Famous Canadian Proverbs

Can't believe it's Thursday already and I haven't posted. It's almost like the all the greatest hockey players in the world met in one spot and started playing... wait a minute. Ok, I can't blame all my laziness on Olympic hockey, but it is a contributing factor. Case in point, my son's teacher and I have now postponed two parent teacher interviews because they conflicted with games. Meh, he's six. Anyway, I'm posting today. Kinda. With a little help from Unmitigated.

1. A country
can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.

German Canadian Proverb

About 13 years ago, I tagged the Captain with a quote meme. It's my own fault really. I was showing off all the famous blogger that I know. Vodka Mom. 24 at Heart. Captain Dumbass. Here's a tip for the future, kids. Famous bloggers are not famous for doing MEMES.
In an effort to get revenge, ease his guilt, I convinced the Captain to let me do the meme FOR him. Heh. I mean, hey, what a great idea! Except, once I started, I realized that unless I wanted to be a complete snarky jerk (not outside the realm of possibility), it wasn't really going to be very easy. SO I decided to go with what I know about my pal, Captain Dumbass. First, and foremost, he is a Canadian. Got that one covered above.

2. Next? The Cap'n loves to read about as much as I do...

Books to the ceiling,
Books to the sky,
My pile of books is a mile high.
How I love them! How I need them!
I'll have a long beard by the time I read them. Arnold Lobel

Arnold Lobel is a great children's author. He wrote one of my absolute favorite stories, A Three Hat Day. I suspect that many bloggers have that same mile-high pile of books.

3. The Captain, and his lovely wife, Supreme Leader, have two terror-inducing wonderful boys, and by this summer, will have a third...

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. Charles Wadsworth

The stories the Captain tells us about Connor and Liam (frequently with photographic evidence) make me wonder if his mother put that curse on him. You know the one. "I only hope that someday you have a child who behaves just like you." Don't all mothers do that? I'm sure I've already placed that particular bane on my children's heads.

4. While this next one may be factually inaccurate (the Captain's position was eliminated, he wasn't fired), I think it still applies:
Getting fired is nature's way to telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place.
Hal Lancaster
If you haven't read any of Captain Dumbass' fiction, either what he has linked in the sidebar (Empire of Me), or his amazing short stories on the Zombie News Network you really are missing a treat. The Captain was not meant to tote gold bars around for a bank. The man is a writer. Simple and true.

5. I'd like to say that the Captain is all sweetness and light, but really, don't we all have a darker side?
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln
Captain's darker side just happens to feature grilled cheese men and LEGO minions. He is the master of his own weird little universe.

Supreme Leader Stormtrooper

Sparta

What happens when dads stay home

"The Horror! The Horror!"*

It's been some time since I've done a grilled cheese man or any type of grilled cheese artwork. Way back at the end of October I came up with the idea of making a grilled cheese man and then letting him go bad so I could have a moldy grilled cheese zombie for Halloween and something for the zombie blog I do with Middle Aged Woman. Unfortunately, this led to that and I didn't have one made up for the Halloween deadline. Still, it was a good idea so during the first few days of November I grilled up my sandwich, cut out my future zombie and stuck him on a skewer. Remember the first week of November bit.

This picture was taken on January 24th. Rounding the numbers out, this guy is approximately 75 days old now and looks almost identical to the day I made him. Seventy-five days. Processed cheese and margarine. When we're dug up by some future species of humans or cockroaches or whoever takes over after us, those archeologists won't find bones, they'll find fossilized stomachs.



*I'm looking for two answers today, the book and the movie.

Red Kryptonite

Go here.

SAHD Haute Cuisine

To Vodka Mom with love. Sometimes, I even amaze myself.





In case you're wondering: Sunflower flax bread, Tuscan-style roasted ham, Kraft Extra Cheddar cheese slice, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and a light kiss of Miracle Whip.

Random Tuesday And Grilled Cheese S*x

It's Random Tuesday Thoughts time. Not familiar? Go check out the Un-Mom, no time to explain. Hold on to something.

I went into Old Navy a few weeks back to get my youngest some new sweats. While there I thought I'd get myself a pair too since I was getting tired of hearing Supreme Leader complain she could see my ass through my old pair. Complaining? If I had a web cam I could make a fortune off these glutes o'steel. Anyway, it was shortly after New Year's so the place was gutted. All they had was the ones that don't close off around the ankles. Not big with those since I figured they'd let in the cold. Shut up, I'm an old woman. Whatever. I got them and would gladly live in them for the rest of my days. And they were $10.

I cannot for the life of me tell the difference between my five year old's white socks and Supreme Leader's. She thinks I'm an idiot, but that's a given. She thinks this is very funny. Let's see how funny it is next year when he's taller than you.

We rented two movies this weekend, Max Payne and Babylon A.D. Both sucked. Max Payne had some cool Valkyries in it, but I didn't see the point. You could have taken all of that out of the movie and it still would have worked. I kept waiting to find out he was working for God or something and then it ended and I was all, what the hell? Babylon A.D. ended like they ran out of money and had to chop the script. It reminded me of how they ended Enterprise.

Writer: Um? How do we wrap up four seasons in two episodes?
Baby Eating Network Executive Bastard: Uh... fuck it, say the whole show was an autistic kid's dream.
Writer: That's been done, sir.
BENEB: Really? Ok, then it was all on the Holodeck. Bring in a couple of the old Next Generation actors. Ya, the fans'll love it.

Not that I'm bitter or hold a grudge.

IM'ing with Kat from 3Bedroom yesterday. We were talking about tattoos.

Kat:I love dragons
I thought about getting a tattoo of one, but
I think I am going to go for cherry blossoms instead
Me: cherry blossoms look amazing
Kat: I am doing it cause of the meaning, change and rebirth
it is kinda what my family does each time we move
Me: My dragon has been itching like hell with the change in temperature.
Me again, quickly: Hold on, that sounds bad.
Katherine: hehehe
Me: My dragon tattoo!
Katherine: that was kinda dirty

I taught the boys the 'pull my finger' joke this week. Guess you need to be a guy.

The Wise (Young) Mommy gave me an award last week (under the butterfly). It came with the usual pass it on to yadda yadda rules. It's not that I don't like the rules or the idea, I'm just very laz- busy with the boys and all. Plus, how do I only pick out X number of recipients? It's cruel. Instead, I present her with the grilled cheese porn I promised her.



According to Heinous Petra has some hybrid mixture of Ebola and Dengue Fever so maybe go give her some love. (Dear newer readers, if you enter 'grilled cheese' in the search blog bar up in the left hand corner, this may make a little more sense. Or reinforce why you're not coming back)

Speaking of Heinous, the other day he mentioned that Blogger will only let you follow 200 blogs. WTF? Which also reminded me that I have a blogroll and WHOA! am I ever behind on that! Seriously, if you've been kind enough to add me to yours and I haven't reciprocated, it's not because I'm a stuck up pretentious ass, I'm just dumb. Hence, Dumbass? Get it? Let me know and I'll throw you in. Unless I forget.

Alright, that's it.

May The Cheese Be With You

Stormtrooper 1: Not that I need an excuse, but what brought this on?
Stormtrooper 2: Guy starts waving his hand in my face and tellin' me I don't need to see his papers.
Stormtrooper 3: Ha ha ha! What? He thought he was a Jedi or something?


*Untitled will be back on Wednesday. Sorry but I've got a 'thing' in DC on Tuesday that I just can't get out of.

Gasted Of Flabber*: Random Tuesday Thoughts

Just to clarify, the Friday pics tattoo addition won't be until the end of the month. Thanks to everyone who has sent pictures in so far.



Courtesy of Keely at The Un-Mom, kinda like Spin Cycle, but not. (I've missed the last couple of Spin's because if I'm not motivated, if I don't have an idea right away, I'll never get it done. I've already apologized to Jen. She mentioned something about Sprite kicking my ass, but I'm not worried, I could totally take Sprite.) Unfamiliar with Random Tuesday Thoughts? It's kinda self explanatory. Here we go...

I was waiting for a call from my financial advisor today because he'd received my pension package from my old job and we needed to talk about what to do with it. I carefully explained to the boys that daddy was expecting a call and to please be quiet. I'm in the back room when the call comes in. Not two minutes later Liam runs in buck naked and squealing like pig. He thought that was quite funny.

That was just before lunch. And you know what lunch means around here. Surprise!

First grilled cheese man of the new year.

Supreme Leader just walked into the room rubbing her tummy. She started saying "pleasantly" which I finished off with "plump," 'cause that's the saying, right? So very very wrong. Apparently she meant to say "pleasantly warm," referring to the sensation in her stomach after sharing a bottle of Smirnoff Ice with me. Ice. There's the key word.

"Thinking of breaking my vegetarianism if only I could find some unicorn meat. I hear it's magically delicious!"

From Dave of Blogography who recently discovered that if you use Twitter, your tweets are "not only archived in several places, but show up in Google searches as well." Who knew?

A few months back I bought some plants for our aquarium, unfortunately we also got a snail along with them. Just one. Did you know snails can reproduce asexually? Forget rabbits. It's like a plague of locusts, only slower.

Saw a rerun of Bones the other day where they were boiling a head to clean the skull off and an eyeball floats to the surface. Sorry, you're not having breakfast, are you? Anyway, this leads me to thinking of an episode of Chuck last year where Sarah (Yvonne Strahovski) is fighting with... hold on...


Ahh, pig tails and gun, give me a moment. Ok. So she's fighting some other girl and in the middle of the fight sequence does a somersault revealing a thong-clad bottom. It played on the eastern networks, but once it had hit the Pacific NBC had edited it out. Dear God, America! You're going to have a new president this month, can we get over the right-wing 19th century view of nudity that's inflicted us for the last eight years? And I say 'we' because it's not just normal Americans who've suffered, think of your neighbours. Horrifically disgusting autopsy scenes are ok, but not Ms. Strahovski's backside? Ten years ago we were watching Denis Franz's naked hairy ass on NYPD Blue! It's time for a change.


Conversation with Connor before bed.

Connor: Daddy, what's a valley-um?
Me: A what?
Connor: A valley-um.
Me: Where did you hear that?
Connor: At school. Mrs. _____ said it.
(Just for you, Vodka Mom)

Wow. This so didn't work out the way I'd planned. Better to write a post in one shot rather than leaving the computer every five minutes to do something else. Well, if you made it to the end of this train wreck I'll give you your money back. What? You didn't pay? Sucker! I just ate two minutes of your day and it was delicious. *burp*

*Not mine. Stole it from Toll of the Hounds, Steven Erikson.

What Would You Do?

"Dude, seriously, just like chicken."

A Message From The Boys

For all of our friends south of the border (south of my border, not Mexico! Turn around, dammit!), whether you're in the States, overseas or even here in Canada and feeling very sad today.



We hope you have an awesome day and get to share it with loved ones. Eat a lot, ignore your diets. If you do happen to murder a family member over dinner, remember that you'll have internet access in prison and will still be able to blog. Think of all the great stories you'll have!

*PS. Dear Supreme Leader, before you freak out about all the ketchup I poured on the table, I used it all for my sandwiches so it didn't go to waste. And yes, I cleaned off the table before I did that. And yes the kids ate the table ketchup too. What? They've eaten worse.

Grilled Cheese Murder

Spreadin' On The Awesomesauce

Two items of business this afternoon. First: (Gingerbread) Grilled Cheese Men. Who is an awesome dad?




Second, my friend Jen over at Blissfully Caffeinated is in a seasonal funk. Go send her some love.

Don't fight the Speedwagon, just get on board.

**Third. Nice work, Blogger. My post is not supposed to look like this AT ALL. W.T.F?