Sunday, October 5, 2008

Bullying Toys: Only You Can Stop It

Went out shopping with the boys yesterday. We took them to Toys R Us and told them they could each get a small Lego toy. Small. Connor immediately wanted a $70 helicopter and lost it when we said no. Liam grabbed the first small box he could find and was happy. Neither of them picked the Star Wars one I wanted them to get so I bought it for myself. Damn kids.

Rebel Scouts: So boys, what do we have here? An airplane mail man and... who are you supposed to be?

New guy: Name's Crystal Hawk, I'm from the Mars Mission.

Rebels: AHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Crystal Hawk? What kind of a dumb ass name is that? Good luck with the three year old, ahahahaha!

Crystal Hawk: Funny, last time I saw you bitches you were giving up Princess Leia to the Empire. You losers are as bad as those red shirt morons that always die in Star Trek.

Rebels: Not so funny now, mofo.

Me: Ok boys, this shit is not cool. Yes, you're my guys but you can't go pulling this stuff on the other toys. Now put him back together and get the hell off my cell phone.

Rebels: Sir, he said you really wanted Stormtroopers. Is that true?

Me: How about any more questions and I'll let the boys play with you. You want some of that?


  1. FIRST! Suckas! Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Crystal Hawk a porn star name? If it isn't then it totally should be.

    Ah, boys with toys! (I think "Boys With Toys" is actually Crystal's first movie)

  2. Damn! Jen beat me. Anyway, those photos and captions were a little bit of genius, Captain. Future son-in-law, sometimes known as Lovely Young Man, has a LEGO movie hobby. Gonna share these with him.

  3. See, these are exactly the kind of pictures my husband would take. He needs to use the camera much more often.

    Also: Jen's comment kills me!

  4. OMG!!! You and my husband are so much alike!!! Aghhghgh!! Running and hiding from the abundance of everything Star Wars!

  5. Very funny and a little relieving that my husband plays that WoW crap, isn't a Star Wars addict ( I was) and doesn't even like to tinker with Sprite's Winnie the Pooh megablock set. (And I don't think it has anything to do with "pooh".) (On second thought, I should really ask him, now it's bothering me..)

  6. My niece just turned 5 and got a book in the mail for her birthday from a family friend. When she opened it, she broke down into tears - because it wasn't a STAR WARS book.

  7. I just noticed the mail man bought it in that altercation, as well.

  8. Well, I suddenly don't feel so bad about cruising every McDonalds in town to get Wizard of Oz toys for my collection.

    Good thing I was sitting on the floor when I clicked your blog open, because it would have hurt when I fell down laughing at the freaking yellow lego face looking balefully at me through the computer monitor.

    You've reached new levels of genius. Truly.

  9. Wait a second. Now that I go back and look at it, I realize that guy is looking at me in a very menacing way, not baleful at all. And I also can't believe that legos sets come with a guy that has "Holy shit!" expression.

  10. This is the first time I've listened to Star Wars dialog and have not fallen asleep. A tip of the hat to you.

  11. This is so many kinds of awesome that it cannot be quantified with words.

    The dialogue synchs up with the facial expressions to a T.

  12. This quite frankly is both hilarious and fun. Before my boys moved I had them every weekend and they had their own toys at my place - and, even better - all Star Wars. When they would go to bed, I would sit and play with them and before I went to sleep I would set them all up in scenes from the movies. They would get up and try to guess which ones. They loved it.

  13. Yeah, you just can't trust those toys alone. I've caught mine doing some really bad things. Tell you what: Never leave your ninja army in the same box as your Lego pirate ship. Those things need to be separated, lest you open the box to find a bunch of drunken ninjas and pile of dismembered pirate heads.


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.