This morning while reading through my blog list Supreme Leader shouted something from upstairs where she was cleaning the bathroom. Something about packages and ovens. I wandered out to the kitchen shouting back for clarification although as soon as I saw the oven and oven mitts the part I did hear clicked so I filtered out what she was yelling again and removed a baking sheet with two foil wrapped packages, one big and one small.
Twenty minutes later when I'm in the shower the door bursts open and the shower curtain is torn back à la Psycho. "What part of 'small package' did you not understand?" asks Supreme Leader. She was smiling, but I think it was more of a primal teeth baring gesture threatening imminent danger than a loving 'oh look, my husband is naked in the shower' kind of smile. It was at that moment I also realized I should have turned the oven off twenty minutes ago when I removed the baking pan.
*No husbands were hurt in the making of this post. The 'blood spatter' is actually beet juice. It was close though, oh so close.
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I'm very familiar with the phenomenon of husbands "hearing but not listening". Little boys do that in our house, and beet juice is as bad as it gets here too.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I'm laughing too hard to make a sensible comment.
ReplyDeleteSorry, did you just say something?
ReplyDelete(What? It works both ways you know!)
You're lucky she didn't have a knife when that shower curtain was ripped open.
ReplyDeleteThat photo popped up in my reader and I was like, YAY! BLOOD!! I mean...I was like, Oh I hope Captain Dumbass is ok.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad it wasn't blood. *sigh*
I get caught with this one every day. You think I would learn but I never do.
ReplyDeleteha! i thought it was poopie. somewhere between a #1 and #2.
ReplyDeleteI do think we men are programmed to only hear bits and pieces of what the wives are saying. Either that, they just talk in cryptic spurts.
ReplyDeleteI think my husband, who is now referring to himself as Crab Daddy...
ReplyDeleteahem,
get your own name...
has given up on pretending to even hear me.
I guess he figures Im already in play.
..but you heard *small package* didn't you?
ReplyDeleteOh that just cracked me UP!
ReplyDelete"Selective listening" is how I refer to it..
It's definitely a man thing. Women can usually have a conversation AND listen to the one on the next table at the same time. So it's not our problem.
ReplyDeleteDude, I don't need to know anything about any packages. Glad you're ok.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby is also good at the listening but not hearing thing. If you find a cure for that, please let me know. I'm begging you.
ReplyDeleteoh, f**k me, I had flashbacks to the time my Grandma's neighbor put her foot through a plate glass door...Crikey, that was awful and that spatter...
ReplyDeleteWhew. So glad it was a food related mishap...
Sorry about the small package, bro. (smirk)
Supreme Leader is just noticing your small package NOW?
ReplyDeleteWhat? I was listening.
This happens here all the time. If you think it is only you wait until those two boys of yours grow up a little. They will do the same thing.
ReplyDeleteSupreme Leader you can come to me for help. I've been there honey.
Dammit Keely...you took my joke.
ReplyDeleteA little clarification goes a loooong way...
ReplyDeleteheh.. you said 'package'.
Well, it is good to have more validation that it is not just my husband.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I can totally picture the whole scene, as I tend to live it over and over again.
(although not the naked shower part - I'm not picturing that! Shit! You know what I mean!)
You shower naked? Weirdo.
ReplyDeleteAnd what kind of post time is this? huh? Posting when I'm asleep is NOT ALLOWED!!!
;)
You know, I was looking at that picture and wondering if this was the cause of her upstairs shouting and how--if it was--this meant you had paused long enough to find the camera and take this picture. I don't want to know what kind of trouble you'd be in if this was the case. Glad it's not. I know I'd be able to hear the shouting clear down here.
ReplyDeleteI think it is a male thing, the ony hearing a bit of what is said. Both son and husband have it over here.
ReplyDeleteAnd tell stoneskin when he lives on teh other side of the pond it is his sleeping patterns that are off...
And anyway, your blood is blue. Right?
ReplyDeletexx
oops! Nice one Cptn!
ReplyDeleteWhy did Supreme Leader yell "small package" while looking at you naked in the shower? Honestly? I can understand her anger.
ReplyDeleteNext time, lock the bathroom door.
ReplyDeleteoops!
ReplyDeletesmall package?
I have a clear shower curtain for just such occasions. You may laugh, but we'll see who the zombies get first.
ReplyDeleteShe saw you in the shower and inquired about a small package? Canadian exchange rate?
ReplyDeleteWhat did you say?
ReplyDeleteooops!
ReplyDeletedont you hate that memory problem?
i know i have been known to forget a thing or two like that
but being a supreme being i get away with it
lol
If I had a dollar for everytime I've asked Big K to do something and he does the exact opposite, I would be retired in CaboWabo right now, sipping cocktails while VinDiesel is cleaning my pool in a thong.
ReplyDeleteI don't even think my husband knows how to open the oven. So, in my book...you done good.
ReplyDeletegotta be honest. freaked out a little when I saw the picture. I thought your boys finally attacked.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a male genetic thing called Selective Hearing. Kind of a phenomenon if you ask me. I'm glad all of your bits are still attached!
ReplyDeleteDude...I'm sure SL is monitoring your internet activity, but IF you should be in imminent danger, give us a sign. Something very discreet, like, "HELP!!!! SHE'S GONNA KILL ME!!! HELP!!!" I think we'll understand.
ReplyDeleteso funny...so true!! hear only what you wanna hear!!:)
ReplyDeletebeets are awesome. and i'm not kidding.
ReplyDeleteok, what nonsense sidetracked ya? tv? your wii fit trainer? what? if supreme leader is talking best to listen unless you want to end up like the beets lol
ReplyDeleteMen are so hard to train! I thought she got you young enough
ReplyDeletethat it could be done.
Course I shouldn't talk, not with
the number of times I've stuck
the sugar bowl in the fridge.
Good gawd man. You forgot to turn off the oven? Geez, you'd think you were a man, or something.
ReplyDeleteOh wait...
Hey check out my latest post. I left you a present! :)
i love a good laugh on a saturday......
ReplyDeletei KNEW I could count on you.
Funny thing about the selective hearing tho - if you're anything like my spouse, a snarky but (nearly) silent comment is heard through walls. What is up with that?
ReplyDeleteAt least I have an excuse...my left ear hasn't been pulling its weight recently. I also use that excuse when I don't feel like doing something my husband asks me to do, which is often, quite frankly. :o)
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh. The best part about being married is the honest communication you get to have with the one you love. Right?
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
ReplyDeleteA common problem. My husband had the same issue - I say had because we are now seperated, not because I killed him for it. Just wanted to make that clear.
"so I filtered out what she was yelling again and"
ReplyDeleteAnd that, Captain Dumbass, is exactly where you went wrong..that one step...