Before I do though, I need to send thanks and love to the great state of Mississippi and specifically Mama Dawg. I found some awesome Christmas cards on-line a few months back but unfortunately, since Canada seems to be in another dimension or something, the maker of the cards wouldn't ship here. MD, because she is truly an extraordinary human being, got my cards for me and sent along a little Christmas present as well.
(It's a Han Solo tree ornament)
And on with the show...
Creepy Santa is sprung up from the dense, snow covered hills of Somewhere. In the hills of Somewhere he lived with a gnome family in a burrow who harvested natural resources for the elves to use. Creepy Santa, who was originally born in Santa's castle but was too scary to live there, resided with the gnomes until he decided that lumbering and mining was just not the life for him. He decided to go spread his Christmas cheer with the Moffitt family (my mom's family), who had just lost their father to divorce...and Florida. Creepy Santa hated Florida and knew that the crazy Moffitt's needed to be perked up around the holiday season.
He traveled on a snowy, dark path for 8 days and nights until he reached the humble Moffitt abode in Grosse Pointe Park, Michigan. Creepy Santa knocked on the door until John (my uncle) answered on a snowy Christmas Eve night. When John saw Creepy Santa his heart burst, the poor little guy was covered in dirty slush and was shivering. John brought him in, wrapped him in a towel and carried him like a baby to his mother. He then proceeded to get on his knees and beg Mary (my grandmother) to keep him... just like he did with all of the other stray animals he found. Mary, a nurturing nurse and mother of five, couldn't say no to John's and Creepy Santa's sparkling blue eyes, so the Moffitt's adopted Creepy Santa as one of their own.
Most of the year Creepy Santa lived in the upstairs crawlspace closet, playing in the insulation which he thought was pink snow. Then in December he ran downstairs and partied with the cheerful Moffitt family. His favorite night was December 21st where the Mofitt family gathered around and sang Christmas carols to the tune of their "Sing-Along with Mitch Miller" album, ate, and drank. Creepy Santa loved to drink special egg nog, eat fruit cake, and play ding-dong ditch with the Moffitt children.
Creepy Santa was glad he chose the Moffitt family. Instead of being a charitable gnome Santa, he decided to become a permanent fixture in the Moffitt family and to not offer his service to other needy families. After all of the Moffitt children have grown up and left home, after Kelly (me) and Clare (my sister) played with him until his arm stuffing began to tear, and after Mary found her way home to God, he moved in with Maureen (my aunt) in Connecticut. There he lives out of the closet yearlong, keeps Maureen (a single woman) in constant good cheer, eats a lot of peppermint and drinks too much coffee, and runs around with Maureen's underwear on his head (while she's at work). Although his arms are weak, Creepy Santa will never get tired of spreading holiday cheer even when it's not the holidays!
Merry Christmas!
Kelly (& Creepy Santa too!)
Kelly blogs at I Don't Want The World, which she hasn't touched since mid-November. Something about school, yadda yadda yadda, whatever. It's Xmas break, Kelly, time to write something. Guest posting and ridicule, served up fresh. Anybody else want to guest?
PS. Grosse Pointe Blank is one of the finest movies ever made.
PPS. (heh heh, you just said pee pee in your head) Anybody else want to guest post? The Us & Them family is off to the hinterlands for Xmas this year but we have to cross the freakin' Himalaya's
first. (shut up, Braja) Hopefully we don't spend our holiday living out of the back of a snowbound Dodge Caravan eating the frozen carcass of a caribou.
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