Where is my media outcry? Where is my legal team? I'm the victim of some seriously shoddy workmanship here and I want some answers. I want the president and CEO of whoever put this thing together sitting before my congressional committee and sweating. Profusely.
Suspension and Power Train. I have the knees of an octogenarian. An octogenarian marathon runner/mogul skier. What's up with that? Ok, sure I was hard on them and all those horrendous bike crashes in my youth didn't help, but come on, you have to design for that kind of wear and tear. That's like building a 4x4 that can't drive off road.
Chassis. My lower back feels like I've spent my life hauling rocks out of a mine by hand. Again, yes, some of that is my own fault, but it's not like I really have been working in a mine. I need this back for a long time to come and it's not like I can replace it.
Carburetor/Air Filters. My immune system? Thanks to El Niño and global warming we had unusually warm weather this year and everything has been blooming for weeks now, which means my seasonal allergies started in February. February. So I now have about eight months of runny nose to look forward too, and somebody needs to answer for that.
I'm thirty-nine years old and I have a new baby on the way in four months. Another boy. I've already had a black eye, chipped teeth and innumerable shots to the groin from my four and six year old and now I've got another one to defend myself against? I don't have time to joke around anymore about being a fat couch potato, if I don't get in shape now those kids are going to bury me. How am I supposed to do that with this body? I need upgrades. I need replacements. I need answers.
My pack eat their own, and I can't run that fast.
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