Pregnant Conversations

I'm not sure what the deal is, but every time I sit down to write something this week I find myself wandering out to the kitchen to find something to eat instead. And by something I mean anything, but that's a whole other post that won't write itself because I'll catch hell for getting vanilla icing on the keyboard. Where was I going with this? Besides the kitchen? Whatever. I may not have anything to write, but I've always got my wife.

10:30pm

Supreme Leader: I want some cherries.
Me: It's January.
SL: You can still get them.
Me: For what, a thousand dollars a pound?
SL: You don't love me.

Supremely Pregnant Leader: My belly feels distended.
Me: Your belly is distended.
SPL: Thanks.
Me: I'm a lot of help, aren't I?
SPL: You're a bastard.

*Update: Ok, when I said I wasn't writing I should have been more specific and said I haven't been writing posts. I've got a new story up at the Zombie News Network if you're interested. It's short.

"The Horror! The Horror!"*

It's been some time since I've done a grilled cheese man or any type of grilled cheese artwork. Way back at the end of October I came up with the idea of making a grilled cheese man and then letting him go bad so I could have a moldy grilled cheese zombie for Halloween and something for the zombie blog I do with Middle Aged Woman. Unfortunately, this led to that and I didn't have one made up for the Halloween deadline. Still, it was a good idea so during the first few days of November I grilled up my sandwich, cut out my future zombie and stuck him on a skewer. Remember the first week of November bit.

This picture was taken on January 24th. Rounding the numbers out, this guy is approximately 75 days old now and looks almost identical to the day I made him. Seventy-five days. Processed cheese and margarine. When we're dug up by some future species of humans or cockroaches or whoever takes over after us, those archeologists won't find bones, they'll find fossilized stomachs.



*I'm looking for two answers today, the book and the movie.

Are You Sure You're Sure?

Connor: Daddy, I'm done my poo.
Me: Are you sure?
Connor: It was diarrhea.
Me: But are you done?
Connor: Daddy, it came out like a flash! I'm positive.
Me: But are you poo-sitive?
Connor: DADDY!

RTT: Hotdogs, Ninja's and Willpower

As I write this I'm having lemon pie and chocolate chip cookies for a snack. I justify this with the fact that I actually dusted off my Wii Fit board and used it again today and that I only had a smoothie for dinner. In hindsight, maybe if I'd had more than a stupid smoothie for dinner I wouldn't be eating like a pig now.



My willpower is much like a pipe cleaner, soft and flexible.

Must have's:

Is that not an awesome bike or what?

Light tape. Light TAPE!

Idea paint. Just click on it, because no picture I can upload will be as cool as what you can see from their website. And no, I'm not going to Rick-roll you. Seriously, if anybody is still pulling that they should be burned at the stake.

This weekend we were out and about doing... something. Whatever, it's irrelevant. We stopped at the grocery store so I could go run in and get something and while I'm gone the song September by Green Day comes on. The first line goes:

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends.

My four year old says to Supreme Leader, "the innocence can never last in the time of dinosaurs"

Finally, from my six year old.

Connor: This pocket is where my ninja gets his hot dogs.

I couldn't make this stuff up.

Keely's, go and frolic.

Week 16

Phone rings

Me: Hello?
Supreme Leader: Before you come home, pick me up a chicken wing and a glazed donut.
*click*
Me: Hello?

Dear So & So

Dear Mikayla,

hiking July16 (14), originally uploaded by captaindumbass.

How can you be eight already?

Happy Birthday.





And not that I don't appreciate your comments, but I've turned mine off so you can wish her a happy birthday instead. Not that you should feel obliged to, or that a flock of My Little Ponies might bomb your house with rainbow coloured poo if you don't. I'm just sayin if you wanted to that would be nice.

RTT: He Was Made Of Snow But The Children Know...

Connor: Do you know what this is? (splashing through puddle)
Me: What?
Connor: Snowman blood! (cackles and splashes some more)
Me: .....

This is an interactive Nikon billboard from a subway station in Korea. Paparazzi jostle for position and when someone actually passes in front of it and trips its sensors, all the cameramen start taking pictures.


Why don't we get cool ads like that here?

While walking on the dike this weekend.

Liam: I'm going to sing poo poo pee pee Star Wars.
Me: Um... how do you do that?
Liam: Poo poo pee poo poo poo, pee pee peeeeee (imagine the Imperial March, or Darth Vader's music)

Just cause it looks good.


Designers Simon Pillard and Philippe Rosetti took an Ikea kitchen island and covered it with 20,000 pieces of Lego. I would spend more time in the kitchen if Supreme Leader would let me do this. Ah... More time that didn't involve feeding myself.



On the same Sunday afternoon walk on the dike when a flock of migrating snow geese took off en masse.

Connor: Don't let the geese poo in your hair, Mommy!
Liam: Your beautiful beautiful hair!

I think it was the volume the warning was given at that made it truly magical. In fact, I'm pretty sure I know what scared the geese in the first place.*

Head on over to the Un-Mom's or a goose might poo on your head.


*No mothers were pooed on during the writing of this post.