Friday, September 12, 2008

Pre-School, Day Two: Disillusionment

For quite some time now Connor and Liam have pretended to be Spiderman and Venom when they're doing their super hero thing. Connor is Spiderman and Liam is Venom. This started when we bought Connor a Spiderman learn-to-read book. It was meant for very young children so there's not a lot of emphasis on how bad the bad guys actually are. Connor decided early on he would be Spiderman so Liam had no one left to chose but Venom. Whatever, it made them happy.

For the past few months the boys have been venturing into the... I don't know, in-between cartoon channels? Not the toddler channel and not the big kid cartoons but the stuff in the middle. Know what I'm saying? Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that they've been watching super hero cartoons. They are kid versions of super heroes, Spider Boy, Super Boy, Bat Boy, etc. On the flip side they're also seeing kid versions of the bad guys.

Tuesday night we get them in bed by 8pm so we can watch Fringe... I mean, so they can get a good nights sleep. Because that's important. Ten minutes in (after the melting plane passengers, yum!) Liam walks in. Connor had done the same thing two minutes earlier so I didn't even wait for his excuse, I just pointed towards his room and gave him a stern, "back to bed." Then the tears and unintelligible yelling started (unintelligible but always the same. You're a bad man. Dude! I SO know that. Get your ass back to bed). Supreme Leader takes him back to bed and talks him down. I would have. During the first commercial.

Supreme Leader: What's wrong honey?
Liam: Venom's a bad guy! He's not a super hero at all!

My poor broken hearted little man.

On the bright side, he has a new friend, Buddy.

What the hell is that, you ask? Why yes, it does look like stuffing, doesn't it?

Stuffing from the back of a 50's kitchen chair. A chair being held together with duct tape and hope. A chair being used to replace the dinning room chair that broke just like dad said it would if we kept leaning back on it instead of just sitting and eating OUR GODDAMNED DINNER LIKE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO!!!

Oops! Where did THAT come from?


  1. Awww, poor little dude. He wants to be a super hero.

    And I'm so glad you explained what that blob of gook was. Because for a second I thought you guys had a home version of Fear Factor going on.

  2. Oh dear. Home version of Fear Factor. It's like the home version of Jeopardy you used to get when you were one of the losers. Actually, I thought it was a mangled Rice Krispie Treat.

  3. Oh, his poor little heart must have been broken. On the flip side, make sure you tell him that the bad guys are usually self starters and independently wealthy. They usually have cool costumes, awesome hidden hide aways and hit women. Perhaps if you start young enough with your son you could explain to him that he shouldn't start monologuing right before he kills his prey. That gets him every time. You could stop that cycle. I'm just sayin'.

  4. You know what's sad? Duct tape is WAY stronger than hope, even during an Obama speech. Sorry, Barack.

  5. BC-everyday is Fear Factor around here.

    MAW-rice krispie treat, mmmm...

    JBG-it was very sad and sweet. Fantastic advice! Luckily they have watched The Incredible's enough times they know the dangers of monologuing. Kill first and give your speech to your minions and hottie girl friend.

    LD-you'd think duct tape would be stronger than a three year old's fingers. However, my son's criminal genius figured out a way to dig behind the duct tape.

  6. Americans take their duct tape very seriously. I think Tom Ridge declared it manditory or something. Jeremy gets a roll of it in his stocking every Christmas. For realsies.

  7. I took a roll of duct tape with me on my first trip to Europe. Did some crazy shit with that tape.

    We used to have a show up here called the Red/Green Show. I didn't watch it, but I think the whole thing centred around duct tape and everything you could do with it.

  8. I'm from the South. There ain't nothin' we cain't do with some chicken war anna little ducktape.

    (I found rolls of plaid duct tape last Christmas and gave them to all the significant men in my life. They LOVED it. PLAID! PLAID DUCT TAPE! w00t!)

  9. Yeah, duct tape ROCKS!

    I like his friend. At least you don't have to feed it.


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.