Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Random Tuesday: The Director's Cut


Random Tuesday and the great randomness that is my children. Let's go.

We took the boys out for dinner last week. When we get to our table, Liam says to our hostess, "Hi, my name is Liam and I have a cold." Manners, right? Then he sneezes on her without covering his nose.

Connor: Daddy, look at the red dots on my face. It looks like I have the pox. (I came this close to peeing myself)

Liam wakes up between 6:30 and 7am (I don't know why I bothered to put 7am) everyday and crawls into bed with us. He's told everyday that if he wants to stay in our bed he can't talk until seven zero zero or he has to go back to his own bed. One day he will not listen and keeps bouncing around and playing. When he gets ordered back to his own bed he rips off all of his clothes and his pull up, throws them at us and marches back to his bedroom. Whatever, it was quite in our room.

Connor: Daddy! Liam's chasing me.
Me: You were trying to eat his brain

Went out for breakfast after taking Connor to school this morning. During breakfast, in which he was dipping sausages in peanut butter, he calls to the waitress, "Hey lady, I like peanut butter." Afterwards he got a free helium balloon from a toy store we visited.
Me: Connor's going to be jealous of your balloon.
Liam: Connor will be so jealous.
Me: Does that make you happy?
Liam: Yes. Look at my smile. (last bit said through gritted teeth of a smile)

We started painting Connor's room today. Benjamin Moore's Costa Rican Blue.

Much nicer than the Patricide Red we steered him away from.

Connor: Liam! Stop copying what I'm copying!

Liam: Get out of there, you cracker.
Supreme Leader: What?

Me: What are you guys fighting about?
Connor: Liam said his bug threw a tree at me but I shot it.
Me: So you're arguing about an imaginary bug throwing an imaginary tree at you?
Connor: Yes.
Me: You're serious?
Connor: Yes.
Me: You're willing to be sent to your room when we get home for this?
Connor: ...

Liam: When my bum toots it says hi.

10 random songs spit out by iTunes:
1. Matt Kearney - Breathe In, Breathe Out
2. The Tragically Hip - At The 100th Meridian
3. Gypsy Kings - El Mariachi
4. Sheryl Crow - Good is Good
5. Kings of Leon - Sex On Fire
6. Louis Prima & Keely Smith - That Old Black Magic
7. Macy Gray - Shoo Be Doo
8. Adele - Hometown Glory (thanks Irish)
9. Barry White - Shaft (aw hell's ya!) (Can ya dig it?)
10. Xiang Xian - Lao Shu Ai Da Mi
That was random.

PS. Dear Blogger, 'afterwards' is not spelled incorrectly because the FUCKING OXFORD DICTIONARY SAYS IT ISN'T!!! You know, Oxford? Big university in England. Where the language came from.

PPS. Want more? Head on over to Keely's, the Mistress of Random.


  1. I love Random Tuesdays. Especially the kids edition. Makes you just want to laugh all day. I loved the imaginary tree episode.

    That is a tame blue. My son's room is Home Depot orange. We talked him down from four walls though to just two being painted. The place glows, trust me. I can't wait to have to turn it back to white when we move out.

    Love that Mat Kearney song.

  2. Did they learn to toot their bums as a greeting from their mum or their dad?

    Blogger is to blame for numerous spelling and grammatical blunders that I have made. My spelling is getting progressively worse.

  3. Very, very funny! Those kids are smart little whippersnappers!

  4. Fookin' laugh riot. Kids say the funniest stuff. Don't ya almost want to live in their brains? I mean ... you know ... the imaginary part of them!

  5. Liam's bum is so nice. I wonder if that was what the guy on the plane was saying to me yesterday?

  6. Sausages and peanut butter? A match made in heaven.

  7. Wow. I wish my imagination could have such a profound affect on my co-workers.

  8. Why do kids wake up so damn early? Then they expect us to entertain them when our eyes won't even open yet. Grr.

  9. That was great-I like the new header too.
    Can't the TH cups be in there though?

  10. I feel like we must be living parallel lives-- we told our kids that if they want to be in our bed they have be quiet until seven zero zero-- EXACT WORDS. Are you me?

  11. "Liam: When my bum toots it says hi."

    Maybe it's talking to the rabbit?

  12. It's saying 'hi'? Glad to hear at least it's something innocent!

  13. Sounds like a non-stop comedy hour over there (although I'm sure you could do without the 6:30 am wake-up routines!)

  14. *you cracker*


    You first create the monster... ever read the book Frankenstein? The book. yeah. You lose in the end you know. At least they are entertaining in the mean time.

  15. So, if an imaginary tree falls in the imaginary forest, does it still... yeah, that comment is going nowhere.

  16. Humour - colour - afterwards. Yep, Firefox only recognizes American as well. Come...join us...don't be afraid.

  17. LOL! What is it with boys? My son does the same thing: 6:30-7AM bed hopping. Then asks for juice. I started making a juice the night before, so I can just tell him to go get it out of the fridge and we can sleep in peace for another 30-45 mins.
    Both my kids yell "I tooted" like everyone needs to know.

  18. You made me gag yesterday when you tweeted about the sausages in peanut butter and then again this morning when you posted about the sausages in peanut butter. I guess, my point is, you make me gag.


  19. He knows that THE Pox is the worst one. It goes on firstborns.

  20. MY 4 year old sons room is still pink from when he moved from the nursery to his older sisters room, and they moved to their own room. Yeah I am saving up for therapy now.

  21. Very funny kids. I am glad that their bums say hi. Mine says something not nearly as pleasant.

  22. Totally agree with you on afterwards.

    I love Matt Kearney. He's awesome.

    Tell Liam my bum says 'Hi'.

  23. Sausages dipped in peanut butter.. EWW!! Some how, green beans in ketchup sounds way more appetizing. That is scary.

  24. love that blue, pretty. my imaginary bug just shot you.

  25. So glad to see no Coldplay on that list.

    Yay for the Sheryl Crow, though.

    Can I please, please, please borrow your kids for a weekend? I want to take them to dinner and just let them go hog wild.

  26. I think you should definitely leave that wall EXACTLY how it is... too cute.

  27. I've misplaced my bum-to-English dictionary, would you please ask him what a poof followed by a low rattle means?

  28. Random kids are the best. Until they are teens. But you will probably be able to make that funny too.

  29. thanks for the laugh - I hope you're saving this stuff for future blackmail

  30. Love random kid stuff! Your kids are great! :) Happy RTT! :)

  31. Your kids must be secretly meeting with my kids on how to act in public eating establishments. Love the "Will Pee for M&M's".. hahahaha

  32. How is it possible that such small children are so entertaining? Love the conversations y'all have. And the dictionary reference. As well as the cracker comment. Where the hell did he come up with that?

  33. I bet the serving staff LOVES it when they see you guys coming. Whenever we go out to eat we leave a big tip to compensate for the carnage we leave in our wake.

  34. My son walked up to the hostess, took her hand, walked off and then cried when we followed. He said the pretty girl was his. He is almost 5

    Loved your post.

  35. my grandchildren are brilliant, wonderful (if not scary) imaginations. Hmmmn..think the
    warped side comes from your Dad's
    side of the family.

    We loved having u up, but would
    have appreciated it, if you'd taken
    some of the snow with you. we have
    an abundance of it.

    ps Phone Michael if you get the chance, he'd like to come see u

  36. If someone yells at me while in bed, I have been known to tear my clothes off too!

    I hate Bloggers spell check. It makes me look like I have the education of a 6 year old.

  37. My 33 year old (Jeremy) says his farts are his turds just honking for the right of way.

    Your masthead is so my favorite by far.

  38. How much do I love that your mom sends you phone messages through your comments? You are big time now. What? Was your publisist out to lunch?

  39. That is, without a doubt, my favorite random thoughts post ever!!! I had to stop twice and wipe the tears away... Cracker!!

  40. ahem. I think your p.s.'s are in the wrong place.

    (LOVE Macy Gray and butt greetings. )

  41. omg I just about passed out I was laughing so hard at "Get out of there, you cracker".

    I would have gone with Patricide Red. I guess that's why nobody visits.

  42. Tell Conor when my bum toots, it's saying "right back atcha!"
    Happy Randomness

  43. Are you somehow taking my son and raising him without my knowledge? So much of this sounds eerily familiar. I am currently in a battle with my son to explain that MOMMY DOES NOT WAKE UP AT 5:00 AM. NO ONE DOES. IT IS WRONG. 6:30 IS THE EARLIEST THAT MOMMY CAN GET UP.

    The other day after a fart: Hey mommy, my butt whistles.

    So funny...and the ipod stuff was really really really random.

    I like monkeys.

  44. LMAO at the cracker comment. Man without kids what the hell would we blog about.

  45. This is a tootie kind of day. I know, as I have blogged about it today too. Are all boys obsessed with farting?

  46. I'm gonna see if my wife buys that - when I toot my butt says hi. I'll bet she'll be ok with it....not.

  47. You made me laugh until I cried! Your boys are HILARIOUS!

  48. I'm pretty much in love with your kids. Although I'd be happier if one of them was a girl, so we could have an arranged marriage.

  49. Oh, wow. This brought back memories of my kids fighting over who got the biggest piece of imaginary pizza. Good times...

  50. ...lol, I cracked up outloud at the pulling off the clothes & pull up.... "TAKE THAT!" hee hee... quietness is what I strive for around here


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.