Random Tuesday: My Sphincter Says What?

My sphincter was closed up tight enough to crush rocks yesterday so it didn't say a damn thing. But we'll get back to that later. First off, I haven't posted for five days! I've never gone that long without posting. I went up north to visit the family this weekend and figured I'd just post while I was there. Turned out I was expected to socialize. Guess I should have found some guest posters. Um... there is no second thing.



Random Tuesday time. Head on over to Keely's, grab a button and join in on the fun. It's like a laxative for your head. And speaking of laxatives, lets get back to my sphincter.

Oh come on! That was a great segue, admit it! Anyway, in my little corner of Canada, it is very much spring and despite some feeble attempts by Mother Nature, it has been for awhile now. However, where my family lives, and more importantly, in the Cascade Mountains that lie between where me and my family live, it's still very much winter. Do you know what a snowshed is? Looks like this:


No, it's not a tunnel. A tunnel goes through a mountain. This is what you build in spots that would continually be buried under avalanches all winter long and you don't feel like all that digging so you build a little ramp for the snow to ride over. Now, imagine that it looks more like this:


Except cover the two centre lanes in snow. Leave the outside lane partially covered so you'll fool yourself into thinking it's safer. Make sure it's really wet and slushy. Then make sure the hill you are traveling down is ridiculously steep so that even if you're trying to go slow gravity just makes you go fast anyway. Then cover your window with road salt that the other cars are kicking up faster than your wiper blades can clear away. Then enter that cave at about 100 km (62 mph) and run straight into mashed potato-like snow that's somehow worked it's way into the shed. Ah, there's nothing like that moment of clarity when you realize you have absolutely no control over your vehicle. Really needed a drink after that one.

We went to Walmart while we visited the family. We have a Walmart in our city, but it's so way the hell and gone from where we live it's actually easier to drive 500 km (310 miles) and go to theirs. Are people always so bitter there? Not that I minded. I wasn't shopping for anything so their suffering was most enjoyable. Anyway, we're in the checkout and an alarm goes off. Does Walmart store national security secrets or nuclear material? 'Cause I don't get that freakin alarm. I was expecting lasers and gas to follow. "I'm sorry! I thought I'd paid for the depleted Uranium!"



We never end up taking many pictures when we're visiting my family. It's not like they're grotesque or anything. Except for my sister. She did some experimental surgery a few years back, crazy what some people will do for a quick buck. Still, the doctors did an amazing job putting her back together. You can hardly tell where the tentacles were. The partial exo-skeleton is a little hard to cover up and the iron mask takes a little getting used to but the doctors insist it's best for everyone. The boys are totally comfortable with her now.

On Saturday, Liam crawls into my sister's lap, tells her he loves her, thanks her for the Christmas presents she gave him and farts on her leg. He's only three! Just think how much better he'll get.

This really wasn't so random, was it? Kind of a random events from my weekend post. Sorry. It was much better in my head on the drive home, only I couldn't write it down then on account of me driving. Meh, it's done.