Venus & Mars

Me: (standing in the living room with one remote in my hand) Where's the the other remote? Why can we not put the remotes away so we can find them when we need them?
Bern: (coming in from the kitchen) What's wrong?
Me: I can't find the HD remote. The Cleaner's on soon.
Bern: (reaches down and hits the power button on the HD)
Me: ..... I don't like your attitude.
Bern: (leaving) What attitude?
Me: I still need to start recording...oh, I guess there's a button for that too...

2 hours later: VINDICATION!!!
Yes, you can record by pressing a button on the front of the HD recorder, but how do you stop it? No buttons for THAT is there? Huh? That's right. Can't even turn the damn thing off because it won't let you while it's recording. Ha! So there.

Conversation From Last Night

I did A LOT of gardening this weekend. At some point I was bitten by a large tarantula, and not one of those little ones you see in the pet store, but one of those gigantic ones from the jungles of Brazil that jump off trees and catch birds and are like, 3 feet across. But Chad, don't you live in a rain forest in BC? Isn't it a little wet for tarantulas? Isn't Canada a little cold for those spiders? Whatever, you didn't see it. Ok, neither did I, but it must have been big. The bite mark is huge and puffy and red. Is the red from being itched too much? Shut up! Out of my blog!

Me: (jumping on the bed and sticking the back of my leg in my wife's face) Is there pus?
Wife: (sighing dramatically) It looks better.
Me: Are baby spiders going to burst out soon?
Wife: (rapidly losing patience and wanting to go back to her book) It's wet, there's stuff coming out...
Me: Baby spiders?
Wife: ...it's probably from you scratching. Go wash it off.
Me: Fine