Talking To Myself

Brain: Um... Sir?
Me: Huh? Wha? Who said that?
Brain: Sorry to bother you, sir, but it's your brain.
Me: Whoa! Ah... ok.
Brain: Very sorry to disturb you, sir, we just wondered if we could talk to you?
Me: Um, sure. No problem. You threw me a little there. Thought I was hearing voices, you know.
Brain: Well, sir...
Me: Riiiiight. I am hearing voices.
Brain: Yes, sir.
Me: You're referring to yourself as we? What...?
Brain: Oh. Well, we're just going with your view of your brain as a mission control centre. Thought it would be easier for you to adjust to. And we enjoy it.
Me: Right. And who would you be? What part of my brain are you?
Brain: Sorry, sir, I'm unable to answer that. If you don't know my name then I don't know it either.
Me: 'Cause you're my brain. Sure. So you're the spokesman. Ok, but shouldn't I know this? I mean, this is exactly the kind of thing that I'd know, right? I must have read this somewhere before.
Brain: It's entirely possible sir, unfortunately your memory warehousing, short and long term, are a mess. Which actually relates to what we wanted to talk to you about today.
Me: How so?
Brain: You need a break, sir.
Me: A break?
Brain: You need to step back for a few days and get your shit together, sir. You need to get organized.
Me: Is that music I hear?
Brain: Ah... yes, sir. Stevie Wonder, Living For The City. It's the song you were listening to on your bike ride when you thought of this post.
Me: Hmm. So that's why it's been in my... head.
Brain: Yes, sir.
Me: So when I get those annoying songs from the kids shows-
Brain: No no no, sir, nothing to do with us. It's a systems issue with the auditory cortex. They start pulling in info from other areas to fill gaps- sir, it's not important. Could we please get back to you taking a break?
Me: Sure, but... your voice?
Brain: It's your voice, sir.
Me: Ya, I know, but wouldn't it be cooler if it were a different voice?
Brain: Sir?
Me: Like James Earl Jones? THAT would be cool. Oh, or Louis from Casablanca...
Brain: Sir, writing in a French accent will require a lot of attention right now and we need to stay on topic...
Me: What about my wife's voice?
Brain: We do not recommend that, sir. Emphatically.
Me: Good point. Who's got a sexy voice? Is Angelina Jol-
Brain: SIR! Please. This is exactly what we're talking about!
Me: I'm sorry. Please, go ahead.
Brain: Sir, we highly recommend you step back for a few days while you're on holiday and do some prioritizing. You are trying to do everything at once and it's getting messy. You've been off work for almost two months now and have accomplished almost nothing.
Me: I'm-
Brain: Sir, please don't bother making excuses. This is your brain. We know everything that you do. And we know 90% of it before you do. Whether you are willing to admit it or not this is bothering you. A lot. You're grinding your teeth again which is why you're waking up with neck pain. It's disturbing your sleep and you're getting temperamental.
Me: I'm trying. I just don't know where to start. And I never seem to have enough time in the day.
Brain: We understand, sir. It's the lack of a focal or starting point that is holding you back. You don't know where to start and as a result you're not accomplishing anything. Which is why we intervened today and pushed an idea through to the front.
Me: The filing cabinet?
Brain: Yes, sir. The filing cabinet. We believe eliminating the issue of paper all over the house will eliminate a great deal of stress for you. And Supreme Leader. Hopefully that will be enough to get you moving.
Me: That makes sense. Thanks. And you don't need to refer to her as Supreme Leader if this is all just in my head.
Brain: ...
Me: Right. Sigh. Ok. So tomorrow we start filing. You know, I felt better just buying that thing.
Brain: We thought you might, sir. Now how about you wrap this up and get to bed?
Me: Good idea. I'm going to be busy tomorrow.
Brain: That's the spirit, sir.