valuable information like sporting stats, movie dialogue and car stuff.
Giggle Pixie said...
Why can't I get my husband to understand that walking into a room and saying "Wanna go have sex?" doesn't exactly make my motor purr?
Especially when, if I take him up on the offer, he throws off all his clothes, jumps into bed, and then just lays there waiting for me to "make something happen"?
Maybe try explaining to him that, much like the movies that used to scare him as a child, the porn he watched when he was younger isn't real. "It's just a movie." Or maybe beat him to the punch, get naked before he does and tell him to make something happen. That said, sometimes you want sex but don't necessarily want the whole production. The full meal deal is great, everybody loves it, but it takes a lot of time. And time is a big stumbling block between men and woman, because for the most part, we don't need it and you do. I realize that is a huge generalization, but it's mostly right. I'm not saying men don't want all the detail work or don't enjoy it as much as you, it's just that we can skip straight to the end and still enjoy ourselves. Long story short (heh), you've got to talk to your partner and make them talk to you.
That's the news and I am outta' here. Make sure you stop by Petra's for the coherent side of these questions and if you're coming from Petra's, thanks for stopping by. Please leave us some questions.
Friday, March 6, 2009
The Gumbo Interview
Before Irish Gumbo went in to seclusion I was lucky enough to be interviewed by the legendary... interviewer. Much like a blind drunk Barbara Walters it wasn't long before I was sobbing uncontrollably and using my sleeves as hankies. Once he gets the answers he wants though, he's quick with a shoulder and a delicious single malt. Father, architect, poet laureate, investigative therapist...
Captain:
You ever have one of those moments where you do something or say something, and you immediately hear a voice in your head say “Oh, shit, what have I done?”
This may be one of those times. The toothpaste cannot be put back in the tube, we can’t unscramble the eggs, no way to make a cow out of a truckload of hamburger.
They say that “whom the gods would destroy, they would first make angry” but I think it really all starts with a simple question, yeah?
Come, let’s venture into the deep end…
QUERY 01 – CD INTG Feb. 09: You have studied the Sutras every day for years, your meditation discipline has been noted by the Pramukha, who seems pleased. But your ass really hurts from sitting on the cold stone floor and enlightenment has eluded you. The Pramukha summons you before him. He smiles and from the low shelf behind his desk he takes a large glass jug containing a live goose. He holds it out to you and says “Samanera, I ask you this: How do you get the goose out of this jug alive without breaking the jug or harming the goose?” You look at him and say…?
"First off, how the fuck did you get that goose in there? Second, what would the Buddha think of what you've done to this poor goose? Does the Eightfold Path mean nothing to you? Pramukha my ass. My sore, frozen ass. No offense to the temple, but I've decided to study the ways of the Force and become a Jedi, like my father before me."
"Your father was a Jedi?" asks the Pramukha. I notice a slight change in his voice and the room suddenly feels colder.
"What? Ok, not really, but it sounded good."
"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to leave, Samanera," the old man chuckled. Were his eyes always that shade of yellow? Outside, the stomp of boots filled the air. Somehow I didn't think the monks were coming with their begging bowls.
"Sith bastard!" I turn on my light sabre beneath my cloak hoping for an extra moments surprise and thrust it towards the leering "Prumukha." I manage to catch him off guard but his reflexes are so fast that I only manage to pierce his thigh as he rolls backwards off his pillow. Lightning flashes from his left hand and the bottled goose explodes into a cloud of glass and feathers. The paneled doors burst open revealing dozens of blaster armed "monks." Without looking I use the Force to push the men away from the entrance so I can focus my attention on the Sith. As the Prumukha and I circle each other warily he withdraws two light sabres of his own from the deep folds of his robes. Their red glow deepens his evil visage. "Impressive, Padawan, but you are only prolonging the inevitable."
"Did I achieve enlightenment, Pramukha?" I ask innocently, positioning myself so my back is towards the inner courtyard.
"What?"
"I freed the goose by making you get him out."
"But like you, he didn't get out alive," growled the Sith.
The bloodied goose carcass now lay at my feet. I winked at the Sith and kicked the body at his head then back flipped out of his chambers to the courtyard a floor below.
Query 02 – CD INTG Feb. 09: On those days where life has its claws sunk in deep, and you can feel that last straw starting to crack, what is it that keeps you from completely losing your shit and running out (or should I say ‘oot’, to go Canadian on you?) the door and never come back?
I like to go on a Spirit Quest. This generally involves walking north onto the tundra for days on end until I find a polar bear. We then fight under the heavenly glow of the aurora borealis until one or both of us lies broken and bleeding in the snow. Then we share a bottle of fermented seal's milk and laugh at the universe until we pass out. I usually wake up a few days later in Tuktoyaktuk wearing only a wolf skin and a foppish grin. That always clears my head.
Oh, and I'VE NEVER SAID 'OOT' IN MY WHOLE FREAKIN' LIFE! It's a standard Canadian joke, but I think it's limited to a very small number of Ontarians. I remember meeting one in Germany once and me and my buddies all shied away from him like he was a leper. Or he'd just walked in with his sister under one arm and a banjo under the other.
Query 03 – CD INTG Feb. 09: Do clocks really matter to you?
I love clocks. I love watches. I love the atomic clock. I love the fact that there is an atom that pulses once every 60 seconds and can track time perfectly. I love leap year's and the fact that the Earth doesn't revolve at a perfect 365 days and has to be adjusted every four years. I love that there are people out there smart enough to figure this shit out. I love that they did this a long long time ago. I love clocks. That doesn't mean I'll ever remember my oldest son's class lets out a half hour early on Fridays though. The run keeps me in shape.
Query 04 – CD INTG Feb. 09: You have been given the singular opportunity to perform in concert at a major criminal detainment facility, as an outreach to the allegedly dangerous folks incarcerated therein. Where would you perform, what instrument and song(s) would you play, and why?
I would play a joint concert for the Valley State Prison for Women and the Central California Women's Facility which are across the street from each other and are "possibly the largest women’s prison complex in the world." I would play a carefully thought out mixture of hard core German thrash metal and Celine Dion favourites. My instrument would be the pan flute, 'cause I think chics dig it.
Query 05 – CD INTG Feb. o9: Mayonnaise – tongue-worthy condiment or hurl-inducing abomination?
Spinach and artichoke dip, aïoli, Thousand Island dressing, etc etc etc. Ok, I just checked the recipe for artichoke dip and apparently mayonnaise is not one of the ingredients. Still, I'd give a finger for some right now. Also, in Denmark, they serve their hot dogs with this weird kind of mayo that just SO WORKS. Seriously, last meal, that would be on my list.
Now that I stop and think of it though, I'm not actually thinking of mayonnaise, but Miracle Whip. Hmm. Well, it's still good for making other things with. Of course, it's not Thai peanut sauce which I would happily eat on road kill or say, your arm. Mmm, peanut sauce...
And with that the blinding light was turned off, I was untied from the chair and blindfolded again. His hench... assistants could have been a little gentler throwing me into the back of their van or when they dropped me off in a back alley, but I won't complain. After all, I did cheat my way into winning the interview in the first place. Had I known I'd be coming home missing a kidney though...
Captain:
You ever have one of those moments where you do something or say something, and you immediately hear a voice in your head say “Oh, shit, what have I done?”
This may be one of those times. The toothpaste cannot be put back in the tube, we can’t unscramble the eggs, no way to make a cow out of a truckload of hamburger.
They say that “whom the gods would destroy, they would first make angry” but I think it really all starts with a simple question, yeah?
Come, let’s venture into the deep end…
QUERY 01 – CD INTG Feb. 09: You have studied the Sutras every day for years, your meditation discipline has been noted by the Pramukha, who seems pleased. But your ass really hurts from sitting on the cold stone floor and enlightenment has eluded you. The Pramukha summons you before him. He smiles and from the low shelf behind his desk he takes a large glass jug containing a live goose. He holds it out to you and says “Samanera, I ask you this: How do you get the goose out of this jug alive without breaking the jug or harming the goose?” You look at him and say…?
"First off, how the fuck did you get that goose in there? Second, what would the Buddha think of what you've done to this poor goose? Does the Eightfold Path mean nothing to you? Pramukha my ass. My sore, frozen ass. No offense to the temple, but I've decided to study the ways of the Force and become a Jedi, like my father before me."
"Your father was a Jedi?" asks the Pramukha. I notice a slight change in his voice and the room suddenly feels colder.
"What? Ok, not really, but it sounded good."
"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to leave, Samanera," the old man chuckled. Were his eyes always that shade of yellow? Outside, the stomp of boots filled the air. Somehow I didn't think the monks were coming with their begging bowls.
"Sith bastard!" I turn on my light sabre beneath my cloak hoping for an extra moments surprise and thrust it towards the leering "Prumukha." I manage to catch him off guard but his reflexes are so fast that I only manage to pierce his thigh as he rolls backwards off his pillow. Lightning flashes from his left hand and the bottled goose explodes into a cloud of glass and feathers. The paneled doors burst open revealing dozens of blaster armed "monks." Without looking I use the Force to push the men away from the entrance so I can focus my attention on the Sith. As the Prumukha and I circle each other warily he withdraws two light sabres of his own from the deep folds of his robes. Their red glow deepens his evil visage. "Impressive, Padawan, but you are only prolonging the inevitable."
"Did I achieve enlightenment, Pramukha?" I ask innocently, positioning myself so my back is towards the inner courtyard.
"What?"
"I freed the goose by making you get him out."
"But like you, he didn't get out alive," growled the Sith.
The bloodied goose carcass now lay at my feet. I winked at the Sith and kicked the body at his head then back flipped out of his chambers to the courtyard a floor below.
Query 02 – CD INTG Feb. 09: On those days where life has its claws sunk in deep, and you can feel that last straw starting to crack, what is it that keeps you from completely losing your shit and running out (or should I say ‘oot’, to go Canadian on you?) the door and never come back?
I like to go on a Spirit Quest. This generally involves walking north onto the tundra for days on end until I find a polar bear. We then fight under the heavenly glow of the aurora borealis until one or both of us lies broken and bleeding in the snow. Then we share a bottle of fermented seal's milk and laugh at the universe until we pass out. I usually wake up a few days later in Tuktoyaktuk wearing only a wolf skin and a foppish grin. That always clears my head.
Oh, and I'VE NEVER SAID 'OOT' IN MY WHOLE FREAKIN' LIFE! It's a standard Canadian joke, but I think it's limited to a very small number of Ontarians. I remember meeting one in Germany once and me and my buddies all shied away from him like he was a leper. Or he'd just walked in with his sister under one arm and a banjo under the other.
Query 03 – CD INTG Feb. 09: Do clocks really matter to you?
I love clocks. I love watches. I love the atomic clock. I love the fact that there is an atom that pulses once every 60 seconds and can track time perfectly. I love leap year's and the fact that the Earth doesn't revolve at a perfect 365 days and has to be adjusted every four years. I love that there are people out there smart enough to figure this shit out. I love that they did this a long long time ago. I love clocks. That doesn't mean I'll ever remember my oldest son's class lets out a half hour early on Fridays though. The run keeps me in shape.
Query 04 – CD INTG Feb. 09: You have been given the singular opportunity to perform in concert at a major criminal detainment facility, as an outreach to the allegedly dangerous folks incarcerated therein. Where would you perform, what instrument and song(s) would you play, and why?
I would play a joint concert for the Valley State Prison for Women and the Central California Women's Facility which are across the street from each other and are "possibly the largest women’s prison complex in the world." I would play a carefully thought out mixture of hard core German thrash metal and Celine Dion favourites. My instrument would be the pan flute, 'cause I think chics dig it.
Query 05 – CD INTG Feb. o9: Mayonnaise – tongue-worthy condiment or hurl-inducing abomination?
Spinach and artichoke dip, aïoli, Thousand Island dressing, etc etc etc. Ok, I just checked the recipe for artichoke dip and apparently mayonnaise is not one of the ingredients. Still, I'd give a finger for some right now. Also, in Denmark, they serve their hot dogs with this weird kind of mayo that just SO WORKS. Seriously, last meal, that would be on my list.
Now that I stop and think of it though, I'm not actually thinking of mayonnaise, but Miracle Whip. Hmm. Well, it's still good for making other things with. Of course, it's not Thai peanut sauce which I would happily eat on road kill or say, your arm. Mmm, peanut sauce...
And with that the blinding light was turned off, I was untied from the chair and blindfolded again. His hench... assistants could have been a little gentler throwing me into the back of their van or when they dropped me off in a back alley, but I won't complain. After all, I did cheat my way into winning the interview in the first place. Had I known I'd be coming home missing a kidney though...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Random Tuesday: Pictoral Edition
It's Tuesday again... I SAY THAT - HUH? HMM. HIT THE CAPLOCK BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW IT, I'M LEAVING IT ON. Maybe not, it looks like I'm yelling. I've lost my train of though. Train of thought? More like one of those old train cars with the teeter-totter handle where a guy on either end has to push it up and down. Now I'm just rambling. It's Random Tuesday! Go over to Keely's (she's hot, she's fit!) and check out all the other crazies... contributors.
Today's random? Random photos. That's right. I know what you're thinking. He's genius. So first off,
The less said about this the better, though it did result in a sympathy bottle of wine from our neighbour so it's not all bad. Next off, you probably think I just sit at home all day with the kids drinking beer and playing video games, but no. I teach them things. Valuable things like structural engineering.
And how to take care of themselves in ANY situation.
Apple lime juice.
I don't like apple juice. Too sweet, too heavy. Add some lime to it though?! Boo-ya! Find some, try it.
Because somebody asked me awhile back what Vietnamese coffee looks like. You get a glass with some condensed milk poured in in. The metal thing on top contains the coffee. You pour hot water into it and it slowly seeps through and fills up the glass. This isn't a fast drink. But oh, so tasty.
I know I've done the album cover meme before, but the one Robin from Cinnamon & Honey has up on her blog is so easy to do I had to do it again. And I love mine. I love it so much I may have to create my own band so I can use this on our first album. Go try, really. Robin has this meme set up so well on her page you barely have to think. That's a serious stamp of approval from Us & Them.
PPS. The tree pose, just for Braja:
Monday, March 2, 2009
He Blogs/She Blogs: (Your Name Here)
Before we get into this weeks HBSB, I need to explain some things to any of you who are unfamiliar to this. I realized after I posted last week that it probably would have been a good idea to do that then. Oops. So here it is (oh, if you're a regular to HBSB you can skip this), readers (YOU!) send in questions they (YOU!) would like answered. Say, things the opposite sex does or doesn't do that confuses you. Then Petra and I choose four per week and give you a male and female perspective on them. So go ahead and ask, anything you'd like to know. Speed of light? 299,792,458 metres per second. That doesn't really have anything to do with relationships, but I'm here for you.
So today we have four new questions. I'll be answering mine here and Petra will be answering the same ones over at The Wise (*Young*) Mommy. Go check her out. Really, not hard on the eyes, that one. *wink* Then you can laugh, cry or spit profanities at your monitor and come up with some questions. What? Um, boxers.
Ok, so first out of the gate is... Cat? Seriously? Again? Ok, Cat's question:
"Metrosexuals" - awesome new breed of hetero, or same old breed of in denial?
Well, since starting my forced sabbatical I've fallen back into the realm of sweat pants and shaving whenever, but when I was working, I rode that pretty boy train. Man bag, moisturizers and co-ordinated outfits, oh yes. A man likes to feel pretty sometimes. In my previous to my previous job it was all jeans, t-shirt and steel-toed boots, but then I transferred to a department full of women. And women, they change you. It's osmosis, you can't escape it. First it's a dab of hand cream just to get them off your back, but then you notice how nice it smells every time you answer the phone. Moisturizer? Hey! My skin does look better.
I'd have been a much better metrosexual if I'd been paid more, but I did my best. Denial? Oh no, Cat.
How you doin?
Tony said - there are a few things I've wondered about, such as:
Why do women try on 20 different things, asking us how they look in each one and then end up wearing the first thing they tried on?
Why do women ask us which shoe matches their outfit better - dude, I don't even care if they wear shoes or not much less if they match their outfit.
Tony, I'm with ya, brother. I think both these questions can be lumped together since they're pretty much the same thing. Ladies, thank you very much for trying to include us, we appreciate it, but we both know that the only reason you're asking is because you don't have a friend or sister around to ask instead. Really, this question is a double edged sword. First, we don't want to answer. We've been dressed for half an hour already (or, we already know exactly what we're going to put on and have some spare time) and we've sat back down to watch some TV while we wait for you. You've put us in an awkward position because A: we don't know and B: you're now interrupting whatever it is we're watching. Second, if we don't give you an answer (which you don't want anyway) and either blow you off or pick some easy option you've given us, then you get mad because we're not helping or... whatever. Seriously, you were dressing yourself well before we came into the picture. Keep up the good work.
A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...
Hmm. I've got a few questions.
Like, how come men are born knowing how to clean fish and can even eat those same fish afterward?
How come men have no problem looking at a naked uncooked turkey and removing the giblets, while women (if they're like me) run from the kitchen heaving at the sight?
Ha! That's funny Lawyer's Mom. If I want clean fish I go out for sushi. Mmmm, sushi. What? Sorry. Clean a fish? Like with soap and water? I don't get it. You mean like pull out its guts and stuff after cutting its head off? I don't think so. I know there are lots of men like this, and good for you all. Personally, I've never eaten anything I've killed. I'm not into cannibalism. Er... I mean... I live in a large city so there's no reason for me to hunt. Ya.
Moving on.
DC Urban Dad asks:
How about shoes?
Or okay, sex.
Sex with shoes? I don't judge these kind of things, Matt, if that works for you, well you go for it, brother. Can't say it does anything for me, but then again, I've never tried. Never had sex with a man either, but I think I'll put both of them on the shelf with things I'm going to skip this lifetime.
And there's week two down. Hope you enjoyed the show, and make sure you head over to Petra's to see the other side of this. Unless you're coming from there. Seriously though, send Petra and me some questions.
So today we have four new questions. I'll be answering mine here and Petra will be answering the same ones over at The Wise (*Young*) Mommy. Go check her out. Really, not hard on the eyes, that one. *wink* Then you can laugh, cry or spit profanities at your monitor and come up with some questions. What? Um, boxers.
Ok, so first out of the gate is... Cat? Seriously? Again? Ok, Cat's question:
"Metrosexuals" - awesome new breed of hetero, or same old breed of in denial?
Well, since starting my forced sabbatical I've fallen back into the realm of sweat pants and shaving whenever, but when I was working, I rode that pretty boy train. Man bag, moisturizers and co-ordinated outfits, oh yes. A man likes to feel pretty sometimes. In my previous to my previous job it was all jeans, t-shirt and steel-toed boots, but then I transferred to a department full of women. And women, they change you. It's osmosis, you can't escape it. First it's a dab of hand cream just to get them off your back, but then you notice how nice it smells every time you answer the phone. Moisturizer? Hey! My skin does look better.
I'd have been a much better metrosexual if I'd been paid more, but I did my best. Denial? Oh no, Cat.
How you doin?
Tony said - there are a few things I've wondered about, such as:
Why do women try on 20 different things, asking us how they look in each one and then end up wearing the first thing they tried on?
Why do women ask us which shoe matches their outfit better - dude, I don't even care if they wear shoes or not much less if they match their outfit.
Tony, I'm with ya, brother. I think both these questions can be lumped together since they're pretty much the same thing. Ladies, thank you very much for trying to include us, we appreciate it, but we both know that the only reason you're asking is because you don't have a friend or sister around to ask instead. Really, this question is a double edged sword. First, we don't want to answer. We've been dressed for half an hour already (or, we already know exactly what we're going to put on and have some spare time) and we've sat back down to watch some TV while we wait for you. You've put us in an awkward position because A: we don't know and B: you're now interrupting whatever it is we're watching. Second, if we don't give you an answer (which you don't want anyway) and either blow you off or pick some easy option you've given us, then you get mad because we're not helping or... whatever. Seriously, you were dressing yourself well before we came into the picture. Keep up the good work.
A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...
Hmm. I've got a few questions.
Like, how come men are born knowing how to clean fish and can even eat those same fish afterward?
How come men have no problem looking at a naked uncooked turkey and removing the giblets, while women (if they're like me) run from the kitchen heaving at the sight?
Ha! That's funny Lawyer's Mom. If I want clean fish I go out for sushi. Mmmm, sushi. What? Sorry. Clean a fish? Like with soap and water? I don't get it. You mean like pull out its guts and stuff after cutting its head off? I don't think so. I know there are lots of men like this, and good for you all. Personally, I've never eaten anything I've killed. I'm not into cannibalism. Er... I mean... I live in a large city so there's no reason for me to hunt. Ya.
Moving on.
DC Urban Dad asks:
How about shoes?
Or okay, sex.
Sex with shoes? I don't judge these kind of things, Matt, if that works for you, well you go for it, brother. Can't say it does anything for me, but then again, I've never tried. Never had sex with a man either, but I think I'll put both of them on the shelf with things I'm going to skip this lifetime.
And there's week two down. Hope you enjoyed the show, and make sure you head over to Petra's to see the other side of this. Unless you're coming from there. Seriously though, send Petra and me some questions.
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