Nope. Matthew wakes up in the middle of the night to see the Midnight Tow Truck Driver trying to steal the neighbours' car. He asks Matthew to come out and help him. Matthew gets dressed and sneaks out quietly so he doesn't wake up his mother (thanks for the handy tip!). Oh, and did I mention he smokes? And check out that leather vest with the metal studs. Nice.
And to top it all off? Candy will help you grow up big and strong, so eat as much of it as you like. There's a brief foray into fencing stolen goods too, but the author doesn't really develop it. If you're going to be teaching my son to steal cars, at least back it up with some lessons on how to make it pay.
Sure the whole thing was a dream, but the book makes no mention of it and it's a little too subtle for a kid to pick up on. With all the foot notes you have to add to this story while reading it (the penal code, high fructose corn syrup, kidnapping & why you DO NOT WANT TO GO TO PRISON), it takes forever to read. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not complaining. This stuff is GOLD. I can't wait for the next book he brings home. Maybe some white collar crime to help out when daddy goes back to work.
Posts
Gives me an Idea for my own Book.
ReplyDeleteThe Midnight Gardener.
"And that's how you set-up and Install a Hydroponic system in your Garage Billy. Don't forget to care for, and propegate the Mother plant. Have some Funyuns."
That is crazy. Do they have "The Midnight Secretary" too? Cause a girl's gotta learn early how to work it!!
ReplyDeleteI just can't imagine this going home to the parent who doesn't throw in the footnotes. We're creating grand larsony felons in Grade School. Perfect.
WTF! that's messed up! I should post the book of Mikkii's I have, It's about foreset animals and one little dudes dad beats him so all the animals get together and run him outa town! nothing says home reading like a little domestic violence and mob mentality!!!
ReplyDeleteWow! That's all I got.
ReplyDeleteciii-I don't know if you've ever heard of BC's number one export, but it ain't lumber. Everybody has their own...garden.
ReplyDeleteJoking.
deemarie-I'll let you know if we get that one.
mel-sounds like a good post
I was thinking it would have been good to maybe just stick with the older books that we grew up with. But then I remembered this friend of mine who had an even worse book than this, and ... well ... I can't elaborate without making the comment way too long. But who thinks these things are good ideas?
ReplyDeleteDude, I should totally write a child's book. Maybe about doing drugs. Or having sex with strangers.
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah, we've read that. The sequels are Midnight Public Defender and Midnight Prison Guard Rapist.
ReplyDeleteF***ing creepy.
Do they have one called "The Midnight Medicaid Biller" or "The Midnight Financial Services Representative"?
ReplyDeleteCause if so, I'd totally buy it.
Wow, I am jealous. Maggie's take home book last night was Barney and Baby Bop go to the doctor. No studded vests or stolen cars.... yup I am jealous.
ReplyDeleteHa ha... yikes! Good job staying on top of the reading material coming home from the school library. It sounds like maybe a children's book author was a little bitter his last publishing deal, and decided to have some fun. Or something.
ReplyDeleteThat book sounds awesome! I'm always on the look out for hilarious books I can laugh over with my boys. They love wild things like that. Our favorite lately is one about a boy who builds his dream car, and it can fly and become a boat and has a pool it in and a robot driver. It rocks.
ReplyDeleteRhea-that sounds like a picture Remy would draw!
ReplyDeleteGets yout hinking doesn't it? I swear thisis why our kids are all screwed up! LOL
ReplyDeletewhat a strange kids' book to even be published. looks like a rather old book, too.
ReplyDeletemiss la-di-da-di brings home the 'girly' 'young' books (she's 9) and mini-me (who's 11) usually brings home history books.
u're just jealous cos your little
ReplyDeletekid books were BORING!
Just wait 2 years and he'll
be bringing home the "Captain
Underpants" series. Just ask your
nephew.
ps. do educators actually check out the books, keeping kids interested is one thing, but candy, strangers, sneaking out of house. Story problem written by
some in prison.
m
I think he's ready for Naked Snack or Fear and Loathing in Pre School.
ReplyDeleteCigarettes, theft, poor clothing choices - throw in a little porn that book might be my ex-boyfriend's autobiography.
ReplyDeleteThe excerpt is hillarious!! He is trying to collect one of every type and sometimes gets doubles that he trades. Are you sure he isn't playing Pokemon?
ReplyDeleteI think this group could probably come up with some very interesting books by ourselves. Maybe we should look at some type of collaborative work?
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I'm number 21? What's happened to us? We used to be so close. Actually, I checked you early this morning and nuttin'. Everytime I came back I had someone standing over my shoulder at work. Also, I drank soooo much caffeine that I seriously quadruple-tasked today, but I couldn't sit still long enough to get my a** over here. I shall hang my head in shame. But not too low, because I still haven't read this yummy looking post. That's how much I love you. I stopped by to tell you that I'm about to comment. I will then comment, then leave another comment to let you know that I commented.
ReplyDeleteYou know, if you change a few words around, make the tow truck driver a woman and are really coy about the profession she engages is, she seems like a real hooker. Also, I was so hoping you typed "foreplay", but to my sadness, it was only "foray".
ReplyDeleteI SO just commented on your blog. I will never be 21 again.
ReplyDelete(I tell myself that everytime I look in the mirror too. Did you get a load of that hideous picture I posted of myself? I am so NOT trolling for men on the internets)
Wow, we could give Amazon a run for their money with our series of "Bootleg children's books for adults" that everyone came up with up there ^.
ReplyDeletePure gold, I tell ya.
Uncannily enough, the tow truck driver looks like my Uncle Barry.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't have an Uncle Barry. And why is your picture the Divine Miss Steenky Bee? I knew it! She's moonlighting as Captain Dumbass!
Dammit! I knew it couldn't last forever.
ReplyDeleteok, it lost me there at 'red licorice'. Black licorice makes you big and string--but only the good kind wihout high fructose corn syrup. Where do these people get their facts!?
ReplyDeleteHi! I found you through Jenboglass, and I'm so glad!
ReplyDeleteI'm having a great time!
Thanks for stopping by. Come on in and feel free to look around. No, don't bother with your shoes, the carpet has gone to hell.
ReplyDelete