Random Tuesday: What Are You Doing, Dave?

Except not really because I'm writing this last Friday night (hello future!). I have to take my dying computer in for emergency surgery. Either that or see if I can skip my flat iMac like a pebble across my backyard after its gone through my window. That's not fair, my Mac is ancient, computer wise. And I want to make sure the problem(s) lie(s) with it before screaming at my internet provider.

Don't like my randomless random?


Michelle Pathé

Because Supreme Leader is, in some ways, just as lazy as I am, we were using a cookbook as a mouse pad for the longest time. We have a laser mouse but didn't have a proper mouse pad for it and never got around to buying one. We finally picked one up last month but the damn thing has a pattern on it and the laser bounces all over the damn place and takes my cursor with it. Screw you, technology!


Essayons

Interactive murder map of New York. What? Don't give me that. We both know you're going to click on the link and try it.



I was once invited to go on the Jerry Springer show.


There's a new trailer out for 2012. I don't care if this movie doesn't have a plot... I don't care if it even has a story or actors, I just want to see all the special effects disaster. If you do watch the clip, wait until the end and see what happens to the aircraft carrier, John F. Kennedy. Cool.

That's it. You know the rest, go to Keely's and grab your own cup of purple Kool-Aid.

Expecto Patronum!

My computer has not been feeling well of late so I've sent it off to a health spa for a few days. Hopefully a few days is all it needs because the batteries in my iPod will only last so long. If you don't see me on your blog this week, it's not because I don't love you.



From 3LambsStudio

Dear So & So: Make It So

Go to Kat's, grab a button and let it all out. There, now doesn't that feel better?



Dear Kat,

I was just about to go to bed when something clicked in my brain and put the three Dear So & So posts I just read and the fact that tomorrow is in fact Friday and not whatever make believe day I thought it was together and damn, let's see what I can shake loose from this 25 pound coconut that sits on my shoulders and can you believe how Dostoevsky-damn long this sentence is now?

Scattered


Dear Supreme Leader,

Remember yesterday how we looked all over the house for your keys and couldn't find them anywhere and even grilled the kids and looked in the freezer because where the hell could they have gone and then you found them this morning in Connor's booster seat in the van where I'd left them when I was looking for something and in hindsight left the van unlocked all night? Heh. That was funny, wasn't it.

Kisses, Hubby


Dear Highway Driving Idiots Who Stop Because They See A Police Car On The Side Of The Road,

DIE! Seriously, do you honestly think that cop is going to drop what he's doing, jump in his car and chase you down because you might be speeding as well? Really? You're on a freaking highway! My Man-van was never meant to drop from 120 kph to 0 in that time frame. If I had crashed I would have taken you out with my dying breath.

Have a nice day.


Dear Local Radio Station,

Yes, the King of Pop died and that's sad, but this wasn't the moon landing or the Kennedy assassination. This will not be a watershed moment in my life. Sorry.

Cold-hearted


Dear Readers Who Expected To See A Picture Of My Little Baboon Today,

Meh. He was up at Kat's yesterday so we're taking the day off. If you missed it yesterday, go follow the same link as above. Don't worry, he'll be back. We've got lots of cardboard.

Lazy

Pre-School Has Changed + HBSB

Last night I deleted an email by mistake and had to go into the trash to retrieve it. I was a little surprised to see one in there titled "Dear Liam," so I opened it up.



KiKi? I didn't know she could read let alone write. Before I knew it, Kiki's mother Kat was IM'ing me about some suspicious email she had found on her computer and showed me this.

Looks like I'll be making a trip to England soon to talk to Kiki's dad.

And whoa! It's Thursday already. How did that happen? It's He Blogs/She Blogs day.



Head on over and see what Petra wrote. Maybe just Petra since I'm writing like I was on a bender. Whatever, just come. There'll be cookies.

Random Tuesday: Smoke & Mirrors

How's this for Random? I'm not even here! I'm doing a Random Tuesday guest post over at my sister's, so come on over and check it out.

Seriously. It'll be magic, medicinal almost. Ladies, it will smooth wrinkles. Gentlemen, you'll look like one of those guys in the Viagra commercials.

No, really. Click on the freakin' link now.

Only His Hat Is Keeping His Head From Bursting, Plus Some Other Stuff

Not the picture I was planning for this week, but we're going away this weekend and I ran out of time. And the first day of summer is coming up quick.

If you have time today, go check out Cheer Up Nation. It's a new blog by Brian of PapaTV. It's a whole bunch of feel good. Unless you're a cold hearted puppy hater

And finally, something else new and cool from my home girl, Kat at 3 Bedroom Bungalow. Dear... fill in the blank.



Dear Toy Makers,

I love the Transformers. The first movie was great and I can't wait from the second. What I need you to do is stop making so many effing transforming toys. Transforming Transformers are fine, but do we really need transformer versions of every other toy in existence? Seriously, what's next? Transforming Barbies?

Dear Person driving in front of me with young children not in seat belts,

When my plans for world dominance come to fruition, your kind will find yourselves lining up against the wall. The public should be allowed, no, required to drag you people from your cars and beat you senseless. If the thought of your 'rights' even crossed your mind reading this, get off my blog you murdering idiot.

Dear Spiders,

This is my house. Mine. Find your own. Go check out the neighb- Hey, did my kids invite you with some type of pagan summoning ritual? Damn those kids! I knew it!

Connor! Liam!

Go grab a button from Kat's, it's cathartic.


PS. All of the sign pictures so far have been of my youngest son, Liam. Connor, unfortunately, can read quite well for a six year old.

Random Tuesday: Fairy Sweat

Random? As I write this it's Monday night and my wife is still at work. I'm sitting at the computer in my underwear eating a bowl of leftover BBQ meat.* That's it, a bowl full of meat. Because I am a man, and that's what we do.

Still here? Alrighty then, I got boobs, contests and cookies. Come on in, take your shoes off.



Another day, another cookie.



This is cool in so many many ways.


I know, right!? Don't go yet, though. There's more.

Ryan over at Pacing the Panic Room is having a Father's Day contest. You take a picture of your wallet and send it to him and you're in for not only a man's but also a woman's wallet. Win-win. I didn't post the picture of the ladies wallet because, as I mentioned above, I'm a man, even though I do appreciate a nice handbag.



Check out what I won.



Kelly at Design Crush had a giveaway that I had planned on mentioning here, but in retrospect, if I had I might not have won. Suckas! Kate Miss is the artist's name and if you're interested in what you didn't win because I didn't tell you about it, she has an etsy shop over here.

Speaking of etsy, Robin at Cinnamon & Honey also has an etsy shop where she sells handmade cards like this one I gave to Supreme Leader for her birthday last week... ish.


My fish loves it. Ok, he's a fighting fish and he just wants to kill it, but he seems really happy about it.

What? Oh, right, boobs.


From Miss Grace and Holly, it's Boob Emancipation. How could I not support a blog like this?

Finally, a big shout out to the state of Utah and all it's wonderful bloggers. Especially the ladies who had the luck of running into Jen from Steenky Bee this weekend. How I envy you. And if you're reading this and don't know who Steenky is, leave the cave for awhile. Seriously, the State Department finally negotiated her release from North Korea and she's back with a vengence.



*I left this in a comment over at Keely's and ended up laughing at myself. Stealing your own work is not plagiarism. It's just being lazy and I'm ok with that.

Connor: Part VI

I don't know what it is about us, why we push each others buttons the way we do, but I know we'll be doing it for a long long time to come. Yesterday you made me so mad I wanted to beat my head against a rock. Or between two rocks. Still, you always make me laugh. Happy Birthday, Connor.

Playing with a kite he got from his aunties.



Supreme Leader's cookies for him to take to school.



And just because it's Monday.(Sorry it's sideways, damn camera man)

Payback

He Blogs/She Blogs: Go To Your Room!

Heh! I actually put up the right link for a change.

Meh.

Effect And Cause

My dentist has the coolest stuff in his office. And I'm not just talking about the TV in the ceiling, because that is just simply a must. I'm laying out some serious dime* for you to poke and prod me so the least you can do is keep me entertained. And we're not talking basic cable either. No, he's got a laser. Granted it's not shaped like a gun and it's noisy as hell, but still, zapping cavities with no needle? That's cool in my book. He's also got some large computer monitors which I'd wondered about on past visits. Today he's talking some mumbo jumbo about something or other and I'm all, buddy, move your head, Horatio Caine's about to take off his sunglasses, and you know that means trouble. Then he has the nerve to pull off my headset and point at one of the monitors. Since I missed whatever he was talking about I look at what appears to be an open pit of industrial waste with some confusion. Not wanting to seem rude I nod sagely and say, "yes, rampant Chinese industrialization is terrible. I understand the need for development and their desire to catch up to the West, but at what cost? The human and environmental impact must be measured..." I break off when it's obvious from his face that I missed the mark.
"Dude, that's your cavity close up." Then with my mouth agape he stabs it with a large bore needle and explains that this picture was taken from a small camera I hadn't even noticed him putting in my mouth (that sounds dirty) and that this small looking cavity has probably worked its way under my silver filling and that we should probably replace it. He took my racking sobs as agreement and stabbed me again. Sure enough, after drilling that bastard off (by the way, that cool laser? Doesn't work so well on reflective surfaces like silver fillings. Oh no, they still go old school on them), sure enough, there was more. On a 24" screen close up that thing looked like the land of Mordor minus the giant flaming eye.

So, if you noticed my absence from your blog yesterday, that was why. I tried going through some, but with half of my head frozen my drool shorted out my keyboard and I had to run out to Best Buy to get a new one. It's not my fault though. Look at what I have to deal with at home.


My sisters-in-law just got back from France and brought us madeleines and macarons (no, not macaroons, macarons) and Supreme Leader made a lemon pie. What? I have the will power of a stray dog. I bit into that first macaron and it made sweet love to my tongue and promised to call me again and then it did and this time it was chocolate. You don't understand. Can you see in the picture where it says au beurre frais? Made with fresh butter. The madeleines came individually wrapped and sighed a little breath of sugary buttery love with each one I opened. (Let me point out at this juncture however that they are no where as good as Supreme Leader's. Not even a distant second.) And the pie! The pie! Sweet lemony goodness that cannot be denied lest its feelings be hurt.

I'm just thinking of those starving children in... where were they, mom?

Random Tuesday: (blank)

Awesome.

Let's Call It A Week

*Sorry, some family members have decided this picture was inappropriate so to get them off my back I'm taking it down.

Stay tuned next week when I show you how to build your own meth lab and help you set up your own puppy mill.

He Blogs/She Blogs: Sorry, Honey...

Come check out what Petra and I have cooking over at HBSB.


And...

Happy Birthday, Supreme Leader. All hail another year of your iron fisted rule!

Come Here

No no no, I meant here.

Random Tuesday: Sucka

Little hot out, ladies (or gents, we don't judge here)? Have a Daniel Craig popsicle.


Oh ya, it's Random Tuesday.



So how do super heroes like Superman and Batman get around facial recognition software? Damn you, Homeland Security.

Me: You know what would be a really nice present for daddy? If you and your brother didn't fight tomorrow.
Connor: No, we already got you a present.


My neighbour's wife just got back from a few weeks vacation in England. The day before she was due back their vacuum broke so they borrowed ours. After the neighbour's son brought it back, Liam goes tearing out of the house after him. When he stops Liam says, "remember, stay calm, don't panic." He is endless fun.

Supreme Leader (referring to my birthday lemon meringue pie): Don't be alarmed at the liquid at the bottom of the plate. Meringue weeps after a few days. Some sugars cause it to do that.
Me: Did you have to say 'weeps'? You know what weeps? Supperating wounds.
SL: *laughing* "Suppurating," you used a big word.
Me: *sigh*

From about 1992 to 2003 Supreme Leader and I went to a lot of movies. We saw everything that came out. And then children came. Since then we only get out to the occasional blockbuster. This past month though? It feels like we're dating again. We've also been renting too, so here's a brief run down with ratings.

Last Chance Harvey (video) - SUCKED! Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this because it's a chick flick. I like chick flicks. This movie just sucks.
Night at the Museum 2 - Great. If your kids like the first one, they'll like this. Connor's second movie in a theatre and he didn't cry or want to leave this time.
Star Trek - What can I say? They even killed a guy in a red jump suit. Production on the second movie is scheduled for 2011.
Body of Lies (video) - Meh. Not bad, but a little long. Seeing helicopter gunships take out a moving car on the big screen would have been cool.
Rock n' Rolla - I love British crime movies. Why limit yourself to one plot line when you can have 10 that will all mysteriously come together in the end?
Terminator: Salvation - As my wife said as we were leaving the theatre, "that was relentless." I came to see guns and things blowing up. I wasn't disappointed. Loud? Every time there was an explosion I checked myself for shrapnel.
Valkyrie - Not bad. Tom Cruise should keep the eye patch. He looks cooler with it.

Supreme Leader: Are you picking your nose and eating it?
Connor: I'm hungry.

All right, that's it. Nothing to see here, move along to Keely's for some real carnage.



PS. My sister threatened to kick my ass if I didn't link her birthday tribute. Sure, why not direct people to embarrassing photos of myself. Whatever, I was adorable.