Monday, March 9, 2009

He Blogs/She Blogs: Sex, Hair, Secrets & Control

Damn, Monday again, eh? Wait, I'm unemployed... no biggie then. Not only that, since I'm on the West Coast and the majority of you aren't, I'm still asleep! Hey, don't look at me like that. Like the new banner for He Blogs, She Blogs? Ya? I had nothing to do with it. Petra, she's not just a really pretty face.

Ok, before we get to the questions, a few programming notes. We're going to be moving HBSB to Thursdays for awhile. HBSB's chi didn't feel quite right so after consulting a feng shui master it was decided that Thursday would be a much better day. Personally, I was a little leery of his results, but after getting liquored up this weekend and throwing the chicken bones, I've decided he is probably right. So, on we go.

First question is from Bad Karma and I guess I'll have to answer respectfully since if I don't I might be grounded.

Age old question that has never
been addressed. Why do men clutch
the tv remote to their chests,
why do they carry them with them
around the house. and WHY for
heaven sake do they insist on flicking through channels to 1/2
watch some other show-AND MISS
a lot of hostility here!!!

Why do we keep the remotes? Because the remote is power. It's control, and in the wrong hands, it's dangerous. I don't know what you're talking about with missing the show you were watching because that NEVER happens with me, which is why I keep the magic stick. My ability to internally count down the time between commercial breaks is frightening. Do you know what mitochondria are? They're cells that, amongst other things, act as a timer for all your other cells. That's how good I am at changing channels or running off to go to the bathroom or get something to eat and be back in time. It's on the cellular level. I'm one with the remote.

Alice said...

Okay, here's one for you: why the h*ll can't I see Mr. Linky? I can't link up on any of the good Carnivals anymore!

All right, maybe that won't work for heblogs/sheblogs. How about the long hair vs. short hair thing?

Mr. Linky? Sorry, Alice, but I think I'm missing some back ground for this one. As for the short hair versus long hair question? Hmm, I like it both ways. {Spidey senses tingling} Wait, let me rephrase that. I think it all depends on the woman. And personal preference. Or not. I don't find one woman sexier over another because of her hair, it's what works on her. I think the back of a woman's neck is very sexy, but it doesn't matter if I can see it because her hair is cut short or if it's tied up. As a man, if a woman is willing to have sex with me, or continually have sex with me, she could be wearing a hockey helmet. Who cares.


ANYway...question for HBSB: What's you belief on 'spousal privilege?' If your BFF or someone tells you a secret and says "don't tell anyone" do you think they will know you are going to tell your better half? Because it's that what your better half is for? To hold secrets like that because you trust them and need to bounce the secret off someone you know will be true to you. Thoughts?

Absolutely. How can you NOT tell a secret? Holding secrets in is bad for you, some would say potentially fatal. You have to tell someone and it should be the one person who knows all of yours. Well, everything after Witness Protection built you a new identity. Not only is your better half for secrets, for men, they're for everything. Once we're married we can stop remembering SO MUCH STUFF. Birthdays, anniversaries, social insurance numbers... the list is endless. See, you think we're dumb, but really, we're just making room for valuable information like sporting stats, movie dialogue and car stuff.

Giggle Pixie said...

Why can't I get my husband to understand that walking into a room and saying "Wanna go have sex?" doesn't exactly make my motor purr?

Especially when, if I take him up on the offer, he throws off all his clothes, jumps into bed, and then just lays there waiting for me to "make something happen"?

Maybe try explaining to him that, much like the movies that used to scare him as a child, the porn he watched when he was younger isn't real. "It's just a movie." Or maybe beat him to the punch, get naked before he does and tell him to make something happen. That said, sometimes you want sex but don't necessarily want the whole production. The full meal deal is great, everybody loves it, but it takes a lot of time. And time is a big stumbling block between men and woman, because for the most part, we don't need it and you do. I realize that is a huge generalization, but it's mostly right. I'm not saying men don't want all the detail work or don't enjoy it as much as you, it's just that we can skip straight to the end and still enjoy ourselves. Long story short (heh), you've got to talk to your partner and make them talk to you.

That's the news and I am outta' here. Make sure you stop by Petra's for the coherent side of these questions and if you're coming from Petra's, thanks for stopping by. Please leave us some questions.


  1. I have a similarly brilliant sense of time during ad breaks. B ut not all of us do, there is nothing worse than a male remote hogger who doesn't manage time well ...

    Agree with you on the neck thing, the back of the neck is an awesome elegance...

    Here's a question, and it is a boring one, so I would understand if you and Petra just rolled your eyes (collectively) and ignored it, but

    How do you manage blog time inbetween family time? Or put another way, how do you prevent blogging and commenting etc from infringing on quality family time? I ask because it can be difficult at times.

  2. Nice job, my manly friend. Can you hold a class on that superb timing with the remote control? Cause you would make a FRIKKIN' FORTUNE!

    As usual, excellent answers.

  3. Pixie, love the descript in your question.

    Capi-ton, you, as always, truly rock.

    And, when you are home every day, we say "gotta love it when every day's a Saturday", not "I'm unemployed". Phrasing it this way makes you sound loaded and retired or something.

  4. See I personally like the phrase "Wanna Go Have Sex?" But I'm easy that way

    Great anwsers. Happy Monday!

  5. You sure sound like a smart ass to your mom...

    ..mitochondria.. are you kidding me? she's got your cellular level, right here, now give your mom the damn remote, boy.

  6. about the hair, the same is true for men. it all depends on what works for your face/body type.

    yeah, 'wanna go have sex' gets tossed around in this house.. but usually not until we've both teased each other to the point of being ready to strip naked and get busy (we're sneaky like that)..

    damn, that reminds me.. we still need to buy a lock for our bedroom door.

  7. Long story short!!! Good one!

  8. Not only is my husband not great on the timing of the remote switching, it does not bother him if something else grabs his interst and he never goes back to the show we were watching.

    Enjoyed your answers Captain.

  9. My personal preference for woman's hair is shoulder length. I find that it is very flexible and can be worn many different ways.

    Cap'n… you didn't answer for yourself— do you like your hair long or short? Inquiring minds want to know.

  10. I accidentally misread Mitochondria as Metachlorians and I was like "Dude, you so do not have the force." Welcome inside my mind.

  11. JR gives me the same excuse for why he has to hold the remote and I'm just not buying it.

  12. Amother great round of questions (though I quickly closed the screen when my dad came in while I reading that last one!)

    If you truly do have the amazing remote timing down your wife is very lucky.

    And I liked Sassy Steph's answer about the unemployed thing, you should definitly go with that one.

    And questions... When your visiting you or your spouses family for a week and your spouse asks you if you wanna 'get it on' cause everyone's sleeping, what would YOU say?

  13. Dear Aunty Dumbass
    I think you have finally found what you were born to do.

  14. Thank God I understand about the remote now. Tell me what happens if someone steals control of it from you? Because I think I may try that just to see what the reaction is.

  15. Like your take on secrets and the remote is power, my hubby says so!

  16. I always thought the remote was just an extension of a man's penis.

    Which would also explain the difference in remote control sizes.

  17. Agree with Giggle Pixie. Sometimes it's easy to get lazy about sex. Like when you have the tV remote in your hand.

    For that reason, we keep the TV out of the room

  18. Ohhh the remote. My husband will continually check for the remote to see if it is where he last placed it. He has to touch it every once in a while to make sure it is still there...

    hmm, I think I now know why you guys are always "adjusting" things um, down there...

  19. We may be related, cause I have that remote-commercial-mitochondria-gene going on as well. It is a very impressive trick to pull out when friends are over, is it not? Also, with the Tivo/DVR I can fast forward and stop EXACTLY at the end of commercials. Can you do that, huh?

    Explaining the movies are not real and neither is porn thing, that is a brilliant idea! I shall try it one night this week!

  20. Hey, your mom must be pretty cool to listen to waxing on sex and not send you to your room.

  21. Fantastic responses to everyone's questions! Thanks for answering mine and I'll be back to visit you again!

  22. Oh, such pearls of wisdom! I don't have much to add, other than I really did this column.
    PS- Thanks for the accolades! Because you are so kind to me (and my crazy music habits), I'll let you in on a secret: I totally screwed up the show that clip came from! My husband caught it, and should have bet me! I was so sure I had it right! D'oh! Good thing for instant editing on the web. :)

  23. As a female, I feel like your answer about the remote was prejudiced, despite that Bad Karma only asked about male remotism. And I'm offended. I am the queen of the remote in my house, and no one dares take it from my clutchy, cold hands. So why do you think I must control the remote? (Hey, this'll save me throwing money at the psych).

    And while you're at it, why is it that so many single men in their 40s and 50s (who don't want kids) are only in the market for women in their 20s and 30s?

    Thanks a bunch. Seriously.

  24. I finally get the power thing!

    That's why I keep finding our remote in the bathroom!

  25. Interesting (manly) answers ;)

  26. So, is the toast officially gone or what? Cause I'm want me some toast. (I feel like Chris Walken asking for the cowbell...)

  27. Hm, I think I have a question! When I become ill, I just plug on about my day and try to silence the symptoms as best I can. When the husband gets sick, he announces every little twinge he feels. What is he looking for, soup or sympathy?

  28. Mitochondria? MITOCHONDRIA?? How could you even bring that shit into who controls the remote control??

    Oh. wait. I'm thinking of midichlorians.

    Fuck. Never mind, carry on.

  29. I once said, "Wanna go home and fuck?" to the hubby while we were at a dinner party I was dying to leave. I'm classy that way.

  30. People still watch live TV? Without pausing to go to the bathroom? You fools!

    I had a friend share a secret last week and I told her that I wasn't going to keep it from my husband since we don't keep secrets. You tell one, you tell both.


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.