A Little Request

This is my 10 year old nephew, Dakoda. Last weekend he caught his first fish and as you can imagine, he was pretty excited about it.


He's got his own blog and according to my sister he's been checking it every day to see if anyone has commented on his fish. Do me a favour and go say hi. Do it and I'll come by and wash your car this weekend, honest. If you don't have a car I'll wash your floor.* Don't bother with a comment here, I know we're tight. *fist bump*




*Airfare and accommodation to be handled by you.

Bait & Switch

Want to see that Wiggly Dick shirt from yesterday modeled? Well come on over.



Heh heh, who's the wiggly dick now?

Wiggly Dicks (what?)

I wasn't planning on posting today, but after I received this in the mail,


well, that just demanded an official thank you and shout out to the incomparable Middle Aged Woman of Unmitigated. At the beginning of the month I sent her some Olympic swag so this was my gift back. She also sent a magnetic baseball schedule, so in case you were wondering, the Tigers will be in Texas tonight, 8:05 Eastern.


PS. My sister has a cool picture of some lightning she took this weekend up on the Weather Network. Check it out.

Random Tuesday: Eff Off, Dorothy

I know how the Wicked Witch felt. The only way my house could get hotter is if it were on fire and that might not be so bad since the fire would probably get rid of some of the humidity.

Oh ya.



Is there anyone who deserves death more than DJ's who go on and on about how great the weather is when it's unbearably hot out? I'm sure it is great in your air conditioned studio, bastard. Personally, I'm watching blisters form on my skin and wouldn't mind some snow.

Sorry, had to get that out. On with the show.


Watch.

I must have this clock. Sadly, it's only a prototype. (I think the dashboards on Nissan Maxima's used to do this.)




Picture.


Pretty, right? It's a drawing. In ball point pen. You can see the rest of them here, but it's NSFW.

Burn you little dummy pants, burn.



Don't judge me. The Un-Mom would laugh at this too. And if she denies it, ask her about Hugh Jackman and unicorns farting rainbows.




Clock from BB-Blog Pen drawing from One Plus Infinity.

Monday. It Sucks, But What Do You Do?

When I originally saw this last week I set it up for today's post so I could take it easy Sunday night. Then it wound up on the Today show and has had about a bajillion hits since. So, if you've seen it, skip ahead. If not, watch and enjoy, because it was really meant for you anyhow. Because you're my special friend, not like those others. *wink*



So every summer there's a fireworks competition in Vancouver called the Symphony of Fire, er... no, now it's called the Celebration of Light. Whatever. Four countries are invited to compete and they set up their displays on a barge that is anchored off the beach in English Bay. Saturday night, we went over to a family friends who has an apartment over looking the water to watch South Africa's team compete. About two and a half hours before the show started a huge thunder and lightning storm came out of nowhere and just sat over the city until after the fireworks. It was AWESOME!


See this picture? Beautiful right? I didn't take it. I could have. If I hadn't left my camera in the van and I hadn't been a big sissy about running through the rain to go get it or if maybe it was a lot better camera than it actually is. But I could have. Chad Isely is actually the guy who took the shot and was gracious enough to let me borrow it. Click on his name to see his other shots back on his flickr page. There's one of the sunset which I'd say was totally fake if I hadn't actually seen it for myself. As it is, I'm still not sure that was the real sky Saturday night and not some elaborate CGI.

Dear So & So: Fast Cars, Smelly Smells & Vengeance

Dear Guy Driving His Mid-Life Crisis Beside Me,

Yes, your convertible Mustang is nice, and yes, I did speed up a little and pass you just to get you to react. Thanks for falling into that stereotype.

Yours, Man in the Man-Van

PS. Pussycat Dolls? Seriously?


Dear Mosquitos,

I'VE GOT NOTHIN' LEFT TO GIVE!!!

Yours, Bloodless


Dear Oldest,

When you have to go, please just go. Please. Holding it in until you're bored enough with whatever you're doing to go is cruel and unusual punishment for the rest of us. The house smells like a barn.

Yours, Dry Heaving


Dear God, Where Do I Get One Of These?


With four magical tusks and three adorable animals to impale? SOLD!!!

Yours... what? Don't look at me like that.

He Blogs, She Blogs: On Your Marks, Get Set...

CLICK!

Little Pig, Little Pig, Let Me In...

Is there anything as soul sucking as looking for a new job? I hate the searching. I hate interviews. My employment history has generally been one of falling into a job through random chance or because I knew somebody. Hey, if you're my somebody, give me a call, spare me this nightly assault on my self worth. My quiet evenings of catching up on blogs after the kids have gone to bed has turned into quiet evenings of scrolling through job finding sites or company websites and wondering who exactly meets all of these freaking qualifications? And how much do those old guys who collect aluminum cans pull in in a week?

When I updated my resume I pulled a lot of info off my former company's website to describe my old job. It looks great on paper. I'm wondering how I ever managed to get it. My biggest worry with it though is that it's going to pigeon-hole me into jobs of the same nature, which I really don't want. "Senior Customer Service Officer" looks all well and good, but I'd rather give myself a catheter than do that again. Well, unless somebody's going to throw boat loads of money at me, I can be bought.

Anyway, I've got the resumes flying out fast and furious now since my holiday at Club Med: SAHD is almost over. Don't worry, I won't be bitching about this for the next... well, however long it takes me to find work, just needed to vent before I jump into the frying pan again. Ok, I maaaaaaay complain again, but just once or twice. Or if I can't find anything at all. But then I'd just be complaining to myself since all of Supreme Leader's pay would be going towards our mortgage and we wouldn't have extra money for things like internet or electricity.

Paper route?

Honey, What's For Dinner?

I walked into the kitchen the other night and became concerned that Supreme Leader had converted us to cannibalism again. Or, she'd gone all zombie Julia Child.


Turns out it was just a watermelon and not a brain.


Heh, did I say 'cannibalism again?' I just meant cannibalism. Silly me.

Could You Just, I Don't Know, Climb Into My Mouth?

I had plans tonight. Once I got the kids to bed I was going to grab my moleskine and my newest book and go sit out under the gazebo and enjoy the evening with a glass of wine. Or two. Ish. But first I had to get the youngest to bed first because they're still sleeping in their box and can't go in at the same time or they'll never go to sleep. Oldest and I started watching A Year In The Life of JK Rowling. Youngest went out pretty quick so Oldest went down right away, but now I was into the show. Then it ends but I'm in that catatonic state where mind and remote are one. Once I pulled myself out of that it was too dark to go outside and read or write so then I planted my ass in front of the computer where I had absolutely no inspiration to write anything at all. Then I found this dinosaur picture.

I still don't have any inspiration, but I do have a cool picture.



I'm not even doing this right.

Dear Wife,

Thank you for having patience where I have none. And for having crazy dreams that wake you up in the middle of the night so you have nothing better to do than sit at the computer trying to figure out how to retrieve all of our photos from the back up drive that wouldn't let them go. Your hard work and ability not to hit things that don't work are inspiring.

Thank you,
Worthless Husband



T. rex pic via planet tampon

HBSB: Where Have You Been!?

Boys night out.

Random Tuesday: Ceci n'est pas une lune

Because Canada is a bi-lingual nation.


You'll either get that or you won't.



Holy Hannah Banana, Batman! Has it really been two weeks since I've done a Random Tuesday? No, has it? I'm not really sure. Whatever, let's roll.

My Mom got in a car accident this weekend. She was waiting to make a left and a lady in an SUV pulling a U-Haul rear ended her. After hitting Mom and pushing her car forward, the SUV pulled a hard right to keep out of oncoming traffic and messed up the car's front end as well. Just cause my Mom has that kind of luck. Oh, and On-Star, why did my Mom have to push the button and get ahold of you?


The lovely Miss Grace got this over the weekend. How cool is that? If I didn't already have my back done...


Stop squinting. It's from this.


Geeze louise, it's like I need Cole's notes.

When Supreme Leader left for work yesterday, Connor was upstairs. He blew her a kiss and told her, "a thousand hearts are coming out of my kiss." He's good. He's very good.

Ten songs iTunes played while writing this:

Oh, wait, there weren't any. GIVE ME BACK MY DATA, BACK UP DRIVE!!!

No, no, I'm good. Really. Go on over to Keely's. Enjoy the carnage.


PS. My Mom is fine. Sure it may take the kids awhile to get used to her bionic head, but they're young, they adapt well.

The Bitch Is Back

And it's a damn good thing. All that time away from the computer had me productive and acting like a responsible parent. Thanks to Ineptitude Is Us jackass useless wtf-am-I-paying-you-for computer store we were without for two weeks. TWO WEEKS! It was like being back in the stone age or something. I felt like Laura Ingalls minus the flowery dress and that bitch Nellie. And being the middle of summer I didn't even have TV to fall back on. WTH? It's all Amazing Dancing Race with my Biggest Loser Brother: Guantanamo Bay.

Seriously. My house hasn't been this clean in... forever. My yard work is done. Like done done. Aside from cutting the lawn there's nothing left to do. I read books, and I wrote a lot. I "built" a gazebo and furniture. I finished stripping the wallpaper in my bedroom and can start painting now. It was terrible. Thank goodness my Mac is back and I can go back to ignoring everything.

Here's a pic of the kids inside the gazebo torturing the fish.


They love the new "tent," but not as much as they love their new bedroom the "tent" came in.


Sadly, while my computer is back and squeaky fast again, my evil back up hard drive will not let go of my saved stuff. Dear Bastard hard drive, can I pretty please with sugar on top have my iTunes and 3000 photos back? I know it's still there, I can see all the used up space. Please? Pleeeeeeeease?

HBSB: I'm Not Dead Yet

Ok, so I lied about taking the week off. I can't link right now so go hit the HBSB button on the side bar. Come see if Petra actually got my email saying I'd do it this week or if I'm going to look like a fool. That was a freebee.

I'm All Outta Love, I'm So Lost Without You...

It's Monday and I'm still computerless. Apparently the shop I took it to has sent my Mac straight to Steve Jobs for repair. While I do appreciate their efforts and all, I'd REALLY LIKE MY COMPUTER BACK!!! Sigh. Patience, young Padawan. On the bright side, I'm getting a hell of a lot done around the house. Right now I'm sitting under my brand new gazebo I just built on my sun deck. And by built I mean assembled from pre-fabricated segments built in the People's Republic of China. Xie xie*

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everybody for still stopping by even though I haven't been visiting in return. I'm having to use my iPod for everything, and while it is cool to be able to get full internet on it, it gets old fast. And what the hell is with the batteries on these things? Granted it's a technological wonder, but it eats more power than my house. Sorry, tangent. Also, just to let you know, if you did comment last week, I emailed you back. Unfortunately, gmail on my iPod doesn't show me who isn't set up to receive emails back on their comments and who is like my regular gmail. So, if you didn't hear from me, it's you. And that's too bad, cause I was funny.

Anyway, if I don't get that thing back tomorrow or my fantasy of them dropping it and having to give me a new one doesn't pan out I'll be taking the week off. But I'll miss you terribly. Especially you. That's right, you.


*Thank you in Mandarin. Phonetically, like 'shay shay' except nothing like that at all.

Happy 4th of July

Love Connor

And Happy Birthday to my nephew Dakoda.

The End Of The Road & Dear So and So

Sigh. My year off is almost done and I'm starting to feel the pressure.






Dear Boys,
When daddy dresses all of us in camouflage shorts without realizing it, please say something before he takes us to the mall.

Fashionista

Dear Grocery Stores,
Screw you, dietary Nazis, where's my real butter crackers? Stick your whole wheat, maybe I want to be fat.

I Can't Believe It Doesn't Have Butter On It

Dear House,
Could everything please not break at once?

Broke

Dear Home Depot Associate,
Just because I don't have breasts doesn't mean I don't need help too.

My Eyes Are Up Here


Kat's got the buttons, go grab one.

And Maple Syrup For All

Hey, guys, could you please look at the camera?


Wait, lets try it in front of the yellow flowers. And hold the flags where I can see them.


STOP IT! The flag is not a weapon!


Forget it. Happy Birthday, Canada.