A man walks down the street
He say why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard
- Paul Simon, You Can Call Me Al
I had two disheartening realizations this weekend. Well, I guess 'realization' implies that I wasn't aware of them in the first place, and that would be stretching the truth somewhat. The first would be that I am no longer a stay at home dad. As much as I loved being one, now I'm just unemployed. An unemployed, and apparently unemployable, dead beat dad living off my hard working pregnant wife. Ya, that's great for the ego. You know what else starts with the letter E? Emasculated!
The second lightbulb was painfully delivered not just mentally, but physically as well. Saturday morning was sunny and beautiful so I took the boys outside to play a little hockey. I was stuck using a stick made for somebody three feet tall, so by the time we were done the right side of my chest hurt like a bitch from leaning over so far. This is something I usually laugh off as I'm reaching for some more desert or making another excuse for not exercising, but my chest hurt for most of the day. Hurt in a 'f*ck me, am I having a heart attack?' kinda way. That wasn't so funny. Not so funny in a 'you're thirty-nine years old and you've got a new baby on the way in six months except you may just keel over and die before that happens if you don't get off your lazy ass and get some exercise you fat bastard' kinda way.
So that's my Monday. How was your weekend?
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ahhhh I still love you fatty!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'd been feeling the same way for a while, which is why I got back on track with my eating and exercising. Honestly though, I feel great! I'm glad I've buckled down and gotten to it!
ReplyDeleteJobwise ... something will come up. You're personable, intelligent and witty. You'll find the place you're supposed to be, have a little faith!
Brightest blessings on you and yours!
(I'll light a prosperity candle for ya!)
OK you are not a dead beat, you are a caring loving father to your kids and so many don't even have that.. a job will come in time don't sweat it. I hear ya on the exe4rcise. Jillian on Biggest Loser for Wii and I had discussions during the WARM up exercises
ReplyDeleteThe question is whether playing hockey with a tiny stick helped remove the emasculated feeling? If not you could always smash the lightbulbs with that little hockey stick.
ReplyDeleteShoveling snow is a great cardio workout. Oh, wait, maybe swimming would be better ;)
ReplyDeleteWell then what are you doing sitting at a computer writing about it, what are you going to do about it? my hubbie had one of those heart attack days, but after a 2wks spa (2wks at the hospital) it turned out to be a ulcer. He missed our youngest's first birthday for the spa treatment.
ReplyDeleteJust spent an hour at the gym to stave off the you are a 50 year old woman who creaks when she gets off the couch and who's cellulite has cellulite. My weekend was great, thanks for asking.
ReplyDeleteDear Deadbeat;
ReplyDeleteMy advice about the job thing is to ignore the usual avenues, and start putting the word out to everyone you know. Both of my kids have good jobs now because of someone they knew. I got my teaching gig interview because I knew someone. Husband got his job interview because his buddy recommended him.
So just let everyone know there is a chubby, bald, reliable, bright guy looking for work. There must be an opening in the grilled-cheese field somewhere in BC.
Man. Your Monday is sucking donkey balls. You know, I haven't worked in years (not a lot going on in the architectural field these days) and my husband works his butt off... and I feel bad about it but I never feel like a deadbeat. I mean someone has to make the damn lunches around here. I wonder why it's so much harder for men when they have to make the lunches. There's no advice in there. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteTime to break out the balance board and let the Wiibitch get you back into shape.
ReplyDeleteThat was our Friday night. Wonderboy was talking about what they did in phys ed. that day at school and challenged me to do push-ups. I barely managed ten, and my chest hurt for the next three days. Don't those realizations suck?!?
ReplyDeleteI don't have a lot of good advice on anything. But I will say you are the coolest deadbeat Dad I know!
I dont have kids, but I can so relate to the chest, hurting heart thing....Im gonna go join a gym, right now...ohhhhhhhhh maybe after a piece of cake;)
ReplyDeletedang. thats like the one two punch...stressing myself this weekend as i have ben part time for a year now and struggling, but hte job market...ugh.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little tired, but okay. I think you win this one, Cap'n. :-)
ReplyDelete*Hugs* I think you're awesome.
ReplyDeleteThings will work out soon... I'm sending some good energy your way!
You are most certainly not a deadbeat! Being at home is work, as I'm sure you know! Get your chin up!! :-)
ReplyDeleteI recommend more liquor. It won't help your employment or your spreading gut, but it will make you care less.
ReplyDeleteDude, you tried to keep up? Silly Captain, hockey is for kids.
ReplyDeleteNow, remind me, why aren't you a stay at home Dad anymore? Did your kids sprout wings and fly away? Cause if you're saving on daycare, you're still a stay at home Dad. Now, go clean or something.
Oh my gawd, my husband could have A LONG conversation with you about this one! Guess who was in the same exact spot last year? He lost his job when I was two months preggers and is still has not landed a full time job. He really struggles with this, so I have an idea how you feel. Please try not to be so hard on yourself... I tell him that every day. Eventually this shitty economy will turn around and we'll all start to get back on our collective feet. Sending you good thoughts!
ReplyDeletePS- Now that I think about it, I am not sure if you knew I had a baby! Whoops!
Good lord man! Pick yourself up by your mong (man thong of course) and put a smile on that face! You are so gonna be employed soon, we sense things things down in the South. As for chest pain, well damn, I just don't know. I blame cold weather. Move South.
ReplyDeleteTough (uninspiring) words. I will rationalize to you that times are tough for everyone seeking employment. You are not unemployable so don't think in those terms. Positive thinking. Treat looking for a job like a job you have to do everyday and network with every person you ever met. No sleeping in.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think, emasculated is not such a bad thing as long as it is temporary. If you become feminized, you might have a problem.
Now get up off your @$$ and go run around the block. Hang on to the side of a passing car if you have to. You are not having a heart attack you are just out of shape. Too many smores and not enough cardio.
Why don't you put your deteriorating heart into writing a novel. You clearly have a talent for it.
Keep your spirits up....No excuses.
Well, that's a good song. Have you seen the video? Chevy Chase. It could make you laugh. It kind of sounds like you need a laugh.
ReplyDeleteMmm, we spent the weeknd buried in snow. Does that help?
Those reality sucks but............oh crap this 54 year old fat lady that is losing her job that she LOVES and being sent to the minors...... just knows how you feel.
ReplyDeleteAt least you have young sweeties to keep you entertained my 30 year old son doesn't want to play with me any more unless I buy him beer.
Suck it up, big boy. You're tougher than that. You gonna let a little belly fat kick your ass?
ReplyDeletewimp.
(you know I kinda said that to myself,too, but I'm not admitting it outright)
Well, well, well... isn't this a familiar story
ReplyDeletesame here at my house
except for the pregnancy part
which would certainley kick it up a notch
lightbulb for me was seeing The Who half-time show
Who are you?
this time they are seriously asking
cuz they really don't know anymore
Peace ~ Rene
Your comment intro will have to change now that the ole ticker can't keep up.
ReplyDeleteI love SAHD's even if they aren't doing it by choice. It's a tough economy out there and unless you left your last job after wearing a gorilla mask and ladies panties to the office, I'd venture to bet that's why you're having trouble finding something now.
Now don't you have laundry and dishes to tend to?
I think you should read more. More books = more escapism. Oh, and don't watch the olympics, they make you feel lazy and out of shape.
ReplyDeleteDon't die on me, Captain! I'll kill you if you do! I need to get my ass in gear as well. It's hard when you're busy though... like busy playing on your blog, and crap. If SL had a problem with you mooching off her, I have a feeling she'd probably dump you, no questions asked. The fact that she keeps you around I think is a good thing! Take a deep breath and CTFO.
ReplyDeleteYou are far from a dead beat dad!! I am positive your wife does not see it that way!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the chest pain thing seeing as I have OCD revolving around my health. I am having a heart attack every second day. In fact I was having one Saturday in Office Depot. Not fun.
Dude, not so hard on yourself! I won't stand for that. Beating yourself up does not help you. You need to stay positive to stay strong. Yeah, recognize there are some things you can do to stay physically healthier. Take steps, baby ones even, but then move forward. Always look forward.
ReplyDeleteOr worse, you become the kinda guy that Thai hookers never call out to, "Come on sailor, I love you long time!" but just let you pass by cos you're too old and fat.
ReplyDelete:)))
playing hockey outdoors with a couple of energetic kids sounds like a bonafide workout to me, amigo. You ROCK - they LOVE you! Now, pass one of those chocolates over my way....
ReplyDeleteI hear you Captain on the exercise thing. Though I am not fat, I feel terribly out of shape to keep up with a toddler. I too need to get off my ass and get some exercise.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we could run back and forth to each others house. You go first, just let me know when you get close.
Aw that sucks. I think you should write it off, drink a beer and eat a big piece of cake, and I bet you tomorrow will be better!
ReplyDeleteAdam here, Naomi's (of The Kitten and the Bear) husband. I guess that would make me the bear. I hear you on the unemployment issue. I was a journalist when I lived in the States, and the journalism market in New Zealand is incredibly sparse. For months I had to watch as my wife brought home our only income. After a lot of searching, the best I've been able to come up with is a temp position taking troubleshooting calls for student loans. Not exactly a dream job. It's so funny how men in particular define themselves by their vocation. I have a fantastic wife, great friends and a rewarding social life, but I can't feel entirely satisfied because I don't like the fact that I'm working at a call centre. Vocational frustration is a tough pill to swallow. I don't really have any kind of sage wisdom to offer, but hang in there anyway. There has to be a way for us as men to overcome the atavistic need to gain validation from our 9 to 5 jobs, but I sure as hell don't know how.
ReplyDeleteYou Can Call Me Al is one of my all time favorites of Simon's!
ReplyDeleteNow, I hope you paid particular attention to Adam's post above mine as I think he hit the nail on the head. You need to feel better about yourself my man, you're definitely not a deadbeat!
Left side chest pain is serious ~ right side is probably just due to too much sudden stress on older tissues.
ReplyDeleteMake you feel better?
39 is the new 37 haven't you heard?
I think I may be failing miserably at trying to cheer you up.
Ugh. ((hug))
ReplyDeleteWell, it's been a fun ride, hasn't it? At least you're the ripe age of 39 and figuring out that your out of shape. I was 35 when I figured it out. I'm now 37 busting on into 38 and I still haven't done anything about it. Wait. I take that back. I had the stomach flu this weekend and lost 5.9 lbs or kilos or whatever you Canadians call them.
ReplyDeleteYou will find a job. I know you will. It may not be as a hockey instructor with a short person's stick, but you'll find one. Child care is expensive. Maybe your calling is to be home taking care of the little ones. I don't even want to hear how much time off SL gets for maternity. Send it to me anyways. I peek at the number....
You're not a "deadbeat" until you stop looking for work and decide you're fine with sitting around in your sweats, plopping the kids in front of the tv so you can have beer for lunch.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Keep putting out feelers. Something will turn up, and who knows? Maybe it will be the best thing ever! :)
greetings captain. i fear my comment will get lost in your sea of fans, but i did want to chime in and offer the following.
ReplyDeletemy monday sucked so back that the only way it could have possibly gone any worse would have been if the Who had set up a stage and played a perpetual loop of their super-bowl medley.
Alright, tiger, you knocked that pregnant wife of yours up, didn't you? (Didn't you? Because if not I really sound like an asshole.) Three whole times at that, you virile bastard. You are man. You will find work. Hang in.
ReplyDeleteAnd, now take your unemployed ass to the gym.
My Monday was a cold and snowy bitch, but thanks for asking.
Man, sounds like you need to start doing some cardio! Oh, and don't worry about being unemployed. I've been unemployed since 2004 :-)
ReplyDeleteAnyone that stays home with their kids is not a deadbeat. Just because you can't keep up with them doesn't make you a deadbeat either. I am telling you that as much as I am telling myself that. Helpful, right?
ReplyDeleteNo you are not unemployable . . . the economy just sucks big time and you are being thrown around in the windstorm. You are a SAHD, maybe not by choice, but still doing an very important job. Your kids will remember this time with great fondness when they get older! BTW, I was having those same "am I have a heart attack feelings myself." I'm a little "soft in the middle" myself. Hope you're feeling better today.
ReplyDeleteI'm with ya, sister. Except my wife isn't pregnant and I don't want a job. But yes about being out of shape and making excuses rather than doing anything about it. Step away from this comment and gimme 50 push ups. NOW!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice how life love to remind us of our age. Never a fun time.
ReplyDeleteI just read your olympics mittens post today, and noticed you gave shout outs to people who kicked your illness riddled man ass, had I known ... I'd have tossed a soft boot in to round out the whole comment luv thingy!
ReplyDeleteInternet hug.
ReplyDeleteHere was my Friday before the weekend (& let me just say IT didn't get better!).
ReplyDelete1) Our young, French, Dairy Farmer neighbours, who we had convinced to spread their local wings & take their one week/year of vacation in sunny Florida, USA got stranded in Philly b/c of the epic snowstorm. This entailed HRS on the phone on their behalf (little English skills, bless them) & general suffering on our side for sending them to the snafu.
2) Our mason on this massive renovation project decided he was going to extort us 3 days before the massive septic tank & drainage field installation was to begin.
3) Freya the pup had serious surgery Thursday night on her eye & we were agonising over that.
4) Friday night as I was cooking dinner I was seriously electrocuted by the 240V power in our non-grounded house--enough so that I lost feeling in my hands, had arm muscle spasms, my heart arrythmia'd & my poor hubby about died not knowing what to do.
Feel better? ;) Hope a little French mail bird arrives chez vous soon!
Unemployment. Woof. I'm unemployed, although no family to support. I hope it works out for you. I feel that things usually happen for a reason. When one door closes another opens, or maybe a window opens and you have to crawl through, either way life continues.
ReplyDelete