Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The tide is high but I'm holding on...*

So where have I been? No, really where the hell have I been? I woke up yesterday in an alley behind a bar in Veracruz with a bullet in my thigh, a pocket full of Peruvian cash and no memory of the last week. Having a new baby really takes a toll. Seriously, just look at this kid.

No, that's not ketchup or jam around his mouth, on his shirt or smeared across his fists, it's blood. No no no, don't be boo hooing or poor babying him, he's a terrorist. At ten and a half months he has had more split lips than both his older brothers have had in their combined 13 and a half years.

I don't even like baseball, but I love this commercial.

Part two of my surgery texts with my sister, the aftermath:

Sister: I'm alive.
Me: Yay! Thanks for reminding me to call you.
Me: Do you have a peg leg?
Sister: Yes rhet even lent me a parrot til I can afford my own!!!!
Sister: Not rhet they.
Me: Our health care is awesome!
Sister: Right!!!!
Me: 'Not rhet they?' Are you still doped up?
Sister: I was correcting my spelling mistake... Smart ass.
What made you so cold and heartless... sniff sniff
Me: Whatever, dope head.

Connor: My tummy feels funny.
Supreme Leader: Do you have a tummy ache? What does it feel like?
Connor: It feels like moths mating, or like I ate three grains of rice.
Me: *inside voice* WTF?

Somebody turned six on Sunday. Six? No, SIX!

*I couldn't think of a title so I started up iTunes and took the first line out of the first song that came up.


  1. Wow he is getting so big! And the grains of rice or moths mating...I didn't know they felt the same!

  2. Moths mating... HA!

    As a Sox fan... Calssic. :)

  3. Who do they take after, you or Supreme Leader?

  4. Song is now stuck in my head. Strangely, I don't mind.

    I will (when I'm less lazy) share bloody kid photos. Is it wrong that we take pictures and then take first aid measures?

    Funniest bits: Batman and the sour tummy. Moths mating? Three grains of rice? I love this kid.

  5. Every part of this post was a jewel! Good job entertaining me. I appreciate it.

  6. Sox fans are a special breed of douche that one can not find anywhere else. And they're ugly.

    Unlike your children, that are effing adorable. Even if the youngest is a terrorist.

  7. A friend of mine woke up in a Mexican hospital with a bullet hole in his thigh and a huge nurse peering over at him. He doesn't remember how he got shot or ended up in the hospital. It happens.

    You've got a roughneck baby.

  8. It is your blood or his? Little o is great for causing nose bleeds... Ouch.

    Are those Star Wars overalls I see? The force is strong with that one.

    You're an ass to your sister. Why does she still love you?

  9. It's amazing how prophetic iTunes can be.

  10. yay! happy birthday...moths mating!!!! haha yeah i remember having babies to be just like that...too funny.

    i am batman.

  11. You know I have never heard a moth mate.

  12. When I came to the three grains of rice, I actually said WTF out loud.

    And my god that kid has gotten big. Both of them, really.

  13. The kid looks like Fenrir Greyback. Sorry, we've been on a Harry Potter binge around here. Happy 6 to the other kid!

  14. Oh man, that's a lot of blood!

    Love the txt with you sister as well as Connor's moth/rice thing. LMAO

    Happy belated birthday to the big guy!

  15. Seriously, dude, WHERE do you hang out on the internet to FIND these video gems? I mean, other than Sandra Bullock fan clubs, of course.

    Pretty much everything your children say (on this blog st least) leads to a WTF moment for me. Poor Supreme Leader, stuck in the House of Sausage.

  16. i don't like baseball either, but I do like that commercial!

  17. Now I have that song stuck in my head and an overwhelming desire to watch Ghosts of Mars.

    It's nice that you didn't say "WTF" out loud. It tends to make them suppress those little nuggets of blog gold.

  18. If you have a six year old, that means you're old. Like, really old! Hahahaha! Glad you're still alive!

  19. Seriously? You have the Tide Is High on your iTunes list??

  20. Seriously? I always thought it was "The tide is high but I'm MOVING on."

    And I also thought "Another one bites the dust" was "another one fights the doctor."

    And I thought "I wanna kiss you all over" was "I wanna kiss you on the toes."

    I've got issues.

  21. Moths mating? 3 grains of rice? That kid is a hoot! And come on, have a little pity for the sister, will you? Now I have your song title repeating over and over and over in my head. Great, just what my brain needs, a little more nonsense!

  22. Moths or 3 grains of rice? Woah, that's some belly ache. You also have a cute, if bloody baby boy there.

    You know I'm a baseball freak...so of course I love that commercial.

  23. Well been a while sense I came for fun
    Looks like you've been getting lots of things done
    Although I'd rather be Wolverine than Batman
    But of both I am a fan
    The commercial was quite funny
    And also right on the money
    Hope he had a good day turning six
    And there was no birthday licks..haha

  24. You have such beautiful boys! YEAHHHHH! Love that expression on Birthday Boy's face! Happy Six!

    Three grains of rice feel like HELL to a Supermodel.

    When my daughter was in preschool, there was this little kid named Wolfgang. He insisted that everyone call him Spiderman.

  25. I'm gonna use the moths mating thing the next time I want to call in sick to work. I couldn't possibly make that up, could I? And the title freaked me out a little...I thought something BAD happened!

  26. Oh, six is fun. I loved six. (That apron is awesome.) Sounds like your little one has the same thing my daughter does - the injury gene. Kid "bonks" her head every other day.

  27. "The Douche" nature video is hysterically funny and tragic all at once.


    Just a wild guess, but I bet 300 people have sent you the above link this week.

  28. You should train him for Lucha libre. Start early. Call el Bebé. Even when he's grown up. It'll piss him off and make him even meaner. Seriously.

    On another note - when I was little, my brother and I used to run around with our bath towels around our necks like capes and play Batman and Robin. I always wanted to Robin but because I was older I had to be Batman. I guess it wasn't all bad.

  29. Hey, be thankful it's moths mating. Hummingbirds can be really painful.


  30. Your randomness is addictive. You had me howling with laughter at the sight of the 10 month old terrorist. I can see how he could get away with shooting people execution style. They'd never see it coming.

  31. I hate it when I feel like there are moths mating in my tummy.

    I love that you thought to take a pic of a baby covered in his own blood. Genius. I wish I had done that when my child was injured in the past...

  32. The boy seems so excited for his coming birth day...I was also like him when i was a child.


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.