Now don't get me wrong, I don't actually look like that. I don't actually look fat at all, which is also part of the problem. There's a bit of a spare tire there, but that's about all. And that's what worries me. I know I'm in terrible shape, and if it's not showing on the outside, what does it look like on the inside? Say, around my heart? I've been slowly but methodically ruining the planet of me and the inhabitants have not seemed to care. Until now. Until her.
I swear I tried to find a better picture of her, one where she didn't have her ass pointed in the air, but all the other ones I could find on google sucked. And, for a digitally animated fitness trainer, she's got a nice caboose. If you don't recognize her, she's one of the trainers from the Wii Fit. Connor and Liam have named her Padmé.
Um... ya, I can work with that. Thanks, boys. Anyway, despite a rocky start when she told me my Wii Fit age was 47 even though it's SO not, our love has continued to grow. Today, my third day in, she told me I was 31. I knew she loved me. Sure it feels like she's taken a lead pipe to both my knees, but I know she means it in a good way. And if it means I'll be able to chase my kids around the house for more than five minutes before falling to the floor clutching my chest, then it's all worth it.
I love you, Padmé.
*I stole this from a comment I left on somebody's blog. It did result in a lawsuit being filed by me against myself, but it was eventually settled out of court.
Posts
David as a fat ass? I like it...
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking about getting that wii thing. Like you, the effects of my non-exercise don't show on the outside but the inside would likely be a different story.
ReplyDeleteI am fairly positive my eating four times a day (3pm chicken fingers and fries snack anyone??) while on vacation didn't help. Neither did dessert every night. Cheesecake and creme brulee are my downfall.
But if I'm going to die, I might as well die happy right?
You've got be careful stealing your own comments, one day you'll get trapped in a legal death loop which will never end.
ReplyDeleteYou may lose that spare tire and get fit from it though, which you may see as a good thing.
Ass kicking ir not..thanks for the visit.
ReplyDeleteYou made me laugh....I never though of my Wii trainer as Padme ...that changes it all!
Dude, you're setting a bad example. (sigh) Time to wipe the orange cheesy stuff off my fingers, get my ass of the couch...
ReplyDeleteSay, does that Wii trainer have a sexy talk/verbal dominance mode? I need some extra motivation.
omg I totally love the fat David. In fact, if I didn't KNOW better, I would think Tightwad posed for that.
ReplyDeleteWii Fit GIVES YOU AN AGE!!!!! Arghhhhh. Oh the humanity!!
ReplyDeleteYou know David's too fat when he can't see his own Mr. Winky.
ReplyDeleteour Wii Fit has just turned into a pricey scale that takes way too long to actually weigh us. AND LB loves to ski jump.
ReplyDeleteBut I am sure you will do great with it. You will totally use it like you're supposed to.
I have not tried the Wii fit, but I want one. Of course, I have no coordination at all and I hear that can be a problem.
ReplyDeleteLets just say the cardio hip-hop dvd didn't work out so well.
I got the "My Fitness Coach" for the Wii. It humiliates you in other ways, like making you take your measurements, but it doesn't give you an 'age'.
ReplyDelete*snicker* Padme.
God I love reading your blog. Your so funny with that lil extra insight.
ReplyDeleteYou see when you run with the big girls you get the big girls awards. So glad you liked it. Just hang it on the mantle and dust it once a week. LOL
Awesome picture, first of all.
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, I want a Wii Fit so bad! Cause, um, my change DOES show on the outside. Of my ass. And my thighs. And so on.
Good luck shedding the extra weight around the heart, I know you can do it!
A fat David just isn't right. Now, are you going to join the HASAY group?
ReplyDeleteDoes the wii fit have a self defense game? Maybe you can play that so your so won't beat the crap out of you any more.....
ReplyDeleteWe were playing the game where you head the soccer balls and my parents were over. After my turn my mom commented, "You never were very good at sports." and dad said, "Did you try to miss them all so the kids could get a higher score?"
Wii age was like 62 for me.
I met Padme last week at my sister's. It was a love at first sight for me, but she was less keen. Must try harder to win her over.
ReplyDeleteThis would be why I had to put the brakes on blogging and slow it down a bit. I am looking more like the fat ass David than I am Padme. I was sitting on my ever growing ass instead of hitting the gym or even stepping three feet to the right to get onto the Wii board. P's still my girl, though. She told me I am 32. Shhh...don't tell her I'm really 37.
ReplyDeleteWell done!
ReplyDeleteWii is not for me.
I totally just got dejavu! Have you done this post before?
ReplyDeleteI need caffine...
So, even being that big, you can still see it? Huh. That blows my theory out of the water..
ReplyDeleteGood thing about change. I may need to start bugging John about getting a Wii Fit So I can play with the yoga, but if the instructor looks like that, I may be too intimidated. Blast! You're linked and welcome back!
I love the fat David! I can so identify with him! Padme may just tell me I'm 70. Good thing I don't have a Wii.
ReplyDeleteOut of court? I suppose you also represented yourself. It makes a certain amount of sense.
ReplyDeleteI call it "table muscle" and your trainer is a bit of a digital hottie if I do say so myself! Holla atcha girl!
ReplyDeleteI will never own a Padme. Sad. But I'll just take my humiliation at the gym where real people look at me like I owe them something..like I should be paying them to be there...oh, wait.. I do...damn.
ReplyDeleteI so need a wii.
ReplyDeletenot to be confused with "I need to wee" because we all know I dont. I have probably already wee'd my pants atleast once by now today, seeing as I am coughing again.
I'm so glad you found it!!! We thought at one point you were screwing with us....which would have been really mean!!! Anyways what time are the insurance places open til ? Do you have a superstore near? There's are usually open late. See ya tomorrow I'll call ya when we land
ReplyDeleteWii Fit saved my life.
ReplyDeleteOkay, maybe not.. but still.
I can't wait to get our new projector next week so I can start up again!! WOOHOO!!
Fat David rocks. It's like a game of hide the penis.
ReplyDeleteThat Fat David is so great. Wii fit is a big fat liar by the way.
ReplyDeletemy wii fit trainer is named Coach Potato. youngest, 10, says 'mom, i know what the her name is'. i asked what it was and she said coach potato cos it said that after i did (insert wii fit exercise in here). i laughed my ass off...i said to her that they were telling her she was a COUCH potato lol so now i call her coach potato. a game that doesn't utilize the fit board & is totally kick ass for fitness? My Fitness Coach. The trainer already has a name...Maya. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're one up on me....my destruction of planet Cameron is showing inside AND out. Seven stairs and I'm winded, is that bad?
ReplyDeleteYou filed a lawsuit against yourself too! I knew I liked you.
ReplyDeletePadme is hot, in an alien fighting princess kind of way.
I really need me a Wii fit. But I'm too lazy to look into buying one.
ReplyDeleteNow THAT's bad! :)
I want a wii and wii fit but there's a little thing I call a shortage of fundage in this household.
ReplyDeleteOh, well. I'll stick to walking 4 miles a day.
I do need to add some yoga into the mix though.
I totally want a wii fit. I hear it's pretty verbally abusive, and I think we all know that I can appreciate that sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteHey, this looks like Joe American! Ooooooh, not fair. I teach yoga, and it definitely does amazing things to one's body. (As far as your SHAPE goes.)
ReplyDeleteWay to go, getting your ass off the couch, or out from in front of your computer. Much easier said than done! Keep it up. We want hot bod pics in the very near future!
ReplyDeletethanks for popping into my blog and commenting.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the fat david. How about a fat venus de milo? That would be cool. Fat armless chicks are hot.
ReplyDeletePadme is hot! Is there a male version?? If so I may need to check this Wii fit out.
ReplyDeleteThe fat David is HILARIOUS!
Sounds like you're gettin' those kids trained early. I don't know if I should be proud, or disgusted.
ReplyDeleteThat image of David has just made the list of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHer ass is nice, but her boobs are perfect. Clearly your Wii fit instructor has not breastfed two children.
ReplyDeleteI'm so jealous that you have a wii fit. We still can't find them in the stores around here and I'm to cheap to pay the scalpers on eBay.
ReplyDeleteI've actually been working on a piece about the wii fit and it's impact on teenage girls. So far I've been too lazy to finish it.
Padmé pisses me off on a daily basis. She's always all "nice work, good posture" and shit like that and then I don't even place in the rankings. Why the hell would she blow smoke up my ass like that? My youngest Wii Fit age was 29 (I'm almost 32) and I almost humped the Wii Fit board but wasn't sure how that would go over so I didn't. Most days, I rank in the high 30's and low 40's so there is no love lost there.
ReplyDeleteI've been wanting a Wii Fit too. Do they have hot guy instructors?
ReplyDeleteThe Wii trainers are very fickle.
ReplyDeleteOne day I was 34, the next 75!
It's that stupid balance test!
Anyways tonight I feel 95.
Hey, is there anyone out there
who can do the "push up, side plank?"
hats off to u if u can.
Sooo.... where's that cool album cover of yours?
ReplyDelete(You don't need Photoshop.... any basic photo program probably has a graphics option to it.)
:)
I never want to see my favorite statue look that bad again. He's my fantasy statue.
ReplyDeleteMy son thought he could play golf, because he learned the golf game on his Wii. Ha! I've never heard so much cussing in my life.
ReplyDeleteSeiously, WTF? Is Wii Fit taking over the world? My husband just bought it for me. I have been reading about it everywhere. I'm tempted to scorn it just because it's so en vogue but then my ass wouldn't be, so I guess I'm jumping on the bandwagon.
ReplyDeleteSigh.
Does Wii Fit come in a male version? I would love to have a guy tell me my age was much younger than it is. Of course, that's a given that he would say that, right? RIGHT?
ReplyDeleteI look like the statue above. Except if that's a penis. If that's a penis, then minus the penis.
ReplyDeletegood luck with wii fit. My Mii looks like a ump-lumpa and it pisses me off so I do not do it much.
ReplyDeleteEveryone needs a spare tire. You never know when you will need it. Good luck. I am on the same never ending curse - I mean search - for the hottest set of abs.
ReplyDeleteLOL, Padme is a good name for the trainer, but I can't imagine her ever acting like the trainer does.
ReplyDelete