Mud Pie... er, Cake

Me: How did the potato masher get upstairs?
Supreme Leader: I don't know (she may have been gritting her teeth)
Liam: I don't know either, but it was probably stuck to my foot.

Huh? Whatever, he made me a mud cake for my birthday.

With an ocean theme. And it's a cake, not a pie. He was emphatic.

Easy-Peasy, Bright and Breezy, Lemon Squeezy.

Kids offer a constant stream of blogability, and in the past week and a half, Liam has been gold. GOLD. Tantrums, regular conversation, buttering Mommy and Daddy up or just opening his mouth to let the magic fall out. If I made any money off this site I'd have to put him on the payroll.

Liam: Mommy, what's all that white in your hair?
Mommy: When people get older their hair starts to get white.
Liam: Why is there so much of it? Hey Connor! Come look at Mommy's head!

See? Gold.
(Supreme Leader got a cut and colour soon after this conversation took place.)

Somebody, and I'm not naming names, had a little accident the other night. When I went in to find out why he… er, the person in question, was crying, the person was busy pulling all their stuffed animals out of the bed. When I stripped this person down and wrapped him/her in a clean blanket so I could go get some new sheets, this person said, "I'll have to apologize to my bed." Then he/she curled up in a ball on the floor and fell asleep again.

"Explosions of love!"

While I was washing dishes and he was drawing on the patio doors with window crayons:

Liam: Daddy, I found a spider, should I kill him?
Daddy: Why don't we let him go.
Liam: Ok, the kitchen is messy enough for him to live in.

 Ouch.

Intrepid explorer...

...lover of cherries...

...slayer of giants, he does it all.

"If you come to my country, don't bring peanuts." 

Wouldn't dream of it, Pumpkin. Thanks for giving Daddy something to write about this week.

There Will Be Cake

Hot Chocolate 2, originally uploaded by zoo.keeper.

I am three years old today! Revere Me, dammit! Lay your gifts and well wishes at my chubby pinkish brown feet.

Small But Deadly

Liam is in a stage right now where he is so horribly horribly cute it is almost sickening. He wakes up happy 99% of the time. He loves to cuddle. He hugs, and not just little hugs but squeezy hugs that make your eyes go a little misty. He's happy to give you a kiss whenever you ask. He smiles at everything and everyone.

Until he gets angry. Then he is evil incarnate. Have you ever heard the term "screams like a banshee?" If you want to know what a banshee actually sounds like, I can arrange it for you. This week he made a new addition to his apocalyptic repartee, here's an example from one of today's outbursts.

Liam: I'm going away forever!
Mommy: That's terrible, we'll miss you so much.
Daddy: We'll be very sad, but at least we'll still have Connor.
Liam: I'm very angry! I'm going to go away FOREVER!
Connor: Mommy and Daddy will still have Connor.
Mommy: Who will feed you?
Liam: Mommy and Daddy.
Mommy & Daddy: (trying to hide their laughter) Ok.
Connor: Mommy and Daddy will still have Connor.

He's still working out the details.

Conversations with Liam: 2

Daddy: Liam, hon, are you hungry?

Liam: Yes, but I tried the turkey breast and I was happy.

Daddy: Um.... ok.

Pay Up, Sucka!

Pay Up, Sucka! from Zoo Keeper on Vimeo.

Lemon Love Cake

Lemon Love Cake from Zoo Keeper on Vimeo.

Breakfast with Liam

"Liam, hon, what would you like for breakfast?"

"I want to eat grass like an elephant."

"Um...ok..."

Why I Need A Camera Imbedded In My Forehead

Bern was feeding Liam some yogurt for his pre-bed snack. Just as she sticks a big spoonful of peach Danino into his mouth, he sneezes. I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. My stomach still hurts.

Thanks Auntie Dizzy

My genius son...

Liam said 'terrible' last night. He's two. And he said it perfectly. I know what you're thinking, "blah blah blah, every parent thinks their child is brilliant." Ya, well fuck you. My child is brilliant.

Test, and a request for help

DSC01348, originally uploaded by zoo.keeper.

Obviously this child is insane and rabid, but special in his own special way. I love my rabidly insane child to bits but have found the area of discipline to be a problem that is only getting worse. His older brother could be sent to time out with some stern words and the evil eye and he would dutifully cry and be remorseful. Liam does not care. Time out is a game. Probably because he's seen his brother sent there so many times he thinks it's something fun he wants to be a part of. Being sent up to his room and put in his crib is equally useless. This is just an opportunity to test the spring in his mattress. Or pull the sheets off. Corporal punishment is also ineffective. A smack in the ass is useless due to the absorbancy of his diaper. Even when he's doing something like kicking me while I'm changing his diaper and I can get some skin on skin, he doesn't care. He thinks it's a game! Argh! I'll take any suggestions, unless it's something ridiculous like maybe I should try talking to him. He's two. People that suggest this either do not have children or are developing future criminals. Throw me a bone. Anyone.