Me: Hi, this is Chad from _____.
Customer: Jam?
Me: .... um, sure.
Wouldn't it be great to be able to use Firefox at work? Or Google Chrome? Safari? A typewriter and stamps? I don't care if it's an 'industry standard,' Internet Explore blows, regardless of what version it is. Forcing people to use it is cruel and unusual.
There was something here but now there's not. Hi Billy-Kwan!
Trying to scrub down my oldest, and most ticklish, in the bath tub last night.
Me: I don't care if it tickles, if I don't get you scrubbed down you'll get all nasty and covered with scabs.
Connor: What are scabs?
Me: Scabs, like when the blood dries up over a cut.
Connor: Why would I get scabs? (still deflecting the wash cloth)
Me: Cause you'll be all dirty and disgusting and you'll itch until you start to bleed and you'll be covered in scabs that will get all infected...
Connor: *laughing*
Supreme Leader: *laughing*
Liam: *using penis as a puppet*
Me: *tosses wash cloth* Wash yourself
A few months back I took the boys to the pet store and let them pick out a couple of fish for our aquarium. They both picked some ornamental goldfish that I have come to despise. All they do is eat and crap and kill plants and crap some more. Between eating they spend all their time, ALL of their time, looking for more food. And crapping. I hate them. Unfortunately I've made my displeasure known quite publicly so if any sort of "accident" were to happen, not that it ever would, I would be the prime suspect. Fucking goldfish.
Alright, good enough. Hope you enjoyed the ride and have a good weekend.
Posts
LOL!!! I hate Indy's fish. He has 3 angle fish and 2...I dunno, fish. Live fish creep my out big time. And their gross. All that pooping and cannibalism (there used to be more fish in the tank) and the just, ickiness that goes along with them. We will never, ever, ever have fish again. *I* could never cause an accident because, I'm too soft hearted for that (they are alive after all), but I don't mourn them when they're gone.
ReplyDeleteoh man...gotta love goldfish...ok not really....but you do gotta watch out for jawas...
ReplyDeleteMy favorite entry this week. Can I start calling you Jam?
ReplyDeleteI don't want the *recipe*. I want him to *make* them for me.
ReplyDeleteEllie
I think you've helped me reach my limit of snark this week, thanks, Cap'n!
ReplyDeleteFirefox 4 has been cause me headaches. Or maybe that's just all the beer.
ReplyDeletethat's pretty much what all the fish do, gold or not.
ReplyDeleteI always knew T Rex urped rainbows. I will miss you now that your week of snark. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteBathing boys is impossible. I've threatened to just hose them down in the snowy yard, and they tried to take me up on it.
Internet Explore or Internet Explorer for the less refined - blows! Clearly I'm in the less refined category.
ReplyDeleteI've loved the random week. Will miss it when Monday rolls around. Have a good weekend!
My friend's teenage so has a goldfish that is eight freaking years old. Now it has cancer. No shit. The vet asked my friend if she wanted to give it daily injections. Oh. My. Gawd.
ReplyDeleteJust, no.
Have I mentioned what a pleasure it has been to read you all week? In between golfing and swimming in the Gulf of Mexico, or sunning by the resort pool, I mean.
Could you keep it up until Monday, when we head back up north?
That bruschetta looks yummy!
ReplyDeleteI love the defaced dollar. Man, I can't WAIT for HP7 part 2!
Stealing the Jawas poster...
Can your nephew come cook for me. Mind you I don't pay.
ReplyDeletemmmmmmm, jam.
ReplyDeleteI had an interview this morning with an internet company who was using IE. For realz. They're not some sketchy operation, either, so I was DYING to ask what was up with that.
Goldfish are eating and pooping machines and unfortunatley loved by younglings.
ReplyDeleteUm, I use IE9 every day, no complaints from me.
Did you know that there is a Star Wars exhibit at the Seattle Science Center - lots of cool stuff from the movies. Guess where I'm headed this weekend?
Neat rainbow T-Rex- who knew?
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the bathtub conversation too.
I told my kids they'd get germs that'd eat their skin.
ReplyDeleteKind of like a flesh eating bacteria that's instantly killed by soap.
It still works.
That's what bath time look like at my house last night, too!
ReplyDeleteNow, I'm off to deface a $5 bill...
Bravo! Ovation! Other words of appreciation!
ReplyDeleteA week of RTT. That's like a blog marathon. You should put on a foil sheet, the kind they hand runners at the end of a race or people recently rescued from a "water landing." Do that, carb load, and be proud of this accomplishment.
It was a great ride!
Wow, that's quite a mix of flavors on toast. One would never think they'd go together, but it's making me salivate. Kind of like your posts. But on toast.
ReplyDeleteWoooohooooo! Take a bow, cap'n! You've made my week very enjoyable.
(Blurg. My computer's still in the shop, and they don't know what's wrong. Grrrrr.)
Hi Jam,
ReplyDeleteTook my Daughter to buy some Goldfish the other day. Pet shop owner asked "Do you want an aquarium"? ""I don't give a fuck what star sign they are mate", I answered.
All the best.
A narrative: Blogging Mama clicks link to Us and Them: Friday RTT in Google reader, gets up from chair, leaves office, walks across foyer, through the family room past the kitchen table into kitchen, into the hall and enters the laundry room. Takes clothes from dryer and dumps them into a basket, moves clothes from washer to dryer. Leaves laundry room with basket, stops at fridge for a Cherry 7Up, walks past kitchen table and into family room, leaves basket on the floor (meh, I'll fold that later) walks through foyer into office, sits down in the chair at the desk...where the page is still loading.
ReplyDeleteIE sucks. So does my internet provider.
Happy Friday RTT.
Congratulations on a week of hilarious random-ness. So glad I ran into it this week!
ReplyDeleteMy final random thought - small dogs are virtually impossible to potty train, especially when you're not even trying.
IE needs to die a painful, horrifying death that involves lots of torture and pickles... Wait, what?
ReplyDeleteI'm allergic to seafood so that shrimp thing would kill me dead. I'll have to pass. It looks good though.
Have a fantastic weekend!
My two dogs are like your two fish.
ReplyDeleteI like the bathtub conversation. A good one I use at bedtime is that the great big creepy crawly bed bugs will come and get you if you don't go to sleep. I'm a nice mum, really.
ReplyDeleteHa ha, great stuff as usual. Mine just said yesterday that his penis farted. His training as a goofball is almost complete.
ReplyDeleteFucking goldfish.
ReplyDeleteI always enjoy your RTT posts - and five in a row was a treat. Though I'm a little over a week behind in reading and did a double take when I saw SIX posts for Us and Them in my reader.
ReplyDeleteStay random Chad. It suits you.