For Kids, Big And Small

Before we go anywhere, I'd like to take a minute to thank Blogger for nothing. Particularly not saving all the earlier changes I'd made to this post, making all that work... for nothing. You suck.


Carrying on...




Let's start this out right. Play the first few seconds to get the idea of what's happening, then skip ahead to the 50 second mark.



Not sure how many times the boys and I watched this, but it hasn't lost it's magic yet.


So today's random is random with a point. With the exception of the first video, everything posted here came from a fantastic new site called The Kid Should See This that is made up of videos that, while maybe not originally geared towards children, are educational and actually interesting to them. And no, I'm not promoting this site. Well, actually I am, but purely because I think the site is awesome and I think anyone with kids should know about it. Hell, even if you don't have kids, these videos are great. I've watched all of them and can't wait for more to be posted. I first heard about it on Kottke.org who described it like this:

With obvious exceptions, media “made for kids” is mindnumbingly dumb. YouTube, Flickr, and Vimeo are amazing resources of not-made-for-kids but totally-appropriate-for-kids stuff like what Rion is posting here.

Anybody out there remember the movie The Black Hole? If you do, you'll get the reference in a minute.




The next one is from General Dynamic. It uses dropped objects and gelatin molds to illustrate the transfer of energy in their dynamic braking system on hybrid locomotives. Dropping heavy things on jello in slo-mo, how can you go wrong?



Lastly, and my favourite, is this. A NASA promotional video that wasn't even created by NASA, but a fan who wanted to show what the space agency could do for itself if it only tried.

"In all of their brilliance, NASA seems to have forgotten to share their hopes and dreams in a way the public can relate to, leaving one of humanity’s grandest projects with terrible PR and massive funding cuts."

Make sure you supersize this one, it deserves it.



It's sad to think that what we spent on the mortgage bailout a few years back was more than NASA's entire 50 year budget. That 50 years bought us a man on the moon, the shuttle program, the International Space Station, the Mars rover, probes sent out past the farthest reaches of our solar system and inspired countless numbers of boys and girls to grow  up and become scientists and engineers. The mortgage bailout bought us out of our own stupidity, and only temporarily at that. Wouldn't it be great if we could go back to the optimism of the early space program? Wouldn't it be great to have something like that to inspire our children? Personally, I'd be much happier knowing my tax dollars were going towards that than buying our way out of poor financial decisions and padding the wallets of the Wall Street executives who got away with letting it all happen.


Seriously, go check The Kid Should See This out, there's more awesomeness then I could possibly post here. I highly recommend the bike guy, the element song and the crazy octopus.

Less Words, More Content

For the lack-of-Star-Wars-content complainers:

Moss graffiti

Put in blender: one can of cheap beer or 1 1/2 cups buttermilk, a few handfuls of moss, one teaspoon of sugar. Paint on wall and mist daily until it grows.

This is pretty cool.



I finally, finally, FINALLY got an iPhone because my wife is awesome and said I could get one for our anniversary. After I got her a new bedside lamp from Ikea. Don't be jealous ladies. Anyway, here's some text between my brother and I. (btw, an otter is an iPhone cover)

There's really no way to introduce this.



There's 2 minutes you'll never get back. You're welcome.

'Cause You Can't, You Won't, And You Don't Stop

So it turns out that when you abandon your blog for long periods of time people stop coming round. Then it ends up looking like the dark house on the block with the scary old recluse that gives you the stink eye through the blinds when you pass by. Jeez, you'd think somebody would at least stop by and offer to cut the grass.




I've been seeing this ad for some new Dodge minivan lately. At one point, the cutesie family inside is stuck behind this ancient flat bed truck carrying a load of hay up a hill and passes it in a show of the van's speed and versatility. Seriously, this is your ad campaign? Your van can pass a 60 year old farming truck. Oh goodie.


MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

My office works from 5am to 9pm and for the last week or so I've been doing the morning shifts. The kids spend the day at my in-laws, so after work I go over and usually wait around for Supreme Leader to finish work so we can all go home together. The new schedule also means that I'm at my in-laws everyday in time to see a new soap opera that my father-in-law is watching. Sure it's in Mandarin and I have no idea what anyone is saying, but after watching it for a week in my post-work coma on their sofa I'm hooked. It takes place on a Chinese air force base, but it's the usual soap-ish drama, regardless of geography or language. Apparently, there are no lady pilots in the People's Republic, but their ground crews are sure hot.


Sesame Street breaks it down from Wonderful Creative on Vimeo.

With SL back at work now I've been spending a lot more time on public transit. Lately I've noticed that people don't seem to want to sit next to me, even when I make a point of holding my bag in my lap so they have a spot to sit. Do I look like an axe murderer or something? Maybe I should get an axe. No, that's totally impracticle, I'll get a hatchet instead, easier to swing. "The wheels on the bus go round and round..."

Random child picture. Well, random picture of my child, not just some random photo of another child. People frown on that.

Not sure if he has to pee or if it's just a guy thing. Wait... no, just a guy thing.

Have you seen this video yet? It's Neil Patrick Harris' intro to this year's Tony Awards. I see it every day. Many times a day. For some mysterious reason, whether he's a fan or likes show tunes (we're not judging), Finn will stop whatever he's doing to watch. Temper tantrums, injury, climbing across the ceiling spitting fire, whatever, he will climb up into our laps to watch. Whenever it's bottle time, on comes Harris and we all slip into a little bubble of peace and harmony. Thank you, Neil.

Permanent Slugs

You know that 'permanent marker' thing on the side of a Sharpie? They're serious about that. And when your child decides to use one to paint a rock on your kitchen floor and it sinks into the linoleum, it's there permanently.




Supreme Leader's mat leave is almost done. I can tell she's looking forward to going back by the way she walks around the house muttering, "I hate my f@*king job."



"Baby baby baby, ohhh!" When we went grocery shopping on the weekend the audio section was playing a Justin Beiber concert video. That effing song lodged itself in my brain like some kind of heinous zombie cancer that made me want to drop to the floor and beat my head against it. "Hey look, toilet paper's on sale this week. Baby baby baby, ohh!" GAH! *thump thump*


Commercial for a photography store in Calgary.



Liam picked up a slug in the back yard yesterday and got slimed. It took over five minutes of vigorous scrubbing with a cloth to get that Ghostbusters ectoplasm guck off his hand. Don't play with slugs. Just sayin.

"U kalle rah doe kankee kung"*

Much like a dog or a wild animal that's tasted human blood for the first time, Finn's need to stick everything into his mouth, regardless of size, shape or common sense has now become a serious issue. It started out as it usually does, bit of paper, fuzz, the occasional dropped cereal around the dining table. As with his older brothers, it progressed on to toy cars, remote controls, et cetera. Now though...

That there? That's a chunk of burnt wood from the fireplace. We caught him eating a nice sharp charred bit last week. Sharp like glass, sharp. And after we fished it out of his mouth? He tried to go back for more, hence the picture of it sitting in my car port.

Then the inevitable. Supreme Leader has him in his big brother's room and hears a gagging noise. Jamming a finger in his mouth after wrestling him away from the Lego box she can feel something hard and pointy in there but needs to reposition since he's fighting her and trying to eat her finger as well. Then it's gone. We're not sure whether or not it's still in his stomach or he spat it out when she picked him up, but I can tell you where it hasn't been for half a week of diaper changes. Damn kids.

Liam to Supreme Leader after being asked to be left alone to play: "It's not that I don't want you in my life, I just want to be alone for now."

I love people who cough in your ear on the phone. Once is understandable, but when you do it consistently that just makes you a horrible human being who deserves flaming genital warts.

And how about we just leave it at flaming genital warts.




*"You are my kind of scum." -Jabba the Hutt

The tide is high but I'm holding on...*

So where have I been? No, really where the hell have I been? I woke up yesterday in an alley behind a bar in Veracruz with a bullet in my thigh, a pocket full of Peruvian cash and no memory of the last week. Having a new baby really takes a toll. Seriously, just look at this kid.

No, that's not ketchup or jam around his mouth, on his shirt or smeared across his fists, it's blood. No no no, don't be boo hooing or poor babying him, he's a terrorist. At ten and a half months he has had more split lips than both his older brothers have had in their combined 13 and a half years.


I don't even like baseball, but I love this commercial.



Part two of my surgery texts with my sister, the aftermath:

Sister: I'm alive.
Me: Yay! Thanks for reminding me to call you.
Me: Do you have a peg leg?
Sister: Yes rhet even lent me a parrot til I can afford my own!!!!
Sister: Not rhet they.
Me: Our health care is awesome!
Sister: Right!!!!
Me: 'Not rhet they?' Are you still doped up?
Sister: I was correcting my spelling mistake... Smart ass.
What made you so cold and heartless... sniff sniff
Me: Whatever, dope head.

Connor: My tummy feels funny.
Supreme Leader: Do you have a tummy ache? What does it feel like?
Connor: It feels like moths mating, or like I ate three grains of rice.
Me: *inside voice* WTF?

Somebody turned six on Sunday. Six? No, SIX!

*I couldn't think of a title so I started up iTunes and took the first line out of the first song that came up.

RTT: Friday

Day 5 and the conclusion of my RTT tribute. It's been fun. And a pain in the ass, which is probably why Keely is taking a "break."

Me: Hi, this is Chad from _____.
Customer: Jam?
Me: .... um, sure.

Wouldn't it be great to be able to use Firefox at work? Or Google Chrome? Safari? A typewriter and stamps? I don't care if it's an 'industry standard,' Internet Explore blows, regardless of what version it is. Forcing people to use it is cruel and unusual.



There was something here but now there's not. Hi Billy-Kwan!

Trying to scrub down my oldest, and most ticklish, in the bath tub last night.

Me: I don't care if it tickles, if I don't get you scrubbed down you'll get all nasty and covered with scabs.
Connor: What are scabs?
Me: Scabs, like when the blood dries up over a cut.
Connor: Why would I get scabs? (still deflecting the wash cloth)
Me: Cause you'll be all dirty and disgusting and you'll itch until you start to bleed and you'll be covered in scabs that will get all infected...
Connor: *laughing*
Supreme Leader: *laughing*
Liam: *using penis as a puppet*
Me:  *tosses wash cloth* Wash yourself

A few months back I took the boys to the pet store and let them pick out a couple of fish for our aquarium. They both picked some ornamental goldfish that I have come to despise. All they do is eat and crap and kill plants and crap some more. Between eating they spend all their time, ALL of their time, looking for more food. And crapping. I hate them. Unfortunately I've made my displeasure known quite publicly so if any sort of "accident" were to happen, not that it ever would, I would be the prime suspect. Fucking goldfish.

Alright, good enough. Hope you enjoyed the ride and have a good weekend.

Random Thursday

Day four and we're still plugging away. Now, when I mentioned a week long celebration or dirge for the Un-Mom's Random Tuesday I meant a business week, ok? I won't be doing this over the weekend.



Just as I sat down to start writing tonight about how I spelled Cleveland wrong and nobody mentioned it, neither my more sarcastic, but dearly loved followers or Mama Badger or Literal Mom who are actually from Ohio, Supreme Leader walks over and writes "fair well" and "farewell" in front of me and asks which one is correct. She's not polite like you.


Impressionist Vader

This is a cute video, and all the more so because it's a true story.



If you're interested, you can see the new soccer pitch on Google maps here.


Poor little Liam, he's been sick off and on since... since I can't even remember. He's a magnet for viruses and bacteria, and lucky him, just about everything has started blooming around here just in time to kick his allergies in the ass. I took this picture a week or so back when he was so tired of wiping his nose he decided to just lay the tissue on the floor and lay his face on it.

And now that you're feeling all sorry for him, let me tell you about how he used his penis for a little ventriloquist act in the bath tub tonight... or not.

Random Wednesday

First off, before I say anything else... CLEAVLAND ROCKS! I'd have pictures but it was too dark by the time I got home and my camera takes horrid flash shots. And that's pictures with a flash, not pictures of flashers. Never mind, you still don't know what I'm talking about. 



Day Three of my random tribute to Keely... I had more on that but our TV is currently on Dancing With the Stars because Supreme Leader is watching it even though she's not in the room. Or even on the same floor. Could they not use the original versions of the songs they dance to? These cover versions make me want to stab my ears.


Kinetic typography. This is from Conan's fair well, but what they've done with it is really cool.


Conan O'Brien Kinetic Typography from Jacob Gilbreath on Vimeo.

My wife crochet me a little Yoda, Boba Fett and Storm Trooper. Because she is that awesome.

We're currently in our second week of Spring Break. This is partly because our school boards couldn't manage a 7/11 let alone a school district and partly because it turns out that hosting the Olympics is really really expensive. Good thing Supreme Leader is still on mat leave. On Monday she took Connor and Liam to the Aquarium where they were treated to seeing a Beluga whale poo. It was the highlight of the trip.


Portrait of a Whale Pooing by Connor.

Portrait of a Whale Pooing by Liam.

My Mac has become the old family dog that should be put down but nobody has the heart to do it. Hold on, Buddy, for the family.

Balloon bass and a box, nowhere to go from there.

Random Tuesday... on Tuesday

Day Two!



Last weekend while we were over at the in-laws I happened to be walking past the bathroom when I heard Liam inside talking to himself. The door was wide open, because he's five, and there he stood before the bowl, pants down to his ankles and a grim look of determination on his face. He was taking individual sheets of toilet paper and carefully controlling his stream so he could laser each sheet in half one at a time. I was amused and proud all at once.

Call me old fashioned, but I miss the old days on Twitter when people were just there to amuse one another. Now a days my Twitter stream is clogged with people trying to give me advice or sell me something or trying to get me to click on some random link to something I really wasn't interested in anyway. And what's with people who follow you who haven't even tweeted anything yet? I don't look at my followed or followers as a popularity contest, I want to amuse and be amused, not agravated and annoyed. I feel a great purge coming.


Dog bunny.

Ever heard of a nonillion? That's 1000 x a billion x a billion x a billion, or the estimated number of microbial cells in the world's oceans. Collectively they weigh the equivalent of 240 billion African elephants. Courtesy of the Census of Marine Life.

And... um... ah... look, something shiny!

Random Monday

Last week, before a sombre gathering of the press, the Un-Mom announced the demise of Random Tuesday. A horrified world reeled at the news and demanded answers, but much like the press conferences held by Japanese government officials in their fancy jumpsuits, Keely's answers were misleading and questionable at best. Lacking guidance of any kind, the faithful were cast out alone into the darkness. What are we going to do on Tuesdays?

What would John Locke do? Kill something with one of his knife and then smile in his 'I-know-something-that-you-don't-know' or maybe 'I'm-just-thinking-how-funny-it-would-be-to-murder-you' kinda way, but that's just not practicle in this situation. Instead I've decided to dedicate this whole week to Random Tuesday and our benefactor, Keely for creating and hosting RTT all these... however long has she been doing this. And sure, she only said hiatus, but I'm one to blow just about anything out of proportion so why should this be any different? So here we go, day one. Random Monday.


Ever wonder what the inside of a sting ray looks like?

Liam's sitting on the potty the other night, carefully picking his nose and wiping it on a single sheet of toilet paper. Then he drops it in the toilet and says, "look daddy, it's a booger raft!"

Conversation with Finn after having to hide his smooshed up peas and squash with his smooshed up berry dessert and thereby diffusing his apoplectic fury

Me: Singin' a different tune now, aren't we?
Finn: Gurgle
Me: Fruit whore

Notice that line above his left eyebrow that kind of looks like hair but is more red in the way your skin gets when your head gets wedged in between a chest and a railing and your dad has to come and actually move the chest because when he tries to pick you up your head won't move because it is literally STUCK? Ya, that's not hair.


I should close this with some segue to tomorrow's post, but all I can think of are Pringles and the fact that that can behind Finn is gone now. *sniffle* 

Whales Don't Have Ears, They Know Math*

*Liam, who else?



Finn's first trip to the beach.

This was the only time he was actually let down, otherwise he would eat the sand.

This is wildly addicting. Be warned.

And this is really cool, but only if you're watching it on a decent computer. If your video usually comes out all shaky, it's not going to be as impressive.

Me: Why did you give me your cold?
Liam: I didn't give it to you, it donated itself.

And finally, a little something special for my Mom and the Un-Mom.

Kiss kiss!

Ginger Beef, Gold & Teachers

Email between Supreme Leader and I the other day after we had Chinese food at work:

Me: Mmm, ginger beef...
Supreme Leader: B
Me: Does that rhyme with plastered?
SL: Stitch
Me: Nasty.
SL: Princess
Me: I'm going to blog your meanness
SL: Cut off

See what I have to put up with?

Where the hell have I been?



Hmm, what was I doing around this time last year? Oh ya, I was recovering from this

And this

Heh heh heh.

I want everything in this video.



A series of text messages between my sister and I:

Sister: Hey
Sister: How many times to I have to call You a butch (iPhone auto correct) before you answer?
Sister: Butch, ha ha ha
Sister: BITCH
Sister: Bitch
Sister: BITCH
Sister: Seriously
Sister: Some people are just so rude, some people say they will call you and don't
BTW that's 8 texts…jerk
Sister: You're dead to me.
Me (next day): Shit! Sorry. I'm a horrible brother, what can I say. Tonight?
Sister: That's funny, I didn't think the dead could talk… let alone text… DEAD TO ME

About five minutes before I found this next video I received a comment from Vodka Mom. Must mean something. So for Deb and PHST and Apathy Lounge and Unmitigated, because she used to be one, and any other teacher bloggers I might be forgetting, this is for you.

Easy-Peasy, Bright and Breezy, Lemon Squeezy.

Kids offer a constant stream of blogability, and in the past week and a half, Liam has been gold. GOLD. Tantrums, regular conversation, buttering Mommy and Daddy up or just opening his mouth to let the magic fall out. If I made any money off this site I'd have to put him on the payroll.

Liam: Mommy, what's all that white in your hair?
Mommy: When people get older their hair starts to get white.
Liam: Why is there so much of it? Hey Connor! Come look at Mommy's head!

See? Gold.
(Supreme Leader got a cut and colour soon after this conversation took place.)

Somebody, and I'm not naming names, had a little accident the other night. When I went in to find out why he… er, the person in question, was crying, the person was busy pulling all their stuffed animals out of the bed. When I stripped this person down and wrapped him/her in a clean blanket so I could go get some new sheets, this person said, "I'll have to apologize to my bed." Then he/she curled up in a ball on the floor and fell asleep again.

"Explosions of love!"

While I was washing dishes and he was drawing on the patio doors with window crayons:

Liam: Daddy, I found a spider, should I kill him?
Daddy: Why don't we let him go.
Liam: Ok, the kitchen is messy enough for him to live in.

 Ouch.

Intrepid explorer...

...lover of cherries...

...slayer of giants, he does it all.

"If you come to my country, don't bring peanuts." 

Wouldn't dream of it, Pumpkin. Thanks for giving Daddy something to write about this week.

Finding A Good Title Is Like Trying To Find That Second Sock In The Dryer

Why the hell do so many people in my city feel the need to use their high beams at night? Are they sight impaired? If I lived in the middle of nowhere I could understand, but we live in a city. With street lamps. WTH?



I was taking the Sky Train (elevated transit not a magic train) to work the other day and happened to look down just as the train was passing over a shady section of Metropolis, and by Metropolis I mean Superman's Metropolis. It was actually a block long movie set they use to film Smallville. Is that still on the air? Anyway, it was very weird to be suddenly travelling over seedy looking brownstones, especially since we don't have brownstones here.

It was Chinese New Year a couple days back, Year of the ... Unicorn? Gerbil? I don't know. Possibly a bunny. Anyway, one of the traditional New Year's gifts given out to children or younger unmarried people or your favourite waiter is little red envelopes filled with money. As usual, the boys made out like theives.

They graciously shared some of their money to pay the delivery guy for some beef brisket hot pot and chow mien. Thanks boys.


Supreme Leader sent me this email at work the other day. She'd just arrived home after taking the boys out to get their hair cut and to buy a new coffee machine:

We had picked out the coffee maker and Connor wanted to help and carry it, Liam wanted to help too but Connor wouldn't let him. There ensued a mini tantrum, tears and pitiful cries of Connor being mean and not wanting him to be helpful. I suggested to Connor that they should take turns. Connor gave the box to Liam who tried to carry it and walk, he was having trouble and said, I hope I remembered the words exactly, "Could someone wipe my eyes, I can't see very well with these tears in my eyes."

Gratuitous baby shot.

So the postcards have been rolling in and they have been entertaining. One of them was so amazing we're actually buying a frame for it. Unfortunately, I totally lost track of who I did and didn't get a hold of, so if you said you wanted in on this and I haven't traded addresses with you yet, let me know. For everybody else, they're out and at the whim of your country's postal service.


Random Tuesday, and I actually managed to do it on Tuesday.