Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Random Tuesday: Kinda Sorta (Come On, Tuesday's A Garbage Bag)

Dear last occupant of my house who painted what apparently was a frat house, when I figure out how this DNA resequencer works I'm going to clone you through your hair you left on the walls and painted over and then I'm going medieval on your ass. Throwing paint on a wall is not an acceptable means of getting the job done.

randomtuesday

Did you know that if you leave half a case of ginger ale under the stairs for... a few seasons, the cans will somehow empty themselves so that when you're digging around in the Christmas ornaments for some fishing line to hang up a fuc- a model airplane you just built for your son and you finally decide to get rid of them you find empty cans that are still sealed? For reals. The cans were empty. I couldn't even hear air coming out when I squeezed them. I knew I smelled something funny down there.

Once again I missed meeting up with Tracy from Kaply Inc while visiting Seattle. She probably thinks I'm not real, a fictional character or something. Well I am fictional, but once I've collected a few more souls I'll be able to assume corporeal form and walk amongst the living again. Er, forget that last sentence. Heh. I did get to speak to her on the phone though. She didn't sound anything like I thought she would, but then she started swearing at me and the warm fuzzies came back.

Have you ever ran a piece of paper towel around the rim of a soup can or some frozen OJ? (no, I always make my soup from scratch, it's just an example (screw you!)) If you've never done it, give it a try. I guarantee you'll always do it afterwards. *dry heave*

If I lived on Pluto I'd weigh 13 pounds. If I lived on the Sun I'd weigh 5280 pounds. Hips ahoy!

Saturday we were at the Flight Museum in Seattle. They had a B-17 they were taking people up in for an extortionate amount of money. Even so, Connor has such a love of WWII aircraft we did consider it, but decided against it figuring the noise would scare the crap out of him. Towards the end of our visit I took him outside to see it take off again but it was already gone. As we stood there a jet fighter came screaming, and let me emphasize SCREAMING down the runway. At first I assumed it was an F-18 (ladies, you can tune out here) but by the time it past us I'm pretty sure the colour scheme was wrong and it was actually a Russian Mig because I thought I saw a red star on it. I say 'thought' because it was moving too fast for my eyes to relay the info to my brain. Then its nose lifted and it rocketed into the sky. I'm pretty sure Connor thought it was the harbinger of end times. Well, if he knew what that meant, anyway. I sacrificed my own hearing to save my son's by covering his ears. Sure my brain liquified, but I'm pretty sure that was the coolest part of my trip.

Bill Maher monologue on the Swine Flu. "You know how many people have died this year already from the regular normal flu flu? Lets call it the flu flu. 13,000. 13,000 people died from that. The swine flu? One. What does the flu flu have to do to get some attention, fuck a goat?"

Last 10 songs iTunes threw up while writing this:

1. Dancing In The Moonlight - Toploader
2. Come Monday - Jimmy Buffett
3. Spilt Milk - The Cure
4. Little Wing - Jimmy Hendrix
5. Swimming Pools - Thao Nguyen
6. Courage - The Tragically Hip
7. Six Months In A Leaky Boat - Split Enz
8. Everything - Michael Bublé
9. Ain't No Way - Aretha Franklin
10. Something So Strong - Crowded House

Keely's. Go, join the Dark Side.

43 comments:

  1. Sorry about the ginger ale, I had completely forgotten about that.

    Feel free to clone me and take it out on the clone, I won't feel anything.

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  2. Reading about space with the little dudes? I much prefer my moon weight :D

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  3. So the thing is, when you feed your kids hash cookies, they go down and siphon the ginger ale in tricky ways you're unaware of.

    No really...

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  4. I have so been there when the planes are taking off. Try deciding when you are alone with two kids who to protect first. I was standing in the Burger King parking lot on base with both girls one day and 4, count them, 4 F15's decided it was time to go. My mind raced, the jets were so loud, I just happened to get to KiKi first, sure my mind was much, LaLa was saying "Mommy those jets are loud" but at least one kid was OK. (And yes I am proud that she calls them jets and not planes)

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  5. You always have the most random Tuesday random thoughts.

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  6. That ginger ale trick works on regular soda too, it's freaky as hell.

    I'm moving to Pluto. Think I can lease one of those B-17's to get me there? Think it could make it?

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  7. So jealous, I cry like your son when I have to leave Seattle. Love that city so much. I am glad you all had so much fun. That Bill Maher bit on the flu was hilarious.

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  8. Isn't that how Bill Maher got his big break?

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  9. Oh, cool. So you can't get the swine flu from just kissing a pig? Whew.

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  10. I'm moving to Pluto, and I thought about taking your ipod with me, but your song choices kinda suck.

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  11. I had the flu flu this year... and I wanted to die. Does that count as a death? Or does it go in the maybe column?

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  12. LMAO fuck a goat is right. I am pretty much sick and tired (hummm, maybe wrong choice of words) of this swine flu thing. Bleck.

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  13. The Tragically Hip, eh? ;) They still popular in Canada these days?
    PS- Threw up? Love it.

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  14. oh yeah. Definitely time for the goat flu.

    cows skipped the frivolities and went straight for the disease. ..yeah, they had to add the *mad* part in there but hey, at least they were taken seriously..

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  15. LMAO, I love Bill Maher. That's funny! Great random post!

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  16. Get to the important part of your trip. Did you spot many Bunny girls in Seattle?

    If they let you drop some bombs, the ride in the B-17 would have been worth it.

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  17. So your weight on the sun is pretty close to your earth weight hey??? HA HA Sucker!!! Why haven't you visited my blog lately? since you stopped visiting I have lost the ability to write, it's all your fault!!!!

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  18. First, I want to give a shout out to the flu-flu and give it its props.
    2nd, What? No R. Kelly's 'Remix to Ignition' on the pod?

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  19. Well, fucking a goat is a great attention grabber.

    This is the last comment I'm making today. I can't see out of my damn eye.

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  20. I've actually had the ginger ale thing happen to me. Weird. Bill Maher's comment was hilarious. The media did love the swine flu, didn't they? Now onto more mayhem, murder and other deaths. Great post. Thanks for the laughs.

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  21. Huh, I like your iPod.

    I bought my house from my parents...the only owners. There's a certain satisfaction in knowing that there was never anyone but family in my house.

    My neighbors across the street found hypodermic needles in the stove vent...Yikes...wtf?

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  22. too far behind????WTF? I'm family ya douche bag......thanks for stopping by though.....Love you!

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  23. love your random tuesdays! this swine flu mess come on all media blowing it way out there scarying people is all it is.

    http://flgaydad.today.com/

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  24. I actually found a dessert from 2 Thanksgivings ago in my beer fridge (located in the garage). Unlike the ginger ale, it was still there!

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  25. My crush just got a bit deeper when I saw "Come Monday" on your playlist.

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  26. Dude!! I so totally missed your randomness and insanity - how did I ever survive without it?

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  27. Re: F18s and ladies you can tune out here. Recently, the Lion gave a presentation at the air force base in Comox. It was a constant string of "Oh, that's a (fill in make and model of plane". Uh-huh. Large, has wings, flies, makes a lot of noise. Tune out? I went completely deaf and just nodded politely at his boyish glee.

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  28. Sorry, Flu flu....I won't fuck any type of Livestock. You're on your own.

    Well, there was that one time during the sheepdog trials at the Fairgrounds....but I was drunk, and that Ewe was practically begging for it. What with her long eyelashes and woolly coat.

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  29. awesome random Tuesday thoughts. Especially random and Tuesday-ey. Sorry, I got nothin.

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  30. Conversely, if you stick said can of ginger ale in the FREEZER to cool it down quicker because you're too lazy to get a glass of ice.... said can will explode all over the freezer - coating everything in your freezer with said ginger ale.

    F ginger ale. IT IS DEAD TO ME!

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  31. Bill Maher = the man. True story.

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  32. I'm moving to pluto. Fuck the diet.

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  33. Sounds like Pluto is filling up. I better move quick.

    I used to date a pilot. Thanks for the heads up on when to tune out, but I'm adept at pinpointing the exact moment.

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  34. Stop by my blog, I left something for ya.

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  35. I hope your brain solidifies sometime soon... posting videos just isn't your style. I know your brain isn't working properly!

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  36. What I want to know is you made people call you Maverick for identifying the Russian Mig. :)

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  37. Glad the flu flu stayed away from you you.

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  38. Ah, the "flu flu" the new version of "like like-ing" a boy.

    Maybe "they" would only need to rename it the "goat-fucking flu" and it would instill fear in the hearts of man.

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  39. I learn so much stuff reading your blog. Thank you. If you are ever in Chicago, feel free to look me up and then not meet me :)

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  40. You listen to Dancing in the Moonlight and Jimi Hendrix? That explains a lot about that brain of yours.

    Ellie

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  41. The ginger ale thing is freaking weird.

    And I always wash the tops of canned items before opening! Ew!

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Come on, sailor. I love you long time.