Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Random Tuesday: בְּאַקרָאִי Tiwes dæg *

It's Tuesday in all it's juicy Tuesdaylisousness. Go to Keely's and join in the mayhem.

randomtuesday

Wife: I love fresh blood.
Me: What?
Wife: *suspicious look* Fresh bread.
Me: *nervous laughter* Oh ya. Mmmm. Heh heh.

We were in the liquor store Saturday night and I found a bottle of Macallan scotch that had been bottled in 1948. It was $13,000. Thirteen thousand dollars.

Peanut butter and jelly pillows.




Liam: I'm using my nose to vacuum my nose! *SNIFF*

My sister is awesome.

If you ever have to wash your bath mat because say, your four year old hurled on it after combining dinner with rhythmic gymnastics and hey, wasn't that a great idea? Maybe we'll listen to mommy and daddy next time but probably not since *love you* you have less sense than a dog. Where was I? Right. Anyway, maybe don't wash it with the rest of your clothes. Not that I did, I'm just saying that maybe you know somebody who would and it might be a good idea just to advise them so they avoid some... issues and look I know what you're thinking and whatever, ok, like you never stuck anything in the wash that you regretted afterwards? Excuse me, Martha Stewart. And 'afterwards' is spelled correctly stupid spellcheck. What the hell, did that program get farmed out to a country who's first language isn't English?



I was talking to one of Connor's classmates mother the other day and she told me about a friend of hers who just found out that not only are her two year old twins extremely allergic to peanut butter but her four year old has type one diabetes. At the children's hospital after being diagnosed she had her daughter in the bathroom for a potty break before heading home. Sitting on the toilet the little girl says, "It is what it is mommy, we just have to get used to it." The mother breaks down and bear hugs her brave little girl who tolerates it for a few minutes before asking, "Mommy, could you pull up my pants." Kids.

Tony Stark as Sherlock Holmes.



Hey, psst, do you have your blog set to allow emails back on your comments? If you just said/thought, huh, that means you don't. What it does is allows the blogger you left a comment to to respond to you with an email. So when you leave me a comment and maybe ask me a question I can respond back to you right away since I can't always make it back to your blog the same day. Or the day after and you don't think, what a dick, who does he think he is, Dooce? Well I don't, and I don't think Dooce is a dick either, but there's only so many blogs I can read a day and I really really do love you. Really. Where's that smile? Where is it? THERE IT IS! See, that's how much I love you. A million times a gajillion.

*psst* Anyone who actually knows what I'm talking about up there... could you maybe explain it in a comment, cause I've actually forgotten how you do it, or even what it's called. You may not have noticed from the subtle way I danced around the issue, I'm wily like that.


* Random in Hebrew and Tuesday in Old English.

71 comments:

  1. Love the baggage claim. Wonder if that went to oversize luggage or not??

    For comments/emails - got to your profile in your dashboard (and I know this cause I was one of those dorks who didn't have it hooked up before too long ago). click Edit profile. Where it says email address? Type yours in. Simple as that.

    I want those pillows. My whole house is going to be decorated by Captain Dumbass between the sumo wrestler wallpaper and now these!

    PS Your mom came to my blog yesterday. She rocks!

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  2. I really hope that that Scotch was barreled in 1948 and not bottled then.

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  3. Do you think your lovely wife is trying to disguise the fact that she is actually a vampire?

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  4. Just stumbled upon your blog.. funny, I love it. Thanks for the smiles.

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  5. Nice of you to buy me that Scotch. When will you send it over?

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  6. Cute kid story. I would've been craughing (crying and laughing. I'm gonna make it stick like "lizzing"...make it happen.)

    Also, that scotch would be less than half a college career. And, really, what would make you more happy?

    But also, I guess I have no idea what you're talking about with this email thing. Doesn't it send ALL comments after mine, or just yours? Like, are you trying to get into my INBOX or what?!

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  7. Yes, mine is set up to comment back, not like you ever would, jerk.

    Hahhahaah on fresh blood and vacuum noses, you're surrounded by quite the characters.

    I've seen those pillows but couldn't bring myself to spend money on PB&J that I couldn't eat.

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  8. Dying to know how the clothes came out. Did they all get those fuzzy thingy's all over them?

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  10. I want to see that Sherlock Holmes movie! We have to wait until christmas?? That sucks!

    This weekend? Terminator AND Night at the Museum! Yeah!

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  11. What do you do with a $13000 bottle of booze? I'd rather send my kids to college- same effect in a way.

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  12. So, you bought the $13K bottle of sauce, right? Sending it to me I assume? I will wear my drinking hat when I "sip" it.

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  13. Kleenex, crayons, rocks, markers and even a cigar! Those are a few of the things that I have washed and dried just this week...laundry is exciting around here!

    The best was a couple of days ago when I pulled a $20 and a $5 bill from my THREE year old's jeans! wtf? She must've gotten sick of the generic juice boxes and went and got herself a job or something!

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  14. Love those pillows.
    And nice job on the Hebrew! Talk about random!

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  15. Those pillows are awesome! I want to get them for my 8 year old.

    P.S. - I can't help you with blogger... Sorry.

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  16. I love the pillows. Where did you get them?

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  17. A $13,000 bottle of booze! I've gone all tingle-y inside!
    Pearl

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  18. Do you know how to change that setting so that the email return address is an actual address and not No-reply at blogger dot com? I can't figure out how to change it. Because I'm retarded. Please help.

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  19. My sister would LOVE those sandwich pillows…too cute.

    Liam’s nose comment made me laugh out loud. Also? I tried using my nose to vacuum my nose. *shrugs* He’s got a point.

    Your sister IS awesome, what a cute video!

    I am hor.ri.ble at checking pockets while doing the laundry. My biggest repeat offender? My husband (Ant)…what the heck?

    Kids can be so insightful. Such a sweet story, thanks for sharing it.

    LOVE..the baggage claim picture. Very Funny!

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  20. $13,000 for scotch? Wow. I mean, um...yum.

    No, no I don't.

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  21. If the liquor store has a "you break, you buy" policy, stay the hell away from that Scotch. Did they make you apply for a home equity loan before letting you in the store?

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  22. So if I come over, a bottle of $13,000 wine is NOT on the menu?

    Wait...your MOM visits peoples blogs??? Name rank and serial number, please....

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  23. So has your wife 'turned' you yet so you have eternal life? ;) $13,000 for a bottle of scotch is a little too rich for my blood... ;) Those PB&J pillows rock! But I'm with Casey - if I can't eat 'em, I won't buy 'em... ;) Vacuum nose = classic! :) Unfortunately I do know what happens when you throw a bath rug in with a regular load of laundry...what? Not because I did it, but I have a 'friend' who did...(snicker!)

    I've been wanting to address the 'no-reply' issue, too - thanks for saving me the typing. It's so easy to do, just make sure you have an email address listed in your Blogger profile AND select 'show my email' in the Privacy option. :)

    Happy RTT! :)

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  24. Not all blogs have the email option =0)

    Bottling and Barreling are two completely different things. Storing a bottled anything doesnt age it. In fact it might make it taste a little funky after some time.

    Happy RTT!!
    I played too!

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  25. Your sister IS awesome! Just visited her blog for the first time. Fun!

    My mom used to put Dad's boogery handkerchiefs in the washing machine. I always wondered where the boogers went.

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  26. Your wife is totally going to reveal what you already knew: We are really vampires looking to suck you dry. This is the order:
    1. sperm (we gotta breed more lil vamps)
    2. Money.
    3. Blood.

    Now you know the truth. Deal with it. If you want to avoid it, you should eat her undead brain before she sucks your blood.

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  27. You mean the no-comment blogger stupid thing? I wrote a post on how to fix it:

    http://greenjelloland.blogspot.com/2009/02/solution-noreply-commentbloggercom.html

    I wish people would fix their accounts, too!

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  28. You do rock the random posts. BTW Is your wife reading Twilight?

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  29. you've just got to love barf laundry...sigh...brings back memories of that time the Norwalk virus invaded my house. there was bleach and boiling water flying through the air like a flock of vultures descending upon a wildebeest carcass.

    my almost 7 year old's "thing of the week" is singing that song "i wanna take a ride on your disco stick".

    awesome.

    andy

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  30. I seriously love you...not in a creepy, stalking, I'm gonna try and steal you from your woman kind of love. Everytime I come here I leave with a smile, that's more than I can say for a lot of people. I'm drooling over those pillows...probably not a good idea for me to get some then huh? Happy Random Tuesday!

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  31. love the p&j pillows really cute mmmm someone say scotch? haha

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  32. But that is 13,000 Canadian...isn't that like 5 bucks? ;)

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  33. Great post! It made me laugh and tear up just a little with the young girl. Did the comment/email thing. Let's just see if it works. Techno illiterate over here. Barf in the laundry. Have had plenty of it. Martha Stewart? She would pass out if she had to come to my house. And a $13,000 bottle of scotch wouldn't even cover The Oldest's first semester next fall. I think I'd rather have the scotch.

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  34. Chuckle chuckle chuckle........always.

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  35. Someone's been watching a bit too much True Blood.

    Actually it's me. I've been watching too much True Blood. I can't help it. Bill is hot.

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  36. Allergic to peanut butter, huh? Are they allergic to peanuts too?
    Yeah, it was bad but at least wait until I press send before you boo it!

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  37. You and peanut butter!

    And your sister's awesome to let her kids have fun and paint the wall like that. Why not?

    Summer Drink: Tanqueray and Tonic.

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  38. I LOVE the peanut butter and jelly sandwich pillows even though I can't stand peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And, by the way, I love the dichotomy of that!

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  39. FANTASTIC! Your wife is part vampire huh? Sweet! Vampire chicks are hot! lol

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  40. the peanut butter and jelly pillows are awesome....not as awesome as the peanut butter jelly video we made you.......HA HA HA or is that BWAH HA HA HA HA
    Thanks for the link :)

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  41. So mine is set to comment back... I'm guessing that's what you were asking me about a while back when you asked if I received your e-mail. How the hell do you respond to someone's comment through email anyway? I can't figure it out!

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  42. Sounds like a wacky, if messy, week at the Captains house.

    So do you & sis have cool parents or are they so uptight you both rebelled a little?

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  43. WHEN I LOOKED UP RANDOM IN THE DICTIONARY, I FOUND THIS POST!

    PERFECT! ;)~

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  44. dude - u are all kinds of random and awesome all at the same time!!! and as far as the washing bath mats tip - I could have used that a few days ago bud!!! LOL

    Miss me much? Oh, and my e-mail has always been there - you're just too lazy but that is okay, I still heart ya!

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  45. So, you did get the Macallan, right? RIGHT?

    ...sigh...I respected you, man, but now? Pffft...

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  46. I Want to see that movie so bad! I think your wife was trying to tell you something. hmmm.. I want the PB&J pillows.. but they would make me hungry.

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  47. Baggage Claim is awesome. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich pillows are awesome. Washing a mat with throw up on it with the rest of the clothes? Not so awesome.

    Also? Your sister is awesome! And now I'm following her too.

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  48. $13000 alcohol? i'll bet it doesn't even taste any different than normal scotch, which is to say absolutely disgusting!

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  49. Love the pillows. Someone needs to make them with bologna and cheese.. YUMMY!!!

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  50. "Those aren't PILLOWS!"

    Oh, sorry. Had a 'Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" moment.

    Seriously, $13K for bottle of liquor? Was that Canadian?

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  51. So. Does the liquor store OWN the 13K bottle of liquor, or like, will they get a commission? Because that seems like an awfully pricey inventory to carry. Is it insured? Questions I has them.

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  52. Dude...that was HILARIOUS!!!
    Thanks for the laugh...I really needed one tonight!!!

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  53. About that fresh blood thing...you are wearing garlic, right?

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  54. I love love love the pillows!
    Your post cracks me up!
    Btw, you never said how those clothes turned out eventually..or the bath mat.. which one of those got worse??? *rolling eyes*

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  55. Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes? I'm SO there!

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  56. Love that brain of yours, Captain, my Captain. Or have I already told you that?

    Ellie

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  57. Macallan scotch FOR $13,000. Holy Shit!

    We should have kept all of those bottles instead of giving them as Christmas gifts one year. Who knew?

    Happy Hump Day!

    - Jennifer

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  58. If someone has their email attached to comments (when you set up your blog that's one of the settings) then I can reply RIGHT TO YOUR COMMENT back to YOU!!!

    I Love it when people do that.

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  59. Those pillows are hilarious!!

    "it is what it is Mommy" should be something every child says to their mom in a hard situation. Moms need lines like that-that's a great one!!! Even better that it's followed by "pull up my pants." :)

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  60. Wow, liquor's gone up since I last drank . . . in like 1990. Guess that little girl's right. It is what it is.

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  61. yeah, no. no idea on the email thing, sorry. i just figured out how to @reply on twitter. front seat on the short bus for me.

    but i love you captain dumbass and it's ok. i can live with unrequited love.

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  62. I don't need those pillows because the ones I already own are covered in ACTUAL peanut butter and jelly. Am awesome housekeeper.

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  63. PEANUT BUTTER JELLY PILLOWS?!? That just made my life.

    It also got this song stuck in my head. And I'm totally okay with that.

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  64. That was hilarious.. What the hell kind of scotch was that?? Those pillows rock.

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  65. I'm madly in love with the peanut butter and jelly pillows. I might marry them. Oh wait, I'm already married. (Sorry honey if you're out there somewhere.)

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  66. So, how many blogs can you read in a day?

    And I want those pillows. I would lie on them at night, and when I get the munchies, I'd suck on them.

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  67. What liquor stores are you going to? Are you a billionaire?

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Come on, sailor. I love you long time.