Monday, March 2, 2009

He Blogs/She Blogs: (Your Name Here)

Before we get into this weeks HBSB, I need to explain some things to any of you who are unfamiliar to this. I realized after I posted last week that it probably would have been a good idea to do that then. Oops. So here it is (oh, if you're a regular to HBSB you can skip this), readers (YOU!) send in questions they (YOU!) would like answered. Say, things the opposite sex does or doesn't do that confuses you. Then Petra and I choose four per week and give you a male and female perspective on them. So go ahead and ask, anything you'd like to know. Speed of light? 299,792,458 metres per second. That doesn't really have anything to do with relationships, but I'm here for you.

So today we have four new questions. I'll be answering mine here and Petra will be answering the same ones over at The Wise (*Young*) Mommy. Go check her out. Really, not hard on the eyes, that one. *wink* Then you can laugh, cry or spit profanities at your monitor and come up with some questions. What? Um, boxers.

Ok, so first out of the gate is... Cat? Seriously? Again? Ok, Cat's question:

"Metrosexuals" - awesome new breed of hetero, or same old breed of in denial?

Well, since starting my forced sabbatical I've fallen back into the realm of sweat pants and shaving whenever, but when I was working, I rode that pretty boy train. Man bag, moisturizers and co-ordinated outfits, oh yes. A man likes to feel pretty sometimes. In my previous to my previous job it was all jeans, t-shirt and steel-toed boots, but then I transferred to a department full of women. And women, they change you. It's osmosis, you can't escape it. First it's a dab of hand cream just to get them off your back, but then you notice how nice it smells every time you answer the phone. Moisturizer? Hey! My skin does look better.

I'd have been a much better metrosexual if I'd been paid more, but I did my best. Denial? Oh no, Cat.

How you doin?

Tony said - there are a few things I've wondered about, such as:

Why do women try on 20 different things, asking us how they look in each one and then end up wearing the first thing they tried on?

Why do women ask us which shoe matches their outfit better - dude, I don't even care if they wear shoes or not much less if they match their outfit.

Tony, I'm with ya, brother. I think both these questions can be lumped together since they're pretty much the same thing. Ladies, thank you very much for trying to include us, we appreciate it, but we both know that the only reason you're asking is because you don't have a friend or sister around to ask instead. Really, this question is a double edged sword. First, we don't want to answer. We've been dressed for half an hour already (or, we already know exactly what we're going to put on and have some spare time) and we've sat back down to watch some TV while we wait for you. You've put us in an awkward position because A: we don't know and B: you're now interrupting whatever it is we're watching. Second, if we don't give you an answer (which you don't want anyway) and either blow you off or pick some easy option you've given us, then you get mad because we're not helping or... whatever. Seriously, you were dressing yourself well before we came into the picture. Keep up the good work.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Hmm. I've got a few questions.

Like, how come men are born knowing how to clean fish and can even eat those same fish afterward?

How come men have no problem looking at a naked uncooked turkey and removing the giblets, while women (if they're like me) run from the kitchen heaving at the sight?

Ha! That's funny Lawyer's Mom. If I want clean fish I go out for sushi. Mmmm, sushi. What? Sorry. Clean a fish? Like with soap and water? I don't get it. You mean like pull out its guts and stuff after cutting its head off? I don't think so. I know there are lots of men like this, and good for you all. Personally, I've never eaten anything I've killed. I'm not into cannibalism. Er... I mean... I live in a large city so there's no reason for me to hunt. Ya.

Moving on.

DC Urban Dad asks:

How about shoes?

Or okay, sex.

Sex with shoes? I don't judge these kind of things, Matt, if that works for you, well you go for it, brother. Can't say it does anything for me, but then again, I've never tried. Never had sex with a man either, but I think I'll put both of them on the shelf with things I'm going to skip this lifetime.

And there's week two down. Hope you enjoyed the show, and make sure you head over to Petra's to see the other side of this. Unless you're coming from there. Seriously though, send Petra and me some questions.


  1. Good answers, Cap'n! On my way to Petra's place now!

  2. Oh, lawd, I know nothing. This is why I come here. Good answers, mate!

  3. Awesome, of course! You and I are so in sync, gotta love that! (and not like Justin Timberlake in sync, however, there is another tasty metrosexual for ya)

    I love the idea of you with a man purse and nice smelling lotion. You sexy bitch you!

  4. Well, actually REAL men don't like to look pretty or use man bags.

    You weren't really one of those pretty boys were you?

  5. I have to say this weeks answers, even better than last weeks. My kids think I'm loony for laughing at my computer (but it's not like I can explain why I'm laughing). Bring on the moisturizer!
    I have to agree, I don't know why we ask for your opinions either. But until the end of time we will continue to do so.
    This post was a nice way to spend five minutes, thanks!

  6. You gotta love the good smellin well lotioned man! : )

    Happy Monday!

  7. ooohh talk to me like Joey some more... How you doin' is hot!!

  8. Come on men....give an inch, they take a mile. We no longer kill small animals with our hands, instead we're shopping for fitted jeans and man purses. Hunter / gatherer.....those were the good ole days.

  9. Good job, again.
    Joey, oh I miss Joey!

  10. Wait! What is this thing? What's HBSB's? could you explain it again? Joey? From Friends? Really?

  11. I don't have a girl around to ask and my husband would give a thumbs-up if I was wearing a garbage bag tied around my waist and kleenex boxes for shoes. So there. You're right. Happy now?

  12. So, is Supreme Leader getting you that new man purse for Father's Day??

  13. I think there is a difference between when they ask you about what they are wearing when you are in a store and when you are at home. I try to be as descriptive as possible (all those years of what not to wear pay off).

  14. Kinda glad to hear you've never been tempted to do it with a high-priced Manolo. (That's a shoe, not a hooker. And yes, that too.) We really, really don't like a gooey surprise when we go to put our best heels on in the morning.
    Great job!

  15. The sex with shoes one! Ha! Matt more of freak than I thought...

    I was laughing at both the questions & answers this week thinking about my days growing up on a farm where we dressed out all manner of animals from poultry to squirrels. Now I dress myself out all pimp like.

    Can't imagine you with the face cream though.

  16. Dude, Captain, I don't even use moisturizer.

    Hand over the man card.

  17. Nicely put! Loved the answer to the fish question. And way to go on being a man who isn't afraid to dress well. There's nothing wrong with that! Us women appreciate it. I'll try ot think of some questions for you two to ponder.

  18. i totally cannot take out chicken/turkey whatever guts and always make Mr. Curry do it. why it doesn't make him puke is a mystery to me.

  19. Oh, I heart you my sweetness. You're too funny. Sex with shoes? Who knew one of your readers had that particular fetish. Good for you for not judging.

  20. Put the lotion in the fucking basket!!!

    Name that movie.

    Captain, could you please enable comment reply. I had to come allllllll the way back over here to answer you.

  21. age old question that has never
    been addressed. Why do men clutch
    the tv remote to their chests,
    why do they carry them with them
    around the house. and WHY for
    heaven sake do they insist on flicking through chanels to 1/2
    watch some other show-AND MISS
    alot of hostility here!!!

  22. so, i get the "no sex with shoes" thing, but what is it ABOUT shoes, particularly the FM pumps that gets a man going? is it the fragility they impose on a woman and her ability to get away, the look of the leg, or is it, like it is for me, simply the shoe? As a woman, perhaps distantly related to Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City, the right pair of shoes can do wonders for my libido

  23. You said you hadn't gotten any questions yet so I'll toss you one.

    In the middle of the night the baby cries. Do men truly not hear it or do they just pretend not to so they don't have to get up?

  24. Oh and kudos for being able to rock the man bag. I can't do it. But I will throw some Kiehls on my face and go to a grooming lounge.

  25. Ain't nothin' wrong with a well coiffed man, even if he is carrying a purse.

  26. How bout sex with shoes on?

  27. Hey there Dumbass.

    First, I dunno why all the dissin on Coldplay. Wifey kind of annoying but music is good. Kinda reminds me of U2.

    2nd: Go to your dashboard, edit profile, click box that says "show my email address" and enter email address you want replies to in box that says "email address" under "identity" section. Make sure you save changes to your profile. Take 2 steps back and three steps forward. Bock like a chicken and do the electric slide. Running man for 5 minutes then moonwalk for 10 to erase a forementioned running man thingy. You should be good to go after that. May the force be with you.

  28. haha i can't deal w chicken or turkey innards either. if i look at any meat too long, it grosses me out. so i try to get it cooking asap. sex & shoes? only if it's f*ck me pumps. lol

    my son is not a metrosexual, but he likes his what he calls 'bitch' products lol

  29. Ok, NOW I get it. I will have to submit a question for an upcoming post.

  30. How can a post with cannibalism in it NOT be funny?

  31. I remember the first time I shaved my, yeah, you probably don't want to hear about that.

    But just to make up for it, I never shampoo my hair...


  32. (In response to your comment)

    Neither do I mate, neither do I.

  33. I never would have pictured you as a metrosexual.. they're more womanly than me since I'm a lazy slob.

    I don't ask for my husband's opinion since I know he's just telling me what I want to hear anyways. On clothes, other stuff I let him weigh in on. "Let him". That's right bitches.

  34. Just discovered Petra and since you are a bit of a package deal on this one had to visit you as well and there is ANOTHER blog I have to add to my ever-growing list. DAMNIT -- I did not need this. But funny is funny and you are funny. : )

  35. Another funny and great it!

  36. men.............


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.