Tuesday, April 26, 2011

"U kalle rah doe kankee kung"*

Much like a dog or a wild animal that's tasted human blood for the first time, Finn's need to stick everything into his mouth, regardless of size, shape or common sense has now become a serious issue. It started out as it usually does, bit of paper, fuzz, the occasional dropped cereal around the dining table. As with his older brothers, it progressed on to toy cars, remote controls, et cetera. Now though...


That there? That's a chunk of burnt wood from the fireplace. We caught him eating a nice sharp charred bit last week. Sharp like glass, sharp. And after we fished it out of his mouth? He tried to go back for more, hence the picture of it sitting in my car port.

Then the inevitable. Supreme Leader has him in his big brother's room and hears a gagging noise. Jamming a finger in his mouth after wrestling him away from the Lego box she can feel something hard and pointy in there but needs to reposition since he's fighting her and trying to eat her finger as well. Then it's gone. We're not sure whether or not it's still in his stomach or he spat it out when she picked him up, but I can tell you where it hasn't been for half a week of diaper changes. Damn kids.





Liam to Supreme Leader after being asked to be left alone to play: "It's not that I don't want you in my life, I just want to be alone for now."



I love people who cough in your ear on the phone. Once is understandable, but when you do it consistently that just makes you a horrible human being who deserves flaming genital warts.

And how about we just leave it at flaming genital warts.




*"You are my kind of scum." -Jabba the Hutt

49 comments:

  1. Oh, I so remember when my kids ate everything. Especially my youngest. We had to have a quarter surgically removed from her stomach cuz she couldn't pass it and it was causing her gastrointestinal distress. We actually still have it too. lol

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  2. You can just see his tiny little brain ticking over in that photo, "hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Lego".

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  3. Oh, how I've missed your randoms! I do NOT look forward to the days when Han Solo starts eating whatever he can stick in his mouth. Ugh. We already have that issue with Coco (the pug). She's got a healthy dose of Legos in her diet. Not cool.

    You know Stacy is hosting a Rebel Random Tuesday, since Keely is still on hiatus. You can link up there!
    http://stacysrandomthoughts.com/

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  4. I never understood the eat anything, put it up in my nose or other oddities....but gosh they seem to prevail with boys, don't they!

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  5. Brings a new meaning to "omnivorous".

    BTW, that Crown Royal commercial was pretty funny. And? We don't see those on US tv, because the laws are such that hard liquor can't be advertised in broadcast. Hmm.

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  6. holy crap, note to self never cough on the phone...ugh on checking the poop dude...eating cinders, dont they use charcoal to flush you out in the drunk tank?

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  7. Kids are gross. You're a good person for taking on three of them.

    I've seen flaming genital warts on patients. You'd think nurses could handle anything, but I had to excuse myself a few times to dry-heave outside of the exam room.

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  8. Actually, Gumbo, I see Captain Morgan ads sometimes, so something must have changed. Is it a cable thing?

    I'm thinking of the phrase "shitting bricks." I don't think it was meant literally. I think you need to explain metaphors to the little dude.

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  9. My cousin's son had an affinity for lego heads. They were round like candy... it gave a whole new meaning to "biting someone's head off" and "having a head up his ass"

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  10. I don't think a conventional doc can treat flaming genital warts. It requires a witch doctor.

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  11. I don't not miss ...well at my house it wasn't Lego eating...it was eat Mom's lipstick days. But I'll loan you teenagers anytime you want to be more grateful for what you've got.

    Let me just put it this way...grandparents will still take and enjoy little kids. They never offer with the teens. :(

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  12. Burnt wood is yummy. I don't know what your problem is. Around these parts, the story says that all the random crap you eat as a kid gets stored in your appendix... and years later when it has to be removed, is when they find all the shit you ate that never came out.

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  13. I love people who hold mobile phone teleconferences while in the bathroom having a noisy shart attack.

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  14. I love the angry birds in space. We've found a new tactic against the "put whatever you find on the floor that can't possibly be food but still fits in the hole" war. Animal crackers. I am heavily armed. Little o will be one of the overweight kids statistics, but I won't be paying anyone hundreds of dollars to get a lego out of his small intestine, either.

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  15. I think charred wood is chock full of iron.

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  16. Your child will be a great consumer of all things BBQ.

    You've been warned.

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  17. My youngest--now two--still snacks on random dog hair found on the floor or taken straight from the source. We keep a very close eye on the legos--they just look too much like candy.

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  18. A kid putting everything in their mouth would scare me to death. We were lucky in that our daughter asked permission to put anything, including food in her mouth. I hope that stays with her until she moves out. LOL

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  19. Oh gross, and I get to look forward to this in the near future? Awesome.

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  20. Finn is still totally adorable, charred wood breath and all.

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  21. Coughers definitely are a foe, but chewers? YUCK. Looks like you need more than a pacifier for that adventurous eater. :-)

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  22. Our youngest daughter put everything in her mouth. Swallowed a dime once...when it reappeared in her diaper, I washed it off and taped it in her baby book...

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  23. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  24. Puck to the face - OUCH!

    Have you seen this?
    http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk133qQssd1qzmsffo1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1303923382&Signature=Mr4gsY0oSBrFAe3kTIe1P7tFbjI%3D

    YIKES!

    Also, Liam is so cool - love that kid!

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  25. Mm, that actually looks tasty. Pass the salt.

    Thank goodness he did not choke!

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  26. We called my friend Ronda's boy 'Hoover' as in vacuum. The kid grazed off the floor like no kid we had ever seen.

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  27. Hi Im a new follower from the Uk just popping in from the blog hop
    Love your blog
    please come visit me anytime
    www.jollyjillys.blogspot.com

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  28. I SO don't miss those early days when everything went in the mouth - though I am giggling at you having to deal with it. ;) Princess Nagger's first Xray was because she dismantled a little soft cloth-covered photo album I thought was harmless...she took the whole damn thing apart and swallowed a small screw - she was maybe 6 or 7 months old at the time. Hubby and I knew we were in trouble then - sounds like you and Supreme Leader are in trouble times three! ;)

    LOVE that Star Wars Angry Birds picture!

    Thanks for rockin' the random rebellion with me! :)

    Easter, Angry Birds - RTT Rebel

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  29. they DO kinda randomly look like jolly ranchers, i suppose to the unfocused eyes of a baby....gosh another adventure i have been spared by being such a selfish b***h with my eggs!!

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  30. All those foreign objects being ingested. It will make diaper time an adventure!!!
    Liam's comment= precious!

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  31. Why wood when you have perfectly good GRILLED CHEESE??????

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  32. Liam is going to be a big hit with the ladies. He def has a way with words.

    Babies are aliens. Yours is obviously an advanced one that he's so super-stealth at eating random things.

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  33. C'mon now. That's good eatin'....

    Ellie

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  34. Hmmm. . . I really don't miss those days of going insane and grabbing the non-edible things babies like putting in their mouths.

    What was Supreme Leader's response to Liam's comment? Not being SL I thought Liam's remark was funny.

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  35. Strangely, I looked at that charred wood and said to myself "Oh look, the kid ate a burned shillelagh." Don't know what that says about me. But maybe he's missing some nutrient that is only available in burned wood? Mmmmmaybe?

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  36. You couldn't just settle for regular genital warts? You had to make them flaming? You are harsh man. Harsh.

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  37. Star Wars Angry Birds!!!! Yay!!!!!

    My brother, who is now 35, once tried to eat a slug when he was little. I still remember the face he made and him looking at my mom and saying "uck, mama!" and then trying to put it back in his mouth!

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  38. Charcoal -- that's good for digestion, though. At least that's what I saw on an ep of "Quincy, M.E."

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  39. This are weird kids hahaha..but its normal i think most of the children do that when they were younger.

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  40. The kids thought that the charcoal is delicious hahaha...

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  41. Write more, that’s all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You clearly know what you’re talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

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  42. I really must get my son -- who became a new dad (of a boy) on Friday -- to read your blog. He will learn so much from our local Obi Wan With Boys.

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  43. My oldest swalloed a penny once and--yes--it did show up later. In the diaper. It was a fun few days. I can't guarantee how easily a piece of Lego will pass, though. I'll light a candle for your son's tiny butt.

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  44. Never mind flaming genital warts...where's the damn piece of Leggo...that would drive me bonkers!...however, I once swallowed a button, and I still have no idea where it went.

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  45. Hmm. Him and that Lego?

    I had the same look on my face, I'm sure of it, when I stuck that perfectly nostril-sized pebble up my nose...

    Pearl

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  46. You are shameless....I know you only wrote "genital warts" to increase your Google search hits.

    I love you.

    And I gave you a shout out ---- see how much I care? So much more than anyone else here....

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  47. I'm going to use Liam's quote. That is almost exactly how I feel about everyone I love 50-99% of the time (depending on the loved one in question).

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Come on, sailor. I love you long time.