Tuesday, November 25, 2008


"Rebel scum!"

"Imperialist lackeys!"

"You want some, it's right here!"

"Say the word, beeotch, say the word."

Me: Hey hey hey! Stand down, boys, all of you!

Rebel Scouts: Imperial Stormtroopers, sir, we've been holding them until you arrived.

Stormtroopers: Hold this, candy-ass!

Me: I said knock it off! That's an order! Listen, guys, I invited them in-

Rebels: What!? How could you? Wha-

Me: Hear me out, boys. I know this is a bit of a shock, but we're all going to be working together, ok? This is a big office, plenty of room for all of you. You guys have been doing great, but we need a little more help around here. I know they're technically the enemy, but I'm going to have to ask you to work with me on this. Ok?

Rebels: Yes, sir.

Me: Alright. Now how about you guys go check if my coffee is ready.

Scout: Captain? You know I'd never doubt your intentions, sir, but there were rumours last time, and now this? What are we supposed to think?

Me: I appreciate your candor, soldier, but you have to trust me to make the big decisions. Now, my coffee.

Stormtroopers: Thanks for bringing us in, sir.

Me: No problem. I've been looking for you guys for a long time now.

ST: We're here now, sorry you've had to put up with the little Rebel Barbies.

Me: They're not so bad once you get to know them, they're just lacking a little in the organizational skills. Things are getting busy around here. I'm going to be counting on you guys.

ST: We've got your back, sir, even though it's roughly the size of a Star Destroyer to us.

Me: I've got complete confidence in you. Now, things have been drifting this week with all the work around the house I've been doing. Your first thoughts?

ST: Well, first off, we noticed the angle of your pictures show your new calendar from Green Chair Press. You might want to give them a plug, sir.

Me: Done. Good catch. I love their stuff. And now I actually have an office to use them in.

ST: Second, about this book meme for Pope Heinous? We understand this was supposed to be up today.

Me: Ya... that's proving to be a lot bigger post than I had planned. I'm thinking of breaking the post down into smaller sections and then posting them every few days or once a week or something.

ST: Why don't we try the once a week angle. You still have a guest post due and we think it would be best to get working on that as soon as possible. You left your last guest post until the last moment, and honestly sir, it wasn't your best.

Me: You're right. I told Kat I'd give her a make up post for that one. Ok. Excellent first day, boys. I think this is going to work out well.

Me: Soldier?

ST Pilot: Sir, just wanted to let you know, you have any problems with another toy, a neighbour, house hold appliance or whatever, I'm your...well, small plastic figurine. I can make your problems disappear, sir. Clean or dirty. No questions asked.

Me: I think we're going to get along well.


  1. Wha....?? FIRST?? Could be time for a top 10 list. Top 10 reasons Goodfather is FIRST.

    #1 Midnight is a cold, lonely hour.

  2. #2 Two's company. Which is more people than are commenting right now.

  3. #3 Three is just a number ON THE WAY TO 10.

  4. #4 Darn. I messed up my whole thing by posting a comment with my blogger ID, making it look like someone else snuck in and stole my glory. GAHHHHHHH!!!!

    You win this round, Captain.

  5. This thing between you and Goodfather has to stop really. Mainly bc everyone knows that fifth is the new first. Or at least that's what I think when I get up at 4 am to read blogs. What is wrong with me???

    Glad to see you are enjoying your toys while making them serve you. Way to double duty!

  6. that totally rocked. I'm gonna steal the legos from school and whip me up some blogs tonight!!

  7. Dude, they are going to tie you down in your sleep and kill your family. Just sayin'.

  8. Phew, that looked like it was getting pretty hairy for a minute. I'm glad you whipped them into shape. Goodfather went nuts with the comments, good work. CD, awesome work getting them to bring you coffee. Do they deliver?

  9. Wee Lass probably won't go for the stormtroopers, but maybe if I tell her we can get a Princess Leia emphasize PRINCESS) doll, er, action figure Lego she'll want it for Xmas, and I'm in!

    BTW, I think Darth Vader didn't get killed, I think he just chnaged lifestyles. Look closely at this video:

    Rock on, Darth!

  10. I just hope they do not turn on you!!!
    So, down to business...... Where did you find all of them. I have searched for legos and have never come across all the trooper. In our house, we bleed starwars

  11. At least I made the top 10. My goals are low this week. Live, eat sleep and keep the kids alive.

  12. Man, I just love your Star Trek bits. (isn't that what what Spock said to Kirk?)

    I also feel it's important to point out that those Legos are yours and NOT your sons'. Do your readers know this? They should!

  13. I agree with some others. You should sleep with one eye open. They're going to tie you up in your sleep. And raise up Connor and Liam to fight like er... well... Legos...

  14. you so make me jealous with those toys... are you that kid in Toy Story all grown up?

  15. Those guys sound Handy as Hell.

    Can I borrow some of them to go Out and Interview for me.

  16. Can I borrow them after you're done? I have some mice I'm having problems with. I don't mind someone getting dirty as long as the mice are gone.

  17. I so totally needed this today! can I borrow that soldier to do some dirty work for me? I need someone who is quick, clean, and no questions asked. did I mention that I hate returning to work?

  18. I KNEW it! I knew you weren't doing this alone!

  19. I need to get me some of those guys to keep me on task. OOH...that reminds me of an old college story that should be good blog material. Awesome. Those guys rule.

  20. My son was in the background the whole time going...I HAVE THAT GUY! I HAVE THAT GUY!

    My 5 year old relates to you...be proud sir, be proud.

  21. Where can I get me some of those? I'm thinking about a sortie to the neighbors, the one with the really loud bass.

  22. I almost believed those dolls/action figures were real. Almost.

  23. Oh I would love to have a dozen of so of those guys working for me. I get their health insurance would be a little pricey though - being in the Storm Trooper business and all.

  24. Oh, I totally need your storm trooper army to come help me fight the Webkinz who are plotting to take over the world in my house.

  25. I am allowing them a little side business if they want to make some extra money. Please email mission details and length of time required.

    And yes, THEY ARE MINE!

  26. I hoped they kicked Barbie's (or Barbies') ass!

  27. Love it! Can you come over and bring your toys? My son wants to play, but I am busy "working" online...

  28. I love the last guy with the hook.

    Hooks are kinky.

  29. Oh. Wow. How long have you been on the computer? I think you might need a break.

    Wait. What am I saying? Keep going ... the more out of it you get the funnier you'll probably get. Whoo-hoo!

  30. Wow, your still giving me the make up post. Sweet. I will use that for when I am moving into the new house and am without net again :) Now just make sure those stormtroopers and rebels don't get into a fire fight on your watch. We're counting on your Captain.

  31. peeing pants...that is good funny shite! The red shirt guys from Star Trek are doomed losers!

  32. get up get kids off to school, sneak into their room and play with their toys. set them up and take pic's. Put away pick up kids.

    I couldn't keep up with your frenetic pace.

  33. when I saw the first pic I thought to myself "I have a bad feeling about this" then I read the blog and I have to say it was brilliant. I loved it

  34. Dear Gulliver, here's what to do with the Lilliputians (once they've out-foxholed your son). Drill holes in them, put in a fishing-line loop, and use them as Christmas tree ornaments. Aesthetic? Totally not. Will your wife approve? Maybe, once you remind her of how painful those mo-fos are when you step on them. Our tree? Umm. Well, let's just say it looks like the marching Christmas tree battalion.

  35. Ok so everytime I visit your blog I come away with some new idea of how to keep entertaining my six year old.
    He has a few Lego stormtroopers but is now collecting CrazyBones and he has millions of those guys in every shape and colour imagainable. (google them!)

    We could do all sorts with them.

    off to get the next idea!

  36. My two year old daughter is giggling at your little lego men..


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.