Wednesday, August 4, 2010

RWT: Jar Jar's Head, Watermelons and Your Johnson

This was supposed to be my Random Tuesday post, but it was a holiday where I live and as a result, Monday felt like Sunday and when I woke up yesterday and started reading posts I was all, "what the hell? It's Tuesday?" and I only work like three days a week so what's up with that?


What's a post without something Star Wars related?



Do you love watermelon in the summer? Goodie for you. I despise them and everything else in the melon family. Well... never mind. Anyway, ever wonder what happens when you combine absurd amounts of electricity and fruit? Thank god there's people out there who do.



            
4:30am Monday morning, Finn "spit up"... spit up, who uses that phrase? Pleasant old grandmothers and people who've obviously never been power puked on à la the Exorcist minus the head spinning and crawling on the ceiling. Now, I prefer sleeping in my, shall we say, natural state, so not only did I take the warm milky bath across my bare chest, but I was also treated to it coursing down my stomach and into my crooks and crannies. No, you didn't need to know that, but you came here of your own free will. I opened the door, you walked in. Now hand me a towel.

What BP could have done with the money. Funny and horribly horribly sad all at once.




You can't tell me the advertisers who made this didn't know what they were doing. via


Future Olympian.



Gratuitous baby shot #5.


randomtuesday

48 comments:

  1. Haha! I had to do a Random Wednesday last week. I saw that photo the other day and almost emailed it to you. Every time I see a funny SW photo (or a photo dealing with bacon) I think about you.
    BTW, how can you despise watermelons? What is wrong with you? It's a good thing you're Canadian. Don't you know watermelon is an essential part of the American summer? Did you SEE the watermelon shark James Bond carved for Indy's birthday? If not, go to my blog and scroll down. It was awesome.
    Finn is adorable. I love the look he's giving. I think he's going to give Liam a run for for his money when he's older. :)

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  2. It's worse when your creaks and crevices are of the chubby postpartum female sort.

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  3. Having been from the Pacific Northwest I can totally understand your aversion to watermelon and all the others in the melon family. What you get up there is crap. Now, if you were to come down to the southern U.S. you might just change your mind. It's like candy. Juice dripping down your elbows candy.

    Would you feed that kid already?

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  4. "You and Your Johnson?" "A way of life for over 50 years?" I don't want to think of what "Your Johnson" looks like after 50 years, thank you very much.

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  5. wonder if they wish jar jars head was on that platter before they released the movie...smiles. the power puke brought back memories i thought were long buried...my shrink is going to have fun with that one...lol.

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  6. I wholeheartedly recommend wearing shorts and T-shirt when feeding small children. It helps to protect, well everything you need protected from massive baby ejections.

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  7. My daughter never "spit up" as a baby. She waited til the middle of the night, then projectile vomited all over her bed.

    Mickey Finn is growing quite a head of hair, there, dad.

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  8. Just the thing I needed this morning. Thank you, Cap'n!

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  9. Ugh. My preschooler did that yesterday. And it wasn't nice, white milk. And He threw up all over my feet. And his feet. And half the room.

    Lovely.

    He explained that it was just oil coming out of his body. I didn't realize everyone else also needed a lube job. Just saying.

    Love the baby shot. The look on his face, "WHAT are you doing??" is priceless.

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  10. I love reading the blog posts of people who are married and have kids. It makes me feel so much better that I have neither.

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  11. Why in the hell do your pictures/videos never load while I'm at work? So annoying. I need to have a talk with these server people!

    Cute shot of the babe. He's a doll.

    Spit up in your jiggly bits? No thanks... not good to interrupt the natural state of affairs down below!

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  12. Welcome to fatherhood (and you know it!). I can't tell you how many times I have been barfed on by one of my four babes, and that wasn't even the least of the bodily fluids I had the pleasure to encounter. Now, my Johnson? He rarely allowed himself to be endowed by such things. His loss, I think. It's all part of the bonding process with your kid. You rock, papasan.

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  13. That look says, "Enjoy it while you can. My revenge will be swift and painful."

    I can empathize with your soggy situation. Little o felt the need to barf down my back in a hotel room, none the less, on Friday night. I couldn't even scream Ewwww!

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  14. Oh yes, much better to be clothed when around babies... and what a cutie he is, too!

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  15. He's so cute!! I love the way he's hardly bigger than the hands holding him up.

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  16. Watermelon fireworks! Awesome!!!

    I just had a thought. By the time Liam figures out what you've been up to with the photos and the signs, Finn should be the perfect age to take over that job! Love those cheeks!!

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  17. Those cheeks are just yummy-delicious!
    PS- I saw the Johnson commercial a few days ago and laughed for a half an hour.

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  18. Sending you a virtual towel - it's the best I can do.

    Oh Jar Jar - did they have a Jake Lloyd version too? Too gruesome?!

    Seriously almost had a cuteness overload heart attack. A "cuteness to follow" warning would've been nice. Finn is ADORABLE - that helps with the whole projectile vomit, right?

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  19. Did I tell you about the time someone rang my doorbell and offered me a few watermelons and a case of PBR in exchange for letting him + family camp in my backyard so they could attend the National NRA Convention that was in town? Seems all the hotels in the city and surrounding areas were booked.

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  20. Best picture of Jar Jar ever.

    Those fruit killers are 2010's version of Gallagher.

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  21. which sport ?

    or was that a dumb question from an american....?

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  22. i agree with Grant.....bleah...baby puke.....and it doesn't even have strained peas in it yet.....

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  23. what do you mean "pleasant OLD Grandmas???"
    of course I'm SURE you weren't referring to spry
    young NANAS! Be kind, I know too many evil but
    true stories about you. Never mess with a Nana.
    PS. loved pic of our Finn.

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  24. Dude. That You and Your Johnson video... still laughing

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  25. This post had it all: exploding fruit (very badass), covert Johnson reference ad, and baby shot! Covered all my bases in one fell swoop...but didn't need the visual of the puke flowing over the nooks and crannies, damn there it goes again!

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  26. That's a seriously cute baby situation you've got going on right there. Baby trumps all.

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  27. I don't know what I was expecting with Melon #5, but I kept watching nonetheless.

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  28. Um...just wondering if there was any subliminal meaning in the You & Your Johnson video placed directly above, requiring prior viewing of...the Future Olympiad shot? What olympic sport (possibly created in the future) might you be hoping for??? HA!

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  29. spit-up in your 'crooks and crannies', still laughing out loud. Finn is adorable!

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  30. Love a woman with a wicked wit and sharp pen.

    You might enjoy a story I'm posting online at www.afacebookstory-oneclickaway.blogspot.com, about a wifey/mom like us who gets to explore the paths we can't and don't. It's fun and dangerous, what our lives don't seem much of the time. I hope you will take a peek.

    I'll be back to peek at your posts... thanks for the chuckles!

    Elizabeth

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  31. I'm making pancakes for my 16 year old son today with the Star Wars pancake molds I just bought at Williams Sonoma. He'll blush from embarrassment, but inside he will be bursting with excitement that his mama indulged his inner obsession with a galaxy far, far away...

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  32. I agree with you, it should never be called 'spit up' I don't think there's even a word to truly do justice to when you are projectile vomited all over in the middle of the night in nothing but your birthday suit. The only thing worse is when it's projectile diarrhea.

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  33. Your boy is a toddler already. We all know *exactly* what he's going to look like as a 34-year-old.

    Ellie

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  34. My Johnson's getting hard to crank.

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  35. Another great post. Do you think Super Mario could be an Olympic sport? My Daughter could meet one of yours in the Final.

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  36. Somehow I just knew that it was going to be a dude in saggy jeans who was spending time engineering the watermelon explosions and taping them. Did he have a mullet? Gah!

    I know I walked through the door, but I did not need to know about your crannies milk or no milk.

    When James was a newborn, he barfed down my front, and while I was soggily patting his back, and stupidly thinking he was done, he barfed down my back and filled up my hoodie. I don't miss those days.

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  37. That's it. I'm going into advertising. Clearly those guys are having way more fun than me.

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  38. Holy shit if that kid's cheeks get any plumper I'm going to be able to squeeze them from my couch.

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  39. Star Wars - any day - awesome!
    Exploding Watermelon - awesome!
    Cute baby chipmunk cheeks - awesome!
    Cute baby projectile spewing...not so much.
    Awesome!

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  40. Speaking of johnson. The guy who performed my husband's vasectomy? Dr. Johnson.

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  41. Just keep putting in the gratuitous baby photos. Gets my vote.

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  42. You don't like melons, haha. You said melons.

    What a cute kid, shoulda brought him to NYC.

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  43. Seeing how you don't like melons I guess you would not be interested in growing a square melon. lol


    Cute baby. :)

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  44. the chubber cheeks must be a finn thing.
    and he's a spitter-upper (aka puker) too.
    i can't believe i just wrote those things aloud.
    jeesh. baby brain.

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Come on, sailor. I love you long time.