Hell Boy: Hey Captain.
Me: Hey Hell Boy.
HB: How's it going?
Me: Going. Did you want something?
HB: It's not what I want, amigo, it's what you want.
Me: And what do I want?
HB: Me! Don't be rollin' your eyes at me or you'll get the fist.
Me: You're made of wool. And I don't want you.
HB: It's the power behind the wool, buddy. And don't lie, I'm in your head.
Me: Whatever. Besides, you're not for sale anymore.
HB: HA! Bitch! I told you. So I'm not on the etsy site anymore, what about ebay?
Me: Ebay!
HB: Talk to your therapist about this buying compulsion?
Me: Funny. You're not on ebay either so I guess we're done.
HB: Oh well. How about St. Anthony?
Me: Huh? Oh my...St. Anthony: That's right kid, the patron saint of bacon.
Me: Oh my...
SA: Protector of pigs, hermits, gravediggers and epileptics. You could put me on the dashboard since you can't find a hula girl.
Me: ...dashboard... but my wife...?
SA: Kid, you know how she feels about bacon.
Me: You're right. She loves bacon.
SA: Course I'm right, Dumbass! Who's the saint?
Me: It's actually 'Captain...
SA: Shut up and buy me!
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