This is my son and his new girlfriend Amy. Because she says so. He may as well learn these lessons now. Sorry regular readers, no Star Wars analogy this time, just the cold hard truth. But this isn't about men and woman or even about my son's shyness, it's about Amy's prodigious snot. Or more to the point, whatever it was that was causing that snot and how soon my son would start showing his first symptoms. Ok, let's be honest here, it's about me. It's about me now having two children in school. It's about them bringing home whatever new super-virus is cooking up in their little petrie dish classrooms and infecting me. It's about watching Amy use the back of her sleeve to clean the beginnings of this year's cold and flu season and wondering how long?
I wasn't disappointed, but I was surprised. Connor's a little congested, but it's more like he's got a little yappy dog attached to his pant leg. Liam, however, looks much like King Mufasa did after Scar had him trampled by the wildebeests. He ended up in bed with us late last night, whimpering like a puppy and flopping around all over the bed. Why suffer alone when you can share?
So now I'm sick too. Not really sick though. Not sick in bed, man-cold sick. More like early morning I've smoked unfiltered cigarettes for 40 years hacking up a lung kinda sick. But I know the door is open now. Thanks Amy.
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Careful how you speak of your future daughter-in-law!
ReplyDeleteAren't kids kinda gross with all the snotting and coughing. I am sick now too & I slept on the couch last night since my coughing up a lung seemed to interfere with my husbands sleeping. I am totally blaming my daugthers and all of their snotty germs.
ReplyDeleteCooties. Girls totally have the Cooties. This is just Proof positive.
ReplyDeletemaw-just a gf, his future wife is in Mississippi.
ReplyDeletejamie-ground them
ciii-that Buddy Jesus right back at you
I'm outta here as fast as possible. I don't want your sick germs!!
ReplyDeletehilarious post. You and Mama Dawg are on similar wavelengths today!
I can't handle blood or snot, so I would have been yanking those kids off the playground so fast their heads would have spun. "Gotta go, I saw snot."
ReplyDeleteSo me running around spraying everything and everyONE with lysol is good, right?
ReplyDeleteShe has the power of purple to go along with those germs. I wouldn't mess with her.
ReplyDeleteHope you guys feel better soon!
girls are evil.
ReplyDeleteit's important that you learn this now. heh.
Just wait until she breaks his heart. You know, because she said so. Girls SO rule in elementary school.
ReplyDeleteFeel better!
Must be snot day. Hey, I got a surprise for you on my blog tomorrow. Come by then to check it out.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, young love. When my niece was in daycare, I referred to her as my beautiful wonderful jar of poison.
ReplyDeleteHey, my mom's coming to town this afternoon. Anybody want to come help me clean? I'll give you lunch. Supreme Leader will cook, don't worry.
ReplyDeleteHey, sorry you're sick, that's no fun. I'll come over if Supreme Leader is making chicken noodle soup. I love chicken noodle soup.
ReplyDeleteHappy Friday!
She just left here, so you have a few hours to clean.
ReplyDeletegoodfather-left over enchilada's. Sorry.
ReplyDeletemel-excellent, 4 more hours.
Hope you feel better!! Well, if other boys get sick too, you'll know whether Amy is faithful or not, I guess. Best to learn that early!
ReplyDeleteWTF? Now I'm eighteen?
ReplyDeleteLord help us. I don't think I can live through another man-cold. I saw that you had one a while back too. Like waaaay back. Yeah, that's right. I went through all your stuff before Mama Dawg was even a blip on the radar. Remember the Klingons? Didn't we almost have it all? As I typed that I just sang "Didn't we almost have it all" Whitney Houston style. (Not in a I-have-a-stunning-voice-way, but rather in a I'm-a-sweaty-coke-whore sort of way)
ReplyDeleteSo he's girl a girlfriend, huh? She seems sweet and a tad bit domineering. Every man needs that. I, for one, can't wait until you blog about their wedding.
BTW: It IS 12:00 in the wild west and this IS the first blog I've checked of the day. I am such a slacker.
See, you only have to deal with 2 snotty kids and only one climbingin your bed. Try 4 of them being snotty and hacking up what should be set into a toxic waste trash all the while you are trying to shield the smallest #5 from them which does not work and then it adds up to 5 sick kids, 1 sick husband who is bigger than you are and you can't wobble worth your life to heal them. Now try that and let me know how you're doing in the morning.
ReplyDeleteSorry if I'm harsh, Jen's spin Cycle has me on a roll.
Aleve and honey are saviors for my hubby when he's sick as well as some home made chicken soup. I hope you all feel better and you canignore my twitter about cleaning the house - you're sick, you're excused.
jen-sweaty coke whore. You made me choke up a little
ReplyDeletekrystal-I still have all my limbs so wifey is not letting me slack off. Besides, it's only one of those early morning colds. Isn't Aleve a birth control pill? Maybe I'm thinking of something else.
What is it about snot and such that makes it about 1000X more disgusting when it is from someone else's kid? I mean, I never relished, enjoyed or looked forward to dealing with my own kid's poo, barf, snot etc- but- it is familiar poo, barf and snot and therefore marginally less horrifying- but when it is from someone else's offspring- I want to run for the hazmat kit!
ReplyDeleteOh no! We had to deal with all the constant sickness when our eldest started attending playgroup. He was exposed to everything and brought it home to share with the whole family. I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteFeel better soon.
hasn't anyone ever heard of tissue? lol
ReplyDeleteman-cold? ha ha ha not gonna say a word.
I completely understand. My son brings colds home from daycare and I get them too. My husband sleeps in another room to avoid the germs. I am left up with a whiney child. The joys of parenthood.
ReplyDeleteit's a good thing I never get sick.
ReplyDeleteVodka Mom is totally jinxed now. oooooohhhhhheeeee.
ReplyDeleteI am sort of drowning in the world of blogging trying to figure out how to do things. Things that should be easy and they aren't - any suggestions for places to find out what the hell I am trying to do.
ReplyDeleteMaddie and I got the flu-shot today because Maddie CANNOT get sick this winter and we will be around lots of kids. And, as you just explained, kids get sick and it is kinda gross!
ReplyDelete