A Tale of Two Border Guards, Or our trip to Seattle

US Border Guard after taking Bern's citizenship card and both our driver's license's:Can I see your proof of citizenship?
Me: Huh? Mine?
USBG: Yes, yours.
Me: I don't have one. (In my head: Ok, I get why you're asking Goldilocks here, but come on, where the hell do you think I'm from?)
USBG: Where were you born?
Me: Burnaby (North Korea, hee hee)
USBG: Fine. Go ahead.

Eight hours later after giving the same documentation to a Canadian Border Guard.
CBG: Do you have a proof of citizenship or a valid passport.
Me: No.
CBG: THEN HOW DID YOU GET IN. YOU HAVE TO HAVE A CITIZENSHIP CARD TO GET IN.
ME: I don't know. (It's kinda redundant isn't it, dumbass? I just drove up to your booth from the United States.)
CBG (Knowing what I am thinking and getting more pissed off): HOW LONG WAS YOUR VISIT?
Me: Just today.
CBG: DID YOU PURCHASE ANYTHING WHILE YOU WERE THERE?
Me: Yes, we bought some clothes and stuff.
CBG: WHAT IS THE VALUE OF YOUR PURCHASES?
Me: About $250.
CBG: CAN I SEE YOUR RECEIPTS?
Me: Sure.
CBG: THIS IS $330, YOU SAID $250.
Me: I was guessing.
CBG: DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A LEGAL OBLIGATION TO DECLARE THE EXACT TOTAL OF GOODS YOU BRING INTO THE COUNTRY?
Me: No. Sorry.
CBG: DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS IS SERIOUS?
Me: I do now.
CBG: YOU VISITED FOR LESS THAN 24 HOURS, WE COULD SEIZE ALL OF YOUR PURCHASES. (He's furiously scribbling on his notepad) PARK IN FRONT OF THIS BUILDING AND TAKE THIS INSIDE.
Me: Ok, bye. (It's Saturday night, buddy, get some, please.)

$45 in duty and a stern lecture from a saucy minx of a border guard lady. Mmm...nothing says sexy like body armour.