A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy Far, Far Away....

Once upon a time there was a young (ahem) stormtrooper named Captain Dumbass who worked for an evil empire. The Captain hated his work, but it paid the bills and the benefits weren't half bad.


Type faster, damn you!


Then one day the boss of Captain Dumbass' boss, the evil Lord Palpatine came for a visit. "Vader, turns out all those mortgages we were handing out for candy and kisses are going to come back and bite us in the ass after all. I've decided to phase out your department and replace your employees with droids. This way, when the shit comes down I'll still look good for having saved the share holders a lot of money in salary and expenses."


"As you wish, my Lord. Er... sir, you appear to be a fish."
"Cut backs, Vader, get used to it. Aren't I pretty though?"
"Yes, my Lord. Um, about these droids, sir. Some of them appear to be missing parts."


"Irrelevant! They're cheap and they'll work for free."

Captain Dumbass, at first frightened by these changes, soon learned to embrace them once he discovered his many years of toiling for the Galactic Empire had provided him with a generous financial package. One that would provide him with a full year's salary, provided he did not find work within that year and incur the wrath of the tax man. Captain Dumbass decided that he had worked long and hard and deserved a well earned break.


So the Captain settled in to his new life as a Stay-At-Home-Trooper, trading in the day to day grind of Monday to Friday with the 24/7 grind of dealing with his own little Rebel Alliance (children). His years of soldiering had not prepared him for the titanic yet joyful struggle of being a stay at home parent, but eventually he got used to it. Then it was endless days of video games, playing outside and trips to the beach. His oldest son, being extremely shy and unsure about school, was able to have his dad walk him to kindergarten and pick him up everyday. Life was good.


Eventually though, the year ran its course and Captain Dumbass had to return to the Empire since his mortgage on the Death Star would not pay for itself. He suited up again (though his armour felt a little tighter than he'd remembered) and started looking for a new Star Destroyer in need of a willing stormtrooper.

Unfortunately, Captain Dumbass soon discovered that positions in the Empire weren't as easy to find as they once were.




The Captain had returned to a new and frightening world. He would not let it bring him down though. He quickly changed his armour and his attitude. He would roam the land like a lordless samurai of old, a ronin stormtrooper in search of a desperate village in need of aid. Employment was out there, he just had to hunt it down.



Too bad no one would pay him to play with Lego.