Dear Kat,
I was just about to go to bed when something clicked in my brain and put the three Dear So & So posts I just read and the fact that tomorrow is in fact Friday and not whatever make believe day I thought it was together and damn, let's see what I can shake loose from this 25 pound coconut that sits on my shoulders and can you believe how Dostoevsky-damn long this sentence is now?
Scattered
Dear Supreme Leader,
Remember yesterday how we looked all over the house for your keys and couldn't find them anywhere and even grilled the kids and looked in the freezer because where the hell could they have gone and then you found them this morning in Connor's booster seat in the van where I'd left them when I was looking for something and in hindsight left the van unlocked all night? Heh. That was funny, wasn't it.
Kisses, Hubby
Dear Highway Driving Idiots Who Stop Because They See A Police Car On The Side Of The Road,
DIE! Seriously, do you honestly think that cop is going to drop what he's doing, jump in his car and chase you down because you might be speeding as well? Really? You're on a freaking highway! My Man-van was never meant to drop from 120 kph to 0 in that time frame. If I had crashed I would have taken you out with my dying breath.
Have a nice day.
Dear Local Radio Station,
Yes, the King of Pop died and that's sad, but this wasn't the moon landing or the Kennedy assassination. This will not be a watershed moment in my life. Sorry.
Cold-hearted
Dear Readers Who Expected To See A Picture Of My Little Baboon Today,
Meh. He was up at Kat's yesterday so we're taking the day off. If you missed it yesterday, go follow the same link as above. Don't worry, he'll be back. We've got lots of cardboard.
Lazy
Posts
OMFG I think I'm first. I forgot what I was going to say.
ReplyDeleteI HEART the dear so and so letters. Its always a favorite of mine. My letters are usually to GSO b/c they suck. (and they need to be told as much because they might not know and this is my public service to them).
I agree about the drivers when they see a cop. I hate when the speed limit is 65 and they slow down to 45!
ReplyDeleteHusband Styro is with you on the cop thing, but it's THE LAW in Michigan now. How much does that suck?
ReplyDeleteJean Luc Picard = Another Sexy Bald Guy
So I'm NOT the only person who isn't overly bothered about the death of "the King of Pop". Yes, I am one of those people texting tasteless jokes to all my friends already.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree; that whole speeding on the highway thing can drive a person doolally.
I have a LOT of letters I need to write. And I knew you guys had to have a lot of cardboard.
ReplyDeleteBTW - You are spot on with the letter to the drivers who stop. I always figure they have drugs in the trunk to be that paranoid.
Just came back from road trip to Atlanta where I saw the same thing over and over of drivers slowing when they see the cop having pulled someone over.
ReplyDeleteWhat killed me was slowing down to an absolute crawl for 40 fucking minutes to find out it was just RUBBER NECKERS looking at the remains of a wreck that had been cleared for HOURS!
Kat's got Mr. Linky up for the Dear So and So letters. Just an FYI.
ReplyDeleteDear Supreme Leader,
It is at times like these that slapping hubby upside the head is a perfectly acceptable response.
Your compatriot,
Michele
I didn't type this on other blogs but I am also not sad in any way. I am glad that we will not have to listen to wacko stories anymore. Poor Michael really lost his reality to fame. He was a great entertainer in the '80s
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking you did well today. This post shows a lot of insight into your world. Supreme Leader may kill you at some point, (I mean you just keep blogging more and more evidence in her favor. Maybe Will and Testament should be your next post, hehe.)
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah this freaky weird guy who sang Thriller died and that's sad and all but really, let's move along alright?
Looking forward to the next cardboard installment. I always forward the link to my hubby cause they make me laugh.
I leave my keys in the front door all the time. Hubby comes home at 3am from work and wants to give me shit but is afraid to wake me up. Hehe.
ReplyDeleteBut also not funny, in retrospect.
I must admit, I was worried that you didn't have enough. You know - cardboard...
ReplyDeleteRe: #2. I don't know why women just can't see the humor in those sort of things. You should have framed the kids.
ReplyDeleteIs that your secret? Carrying a 25lb coconut around on top of your head? Fascinating!!
ReplyDeleteYeah, where are you getting all of that cardboard anyway?
ReplyDeleteOh, and I agree with you on the cop thing. BUT! I once got pulled over by a cop ticketing someone else. He saw me coming and pointed at the hood of my car then held his hand up to stop as I passed. I guess I could've kept going and prayed he didn't see my plate, but I was too freaked out.
And yeah, he got me for speeding. I think the radar in the squad car must've clocked me. Or he was making that shit up. Needless to say it was more than 200 bucks. Sucked to be me.
I'm with you on the Michael Jackson Love fest, Cap'n. The man lost his grip on reality long ago. Let's not make him a saint.
ReplyDeleteI love the Dear So & So's. I'm pretty much a ditto on the highway drivers and Michael Jackson weirdness.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think you owe the Supreme Leader a nice bottle of wine!
DUDE, the drivers! Ugh! SERIOUSLY! I just cannot fathom why they think someone is going to pull them over. Stop rubbernecking! It's not a drug bust, just move ON!
ReplyDeleteOh, and if I were the Supreme Leader, I wouldn't have thought that was very funny. Especially since men have a tendency to not find things that are right in front of their faces. Yeah, I'm bitter, so?
I was horrified when BBC world report came on last night and Michael Jackson's death was the top story? Really? It's sad that he died, but I don't think it's the most important thing that happened in the world today.
ReplyDeleteLeft something for you over at my place. Hope you can pick it up soon.
ReplyDeleteJane
Yes, so sad about the King of Pop (sniff sniff).
ReplyDelete"Tito, hand me a tissue. Germain, stop teasing!"
Yes, the King of Pop died. It's sad for family and friends. But the entertainment news industry will chew on this story until there's nothing left. They got a juicy one this time.
ReplyDeleteKeys in the unlocked car overnight. That's hysterical. Did Supreme Leader think so?
And I went over to Kat's and saw a photo of your son. So, we're all good.
Love the Dear So & So letters.
Nah,whatsisname wrote longer sentences....dammit....whatsisname.I'll get back to ya...avagoodweegend.
ReplyDeleteDear Captain Dumbass,
ReplyDeleteVodkamom's garden is kicking your garden's ass.
Sincerely,
the blogging garden society. "We wear green hats. and green galoshes."
Y'know...him....that guy....
ReplyDeletejeez
You have a 25-pound coconut that sits on you shoulders? Have you tried to milk it? Just do what Hanks did in "Cast Away" and bang it on a sharp rock. You'll get all kinds of interesting stuff out of it then, I'm sure. ;)
ReplyDeleteDon't discount the keys in the fridge thing. I once lost mine in the fridge for four effing days and they turned up inside an IBC rootbeer case.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on Michael Jackson,
ReplyDeleteit was very sad, he was an incredible talent, but there are
men and women dying in Iran everyday because they don't want
to be living in a totalitarian government. We have a friend who
has been in the hospital for months, unable to swallow, to cntrol his bowels or bladder,
talk, walk. Farrah Fawcett and
thousands of other people died of
cancer.
What disgusted me the most was CNN
talking about respecting the famiiy's privacy, then showing a picture of him with a breathing tube down his throat, not moving,
while he was with the paramedics.
CNN you are becoming ambulance chasers.
But back to the keys, hope you
were nice along with being helpful looking for Supreme Leaders keys,
otherwise I probably would have
shot you. (Just with a pellet gun
or something much less lethal, have
to make your point).
Ok, I'm back from Oz, I can be a
nice boring Mommy again.
Look forward to next episode of
Cardboard Boy.
I've got a few drivers you can take out for me.
ReplyDeleteState of Virginia the law is that if there is a police officer on the side of the road that you slow down or face a $2500 fine. I think I will remain in the dumb ass category and continue to slow down and move over.
ReplyDeleteDi
These were great!
ReplyDeleteI so relate to the rubbernecking drivers!
Your Dear So and So rocks! All of them! Well, except the keys. That's not cool dude lol
ReplyDeleteWhy do people think that immediately slowing down (and trying to cause an accident) accomplishes anything? Besides raising my blood pressure?
ReplyDeletewhat? michael jackson died?
ReplyDeletewhat? michael jackson died?
ReplyDelete