It's Tuesday!
I'm in the middle of stripping wallpaper from my bedroom. One night I'm brushing my teeth and looking at the walls and all the work that still needs doing and ask Supreme Leader if we can just mirror the entire room. Walls, floors and ceiling. As usual she's pretending I'm not even there, although I know it's because she's trying to resist my machismo by acting like she's reading a book. It occurs to me that a mirrored floor could be dangerous so I tell her that we would probably have to cover the mirrors with plexiglass. This leads to the brilliant idea of replacing the mirrored room with twin panes of plexiglass and then running water between them. And maybe even fish! Can you imagine?! It'd be like sleeping underwater!
Me: Do you want to sit or stand?
Liam: Sit, because sometimes my pee pee doesn't listen to me.
Etsy
Today I'm walking to pick up Connor from kindergarten and notice a plane flying high over head. Then I notice a strange black line beneath it and take off my sunglasses to clean them. They were clean. I looked up without my glasses and realized it was the shadow of the jet's contrail on some thin cirrus cloud beneath it. No, there's no point, it just looked cool.
Check this out. It's called 1001 Rules For My Unborn Son and it's great.
Beyoncé came on the radio this afternoon while I was in the kitchen and Liam wanted to know why that lady was singing about Halo. Not that he's ever seen the game, of course. Ok, he's seen the game, once or twice. Ah hell, he's seen it a lot, but who else is going to teach him how to fight off xenophobic aliens bent on the eradication of humanity? The school system? They're not even ready for the zombie plague. Earthquakes? Whatever.
Go to Keely's, grab a button, join the fun!
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I'm struggling to get to grips with this.
ReplyDeleteYou're talking about your own machismo in the same post where you barely managed to smash a lollipop with a sledgehammer?
Mow the lawn? Oh are you kidding me?! That was completely weird but I laughed anyway.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've ever smashed a lollipop with a hammer. It actually never occurred to me until now...
I'm pretty sure you don't want mirrored floors since that would mean looking at your nards all the time since you could see up your shorts. Unless you don't ever get to wear shorts in Canada?
ReplyDeleteLiam: Sit, because sometimes my pee pee doesn't listen to me.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Actually KiKi is the only girl I know who can actually pee out of the toilet when she is sitting down. WTH?
About that lollipop? Next time, try the mitre saw.
ReplyDeleteThank God my potty training days are behind me. Better not speak to soon, I still haven't got my husband completely trained.
ReplyDeleteLOVE the bedroom idea! Supreme Leader is nuts if she doesn't want mirrored plexiglass floors with fish in them...you should use baby sharks! Even cooler!
ReplyDeleteI never would have guessed razor commercial when I started that video! LOL!!
ReplyDeleteYou now, I think I would have done the same think with the lollipop. I am not sure if that makes me more of less demented than you.
ReplyDeleteJust don't use gold fish for your plexiglass room. They tend to die, a lot. And it would stink in there if you could get all the fish corpses out in a timely manner.
That was an actual commerical? Awesome.
ReplyDeleteThat target thing is AWESOME! I could use one in my house. Apparently drunk men pee like 3 year old boys.
ReplyDeleteHalo...wow. You should really come for the weekend. That is all I hear at my house. Krystal and Bobby on the 42" LCD at 1080p (true hi-def!) shooting it up on surround sound. It sounds like a small war is being waged in my household. That and Dead Space and that new one that just came out that I can't think of.
I saw the Mow the Law vid a few days ago..you are sooo not with it.
ReplyDeleteBut I do wish we had commercials like that here. I might watch TV again.
Henry said the same thing about Miss Boyonce's song! I laughed hard until later he sang almost all the words to Single Ladies. I'm really reconsidering that VH1 starter school for toddlers that I signed him up for.
ReplyDeleteYou might also think it funny that Henners has seen that razor for, ahem, women commercial and continually shouts out the shapes as they appear. Sweet.
I love the 1001 thing. Too funny.
ReplyDeleteTell Liam that pee pee never listens.
Mow the lawn!! Freakin riot. Why can't we get commercials like that in the US?
ReplyDeleteSo love the fish in plexiglass idea. Except how would you feed them? Would kind of lose it's coolness factor if they were all floating at the top in various forms of decay.
You totally NEED the underwater room, because then you can get all tridenty and king of the fish people and demand sex or else you'll set the Kraken on her.
ReplyDeleteThe best part of any room is the potential psychological damage it will allow you to dish out.
"sometimes my pee pee doesn't listen to me."
ReplyDelete1) I am picturing one with ears.
2) maybe that's why teenage boys spank it so often.
3) At Connor's age, my son named his: Pee Wee.
4) Time to teach those boys the real word.
I want fish tank walls.
ReplyDeleteSuch violence on candy in front of innocent children? I didn't read that chapter of the parenting books.
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up and you have the CLEANEST toilet I have laid eyes on!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, having him pee sitting down is the least of your worries.
ReplyDeleteGabriel peed sitting down for the first 6 months he was out of diapers (although I think that was also because I'm a single mom and he doesn't have a boy to lead by example).
He's not going to pee sitting down at school, don't worry.
Mirrors on the walls, ceiling and floor? No thanks, I can barely keep the toothpaste wiped off the mirror over the sink!
ReplyDeleteSometimes my pee pee listens to me all too well.
ReplyDeleteHuh?
see, at least our son is consistent in telling you how he wants to use the potty, my son (the 5 year old) will not stand up in front of the toilet, he will sit but if let's say someone is using the potty and he has to go - he will stand in front of the tub and pee. Who taught him that I have no idea - but atleast he will stand right?
ReplyDeleteI feel ones pee not listening to one is an all too overlooked problem. Liam, I salute you for bringing it to the world's attention.
ReplyDeleteI watched that video and now I want to put my head in the oven. YOU ARE KILLING ME.
ReplyDeleteI don't think pee listens to any boy or man when they stand. Boys should sit all the time to keep the bathroom from smelling like a urinal.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? You're stripping more wallpaper? I do like the plexiglass idea. Except you would constantly have to pee being surrounded by all that water and you would never get a good night's sleep.
ReplyDeleteDo you think those pee pee bulls eyes work for little girls?
ReplyDeleteNice Etsy Store!
*Tink*
Happy Tuesday
- Jennifer
Contrail shadow on a cloud. That does sound cool.
ReplyDeleteNext time, don't be so cheap and just go buy another lollipop!
Mow the lawn. Hilarious! Of course I am immature but I enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteMow the lawn? I don't get it. Too subtle.
ReplyDeleteI liked the hairless cat at the end though. Also subtle.
I'm totally with you on the plexiglass idea. If you figure out a way to make it work, let me know.
ReplyDeleteAll men need to sit down when they pee because none of them get it right.
ReplyDeleteI really love love love the video. I am so going to steal it.
ReplyDeleteNice. Loved your "hidden" service announcement at the end there.
ReplyDeleteOMG. That's a real bullseye? I thought it was an illustration you added to that picture. Too funny!
ReplyDeleteHappy randomness!
Just found your blog, and am glad I did so.
ReplyDeleteSmashing a lollipop with a hammer is...ummm, nuts? But very thoughtful,I think.
Why do Brits get all the fun? If only Paul Revere had been passed out.
ReplyDeleteMan...you are random. Love it.
ReplyDeleteI swear you're the master of Random Tuesdays. You should get an award. Maybe a lollipop for you to share with the kiddos or something.
ReplyDeleteI have to read ALL those rules now. They're great.
ReplyDeleteWasn't there a Freddy Krueger movie where one of the victims ended up trapped and dead inside a waterbed? I'd have the same fear with the mirror/water/plexi combination.
LOL I haven't seen that commercial yet!!! Hopefully my boys won't be in the room with me when it does come on....I hate explaining shit like that to them!!!
ReplyDeleteBTW...wallpaper is evil.
When exactly does the pee start to listen to guys? My husband is 38 and I'm still waiting.
ReplyDeleteAnd the plexiglass fish room would be awesome! Too much up keep 'tho. I would have a lot of dead fish hanging out by the ceiling.
I need that toliet for my house. Apparently pee doesn't listen in our house either.
ReplyDeleteI would love mirror floors. Tough to keep clean, but package viewing would be excellent!
"Liam: Sit, because sometimes my pee pee doesn't listen to me."
ReplyDeleteThat is the cutest freaking thing I've ever heard.
If professional blogging doesn't work out, you totally have a career as an aquatic interior decorator.
ReplyDeleteI think it's hilarious you took your sunglasses off, cleaned them, put them back on, and clearly thought, "this is totally going on the blog."
1001 Rules for my Unborn Son is AWESOME! Thanks for pointing it out.
ReplyDeleteOkay, that video was hilarious. I forgot completely what you were blogging about. :))
ReplyDeletehahahaha, you be funny.
ReplyDeleteSorry I messed up HBSB last week. I officially suck. E-mail me.