Bet This Guy Doesn't Get Man-Cold

We take the kids out to the airport fairly often. They love watching the planes land and they get to run around and get some fresh air. Minus the jet exhaust, but you know what I mean. Every time we are there, and I mean EVERY time we're there we see this guy. We park on an access road that goes around the airport and down the length of the main runway. This guy is out there riding it all the time. And yes, he's sitting in a toilet on wheels. A toilet on wheels with flames painted on it. Obviously he doesn't have any legs since he's sitting in the bowl.





I've never spoken to him because he doesn't stop long enough for that, only long enough to turn around and head back the other way. Sorry the pictures suck, but I was hiding behind my van since I figured it would look a little creepy running out onto the road to take shots of a disabled guy. Instead I decided to be even creepier and clandestinely do it from behind my man-van.

So while I slump here, fever ridden and bleeding from every orifice, wondering why nobody loves me and wallowing in my own pity I know that as cold and windy as it is today, this guy is out there right now. And while I should take some kind of lesson from that I think I'll still keep being a whiny-bitch and annoy my wife, cause it's what I do.

Rock on, brother.

**Retraction-I must apologize to the makers of Benedryl whom I mocked yesterday. Turns out that whatever the pill was that I took, it wasn't an anti-histamine. It was too big to be birth control, didn't do squat for my headache... whatever, I'm still alive and pretty sure I'm not pregnant.

***Supreme Leader now has man-cold. And no, not stoic mother-cold, MAN-COLD. If you can't be 'em...

Mother Nature Bitch Slapped Me

Was it windy where you live yesterday? If so, I apologize. It was all due to the whirling vortex of pollen that was sucking North America dry and depositing its funnel of doom into my nose. From the east coast to the west, from Nunavut to Mexico, all of it ended up in my head.

To the makers of Benadryl, McNeil Healthcare-Pfizer, my allergies showed your product it's pimp hand and your product ran like a sissy. Thanks for nothing.

All in all, yesterday sucked. I'm still having issues adjusting to the whole stay-at-home-dad thing. Much like my young children, I need routine. I need structure. I should have thrown in the towel right from the start and just enjoyed Sunday for Sunday. Instead, I froze in the face of the mountainous beast of work that needs doing around the house. I wandered in a daze from room to room wondering where to start with two little sick boys dogging my heels and asking me questions in their snotty little voices and wondering when Supreme Leader would finally get pissed at me for not doing anything.

Once I finally took some advice to...


...things got better. Until we decided to take a walk to the playground. Then I started to feel a little stuffed up and figured I was catching whatever the kids have. Then Mother Nature hit me in the back with a folded chair. Cold took a back seat to allergies. But cold is back today, because cold is patient. Cold takes names.

The Face Of Fear

So you like spicy food? Love peppers, love your hot chili, blah blah blah? You don't know shit. My MIL is from northern Thailand where they actually eat fire. FIRE. You think I'm joking, but I'm not. See this?



That's a bag of death right there.



I used the pineapple for perspective, but I had to snap this picture fast because the damn thing burst into flame. My hair singed just taking this shot and I was using the zoom lens. Notice the bag isn't even full. These people are MAD! MAD!

Burning ring of fire. I know what Cash was singing about.

My Brave Little Warrior

His first dentist appointment. No tears, no hiding behind daddy & no bribery. He even got a hot hygienist.

I Got Memed And It Kinda Burns

So I don't usually post on Saturday's... BWAHAhahahahahah! Whatev's. I post all the time. I'd do it even more if I thought anybody'd read it. And yes, I just put an apostrophe D on the ass of 'anybody.' What are you going to do about it? This is MY sandbox, mofo, betta step back. So Kat over and 3 Bedroom Bungalow memed me. Meme'd? Why not. I'm supposed to tell you some boring things about me. Ha, shouldn't be hard, I do it everyday. So, rules...

1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

Ok then, one.
1. Ok... yes I'm looking at Kat's and Steenky's for inspiration, shut up. And yes, I do take great school-yard joy at calling Jen 'steenky.' Ok, here we go. I can do this with my thumbs.


And this with my pinkies. Ok, I can really 'do' this with my pinkies, it's just the way they are.


Are pics allowed? Doesn't say anything in the rules.

2. Sticking with body parts, you know that test they do on baby's when they first come out? Moving their legs about to see if their hips came out dislocated? I've got that. Thanks Burnaby General, good work that day. I used to run a lot and I loved it. Then one day I went in to find out why I had such pain in my lower body and got the good news that my legs aren't quite in the right spots. And so ended my running career. Now I take glucosamine everyday and it tastes like ass. Mmmm. Don't worry though, everything still works just fine. EVERYTHING. Bow chicka bow bow! Heh heh. Blame Kat, this was her idea.

3. I grew up in a town called Kamloops. Draw your own conclusions.

4. Working with woman for the last three and a half years has taught me to appreciate moisturizers, body wash and facial cleansers. And I'm ok with that.

5 & 6. Sorry, I've got a monkey to take to his first dentist appointment soon. Here we go: I'm 6'2, 180-ish pounds, green eyes, I shave my head but the hair is dark brownish with a lot more white than there used to be. I'm a Gemini. I was born in the year of the dog. I believe in life in outer space. I believe that the 80% of our brains we don't use probably do hold the powers of telepathy and setting things on fire, etc. I hate water melons. I love coffee. I have an arch-nemesis. I have four tattoos and they all hurt. I have a therapist. I need one. I don't believe in the lone gunman. I'm not afraid of the dark. I... do not like insects that could bite me. I accelerate out of a corner. I have to touch the outside of a plane before I get on. I couldn't live anywhere flat, I need to see mountains. I'm good at gardening. I still have all of my own teeth. I love tshirts & jeans. I have zero patience with electronic goods, I expect them to work. I'm a Mac person. I love tv. At this very moment I'm listening to Just Like Heaven by The Cure. Music is my boyfriend. Huh? If I don't stop now my son will be late for his first dentist appointment. Bye.

I'm not forwarding this to 6 people because I don't know who to send it to and I fear rejection. Also, most of the people I would have sent it to have already been taken so how 'bout if you read this and haven't been tagged yet you pretend like I tagged you and pass on the love. Our little secret. Wink wink.

Kindergarten: Day One

Sorry, had some camera delays. Anyway, here's Connor on his way to his first day of school.



Here's Connor after his first day of school.



I don't THINK he hates us anymore.

A Beginning And An End

Ok, eldest son has been safely deposited at kindergarten, youngest is camped out with the Little Einstein's & Supreme Leader is... I'm not sure what she's doing. She keeps mentioning a shower... nope, she's talking about cooking. Nope, she's talking about me cooking. We'll ignore that. I've got a cup of coffee, my bagel and the computer all to myself. (Just an aside, 'cause it's what I do, cream cheese and dulce de leche on the bagel of your choice. You MUST try this. I'm going to name it the Captain Fat Ass.) Feed Reader is off so I'm not distracted (oh, and another aside, what reader do you use? I've got News Fire and I'm trashing it soon. According to it half of the bloggers I follow, including Dooce, have not posted anything in months.) and I guess I should start a new paragraph at some point but I'm wondering if there's any point now. Should I just keep rambling on and on, bouncing from topic to topic and... no, I'm annoying myself as well.

Ok... again with the ok. Alright, so I've been dancing around this topic for a couple of months now, and I've started this particular post about a dozen times and deleted all of them. Now I'm just fed up with it and want to get past it. I'm unemployed. Gainfully, but still unemployed. Eight weeks ago my department was pulled into a boardroom and told the company had decided to centralize us to Toronto. They told us they'd be more than happy for us to continue working there, but the commute across three time zones just wasn't that appealing.

We were given three options. One, find a new position within the company and keep working. Unfortunately there are not a lot of openings at our particular level and to drop a level would be like the captain chaining himself to an oar. No thanks. Even positions at our level really suck outside of our department. And positions above? Meh. Honestly, I've needed to leave for a long time, I just needed a boot in the ass.

Second and third options were basically the same and revolve around the financial package. Second is to take a lump sum and walk. Which sounds all well and good, but there's always a catch, right? The company's standpoint is basically this: we're giving you this money even though we didn't have to. We don't really want to either but some idiot in HR decided we should a long time ago and because we haven't figured a way out yet we're going to skim 25% off the top JUST BECAUSE WE CAN! After that, the government steps in and rapes the remainder, leaving me just enough to buy a squeegee. Hmm, tempting but...

And finally, take your entire package in bi-weekly payments as if you were still working and get taxed as if you were still working. And yes, there's a catch to this too. If you happen to find a job while you're being paid out, the payments are cancelled and you only receive 50% of whatever is left. Hmm, so you're going to pay me to stay at home and I can't get another job for a year?

STAY AT HOME DAD!!! WOOT! I'll let you guess as to which option I chose. Taking the lump sum, finding a new job and paying down some debt obviously wouldn't have been a bad idea. Taking the opportunity to spend a year with my children though? An opportunity that, short of a lottery win will never happen again? I couldn't pass that one up. And as luck would have it, this is the first year they are both in school at the same time. I think we're going to have some fun. And just think of the blog fodder!

I was going to go on a bit more about this, but my little monkey is demanding attention and it's becoming fairly obvious (and disgusting) that he has his first cold of the year. For some reason he can't do a puzzle he's done a thousand times already. Plus it's almost time to pick up the big monkey and apparently I need pants for that.